New Chapter in My Life: Habits and Disciplines

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #180~ Tue Jul 28 '26

I am so fuckin' stressed out this week. I have a sports camp to run and I have an overnight dance event this weekend and I also have to stay at my moms to take care of her fuckin' cat. This is bullshit. I am so fuckin stressed out and I don't know how to say no to people. As soon as this week is over, I am going to take a good hard look at my schedule and I'm going to start prioritizing what I want, which is mainly career, getting jacked, finances, and getting a girlfriend. 

I don't have time to help all of you people. And I don't have time to compete. And I HATE staying over someones house and housesitting, I absolutely hate it. I have to pack things up. I always forget stuff. And it stressed me the fuck out. God, please help me get through this week. 

Daily goals:

Shower: 8

Groom hair: 8

Brush teeth: 8

Floss: 8

Make bed: 1

Meditate: 2

No porn: 2

No ejaculation: 8

Eat 150 g of protein: 7

No electronics after 11pm: 6

Brush teeth before bed: 2

Wash face before bed: 2

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 1

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 1

Clean room: 1

Clean car: 1

Edited July 28 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #181~ Wed Jul 29 '26

I keep falling into the trap of not working on my dating life and just hoping that I will somehow miraculously get out of the friend zone. What a fuckin joke. I'm done with these girls. Stop selling yourself short. You are the catch, anyone that doesn't want you is simply not the right person for you. Now go out there and do something about it. 

The longer I go without porn and ejaculation, the more in tuned I am with my desire for a girl in my life. Although I go through the frustration of feeling the sting of not having what I want in my life, this is a positive thing. 

Daily goals:

Shower: 9

Groom hair: 9

Brush teeth: 9

Floss: 9

Take medication: 9

Make bed: 2

Meditate: 0

No porn: 3

No ejaculation: 9

Eat 150 g of protein: 8

No electronics after 11pm: 7

Brush teeth before bed: 3

Wash face before bed: 3

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 1

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 1

Clean room: 1

Clean car: 1

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #182 ~ Thu Jul 30 '26

Camp is going really well this week. Remember when I said that I was really stressed out? Im doing fine now, I have hit a nice groove where I again don't need anything from anybody. Sometimes I do get frustrated with myself that I don't have a girlfriend, I'll feel like no one is interested in me romantically and it hurts, but other times I am just so non- needy from anything and anyone, I am able to just be myself and whatever comes of that I'm okay with. That's one of the main things that I've gotten from this job. My authentic self is finally coming out to play. I don't care about playing a certain character or role, I am going to be me. What a cool breakthrough. 

 

Daily goals:

Shower: 10

Groom hair: 10

Brush teeth: 10

Floss: 10

Take medication: 10

Make bed: 3

Meditate: 1

No porn: 4

No ejaculation: 10

Eat 150 g of protein: 0

No electronics after 11pm: 0

Brush teeth before bed: 4

Wash face before bed: 4

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 1

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 1

Clean room: 1

Clean car: 1

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #183 ~ Sat Aug 1 '26

I do this thing with women in which if I enjoy my time with her then I want to hold onto her, I want to grasp her. I don't want to let her go. This is a crush essentially. But I don't want to crush on the women at work anymore. I want a new girl that is outside of this business. 

Good job with your habits. I can see you growing right before my very eyes. I am so excited to see who and what you become in this life. I'm so proud of you. 

 

Daily goals:

Shower: 12

Groom hair: 12

Brush teeth: 12

Floss: 12

Take medication: 12

Make bed: 5

Meditate: 0

No porn: 6

No ejaculation: 12

Eat 150 g of protein: 0

No electronics after 11pm: 2

Brush teeth before bed: 6

Wash face before bed: 6

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 1

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 1

Clean room: 1

Clean car: 1

Edited August 1 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #184 ~ Sun Aug 2 '26

I have had the most emotionally challenging day in a very long time and also one of the most emotionally challenging weeks. I'm at a dance event, just woke up, everything is over now we just have breakfast and I get to go home. I CANNOT WAIT to be alone as I've gotten emotionally triggered time and time again over these past 24 hour. Right now I feel embarrassed and agitated. Maybe I'll journal about what happened later. Anyways, here's my habit tracker from yesterday. Keep your head up man, today try to find some things that you're grateful for. 

 

Daily goals:

Shower: 13

Groom hair: 13

Brush teeth: 13

Floss: 13

Take medication: 13

Make bed: 6

Meditate: 0

No porn: 7

No ejaculation: 13

Eat 150 g of protein: 0

No electronics after 11pm: 3

Brush teeth before bed: 7

Wash face before bed: 7

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 1

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 1

Clean room: 1

Clean car: 1

 

I get triggered a lot at my job. This isn't a bad thing, it is allowing me to tackle the things that I need to tackle. I love making a difference in people's lives, I love the communal aspect of my job, it's as if we are all in this big love bubble, one that is supportive and cares about one another. Of course, within this bubble, I get triggered emotionally. I feel less than, I feel like Im not good enough, I feel unloved, I feel disrespected, I don't know what to do in this situations. But there are so many people here that love me, that's what keeps me going. I want to create incredible solos here ones that have high artistic integrity, I want to make a lot of money doing what I love here. I want to have a healthy romantic relationship separate form this place and maybe even eventually inside of it. And then I would like to transcend this place as I don't think it has the artistic integrity that I'm looking for.

Some of these people that are in a position of power here, yes they are impressive and successful, there's no doubt about that, but to what end and how did you get here? Are you making a real contribution towards humanity or are you just in it for the money? Do you walk your talk or are you a slave to the system? Do you actually care about me or do you use me like a pawn to make yourself more money? Are you being fake in your interactions with people? Do you genuinely want what's best for everyone here? 

Eventually I would like to live a quiet life in the woods where I can contemplate reality and talk to God. I want to understand what enlightenment is. I want to experience what death is. I want to solve the mysteries of the universe. I want to have enough financial freedom so that I have the space to do that. And... I want to dance, I want to compete and create amazing things at my job, ones that fill people up, ones that move them emotionally, and like I tell my students, don't be so hard on yourself, you are growing, you have a clear path ahead towards greatness. This is so easy to say to them, but do you really believe it? And do you embody it yourself? Not really... I am so fuckin hard on myself. I hate myself sometimes, thinking that I'm absolute shit, when in reality I'm comparing myself to people that have been in the business longer than me. But I don't want to feel this way anymore. I hate my former dance partner. She's not nice to me, I don't kike being around her, and I honestly don't enjoy seeing her succeed. I never want to dance with her again. 

 

Edited August 2 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #185 ~ Mon Aug 3 '26

There is something off about Arthur Murray. Right now, when I think about the business, it makes me feel gross. I understand that we are helping people and providing value to them, but there is now this intuitive feeling that what we are doing here is wrong in some way, or just not up to my standards. the intuitive feeling that I am feeling is difficult to communicate, but I would describe it as feeling gross. 

Firstly, I don't respect my boss anymore because he hurt my feelings. I don't think he genuinely cares about the people under him, I'm not even sure what his motive is anymore, but he doesn't care at all, everything that he does is fake, its to put on a show. 

I know now that I don't want to be here forever. This place harbors an idea that if you achieve something, then you will be happy. This whole paradigm is completely false. True hapiness lies within the ability to just sit there with nothing at all and be content and happy with that. 

With that in mind, I'm not totally sure where to go from here because I still have dating goals that make me sick thinking about them too much, and I still have dance goals, which make me frustrated when I think about them too much. And then of course, I have projects with students that I am very passionate about, and lets not forget that I love everybody at the studio very much (With the exception of my boss's boss) who I have no respect for anymore. What a dick.

 

Daily goals:

Shower: 14

Groom hair: 14

Brush teeth: 14

Floss: 0

Take medication: 14

Make bed: 7

Meditate: 0

No porn: 8

No ejaculation: 14

Eat 150 g of protein: 0

No electronics after 11pm: 4

Brush teeth before bed: 0

Wash face before bed: 0

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 1

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 2

Clean room: 1

Clean car: 1

Edited August 3 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #186 ~ Tue Aug 4 '26

Daily goals:

Shower: 15

Groom hair: 15

Brush teeth: 15

Floss: 1

Take medication: 15

Make bed: 8

Meditate: 0

No porn: 9

No ejaculation: 15

Eat 150 g of protein: 0

No electronics after 11pm: 5

Brush teeth before bed: 1

Wash face before bed: 1

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 0

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 2

Clean room: 2

Clean car: 0

 

Things to do: 

Get chair from dana - scheduled for Thursday at 12

Return shirt - need to print out label

Return beach ball suit 

Dump run at dads house - needs to be a Saturday morning - it could be this weekend, I would feel so much better if I do this

Deep clean room ( not sure why there's water on the floor) 

Check oil - Thursday? 

Evaluations for camp - Thursday? 

Give money to dance partner - idk when I'm gonna see her

Fill out w2 form - Thursday? 

 

Edited Wednesday at 02:48 AM by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #187 ~ Wed Aug 5 '26

Daily goals:

Shower: 16

Groom hair: 16

Brush teeth: 16

Floss: 2

Take medication: 16

Make bed: 0

Meditate: 0

No porn: 0

No ejaculation: 0

Eat 150 g of protein: 0

No electronics after 11pm: 0

Brush teeth before bed: 2

Wash face before bed: 2

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 0

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 2

Clean room: 2

Clean car: 0

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #188 ~ Thu Aug 5 '26

Daily goals:

Shower: 17

Groom hair: 17

Brush teeth: 17

Floss: 3

Take medication: 17

Make bed: 0

Meditate: 0

No porn: 1

No ejaculation: 1

Eat 150 g of protein: 0

No electronics after 11pm: 1

Brush teeth before bed: 3

Wash face before bed: 3

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 0

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 2

Clean room: 2

Clean car: 1

"I don't see the glass half full, I see the whole pitcher"

 

Things to do:

Print out w9 form: I will do this at work (try to go in early) 

Return shirt - need to print attach address and drop off at post office

Take $100 out of the bank 

Start return for Chinese suit 

Send in the dispute for the tolls

List Shamet jersey 

Edited Thursday at 07:22 PM by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #189 ~ Sat Aug 8 '26

I have a crush on a different girl at work now. She is funny and fun and awesome. What should I do about this? Pursue OTHER women of course. I have shown a pattern of not doing very well seducing someone thats a friend first. I can also taste the neediness within my pored with this girl and that happened with the last one. You have to understand and experience the dynamic that creates intimacy between two people and right now you do not. Have fun with this girl, but don't hold onto her. You could also crush on someone else with the snap of a finger. Don't get bogged down by "the 1." There is no 1, or at least not that you're aware of until it hits you. 

That is what happens with these crushes though, you want them to be the 1. You hope for it. You beg for God to allow this person to be the 1 that you marry. But the truth is, usually she ain't it. And thats such a tough pill to swallow. You want to have control over this matter, but in reality you have none. You are at the mercy of the universe. So have fun, grow yourself into an attractive man. That is whats more valuable than any one woman. You will still have an impact on a woman while being her friend. You don't have to end up with her. Focus on being more God-like, getting all your shit done, becoming rich, giving back to humanity, contribution to the world, living with integrity, giving back, and most importantly, find out whats true, whats true without a fuckin' doubt in the world. What is it thats going on here? 

Why is reality so confusing and complex? Is it because its infinite? Thats why I can have an infinite amount of fantasies and dreams? I wish I could be grounded, not living within my fantasies anymore. I want to flow, without any concerns in the world, without thought, pure presence. I will get there. Its just a matter of time. 

Also, if you truly love this girl, then you should be able to let her go and allow her to be free. Your energy bogs her down by being needy for her to be a certain way or for her to give you attention. Let go of this need or this feeling of lack and she will feel free to fall in love with whomever she wants. You deserve this too. There are beautiful, gorgeous women all over the place, go out there, be yourself, and talk to them. Its not rocket science. 

This girl that I'm crushing on will not be at work next week, I am going to miss her. What is it with this? Her not being there causes me suffering, but at the same time, her being there while also causes me suffering because I know I don't have her in my life and I wish I did. Any way you slice it, theres suffering. And this happened with the last girl I was crushing on too. There is something deeper going on here that I must unravel. Why am I suffering so much from these women? What is the common denominator? 

Tomorrow, I have to teach a dance lesson from 9 am - 11 am. And then I have to go straight to my cousins house in order to dog sit for them. My family will then visit me at the house to celebrate her birthday. And then I am going to take my grandma out for dinner. I am thinking that I should bring all of my food over to the house so that I can cook everything there. I think thats a great idea. I have this massive cooler that I am going to bring, but that means that I have to fill it with ice and bring all of my ingredients. If I do this, 

 

Daily goals:

Shower: 19

Groom hair: 19

Brush teeth: 19

Floss: 5

Take medication: 19

Make bed: 2

Meditate: 0

No porn: 3

No ejaculation: 3

Eat 150 g of protein: 0

No electronics after 11pm: 3

Brush teeth before bed: 5

Wash face before bed: 5

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 1

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 2

Clean room: 2

Clean car: 1

 

 

Things to do:

Print out w9 form: - I can do this at Dads house today 

Return shirt - will drop off today before 12 pm 

Take $100 out of the bank 

Start return for Chinese suit 

Send in the dispute for the tolls - need to find address and type something up

List Shamet jersey 

Fill out thing for therapist

Figure out Frontier bill

Edited Saturday at 03:45 PM by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #190 ~ Sun Aug 9 '26

Starting to do Kriya Yoga starting this morning, this will be my form of meditation. I want to start having a relationship with the God within myself and allow life to just unfold instead of trying to control everything going on in my life. Let go and embrace the mystery of life. 

Daily goals:

Shower: 20

Groom hair: 20

Brush teeth: 20

Floss: 0

Take medication: 20

Make bed: 3

Meditate: 0

No porn: 4

No ejaculation: 4

Eat 150 g of protein: 0

No electronics after 11pm: 0

Brush teeth before bed: 6

Wash face before bed: 6

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 1

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 2

Clean room: 2

Clean car: 1

 

 

Things to do:

Print out w9 form: - I can do this at Dads house today 

Give w9 to dad

Return shirt - will drop off tomorrow before work

Take $100 out of the bank - then give $40 to dance partner on Wednesday

Start return for Chinese suit -not even sure if they will accept return

Send in the dispute for the tolls - need to find address and type something up

List Shamet jersey - take pictures 

Fill out thing for therapist -take picture of insurance card

Cook food at cousins house

 

 

Contemplating what to do with this craving for having an intimate partner. I want it to be someone that I already know but I'm starting to realize that its okay if its someone completely new and I think that may be the correct path for me. I am going to sign up for a tantra speed dating event to jump start dealing with this craving. In the meantime, I will continue to pursue enlightenment and God consciousness by doing kriya yoga on a daily basis.

Edited 13 hours ago by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #191 ~ Mon Aug 10 '26

Exploring the romantic side of life, that is what I am craving, that is what I am missing. It doesn't even matter who it is, it just has to be someone that I like. And it could take a few months, and it doesn't have to be from a pick up strategy, use whatever strategy you want. I am going to start heading into the city and attending speed dating events. It just takes one girl, one connection to get a girlfriend. 

The bottom line though is I don't want these cravings, but none the less I do have them. And I can't just put them on the back burner, so I am going to start burning through that. And again, its not about engaging in pick up and having sex with lots of women. I just want to be romantic with one woman, that is all. I will also start going out to bars and clubs at times in order to pursue this craving. 

Another craving of mine is to get jacked. In order to deal with this, I have started to work out every night after work, Monday through Thursday. This will be like clock work until at least the end of the year. 

I have a crush on my favorite co worker. She won't be here this week and it makes me sad. I miss her already. What is it about her that I miss? I just like her energy and presence. When she's not around, it feels as though, "whats the point?" she motivates me and I am always aware of where she is, when she walks by me or is in the same vicinity, I get excited. I just love her being around me. This is a craving. I have a craving for her. There is another woman at work that I love dearly, but my energy towards her is different, it is appreciative and loving towards her, but it doesn't have the same sort of attachment that I have with the other girl. I'd like to become more aware of this attachment that I have for her. What is really going on there at a metaphysical level, and can I transcend it?

The problem lies within missing something. Why do I miss her when she's not around? Why can't I just love her regardless of if she's here or not? Can I transcend this? It doesn't feel healthy. It doesn't feel good either. Missing someone hurts. And the funny thing is I miss her even when she's at the studio but just not around me. What the fuck is this? What is this emotional pull? And why does it happen to me? 

I finally have time to myself to contemplate these things. This is important to me, not the competing, not all of the dance practices. I need time to contemplate life. Otherwise I just go about things. 

Lets get back to attachment. First of all, what do you feel when you think about this girl that you're attached to? I want to hold her and spin her around and kiss her all over. I want to run into the ocean with her and splash around. I want to gallop in a field with her. I want to have a drink with her. I want to make her pregnant and then take care of her. I want to grow old with her. I want to marry her and say my vows to her. In total, I want to love her for the rest of my life.

Okay, that was an honest answer. This right here is romanticizing another human being. You like her, you have a crush on her. However, you work with this person. So firstly, how would you even take that leap? Also, is she really a good fit for you? Also, you were crushing on a different girl just two weeks ago? What does that say about your attachment to her now? It means it could fade at the drop of a hat. The reality is that you are always crushing on someone. That means that these women aren't special for you in their own right, shes just the one girl that is making you FEEL SOMETHING at this very moment. If you go out to the city tomorrow, you could have an attachment for a completely different girl. 

The reality is that yes you have a crush on this girl, it makes you miss her, you want to be with her right now, but you can drop this attachment with the snap of a finger, believe that. 

Daily goals:

Shower: 21

Groom hair: 21

Brush teeth: 21

Floss: 0

Take medication: 21

Drink protein shake

Make bed: 4

Kriya yoga: 1

No porn: 0

No ejaculation: 0

Eat 150 g of protein: 0

No electronics after 11pm: 1

Brush teeth before bed: 7

Wash face before bed: 7

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 4x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 1

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 3

Clean room: 3

Clean car: 2

 

 

Things to do:

Give w9 to dad

Return shirt - will drop off tomorrow before work

Take $100 out of the bank - then give $40 to dance partner on Wednesday

Start return for Chinese suit -not even sure if they will accept return

Send in the dispute for the tolls - need to find address and type something up

List Shamet jersey - take pictures 

Fill out thing for therapist -take picture of insurance card

Mail letter to Mom

 

Edited 2 hours ago by Spiritual Warrior