Fear

[Max_V]

After meditating and doing PD for about 2 years now, a lot of old fears have been showing up. Of course, this is expected to happen after your consciousness grows and the ability to suppress emotions lessens. 

I have been trying to get into therapy, to solve these fears that I created myself in my younger years. The problem is, in the Netherlands currently there are huge waiting times with every psychotherapist near to me. These fears have become so crippling that often I find myself almost feinting or blacking out.

I am aware that there are different types of fear and they have to be dealt with in different ways. Adyashanti discussed this topic: Existential fear, that you come across when getting into spirituality should be faced. And seen for what it really is. Then it slowly subsides and 'you' get into deeper states of consciousness. Psychological fear on the other hand, should not always be faced. You can retraumatize your system every time you dive into the fear. Which can make the fear even worse. It needs a more sensitive and slower approach. When you blindly dive into psychological fear it can overwhelm you to a point where you are physically unable to do anything. This is where a good therapist comes into play. The therapist should help with dealing with this fear in a sensitive and calm matter, so that it can slowly be solved and overcome.

But without a therapist how am I going to able to move forward?

After the summer vacation I'm going to a new school, I was counting on the fact that I would have already done some therapy  before school started and during it. Now after finding out these waiting times, I honestly don't know if I will be capable to enter school like this. Every conversation I'm in, every social situation, gives me such an immense amount of anxiety. I get overwhelmed to such an extent that I have to sit alone for hours on end to bring peace back 

I don't really know what to do. And that scares me even further.

[Toby]

It's not that It's better not to face that fear but to face it more slowly. I don't know how it works in Holland but I assume you either have to wait (which is not that big of a deal imo) or pay it fully yourself. I would look for therapists that are specialised in "Somatic Experiencing" as this is in my experience (of over 12 years) one of the best approaches for that. In addition if they also offer NARM and are interested in any kind of spirituality that would be good. You will probably need way less sessions compared to more traditional approaches to see the benefits. You can also read these books on it and they are really good to get an understanding:
- Somatic Experiencing in depth overview: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1556439431/
- Somatic Experiencing "workbook": https://www.amazon.com/dp/159179658X/
- NARM (more advanced; it's better to have a good grip of SE first): https://www.amazon.com/dp/1583944893/

Therapists doing Somatic Experiencing: http://www.traumahealing.nl/therapeuten/
If you are living in Amsterdam I recommend him (I don't know him personally but I've seen him at Isaac Shapiro's meetings and also on an Adyashanti retreat if I'm not mistaken): http://www.traumahealing.nl/therapeuten/noord-holland/koen-verzellenberg-2-2/

Edited July 13, 2017 by Toby

[Max_V]

@Toby I will look into it. Unfortunately I can't pay for it since I'm 17. In the netherlands the region that you live in, gives money to every psychotherapy company and when that money is used you just have to wait untill there is enough room.

It used to go through your own insurance, but that has changed sadly.