A DISTORETED EGO REALIZING NO SELF!

[SixtySenses]

If someone has a lot of personality and identify distortion early on due to the way they were raised and nurtured, but inherently genetically were and are really gifted in terms of insight, mysticism, and sensitivity for enlightenment what should they do? They have deep nondual insights fairly often. They are very conscious of no self but have an incredibly hard time with how to identify and act afterwards as an ego because their ego is unstable.

Note upon finishing: There are periods and interactions that I have with people sometimes were I enter a complete no self, no defenses, surrender, where I can just enter a flow state and sort of forget myself and others and just get lost in the present and use my ego in full autonomic skill (how I imagine Leo sometimes feels when he does his videos). The fear that sort of arises here, after the fact, is that I was not in some enlightened, or nirvanic, Samadi state but rather I was or have some Narcissistic(solipsistic) trait or deployment and what actually happens is I let go of my awareness of this fact and cause some semi controlled chaos?

back to it. In short, they have a messy ego but a clean pure soul: They have a high capacity to tune their receiver to the signal of the universe but the speaker that would then play that tune out of them is then crooked and warped. A sort of Spiritual aphasia.

it feels as if the wire (the mind/ego/avatar) is being over heated do to overload and overcurrent. If this persist too long the wire is going to burn up.

would this individual need to do some serious shadow work? (They have really taken to deconstructing and self-analysis so well and for so long they have hit a bit of a cynicism wall where they don't know, or trust, if they are deceiving themselves or not.) They have entered some sort of cycle of ecstatic clarity followed by states of confusion or feeling of impending doom. Should they commit to a serious meditation routine asap? Maybe should they seek-out the help of a true stable mystic as the reason their ego feels so unsafe is they need to surrender it but need to do it where they feel safe to do so? Been heavily debating trying some sort of Ayahuasca or 5meo retreat? Been seeing a decrease in cognitive function and overall burnout. Health feels like it's not failing, but becoming less important, a sort of despair. Feels like were pulling at the card that is holding up the entire house of cards. 

almost feels as if there are two egos or two personalities that keep merging and then coming apart and then wrestling 

Would really appreciate feedback from anyone with direct experience with this and not just some speculative crap. Might have to give all this actualized stuff up (which I have before for long periods of time but always find a way back sooner or later). It's just all becoming too strong of a map in the mind. Better the model bigger the problem. Mind is starting to get pretty good at inventing its own maps. Sort of scarry in the sense that its either genius or insanity--or both

Note: We are stable and well. Just spirituality going through it. This is more of a vent and curiosity of what potential others think than asking for help or advice. Sort of a delusion check. Thanks 

Edited March 31 by SixtySenses

[Lazarus93]

Sounds like exactly me, honestly. Psychedelics/dissociatives are the answer.

Edited March 31 by Lazarus93

[caspex]

You need to advance materially and achieve the material. This will teach your ego its own ins and out, its weaknesses and its strength. You have to tread the normal path of growth and ego development. 

 

Think of it like this, most humans beings develop a strong ego and are not that aware by default. They eventually figure out, if at all, the importance of spirituality and work their way up.
Rarer are those humans who despite developing an ego, are aware enough to access heightened states of consciousness very young.
Even rarer are those humans who are born with extreme awareness and their ego stands naturally defeated in front of the light of their awareness.

You fall in the type of human who had enough awareness to achieve these awakened states young but not enough wisdom to fully transcend the ego. You're just like a normal human being when it comes to ego. You have to develop it naturally until it withers away. If you try to bypass this mastery work through psychedelics you will eventually hit a wall you won't be able to pass.

This problem is one of deep work and I don't think psychedelics are the solution. You need deep personal work to get this over with and it will take years. You are talking embodiment after all. You will suffer from spiritual ego much more than somebody who got into this work later in life.

Psychedelics can show you new peaks but you still have to climb the mountain. In my opinion, seeing new peaks before you embody the ones you know currently is detrimental to spiritual growth. Ask climbers and they'll tell you to look only at the very next hold and how to climb one more step, instead of looking all the way up, because then you'd be demotivated seeing how high you have yet to climb.

It takes years to fully understand who you(as an ego) are. All of your likes and dislikes, tendencies, strengths and shortcomings. Learning to accept the shortcomings and utilizing the strengths. That's a game entirely different from understand who you(as god) are. 

There's a chance, if you started having awakenings young, that you never fully developed a fleshed out identity. If that's the case you'll need to do that first. Right now you probably have crazy ego-backlashes after staying in awakened state for an extended period of time. For example being extremely irritable or anxious after coming down from an awakened state.

 

Enlightenment in the sense Buddha or other enlightened masters embodied is something much beyond simply being in an awakened state of no-self or God. They had mastered their egos and their minds, their senses and their emotions. It's only then can your physical, mental and emotional body truly become a vessel for the divine. 

 

[Ziran]

On 3/31/2026 at 5:08 AM, SixtySenses said:

Would really appreciate feedback from anyone with direct experience with this and not just some speculative crap.

 Careful what you wish for

On 3/31/2026 at 5:08 AM, SixtySenses said:

If someone has a lot of personality and identify distortion early on due to the way they were raised and nurtured, but inherently genetically were and are really gifted in terms of insight, mysticism, and sensitivity for enlightenment what should they do? 

" ... due to ..." is a red flag.  It usually indicates the problem is "blaming".  It's a consequence of relentlessly looking backwards in time with the mind's eye and asking "why?" then answering the question using avoidant rationalization.

On 3/31/2026 at 5:08 AM, SixtySenses said:

There are periods and interactions that I have with people sometimes were I enter a complete no self, no defenses, surrender, where I can just enter a flow state and sort of forget myself and others and just get lost

yup

On 3/31/2026 at 5:08 AM, SixtySenses said:

it feels as if the wire (the mind/ego/avatar) is being over heated do to overload and overcurrent. If this persist too long the wire is going to burn up.

~nods~

On 3/31/2026 at 5:08 AM, SixtySenses said:

... feels as if there are two egos or two personalities that keep merging and then coming apart and then wrestling

like a pinballs in a pinball machine, ricocheting off each other?

On 3/31/2026 at 5:08 AM, SixtySenses said:

would this individual need to do some serious shadow work? 

No.  Cultivating mutual understanding with the ones who raised them is the shortest path to relief.

[Ziran]

On 3/31/2026 at 5:08 AM, SixtySenses said:

Narcissistic

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be seen, heard, and acknowledged as your authentic self.