Worries about past

[jacknine119]

I’m going through a difficult time right now, and tonight I caught myself thinking about what my life could have looked like if I hadn’t kept repeating the same gambling addiction cycle.

Instead of sitting here alone tonight, I could have built a life where I felt respected, had close friends, and maybe even had a date to go on. I could have been somewhere completely different in life.

But here I am.

I know that dwelling on the past doesn’t change anything, and that there’s no point in imagining all the things that could have been. But I still have these thoughts sometimes, and I just wanted to share them.

 

[bazera]

2 hours ago, jacknine119 said:

and I just wanted to share them.

That's good, journaling helps me sometimes when I want to share something even if nobody reads it except for me, but also sharing stuff with friends is a good idea.

As for your issue, just concentrate what you have now, and plan next months, have your action plan and show up daily, try to not derail much. 

The past isn't real anymore, so there's no point in dwelling on it, as I'm sure you're already aware, but thoughts on the past will still be there, it's just part of survival, look at it through the lens of survival, make it conscious, and do what you can daily to make your plans reality. 

[TheCloud]

I've had similar thoughts myself.  What keeps me grounded in these situations is understanding and remembering that what I'm doing for myself right now is what I would continue to do if I were to be sent back to redo the past, both good and bad.  Being sent back wouldn't change that I continue to be flawed;  the mistakes I made would change, but the fact of those mistakes would not.  If I regret my flaws right now, I would continue to form regrets over my flaws even if I were sent back.  What I'm doing right now will soon become my past;  anything I could do to resolve those flaws after being sent back, I can do right now.

My experience with dwelling on the past is that it can change things, just not things in the past.  What I try to do by reflecting on the past is to relive it in a way where I figure out what truly did need to be done differently at the time for me not to have the regrets I do.  Once I figure that out, I can use that to live my current life in a way that avoids forming more of those regrets.

It's not a useless activity at all;  on the contrary, failing to reflect on the past dooms you to repeat it.  Your brain isn't trying to hurt you by bringing these things up;  the reason you keep dwelling on those memories is because you haven't learned your lesson yet to do what truly needed to be done at the time to get it right.  You're perhaps thinking that it would be simple and easy to redo things right if you could only go back, but that is not the case, because eventually you would somehow arrive at the mental state of regretting things that you have right now.  It's only by resolving those regrets in your mind that you could truly go back and avoid repeating them.

[Judy2]

I am very prone to worrying, too, but the title "worries about the past" got me thinking that the only way for this to make sense is if you are worried that the past could still determine your future.

Is there a way for you to reframe and make sense of your past and to invent a narrative that is compatible with the future you wish to create for yourself? This could be what sets you free, ultimately:)

Edited 22 minutes ago by Judy2