Beans & Joy’s Journal 🐯🌈

[Yimpa]

doing the little things goes a long way

[Beans]

Not even I know what choices are the correct ones and which ones aren’t. 
life is a game of minesweepers. 
I just do my best. 
And leave the rest up to God’s hands. 
I trust the guidance given to me, and walk. 

[Yimpa]

I Love Women. 

I Love Myself.

Edited 17 hours ago by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

There is a greater Love beyond Beans. Beyond Joy. Beyond this relationship. 

I’m not saying you matter less. I’m saying Love itself isn’t something you or I get to own or contain.

Edited 16 hours ago by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

I am having intrusive thoughts and urges  to be single again, be alone and learn how to breathe on my own again.

We can’t heal a core issue we’ve been facing (and avoiding) for 6 months. 

No rash decision yet. Just naked acknowledgment. 

[Beans]

It’s not that I’ve been avoiding or anything. 
I think there’s just been a lot here the entire time. 
There was so much just from the beginning, and on top of everything there were health problems, issues within my own personal life,  not knowing how to communicate with each other, etc. 

Then therapy began 

and one by one those problems began to be dealt with. 
 

you cannot get to the core of issues or pain without doing the work to get to the center of it all. 

[Beans]

Infancy

By Beans Yimpa 

Please hold me

In your warm embrace I feel at home

Locked outside of heaven’s gates 

Is this my infancy once more?

Please hold me. 

I need your embrace. 

I’m embarrassed to say I don’t want you to let me go. 

Please hold me

Down until I feel safe again. 

The weight keeps me grounded. 

Your warmth is all the nutrients I need. 

I’m looking for my mother in your warmth. 

As if this cuddle can shield me from all the cruelty of the world. 

Because my heart slows down, and my mind begins to calm.  

The storm is beginning to clear. 

I don’t need much. 

Sometimes, a lot of the times

 I just want;  need  you to hold me. 

And tell me everything is going to be okay. 
 

(shout out to our weighted friends pabi and axi)

Edited 8 hours ago by Beans

[Beans]

Adolescence

”don’t you cry or I’ll give you something to cry about”

silent tears, don’t let them hear, show no fear. 
 

it’s time to put on your best poker face. 

[Beans]

Just now, Beans said:

Adolescence

By Beans Yimpa

”don’t you cry or I’ll give you something to cry about”

silent tears, don’t let them hear, show no fear. 
 

it’s time to put on your best poker face. 

 

[Beans]

Adulthood

By Beans Yimpa

Complete darkness, bubble popped, freezing cold temperatures. 
Tough pills to swallow.  Unraveling generational trauma. Wanting to look away. Wanting to run away. Lots of pain, anger, jealousy, depression, anxiety, etc. 

 

New colors, rewriting new stories, exploration, a warm cup of tea. Learning to live again, laughing until your stomachaches, new experiences, happiness, excitement, courage, and kindness. 
 

Duality of adulthood. 
None of it is easy. No one knows the right answer, truth looks different to everyone. Choices will be made. Life isn’t made to be looked at in white and black lenses. That’s just one perspective to look at it. 
 

Life is what you make it. 
mistakes can and will be made.

Though I truly believe in redemption. 

I believe in healing, and change. 
 

that is why the butterfly must shed its prior form. Everyone glorifies the butterfly, but forgets to credit the caterpillar.  

Edited 3 hours ago by Beans

[Yimpa]

I am breaking this limerance and attachment and focusing directly on God and Love realization. Enough of the games.