I tend to justify my way of thinking

[Mixcoatl]

This is the third time I’ve tried to read Spinoza’s "Ethics, Demonstrated in Geometrical Order". I’m drawn to it because of the way he constructs logical demonstrations of God. I enjoy philosophy, but every time I come back to this book, I end up feeling frustrated by how difficult it is to follow. 

In contrast, I find the arguments for God (especially the one proposed by Gura) in recent Actualized.org videos much easier to understand. Leo’s way of explaining things feels very clear and accessible. His language is more spontaneous, and he mixes in emotional expression, which makes the ideas easier to connect with.

The real issue for me is that I often feel pressured to read philosophy books so I can jsutify my way of thinking during conversations. This way of thinking is simple, made out of insights that I have had during my life, but I feel people can think is not legitimate if it is not supported by authors. how can I stop giving a fuck about what others think about it?