the social mask

[Olaf]

The more I socialise the more I start to see a social matrix. I start to see this opperating within myself and within others. It is this mask that we wear for others, especially people we are intrested in. This mask that says, please love me, please like me, please be nice to me, please don't reject me. It is approval seeking and seeking acceptance and validation of other human beings, because you haven't validated yourself. Wanting to be good enough so that after it does its little dance it gets the love that his or her parents didn't give him/her. It is the doing paradigm, where by saying the right stuff, maybe she will like you. Having, doing and then being paradigm.

The being paradigm is beyond the mask and I have seen this in myself and others a few times and it is beautiful. For example my wingmen, I told him to approach these two girls sitting on the bench. He said no. And then I had a deep talk with him for 10 minutes, why he doesn't want to approach, getting to the root. He said he doesn't because it is akward, I come there to them, I don't know what to say and I stand there akwardly. I told him, all these things you said to me now are conversation material, it is the real authentic you, you can be authentic with me, why not with them? What do you have to lose? He said his ego.

So I told him to go to them and expose this to them, say authentically what you feel and don't hide. He was doing really well the whole day btw, he is very much an introvert like me so I get him and how he thinks. But this was an important moment and I gave him loads of encouragement till he did it. Afterwards I could feel his energy change, he was very thankful and he was very well recieved by these girls. It was scary for him, cause it felt like he was there, nakedly expressing himself, if he would get rejected, he would get rejected for him, not his performative self. But that is the beauty of this.

The beauty is to go beyond the mask, stay close and true to yourself, because then you tap into the being paradigm, you no longer performing to get liked and approved upon, you very well know the risk of rejection, but you put yourself out there authentic. To me that is real confidence, not to be able to perform and say the right lines, fuck that. To be able to be there and to be real and vunerable.

And if you are scared, you can just say that, if you are nervous, you can just say that, if you feel akward, like my wingmen, you can just say that and this is actually why they respect you, because for the first time there is not a guy trying to do a dance for his ego to be validated, but there is a real person in front of them, being real, that is respectable, that takes actual courage and confidence, not the fake confidence on alcohol or drugs. Real inner confidence. Beyond the mask. I think I will go really really deep into this into the future as I have seen this with myself and with other wingmen and I start to see the fakeness of even the girls I am talking to, their masks they are wearing and I am not talking about the make up.