Breaking the ego

[Breakingthewall]

Over the course of your life, beginning and usually ending in your childhood, a process of closure takes place. The need for belonging, completely non-negotiable, makes openness to your source, to what you are, unbearable. You create an energetic structure adapted to the vibration of the people you interact with and take as models.

At a certain point, that structure becomes your form, what you are as a human being, and it no longer draws its vitality from within, from your source, but from outside, from social reality. Being disconnected from your being, from your source, your reality becomes constant lack, filled with projection onto a future of fullness drawn from social reality. This is impossible.

You can feel this closure at low intensity and achieve a supposedly sufficient level of comparative social nourishment, living in a dull, bearable lack, or you can feel it with great intensity, where the lack feels like a constant, unbearable imbalance. You might try to cover it with drugs, sex, success, compulsive work, or whatever else. None of it will work, in any case. There are also people who, due to their circumstances, have maintained a fairly high level of openness and live fairly connected by default, but there are few of them.

Once you operate from a structure based on valuation, and you draw your vital energy from valuing and comparing, you can no longer get out of it. You are a prisoner, separated from your essence, closed off from the source that you are, from yourself.

You are not going to break this energetic barrier, built on genetic patterns formed in the tribe and the herd, by understanding that they are a mistake, an illusion, by having insights and classifying the ego as illusory, but by breaking the barrier that encloses you.

From my perspective (from my mental structure), there is only one way to do this, becoming aware of the barrier and having a moment of openness. Then you see the closure clearly, and all your mental energy focuses on breaking it. It is not something you do through discipline, it is inevitable. But it is extremely difficult, because you really do draw your energy from the valuative structure.

It may be an anxious, painful energy, but it is the only one you have. You cannot simply drop it, that is impossible, if you have no other source of life, it will come back immediately, and access to what you are, to the source, is closed. It will not open just because you want it to, you have to break it. And to do that, you must absolutely want to.

Not because you are looking for something better, but because you perceive a closure, and that is intolerable, period. The work is 24/7, and quite slow. Returning to the purity of childhood is no longer enough and it is impossible.

You must break through structural layers of fear, one after another, passing through the valuative layer, the need for acceptance, for belonging, for self-judgment, until you reach the base, the primordial I am, where nothing remains but the subject/object structure, stripped of everything else, and collapse it.

It is in that movement that the source reveals itself. It was really always present in everything, but the structure through which it manifested kept it closed, opaque, impossible to perceive. Once it opens, experience changes completely.

It goes from being defined to being fluid, from being valuative to being alive, from being reflective to being expansive. You will never achieve this by realizing that valuing is a mistake, because it is not, it is your way of obtaining energy when your structure has closed off access to what is alive. When you break the barrier, the self-reflective structure is no longer necessary, and it simply disappears. Definition disappear because what you are is indefinable. This is so obvious that trying to grab or define is not even an idea. 

From this let's say way of existing, you can open your heart to death, not because it's inevitable but because it's perceived like something that happens in what you are, no to what you are. 

[Ziran]

33 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

The need for belonging, completely non-negotiable, makes openness to your source, to what you are, unbearable.

I have never felt this way, to the best of my recollection, within this timeline.  Are you perhaps waxing, poetically?  I'm simply asking so I can read your words as intended.  TY.

33 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

At a certain point, that structure becomes your form, what you are as a human being...

^^ This I've experienced ^^

...but it's not born from a need for belonging.

Edited 21 hours ago by Ziran

[Ziran]

43 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

You will never achieve this by realizing that valuing is a mistake, because it is not, it is your way of obtaining energy when your structure has closed off access to what is alive. When you break the barrier, the self-reflective structure is no longer necessary, and it simply disappears. Definition disappear because what you are is indefinable. This is so obvious that trying to grab or define is not even an idea. 

From this let's say way of existing, you can open your heart to death, not because it's inevitable but because it's perceived like something that happens in what you are, no to what you are. 

I love the way you ended this.  I can totally relate here.  If you would like to discuss it further, let me know.  Cheers.

[Breakingthewall]

12 hours ago, Ziran said:

have never felt this way, to the best of my recollection, within this timeline.  Are you perhaps waxing, poetically?  I'm simply asking so I can read your words as intended.  TY.

Not poetically, just the most common in humans even you are not conscious of it. The need of belonging, of acceptance, is absolute. If the adults around you are closed, egoic, neurotic, you will construct a barrier. You won't know that you are doing it, for you it will be just the reality 

12 hours ago, Ziran said:

This I've experienced ^^

...but it's not born from a need for belonging.

Then what originated it?

 

[Ziran]

7 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

even you are not conscious of it.

~LOL~

7 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

Then what originated it?

Freedom