4 Mushroom Trips (030,031,032,033)

[ZenSwift]

Previous Mushroom Trip Report:

4 Mushroom Trips (030,031,032,033)

Here is an update post of trip reports. Things that I deem more important will be in bold, or in green. Or have a Star ⭐. 

>Text with a chevron behind it is to explicitly state that this is post-trip commentary. Otherwise it can be widely assumed it was written during the trip.

 

Table of Contents:

• Mushroom Trip 030 - Truth Kills What is Not You
• Mushroom Trip 031 - 5g of Liberty Caps
• Mushroom Trip 032 - Forgiveness Demands Itself
  • Top 5 Insights
• Mushroom Trip 033 - Love is the Organizing Principle
  • Top 5 insights

 

 

Mushroom Trip 030 - Truth Kills What is Not You

• Date: July 28th 2024
• Time: 3:18 PM
• Dose: 5g of Penis Envy Mushrooms 
• Intentions:  What is my life's vision?  How will it manifest in Actuality? How will it actually work from my life situation?  How can I open my mind to the possibility of a beautiful vision for my life actually manifesting?  Open my mind to that reality to really access it. 

Thoughts and musings:

• Don't be scared to write things down from other sources if it fits here!! 
• I think about the saying from Wayne Dyer that the path to live out our dreams already exists, we just have to open our minds to it.
• What is my dream project? 
• I love consciousness work. 
• I want to be writing religiously like a person would be enjoying themselves doodling on a Notepad. How they just can’t stop doodling, I want to be able to just do non-stop writing. 
• Why not write about the stories and lessons I learn from my adventures. 
  • I need to identify as a learner. Not as a learnED. 
• I think I just don't understand yet how much I'm leaving on the table. I need to meet some really self-actualized people, period! 
• I noticed I get the yawns on this strain of mushrooms, whereas with wavy caps I don't get yawns at all. This mushroom strain plugs my ears. It's kind of annoying. 
• I really do need to meet great minds. 
• > I really want to meet people that are more advanced minds than me. Truly more conscious, and more aware. More integrated.
• I need to reach out a lot more even just to reach people that are half a step above. 
• I need to meet more people that are very serious about the path I'm on.
  • The Path of self-actualization. Seeing every fear they have and wanting to conquer it completely and wholly. People that want to wake up. People that want to have a life purpose and achieve it. 
• I've had this story my whole life. I was not even good enough to be a normal guy, I was below that. A normal guy being normally successful? I was BELOW that.
• I have to own what I know and start writing and when I run out of stuff to write I need to go on more adventures, study more, and meet more people, have more experiences, contemplate more, etc.
• Lead with love and it comes back.
• I need to speak out 5 minute stories. Utilize Speaking Academy Storybank
• I want to write more about what my vision is but I'm on 5 grams now so might as well start brainstorming. 
• I like to believe that my whole family are learners about self-improvement. I'd like to believe that. >But it isn’t true. My father is not that, my sister is not that. My brother is barely that. My mother is like that a lot, but it's not a primary focus in her life like me.
• At this point in my life, I want to enter training. I want to enter deep training to become valuable.
• Getting into the state of consciousness of Heaven is a therapy session.
• What happens in life is adopted into the house. When you clean your house you learn a lot about yourself. >The psychological baggage of your life shows up in your environment.
• Every single thing in your reality is already written. > Perfectly designed and orchestrated. 
• Truth kills what's not you. I am Truth. Since you cannot die, the only fear you experience is your ego-mind that is trying to preserve some sort of sense of self. 
• The phenomenon of truth is what I physically am. 
• Literally the biggest nightmare that you call your life IS the divine plan. 
• Reality happens, and then the story is layered on top of it. 
• Upgrade the body, the brain, the nervous system, etc. 
  • Train my typing. 
  • Because I am a writer, I need to train my writing. TRAIN IT!
  • I need to train shorthand, or even stenography!
  • > Train my speaking
  • > Train my body for sleeping properly
  • > Train my mind for deep contemplative, self-reflective, ego dissolving thought.
• What conversations would you have with people when you're dead in heaven? (hypothetically of course)
  • > Imagine that scenario if this actually was the case where when you died you actually went to a place called heaven with your ego and body intact, and you are walking around in the clouds and shit. And you meet the people in heaven, all the survival competition of life is over (supposedly LOL)... What would you actually say to the people that are causing you grief in your life right now?
• I need to do affirmations for 90 days that this is heaven. Even just conversations. Every morning and every evening. Fuck, Even an afternoon one. Three times a day. Three minute meditation or prayer.

End of Report. 

 

Mushroom Trip 031 - 5g of Liberty Caps

Date: August 18th 2024

Time: Lemon tekked, unstrained, at 2:11pm

Dose & Mushroom Strain: 5g of Liberty Caps (Psilocybe Semilanceata)

Intention: How do I create an environment to facilitate positive behaviours? 

Trip Ruleset: Any decisions you have, wait till you're sober. 

 

Thoughts and Musings:

• I think it's important to note here that I procrastinated by staying up late and sleeping in and stuff like that which is why I'm taking it in the afternoon. I anticipate that there will be different outcomes if I got to bed on time the night before and took the dose at an early time. 
• I don't see others around me turning life into an art form like I want to. 
• I want to live with another person that has this intention of living their life like an art form.
• I WANT to live with someone that's disciplined.
• I notice and wonder why am I neurotic? 

28 minutes in : Yawning. Visuals of movement in the floor boards. 

• I notice a pattern with individuals using psychedelics as a Hail Mary to get their life together. While this can be useful, learning how to get your life together without the intervention of psychedelics can also be equally as useful.
• What is going to make me 100% engaged with life? 

New intention: What does it mean to be honoring my life?

• Reality is a symphony. This is a very powerful way to look at reality. 
• If supposedly you are going to live infinite lives, and have been doing this already for infinity, then why the fuck are you looking at this life specifically in a negative manner?
• I now understand people when they say you're either growing or dying. 

1 hour 5 minutes: Hitting hard with Visuals. 

• Feeling a hit of intelligence in the background.
• I’d be interested to see what I've learned about myself if I stop swearing for a solid month. What I would learn about my maturity?
• I noticed if I am not in an environment that pushes me, I don't become more.
• This is a very good strain to have me just lie on the bed and really think through my life.
• God makes you the devil to own that part of God.
  • The Devil is running things smoothly if science runs the show. 
• You can notice when you attend someone’s funeral you can start to imagine just how much impact an individual makes on other people. 
• Lying here on the bed: The life of being a wildland firefighter flew through my eyes. > Holy crap it was so intense. 
• There's a lot to be learned in keeping up appearances
• Leo I could use a couple real conversations with you.
• Imagine thinking about your life situation, and then asking yourself: What would x Person want me to know right now? 
  • What a powerful question. What does Leo want me to know right now? What does Wayne Dyer want me to know right now?
• I am noticing how the identity of being a teacher can deceive you. 
  • You could stop taking responsibility for growing any more.
  • You can close your mind to the possibility that you are still subject to self-deception. 
• > I entered a state of consciousness where I basically became a thought, or something. What the hell was that state of Consciousness earlier that I was in? When I was lying down I didn't even have a body at all. 
• When I actually patiently go through my notes, I learn a lot. 
• I've been gifted the ability to think. What the fuck am I going to do with that responsibility?
• This strain was very positive apparently.
• Powerful in its own unique way. 

End of Report.

 

Mushroom Trip 032 - Forgiveness Demands Itself

 

Date: Sep 29, 2024

Dose & Strain: 6g Wavy Caps (Psilocybe CYANESCENS) (Lemon Tekked, no straining) 

As usual, my body has to defecate like crazy out of a stress reaction before I even take the dose. My body knows what’s coming. 

Intention: Who do I need to become to maximise the abundance in my life? So with this trip I intend to lie down and close my eyes and listen to hemi sync binaural beats and just let my mind go where it needs to go and my intention is as follows:

 

I’ve been studying a good amount of solipsism recently before this trip because I want to understand the truth. I also recognize I will realistically understand consciousness a lot easier with the use of 5-MeO-DMT. 

 

Start of Report: 

• What is shame? 
• So this strain completely wipes your memory to the point where an ego dissolution occurs. Focusing becomes incredibly difficult in my experience with the strain. > Not sure if it’s ACTUAL ego dissolution. > My short term memory is FUCKED with this strain. I cannot focus for SHIT!

What is the True Nature of Existence? 

• We have to choose to love everything everyday. The power comes from Love. That's where we get our strength.
• Reality: It's all me. All my objects around me are me. Literally organizing objects in my room is organizing my Self. 
• Literally everything is just a show.
• I am going to become a Powerhouse of Love. My power is from Love. I need to express that through how I physically appear.
• It is absolute abundant glory that anything exists at all because it is all ME. Which is simply Divine Truth.
• That makes so much sense. I need to energize myself with infinite frequency: that's love.
• Forgiveness is power. If you're looking for power, just look where you need to forgive people. Literally as a project for yourself: Look to forgive people because that is actually what gives you strength in life. > It expands your consciousness as well. There appears to be a correlation between developing your capacity for love and raising your level of consciousness.
• I forgive you for existing.
• I have to decide to have a great time today.

> So quickly on this trip, I intuited that I needed to switch it up and bring up Leo’s video of forgiveness. I had a really rough state of consciousness on this trip. I was tripping Solo. I also forced myself to breathe slow, lie down, and sing myself a lullaby. “Soft, Slow, Soft, Slow”

• When thinking about creating value. Think: What kind of value would I have to create for you in your life to give me money for that level of convenience?

 

> I then proceed to have a shit load of word salad sentences just spewing off.

> You need to meditate on love. That is where your power is.

> I realize that building muscle on my body will influence my consciousness, and actually give me insights, and just “raise my vibration” overall. 

> Building a beautiful body will raise my vibration a lot. 

• All of these stories of survival are what create you. What story are you telling yourself? I want you to help you understand the story of your survival. 
• Slowly you're going to have to have the strength to learn how to love life. You're going to create all these excuses as to why your life isn't good enough today. But life is so beautiful, you can't even understand how beautiful life is.
• I'm just so amazed that reality exists. >Reality, you didn’t have to exist for me, but here you are. You are gorgeous. You choose to exist for me today. 

 

If you want to get ripped and beautiful it's actually through therapy. That's where the strength comes. You have to forgive yourself. Give yourself the therapy you need. 

> I notice the process to get your life under control enough to get jacked is therapeutic in itself. Getting your life under control for something is what oftentimes forces you to face the truth. There is so much forgiveness you have to direct towards yourself. 

 

God, I am patient for you.

• > Lots of themes of compassion and being patient with people that did selfish acts towards me.
• > Lots of themes of battling with self-respect in the workforce of being a firefighter.. Lots of arguments in my mind. > If you owned your life, you would love and respect me as I am.

 

Leo I am finding ways to let you know that I appreciate you.

• I'm thinking all the time of ways that I can show my appreciation for you. 
• I think about listening to your music playlist endlessly, singing to those songs on a car ride home from a long, fucked up window washing shift. There I was in a Toyota ‘98RAV4 and you’re teaching me to appreciate all of it.
• You’re teaching me how to learn how to appreciate the story of my life. 
• All the conversations you’ve had with me through your lectures has made my life feel amazing. 
• I’ve worked so many stupid fucking jobs, yet during these jobs, I was always interested in whatever the fuck you had to say. 
• I actively found ways to sneak your insights into my job. 
• That was a form of survival for me. 
• It was a form of coping with jobs that would otherwise dim my consciousness. 
• You are the catalyst for the crazy insights for me to live a beautiful life. 
• I’ll be asking myself why I have this problem in my life, and you’ll come in like “Well reality didn’t have to exist for you today, why are you not appreciating this pain?”
• Your encouragement to free myself from the suffering (initiated from others) by looking at the truth of what I am not owning about myself. 

 

We have to remember like all our problems are just a funny stupid story that we will think about in the years to come. Why not enjoy the story of my life? Especially when it is a stupid story! 

• > It floors me to see so many people having a mind closed towards the idea of learning to appreciate and fall in love with their life. You need to own that you are beautiful today. Not that you appear beautiful, but you are beautiful. Own whatever dumb life story you have, and recognize how that plays a part in how you see yourself.
• I thought I was a loser for a long time in my life growing up. No one wanted to be my friend.
• > Dad, where the fuck were you in all of that? Why did you let that happen?
• > I was reflecting on how many people sacrificed their lives for me to be alive today
• Why can't my life be at peace?
• So much of my self-esteem was based on the hope that one day I would grow taller. Rather than finding things about myself to love now.
• I noticed that writing out emotionally difficult conversations is what makes them possible to communicate, because I will read it directly to them.
• Some people will give me a lot to think about. Their existence and behaviour alone gives me insights. 
• They’ll never know how many elaborate conversations I’ve had with them in my head. I realized that these conversations and arguments in my mind are born out of an unresolved emotional feeling.
• Everyone's existence gives me insights.

> I need to run through the forgiveness exercise multiple times until forgiveness is complete and whole. 

• All the strength in your life comes from forgiveness.
• I have this judgemental version of Leo in my mind going: “What’s the problem? You didn’t have to live today! Why aren't you forgiving your problems for this beautiful existence? Life has orchestrated a beautiful show for you out of love and every moment of your life every second is infinite Beauty and love. Yeah, you might need 300 psychedelic trips to understand that Reality is Love. God didn’t have to happen today for you, you know.”
• If I want to become more intelligent and strong, I need to have the patience to fit meditation into my schedule. > I still don’t understand why sitting down for meditation is important for me here. 
• > I had a lot of thoughts reflecting upon the socially ingrained prejudices against short people. Thinking about my grievances with it. Because I am very short relative to Western standards. 
• You need to learn how to appreciate your life. This is a fundamental decision you have to make. You have to decide that you will bias your orientation towards reality to love life and to appreciate life. 
• What decisions are you making in your life to own me in your consciousness?  What parts of me are you disowning?
• Why did my teacher make the decision to leave me in the office all day, for the entire day? That was a decision for her not to own me. 
• > Why did my father make me feel like a dumb mouse running around that he just couldn’t kill? Why was my father so emotionally absent? Why was he so absent in his parenting? He taught me so little about being a man, having strong self-esteem, etc. Anything important that a father could teach. My father never had the emotional capacity for anything himself. 
• > I wonder if I practiced performing speeches on my mushroom trips to mine for material. Because it appears that I can summon a lot of material for my speeches with the great creativity enhancement from mushrooms. I can make so many novel connections with language.
• > I realize that my orientation in life towards personal development is born out of a hard-headedness. I really only move forward in my life if I make the decision to do so. It just so happens that I decide to go into self-actualization again and again.
• Take a few deep breaths and ask yourself: What are you not owning in your life today? Where are you making decisions in your life to not be an amazing person? When are you deciding that you are not beautiful, not strong, not good enough? 
• ⭐ Learning how to own all the problems in your life will teach you how to live a beautiful life. Do you understand? If you want to graduate to the next level of flow and alignment with your life, you need to deal with all the problems that you have at your current level. 
• Part of owning your life is owning that people are going to treat you in selfish ways. 
• I realize the deepest insights of reality come from solipsism. Understanding oneness at deeper levels allows you to forgive others. Forgive the existence of others.

Top 5 insights from my trip report GPT Synthesized

1. Love and forgiveness are the primary sources of strength. Personal power increases directly in proportion to the ability to forgive oneself, others, and existence itself.
2. Reality mirrors ownership. Wherever responsibility is avoided, suffering intensifies. Owning one’s life dissolves shame, victimhood, and stagnation.
3. The body and emotions are truth signals. Unprocessed emotions and disrespect register somatically and must be addressed through embodiment, patience, and self-regulation.
4. Self-respect is non-negotiable for safety and leadership. Environments lacking emotional safety degrade communication, trust, and survival.
5. Growth requires deliberate practice and patience. Meditation, forgiveness, training, and repetition gradually rewire consciousness toward abundance and clarity.

End of Report.

 

Mushroom Trip 033 - Love is the Organizing Principle

Date: November 24th 2024

Context: I have the idea of travelling on my mind, a plane ticket is booked for India. Went for a yoga program. 

Dose: 5 grams of Golden Teachers ground into a powder, then did lemon tek. It was sitting there for 3 hours. When I consumed it, I didn’t strain it. 

Time: Taken at 4:06pm

Intention: How can I grow the most while traveling? 

 

• 22 minutes. Experiencing Comeup 
• I need to really remind myself of who I am. 

What am I imagining?  (I can use this intention several times.)

• I am imagining roadblocks to my focus. When in reality, there is a path. 
• I decided to become a firefighter to escape my depression. Leo’s How to Become Decisive video really helped with that.
   
• Peaking at 38 minutes
• > I’ve been studying a good amount of Leo’s episode of how to not be conned and scammed.
   . In this trip I got this vibe of becoming conscious of all the devilry happening in the world and the selfishness of survival. My perception of people needs an adjustment towards an orientation of truth. 
• I am noticing that psychedelics bring to the front of mind what the hell is going on in my consciousness. Which is a very useful tool. 
• I am noticing a deep dissatisfaction. This feeling of dissatisfaction comes from a lack of training. I realize more than ever that I really want to train myself to be someone of value. I really crave that deep training. Fuck everything else if you cannot get your training in!
• Meeting people will help me grow when travelling. > Sadly, I didn’t do nearly enough of this when I was actually travelling. I was too shy.
• Simply, I need to choose that I am not depressed, that's a choice in the mind. > Reflecting on this, I think being depressed had a combination of not being aligned with a life of abundance and also a lack of overall brain regulation. 
• Key insight for myself: Energy is kept in the voice. There's energy carried in the voice, in this soup of consciousness. If I want to exchange energy it's through my voice. That is how I grow. When I talk to people about my problems, then I think more about solving them. I've noticed that. Because we are a social species, speaking to others serves as a great mirror.
• I've noticed a self-deception as a teacher: I will tell others what to do when I haven’t even done it myself, and then not take responsibility for that part.
• There are times I’ve noticed that I will not have owned the truth of today and what’s on my mind. Choosing to not own the truth is a self-deception mechanism.
• God will tell me through energy first. God will keep me safe with energy first.
• If something bad happens I need to own that, otherwise it will grow. And more things will break in life
• I’m very conscious of just how much your interpretation of reality matters. You can decide what is going on right now through the bias of your interpretation, and that will be REAL for you. I’ve noticed just how other people are not very conscious of this feature of reality, and then they suffer by creating disempowering perceptions of reality. This is part of your participation in the creation of Reality. Do you realize that you can decide what is going on in each moment?
• I’m noticing behaviours of degeneracy get further and closer relative to my relationship to truth. When I exhibit more degenerate thoughts, feelings and behaviours, it is when I’m not owning something. So much to think about in terms is Bias.
• Imagine an idea so beautiful it gives birth to itself.
• When my life is not going well, there's something in my consciousness that I'm not owning in that direct moment.
• Where in your life are you saying “No” to self-reflection?
• Where are you reluctant to admit where you are wrong?
• Notice when you offload energy to other people. This can be a form of you not taking responsibility for your emotions.
• An unwanted energy won't leave you until you learn something and integrate from it.
• Energy won't leave you until you’ve learned something and make behaviour changes to show that learning has happened. 
• Like why didn't I have a conversation with (that guy)?

Love will give you the insights you need to know. 

Love of life is what makes your life better. 

• If you want to improve your life, focus on loving what you are not loving right now. Look for areas of fear. Look for Truths that you fear. Look for self reflection that you are afraid of. With this attitude of approaching fear and truth with an attitude of love, everything in yourself and your environment will grow in accordance with the love that you create. That’s how you live a good life. It starts with you. Living a life of love is the center of a beautiful life. That’s what makes life difficult, you have to choose to love all of it. You have to remind yourself to choose to love.

>I want to study and integrate this lecture here: How to Fall in Love with Life

If there is any upset with you in your life, ask yourself, how can love apply here? What am I not loving here?

> Getting closer to Truth, ( like with removing your ideologies and false systems of sensemaking) will get you closer to Love.

> When you love sufficiently, you no longer have a self, and you no longer need anything, and the moment is revealed to be perfect. Absolute Perfection. 

If there's something wrong in life, learn to love it. That will fix all your mistakes and let the healing energy of Love flow through you. 

What if I assumed that my body was intelligent rather than dumb?

I noticed I almost have a goal to be a cool guy in Leo’s mind out of recognition in committing to his work. I notice I use the idea of Leo’s character as a figure of judgement, and I hold this judgement as a high importance in my mind. I’m not yet fully conscious how this is just my mind offloading that judgement on myself through the character of Leo. 

When you choose to make fun of someone when you're not owning something.

The intelligence of consciousness is astounding. I can almost see the state of consciousness someone is in. It’s like I can pick up their energy through the air. I can notice self-deception in people. 

You lean into the relationship with God to figure out why you exist, and you learn to love God, and what he has created for you as an infinite selfless being. 

God is literally infinitely selfless SO you can exist right now. Like he gave himself for you. SO you can think thoughts. 

Like this whole situation in reality that you've imagined yourself in, God has given it to you out of love for you as your best friend.

Reality will keep on mirroring more of what you already are, because there is only SELF, and SELF is the only thing that exists.

The Devil comes to you when you're not ready to own life.

If I am not safe, God will tell me directly with energy.

As soon as you walk in a room you get Direct Energy Right away. Your body actually has direct access.

> Your Relationship with God Determines your life.

• Reality is a Mirror
• All is self
• Voice is energy
• Reality is love, be a powerhouse of love and your life will start to reflect love. 

Focus on what is energetically correct.

ChatGPT Summarizing the Original Whole Report in 5 insights:

1. Love is the organizing principle. Wherever love is withheld, life fragments. Where love is consciously chosen, safety, clarity, and vitality return.
2. The body is the primary truth detector. Ignoring somatic signals creates danger and self-deception. Listening restores alignment and protection.
3. Self-deception persists until owned. Unintegrated truth stores itself as emotional, behavioral, and physical disturbance until consciously faced.
4. Identity growth requires beginnerhood. Accepting rank one, vulnerability, and not knowing is the gateway to genuine learning and resilience.
5. Reality mirrors inner state. What is feared repeats. What is loved integrates. Meaning is determined moment-to-moment by embodied awareness.

End of Report.

Edited April 20 by ZenSwift