Te Journal

[Optimized Life]

17.12.25 

Only 1 variable to handle now, priority shifted again : SLEEP 

SLeep arc guess from memory

6H> 4-5H > 5H > 6H > 5H > 9H > 7H-7.5H . 5.5H 

This is the pattern from the last 7-10 days. 

For the 9H & 7H days :

I did not have any meaningful late caffiene after 10-11AM (e.g 1 coke zero at 1PM max, thats about 30MG)

Yesterday : 

I broke my discipline & deluded myself 

"2nd coke zero + almost approx 70 grams of 70% dark chocolate" at 5PM 

^ That adds up to anywhere from 30MG + 40MG to 30MG + 60MG > so could be a full 90MG caffiene since I had so much choco

The dark chocolate brand is also impure, full of additives & likely other stimulants like theobromine. 

Random high calorie meals 8-10PM 

Late screens & mental stimulation at 10PM - 12AM 

Its these "tiny" slips that ruin it 

My 9H 7H days clearly had clean cut caffiene cutoffs and a wind down 

Now what was the core trigger that caused this loss of discipline : Desire to "grind it out" & inability to cope with/impatience with getting tired (which is expected after a week of sleep debt)

I have to just have more patience 

"Grinding it out" yesterday gained me little but cost me maybe a 50-100% productivity loss for ALL of today. It's a terrible decision. 

And after a week of sleep debt & other stuff, your body simply does just need at least 3-7 days of consistency to get back to full sustained energy mode, 1 day of 9H or 7H is never enough. Impatience and desperation, I am finally learning its limits. 

Quote

1.5X+ reduced daily caffeine consumption from 300-450MG to 200-250MG, also became more precise and aware of how much caffiene I have, how much is approx in every product & brand, and built boundaries around this

I have built boundaries on the conscious level & understand its needed. 

But the subconscious ol bitch called homeostasis is coming back again (especially for late caffeine)

I need something stronger to keep it away. 

 

Edited Wednesday at 12:09 PM by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

18.12.25

Took valerian yesterday when I didn't even need it, I was tired enough to sleep but wanted a shorcut because im always trying to control everything too much

Regret it 

Woke up feeling really weird and tired, still do hours later, feel sedated and hazed. 

It definitely reduces sleep quality and has unperdictable side effects

I dont gijv shit what the "studies say"

Its not good or safe

Edited Thursday at 09:59 AM by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

10 hours ago, Optimized Life said:

18.12.25

Took valerian yesterday when I didn't even need it, I was tired enough to sleep but wanted a shorcut because im always trying to control everything too much

Regret it 

Woke up feeling really weird and tired, still do hours later, feel sedated and hazed. 

It definitely reduces sleep quality and has unperdictable side effects

I dont gijv shit what the "studies say"

Its not good or safe

Late alcohol, late caffeine, late nicotine, stress or a combination of all of those ... None of that compares to the valerian hangover. 

Valerian is fucking awful 

I have never felt so weird, drained

Post valerian day literally feels like : Like ur brain is "running up hill", normally you're on flat plain, but now, your brain, and all the cells & mitochondria in your body have to run on a steep incline, and you need 4 fucking litres of pineapple juice just to do basic tasks. 

I asked chatgpt how it works 

In the EU & the west, basically any supplement or drug, the bar for it being legal and bought in store/online is literlaly "does it literally poison a healthy person?" if no > sell it. 

As long as it isn't ricin, it can be sold

THey dont give a shit if it causes brain fog, terrible sleep anger, a hangover for 48 hours, 

But I'm not a moron so thankfully i just threw it away and wont take it again

It's kinda scary though

Imagine you took something legal like this and you just never came back, like you have brain fog for months

Very unlikely ... But still, playing with drugs is scary man, fuck that shit.

Edited Thursday at 08:26 PM by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

19.12.25

Valerian Hangover day 2 report 

• 40-60% Recovered 
• Brain fog 60-80% lifted 
• Energy 50-70% recovered 
• Focus ability, slightly recovered, still shaky
• Weird, wired/confused feeling, still there, just less intense. 
• ^ Assigning a "% recovery" with valerian hangover is completely futile and random. 
• I had a big energy rebound this morning and was pumped, followed by a sudden and Harsh crash and fog. 
• This is what happens I supposed when GABA has been manipulated in any way. 
• People love to shit on stimulants but its misdirected, I would take a couple lines of cocaine over this every single time, and I would rather my 14 year old daughter snort 4 lines of coke then take valerian, again and again. Because coke is predictable, it's functional, it's short lived, and only harmful in extreme doses or if you're addicted. Whereas sedatives, psychoactive, random pharmacy products are extremely unpredictable, sometimes impacting people for days and weeks. 
• Putting Meth aside (which isn't a mere stimulant, but a real psychoactive) stimulants like caffeine, cocaine, although can cause issues are at least psychologically and cognitively predictable. Exceptions & nuance aside, stimulants will always be the safest category. No one is getting a week of brain fog or mentally ill from drinking starbucks. 
• Psychoactives, sedatives, Benzos, Psychedelics, WEED, NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONOnonononoon
• NONONONONONONONONONO
• NOONONONOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
• NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• FUCKING NNOOO
• STOP NORMALIZING THESE LEO 
• STOP NORMALIZIGN WEED 

Anything to worry about? No

But if I still feel like this in 3 days, then it will be concerning. 

Valerian is actually dirtier and more unpredictable than prescription benzos 

It's "natural dude it's from a plant good for sleep broo"

It being from a plant makes it more unpredictable, each pill or bottle could have random strength levels & varying growing conditions, side effects have very high individual variability. 

I got tricked basically. 

Easy to be fooled by legal, easily accessible, Online, shelved or OTC pharamacolgy because it seems so safe and neutral. 

I bought a minoxidl product 6 months ago and did not tripple check the label properlly. 

It actually had added in it Tretinoin, which is the a highest strength retinoid. 

Some residue when to my facial skin and 6 months later, I STILL now have redness hyper reactivity to basic products like moisturiser which I never had before and always had good skin, its not a permanent issue but now I have to fucking, see a dermatologist, and spend weeks to months intentionally resolving it and removing the sensitivity and barrier damage. Whats so annoying is retionid is completely unnecessary and often harmful for hair loss, yet these careless bastards casually put it in their products, why do peope do this and overcomplicate shit, minoxidil, finatasride and microneedlign are known to be the  magic 3 that work with very marginal if any side effects for 95% of people. But these bastards are probably rationalist dorks who went to some big university, and follow some linear thinking algorithim "more = better, stronger = better, separate from competion = use higher strength additives. God I hate fucking dorks

Edited yesterday at 11:43 AM by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

19.12.25

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

Ggl sheets, Ggl sheets  ... Ggl sheets. Just what an NTP needs. Why the f*** everyone takes it for granted? 

[Optimized Life]

20.12.25 

My mind, its thinking and writing patterns has gone back to its hemostatic state, overthinking, waffling, saying too much. 

The world rewards Functional intelligence, not verbosity, not talking shit. 

I need to reground this journal because its a reflection of regrounding myself. 

I made a life long commitment to Te, numbers, metrics, goal setting, key priorities and results, decisiveness, regular feedback, fast action, change, accomplishing things, getting results, proving it, and being a useful grounded person. Not wasting my life, living it, getting shit done, getting the money, getting in shape. Nothing else matters. 

I reckon only 0-1 people on this forum actually read my shit and care about my posts? and why? because I talk so much fucking nonsense. 

I'm not trying to become Leo, I find the 5% gold in leos work and weaponise it for > Maximum sex, maximum power, maximum money, maximum aura, maximum mental strength, maximum longevity, maximum fun, maximum skill, maximum health. 

Thats it, theres nothing else to fucking do! Lets go

20.12.25 Restarting :

1. No sugar (including juice or honey) Day 1 
2. No Fap day 1 
3. 14/15 > 11% BF Day 1 
4. Make $1,000 today
5. List all items to sell
6. Approach  if I go out

Edited 9 hours ago by Optimized Life