validation seeking

[Olaf]

Needing validation means that you care about getting rejected or not. I still notice myself becoming validation seeking when I am in a downward spiral. What mainly happens in a negative cycle, which you probably recognise is you approach, get rejected, you judge yourself, you have less energy, you again approach and feel worse and worse and worse.

This is why no judgement for any rejection should be given. Every action towards your goal, which in this case is socialising, should be seen as positive. It is moving the needle forward, judging yourself will get nothing out of the interaction and the next interaction. Now also why do we want validation? Because you get rejected, you judge yourself for it, then feel worse, then want someone to be nice and kind to you, but guess what YOU WILL NOT GET IT, so instead, don't judge individual rejections as something bad. Don't get reactive.

You be at the source of your state. So what happens with validation seeking is that if I get rejected I am unhappy, when I get validation I am happy, but that is reactive, you aren't drawing state from within. To draw state from within you should get non reactive towards both positive and negative, you are just having fun without an outcome, that is the goal. The goal is the journey, the goal is not to get the validation, but rather to be president, have fun, do something out of the comfort zone, to approach, when you do that, give yourself validation for taking action, that will get you into winner effect and into state. Which gets you out of state is being reactive, not approaching anymore or getting stuck in the head.

Take more action, then have more fun in each interaction, even if you get rejected, have fun being rejected. And avoid judging yourself ever. No self judgement only positive stuff. Like imagine going to a concert and instead of singing allong and dancing allong, you get stuck in the head and every dance you do or line you sing, you judge yourself. It is this stupid self consciousness that happens, it is also selfish, because you aren't contributing a fun vibe, instead you are trying to get approval. Yet the funny thing is when you don't need validation and approval, you are just expressing and having fun, then you get validation. Almost like law of attraction, you want it, you don't get it, you don't care about it, you get the approval.