I made my grandma angry

[trenton]

I currently live with my grandma. I was looking into opportunities with the Polaris project. This is an anti human trafficking agency. It values survivors willing to help others in improving support systems. I reached out to this organization because of what my father and his gang did to me with their child prostitution deals. The problem is that my father is my grandma's son.

I wanted to make sure that we were on the same page in terms of the job opportunity I was reaching for. I sent in a document in which I detailed what I had witnessed along with my research into organized crime. This is related to another opportunity I hesitated to tell my family about in which I would be leading a support group for male survivors of childhood sexual abuse. The problem is that my mother doesn't believe me when I say that she psychologically and sexually crippled me because of what she did to me. I can't really tell my family about that part either.

My grandma said "I don't believe you." She sounded pretty pissed. She insisted that my father didn't have an extensive criminal record nor was he involved in gangs. She refuses to even admit the drug deals happened, but I documented child prostitution in a sex trafficking gang. She told me that she that I loved my father and was friends with him, but apparently not. I told her it was mixed because I was dealing with hard feelings like these for a long time. She doesn't seem to understand that it is possible for a child to love a father who did this to them. She definitely wouldn't grasp that it is possible for a father to traffic his children out of twisted sense of love.

The problem is that she wants to be emotionally supportive due to my depression, but it is clearly dangerous to express the feelings I struggle with and to describe the experiences I had. I am pretty much on my own in terms of emotional support as family can't handle this information. Apparently most people can not comprehend parental sex offenders who target their own children. I can because I studied this, but others cannot.

I'm not sure what better I could have done other than staying silent and suffering invisibly. There is nobody to look to who would be willing to help me with this. I probably gave more truth than she could handle, but in this case the truth is just that bad and there is no light version.

I mean what else am I supposed to do? I don't mean to have suicidal depression, but the reasons for such feelings are unacceptable to others. I guess I should have kept her in the dark on this.

[Hojo]

You can stay slient and not suffer. Your entire family is retarded. Done, use them as you must but ignore them. You are a new person. Everytime you speak to one of them you are speaking to a retarded person. A person with down syndrome is more compassionate than them. 

Your attachment to them is making you depressed.

Every time you try to get compassion for it you will get bad feelings back its not useful to try to get something like that from someone who its emotionally bankrupt. 

If you need them to survive just use them to survive. Dont try to increase relationship status if you keep getting shit feelings in return its just hurting yourself for no reason. Some people dont develop past certain traumatic states and they cannot understand or have different values. 

Edited Thursday at 03:59 AM by Hojo

[trenton]

Anyway, there has been further updates. The Polaris Project confirms that my account, my document, and my story stands. What I described matches child sex trafficking even though the family claims I am being disrespectful to actual victims. I really should exit sooner rather than later. Even my aunt who is normally kind to me is clearly outraged at me and she doesn't believe me even though I said nothing about her or her mother. All of this is purely their own emotional reaction to me describing my experience with my father. They actually don't have any arguments that hold against the legal description of child sex trafficking and prostitution. They refer to these arguments as me manipulating them.

I am not holding out hope of them coming around to acknowledgement. Maybe they will resent me for the rest of the foreseeable future. My Aunt made it clear that her mother was defensive about my father's involvement in drug deals. Even so she maintains that Dad was a drug addict who said and did a lot of crazy shit and illegal activities. At the same time she is very defensive about her brother sexually exploiting minors such as his own child.

[trenton]

Uh guys. This is getting bad.

My aunt is threatening to sue me and she is actively trying to criminalize me for my disclosure while insisting that remove my account. I will need to call for legal aid.

I don't think my aunt loves me anymore. She used to be a nice person to me, but not anymore. She doesn't want me living here now and she is trying to intimidate me with legal threats.