Journal

[Someone here]

A helpful thing to remember when you’re having suicidal thoughts is to pay closer attention to what your mind is actually telling you.

Your mind says, “I want to die.” But if you look at that thought more carefully, is that really what you want? Or is it more like, “I want to die right now. This moment fucking sucks, and I don’t know how to deal with it anymore”?

There’s a difference between the two. The second might be much closer to what you’re actually experiencing. Because maybe a day, a month, or a year ago, you didn’t want to die. Maybe you were happy with your life, or at least wanted to see what tomorrow would bring. Something has changed, and it’s worth asking yourself what it is.

So try to figure out what makes this particular moment so unbearable, and whether there’s something you can do to change it. And if you can’t figure it out on your own, or if everything just feels like too much, find someone you can cry in the arms of. Someone you can be completely honest with, without having to pretend you’re okay. Your mom, your partner, or anyone you trust enough to let yourself fall apart in front of.

And maybe you need to talk to a therapist, too. I know I’ve needed that myself, plenty of times. There’s no shame in it. It helps.

You don’t have to figure everything out right now. Sometimes, you just need to get through this moment. Important distinction when dealing with suicidal thoughts.

[Someone here]

In a very clear sense, I have come to see the apparent character I appear as in the world as something being moved by a force beyond its own understanding. It is as though I am watching a life unfold through this body, yet the ultimate source of the movement remains unknown to me. I experience myself as someone who thinks and makes decisions but beneath all of this , how much of what I call my life is actually authored by me? And how much of it is simply unfolding through me according to power I don’t fully comprehend?

 We call that unknown force God. I do not necessarily mean God in the conventional religious sense, with all the human interpretations that have accumulated around the word. I mean the unknown reality behind existence, the source or governing principle to which the entire movement of life ultimately belongs .I call it unknown and even unknowable. No body knows what that is. Because that’s its very nature . It can’t be known because knowing implies a distinction between the knower and the known but let’s put that aside for now .I do not claim to understand its nature or its intentions .In fact,  mystery is precisely what makes the question so profound. I am not pretending to know what this force is but rather I am questioning whether the individual human being has ever possessed the slightest little ounce of control over his or her own life. And strike it out NO. It’s all being done by god or the unknown force . 
people, me included , don’t like this idea and they will dance around it with million excuses for why we should not live our lives or act from that perspective because it’s impractical and a little bit nihilistic. But here is where we have to draw a distinction between truth and practicality.  It’s true but impractical. And realizing it as true won’t make our lives more or less functional because it is already the case whether we realize it or not .  But actually it will make us more relaxed and live life with such ease and peace because we are fully aware that our lives are like a dream where the unknown force is orchestrating our lives and we don’t know what is happening to us in a moment from now and that can help us live with less stress and anxiety.

i will add more but that’s what occurs to me at this moment. But this is an important topic to me .

Edited October 29 by Someone here

[Someone here]

For most young guys, their struggle with getting a girlfriend boils down to social anxiety. It’s not that they’re afraid of talking to girls; they’re afraid of talking to people in general. And this is very common among introverted young guys.

I still struggle with walking around a mall or attending a social gathering without feeling like a paranoid weirdo who thinks he’s being watched. You keep looking around, becoming overly conscious of yourself, and making weird facial expressions when you should just go monk mode and stop giving a fuck about who’s around you.

 

[Someone here]

AI is amazingly powerful dude . I mean what’s next ? We can have entire football championships made by AI ? Or entire TV shows and movies? 

Edited October 31 by Someone here

[Someone here]

I’ve made huge progress lately with my discipline and personal habits. I haven’t smoked for almost two weeks now. I’m not entirely sure of the exact number of days because I don’t count them, but it’s close to two weeks.

I still drink coffee, and my sleep schedule is far from regulated, but I’ve made progress with my insomnia as well. I’m now able to fall asleep whenever I feel like I really need to rest, and I usually fall asleep quite quickly. I’m also becoming increasingly convinced that the earlier I go to bed at night, the easier it is for me to fall asleep and the more restful and rejuvenating my sleep becomes. Obviously, I also end up sleeping longer.

I’ve also been eating more protein, and I can feel the difference in my energy levels. I want to start jogging again, like in the good old days when I was skinny and muscular. I don’t do any cardio anymore, although I still lift dumbbells, just not as intensely as I used to.

For the past few months, I’ve been losing weight because of my insomnia and heavy cigarette consumption, both of which have negatively affected my appetite. Thankfully, both issues have started to improve.

I’ve had urges to smoke, but I’ve managed to resist them through sheer willpower. And now I’m reaping what I’ve sown.

There’s something else I’ve noticed, though, which I find a little strange. I don’t feel like a young stud anymore. I feel like I get tired more quickly than I used to. This seems somewhat unrelated to my personal habits. I feel like there’s been a noticeable decline in my overall energy levels, and I can’t entirely attribute it to my diet, sleep, exercise, or unhealthy habits. I sometimes wonder whether I’m simply starting to feel the effects of getting older. I’m only 30, though, so it might be a little ridiculous to think that I’m experiencing age-related fatigue already, especially considering that I haven’t exactly lived an exhausting life.

Regardless, I know what I want to focus on now: continuing to abstain from smoking, improving my sleep schedule, and getting back into regular exercise.

 

[Someone here]

The topic of science and religion has always fascinated me. I was actually a very religious person when I was younger. I practiced my religion’s rituals and followed its teachings. And organized religion continues to exist even today, in an age of incredible technological and scientific advancement.

Religious people often argue that there is no fundamental conflict between science and religion because they deal with different aspects of life. I disagree with this argument. The fact that they use different methodologies doesn’t mean they address different questions. Both attempt to answer fundamental questions about existence, knowledge, and truth.

The main difference between science and religion is that science is evidence-based, whereas religion is faith-based.

When science tells us that the observable universe is approximately 14 billion years old, it doesn’t simply make that statement and expect us to accept it. It provides evidence to support the claim. The same applies when science tells us that the Earth is round or that humans and modern chimpanzees evolved from a shared common ancestor.

Religion, on the other hand, makes claims about reality without providing the same kind of supporting evidence. It tells us that God created the universe in six days, that Jesus died to absolve humanity of its sinful nature, that the Quran is the literal word of God, or that our souls are reincarnated into other living beings after death. These are presented as truths, but there is no independently verifiable evidence to establish that they are actually true.

This is precisely why I disagree with the argument that science and religion deal with entirely different questions. Clearly, both make claims about objective reality and attempt to provide answers to fundamental questions about the world and our existence. The difference is that science provides evidence that can be examined, tested, and challenged, whereas religion ultimately relies on faith.

And this is why I believe science will continue to advance while religion will gradually lose its influence. I honestly cannot predict how many decades or centuries it might take for religion to become completely extinct, but I believe that, as scientific knowledge continues to expand, the role of religion in human society will inevitably diminish.