I made my grandma angry

[trenton]

I currently live with my grandma. I was looking into opportunities with the Polaris project. This is an anti human trafficking agency. It values survivors willing to help others in improving support systems. I reached out to this organization because of what my father and his gang did to me with their child prostitution deals. The problem is that my father is my grandma's son.

I wanted to make sure that we were on the same page in terms of the job opportunity I was reaching for. I sent in a document in which I detailed what I had witnessed along with my research into organized crime. This is related to another opportunity I hesitated to tell my family about in which I would be leading a support group for male survivors of childhood sexual abuse. The problem is that my mother doesn't believe me when I say that she psychologically and sexually crippled me because of what she did to me. I can't really tell my family about that part either.

My grandma said "I don't believe you." She sounded pretty pissed. She insisted that my father didn't have an extensive criminal record nor was he involved in gangs. She refuses to even admit the drug deals happened, but I documented child prostitution in a sex trafficking gang. She told me that she that I loved my father and was friends with him, but apparently not. I told her it was mixed because I was dealing with hard feelings like these for a long time. She doesn't seem to understand that it is possible for a child to love a father who did this to them. She definitely wouldn't grasp that it is possible for a father to traffic his children out of twisted sense of love.

The problem is that she wants to be emotionally supportive due to my depression, but it is clearly dangerous to express the feelings I struggle with and to describe the experiences I had. I am pretty much on my own in terms of emotional support as family can't handle this information. Apparently most people can not comprehend parental sex offenders who target their own children. I can because I studied this, but others cannot.

I'm not sure what better I could have done other than staying silent and suffering invisibly. There is nobody to look to who would be willing to help me with this. I probably gave more truth than she could handle, but in this case the truth is just that bad and there is no light version.

I mean what else am I supposed to do? I don't mean to have suicidal depression, but the reasons for such feelings are unacceptable to others. I guess I should have kept her in the dark on this.