New Chapter in My Life: Habits and Disciplines

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #180~ Tue Jul 28 '26

I am so fuckin' stressed out this week. I have a sports camp to run and I have an overnight dance event this weekend and I also have to stay at my moms to take care of her fuckin' cat. This is bullshit. I am so fuckin stressed out and I don't know how to say no to people. As soon as this week is over, I am going to take a good hard look at my schedule and I'm going to start prioritizing what I want, which is mainly career, getting jacked, finances, and getting a girlfriend. 

I don't have time to help all of you people. And I don't have time to compete. And I HATE staying over someones house and housesitting, I absolutely hate it. I have to pack things up. I always forget stuff. And it stressed me the fuck out. God, please help me get through this week. 

Daily goals:

Shower: 8

Groom hair: 8

Brush teeth: 8

Floss: 8

Make bed: 1

Meditate: 2

No porn: 2

No ejaculation: 8

Eat 150 g of protein: 7

No electronics after 11pm: 6

Brush teeth before bed: 2

Wash face before bed: 2

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 1

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 1

Clean room: 1

Clean car: 1

Edited July 28 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #181~ Wed Jul 29 '26

I keep falling into the trap of not working on my dating life and just hoping that I will somehow miraculously get out of the friend zone. What a fuckin joke. I'm done with these girls. Stop selling yourself short. You are the catch, anyone that doesn't want you is simply not the right person for you. Now go out there and do something about it. 

The longer I go without porn and ejaculation, the more in tuned I am with my desire for a girl in my life. Although I go through the frustration of feeling the sting of not having what I want in my life, this is a positive thing. 

Daily goals:

Shower: 9

Groom hair: 9

Brush teeth: 9

Floss: 9

Take medication: 9

Make bed: 2

Meditate: 0

No porn: 3

No ejaculation: 9

Eat 150 g of protein: 8

No electronics after 11pm: 7

Brush teeth before bed: 3

Wash face before bed: 3

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 1

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 1

Clean room: 1

Clean car: 1

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #182 ~ Thu Jul 30 '26

Camp is going really well this week. Remember when I said that I was really stressed out? Im doing fine now, I have hit a nice groove where I again don't need anything from anybody. Sometimes I do get frustrated with myself that I don't have a girlfriend, I'll feel like no one is interested in me romantically and it hurts, but other times I am just so non- needy from anything and anyone, I am able to just be myself and whatever comes of that I'm okay with. That's one of the main things that I've gotten from this job. My authentic self is finally coming out to play. I don't care about playing a certain character or role, I am going to be me. What a cool breakthrough. 

 

Daily goals:

Shower: 10

Groom hair: 10

Brush teeth: 10

Floss: 10

Take medication: 10

Make bed: 3

Meditate: 1

No porn: 4

No ejaculation: 10

Eat 150 g of protein: 0

No electronics after 11pm: 0

Brush teeth before bed: 4

Wash face before bed: 4

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 1

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 1

Clean room: 1

Clean car: 1

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #183 ~ Sat Aug 1 '26

I do this thing with women in which if I enjoy my time with her then I want to hold onto her, I want to grasp her. I don't want to let her go. This is a crush essentially. But I don't want to crush on the women at work anymore. I want a new girl that is outside of this business. 

Good job with your habits. I can see you growing right before my very eyes. I am so excited to see who and what you become in this life. I'm so proud of you. 

 

Daily goals:

Shower: 12

Groom hair: 12

Brush teeth: 12

Floss: 12

Take medication: 12

Make bed: 5

Meditate: 0

No porn: 6

No ejaculation: 12

Eat 150 g of protein: 0

No electronics after 11pm: 2

Brush teeth before bed: 6

Wash face before bed: 6

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 1

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 1

Clean room: 1

Clean car: 1

Edited Saturday at 09:57 AM by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #184 ~ Sun Aug 2 '26

I have had the most emotionally challenging day in a very long time and also one of the most emotionally challenging weeks. I'm at a dance event, just woke up, everything is over now we just have breakfast and I get to go home. I CANNOT WAIT to be alone as I've gotten emotionally triggered time and time again over these past 24 hour. Right now I feel embarrassed and agitated. Maybe I'll journal about what happened later. Anyways, here's my habit tracker from yesterday. Keep your head up man, today try to find some things that you're grateful for. 

 

Daily goals:

Shower: 13

Groom hair: 13

Brush teeth: 13

Floss: 13

Take medication: 13

Make bed: 6

Meditate: 0

No porn: 7

No ejaculation: 13

Eat 150 g of protein: 0

No electronics after 11pm: 3

Brush teeth before bed: 7

Wash face before bed: 7

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 1

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 1

Clean room: 1

Clean car: 1

 

I get triggered a lot at my job. This isn't a bad thing, it is allowing me to tackle the things that I need to tackle. I love making a difference in people's lives, I love the communal aspect of my job, it's as if we are all in this big love bubble, one that is supportive and cares about one another. Of course, within this bubble, I get triggered emotionally. I feel less than, I feel like Im not good enough, I feel unloved, I feel disrespected, I don't know what to do in this situations. But there are so many people here that love me, that's what keeps me going. I want to create incredible solos here ones that have high artistic integrity, I want to make a lot of money doing what I love here. I want to have a healthy romantic relationship separate form this place and maybe even eventually inside of it. And then I would like to transcend this place as I don't think it has the artistic integrity that I'm looking for.

Some of these people that are in a position of power here, yes they are impressive and successful, there's no doubt about that, but to what end and how did you get here? Are you making a real contribution towards humanity or are you just in it for the money? Do you walk your talk or are you a slave to the system? Do you actually care about me or do you use me like a pawn to make yourself more money? Are you being fake in your interactions with people? Do you genuinely want what's best for everyone here? 

Eventually I would like to live a quiet life in the woods where I can contemplate reality and talk to God. I want to understand what enlightenment is. I want to experience what death is. I want to solve the mysteries of the universe. I want to have enough financial freedom so that I have the space to do that. And... I want to dance, I want to compete and create amazing things at my job, ones that fill people up, ones that move them emotionally, and like I tell my students, don't be so hard on yourself, you are growing, you have a clear path ahead towards greatness. This is so easy to say to them, but do you really believe it? And do you embody it yourself? Not really... I am so fuckin hard on myself. I hate myself sometimes, thinking that I'm absolute shit, when in reality I'm comparing myself to people that have been in the business longer than me. But I don't want to feel this way anymore. I hate my former dance partner. She's not nice to me, I don't kike being around her, and I honestly don't enjoy seeing her succeed. I never want to dance with her again. 

 

Edited Sunday at 06:45 PM by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #185 ~ Mon Aug 3 '26

There is something off about Arthur Murray. Right now, when I think about the business, it makes me feel gross. I understand that we are helping people and providing value to them, but there is now this intuitive feeling that what we are doing here is wrong in some way, or just not up to my standards. the intuitive feeling that I am feeling is difficult to communicate, but I would describe it as feeling gross. 

Firstly, I don't respect my boss anymore because he hurt my feelings. I don't think he genuinely cares about the people under him, I'm not even sure what his motive is anymore, but he doesn't care at all, everything that he does is fake, its to put on a show. 

I know now that I don't want to be here forever. This place harbors an idea that if you achieve something, then you will be happy. This whole paradigm is completely false. True hapiness lies within the ability to just sit there with nothing at all and be content and happy with that. 

With that in mind, I'm not totally sure where to go from here because I still have dating goals that make me sick thinking about them too much, and I still have dance goals, which make me frustrated when I think about them too much. And then of course, I have projects with students that I am very passionate about, and lets not forget that I love everybody at the studio very much (With the exception of my boss's boss) who I have no respect for anymore. What a dick.

 

Daily goals:

Shower: 14

Groom hair: 14

Brush teeth: 14

Floss: 0

Take medication: 14

Make bed: 7

Meditate: 0

No porn: 8

No ejaculation: 14

Eat 150 g of protein: 0

No electronics after 11pm: 4

Brush teeth before bed: 0

Wash face before bed: 0

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 1

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 2

Clean room: 1

Clean car: 1

Edited yesterday at 12:21 PM by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #186 ~ Tue Aug 4 '26

Daily goals:

Shower: 15

Groom hair: 15

Brush teeth: 15

Floss: 1

Take medication: 15

Make bed: 8

Meditate: 0

No porn: 9

No ejaculation: 15

Eat 150 g of protein: 0

No electronics after 11pm: 5

Brush teeth before bed: 1

Wash face before bed: 1

 

Weekly goals: 

Workout 3x: 0

Give yourself a haircut: 1

Meal prep 2x a week: 0

Do laundry: 2

Clean room: 2

Clean car: 1