New Chapter in My Life: Habits and Disciplines

[Spiritual Warrior]

Interlude: Leave a voicemail

Ben: Hi, Higher Self, are you God?

Higher self: No of course not, I am just a thought in your head

Ben: Yes, right... of course.. How about the True Self... Is he home?

Higher self: No.... He's not home either...

Ben: Well... Can you check please? Maybe call him. I'm sure he's around. 

Higher self: Nah, he ain't here bro.

Ben: Okay.... Well what do I gotta do to get in touch with him?

Higher self: Leave him a voicemail. 

Ben: Hi True Self, I just want to say hi. I'd like to get in touch with you. So, let me know when you can kick it... Thanks, bye.

 

Gemini: you can't get in touch with with the True Self because you can't get in touch with who you truly are. You aren't your thoughts, you observe them. You aren't your story. You aren't your memories. You aren't your personality. 

 

When you ruthlessly discard everything that you observe, what is left? The entity that desparately wants to kick it with the true self is the only thing standing in the way. The phone call was comign inside the house the whole time. 

Does the mind want to keep trying to solve the riddle, or is it ready to just sit with emptiness of not knowing? 

 

This is the ultimate cosmic joke of nonduality. You are asking to be the one who gets to attend your own funeral and brag about how great the eulogy was. The entity that wants to feel accomplished cannot survive the journey. True awakening isn't the prize at the end of the race; it’s the realization that the runner was a mirage the entire time.

 

the Absolute doesn't care about your resume.

 

What got you into spirituality in the first place?

You feel this emptiness inside of you, a hole that cannot be filled.

Eventually, you stop caring what others think because theres nobody there. Theres truly nobody there. So you might as well just do whatever you want. You are the master of your life. So go out there and do as you please. 

 

 

i was nervous around her. Thats okay though, your only job is to be more conscious. There is not more venting about girls. Do it, but don't get caught up in it. Because its not worth it. Your prize is much greater. But, there will be nobody to get that prize, which is the thing, thats what you'd have to give up. The person that you thought that you were, he will be gone. Thats okay though, I don't really care about him. Hes still going to be doing his thing. I'm gonna miss him, thats for sure. But, its his True nature. Why wouldn't I want to discover whats True? With no bounds. I want to sore into the sky and fly into Outer Space. I want to Feel All That There Is. 

 

I'm afraid of what will happen to me if I go down that path. She terrifies me.. She feels like death. Because if I touch her beautiful heart, there'll be nothing left of me. There will be nothing to hold myself up because there won't be any doubts inside of my mind. 

 

I want Truth. Sweet beatiful Truth. I know you're right here, you just have to wait to boil me up. I'm not ready to orgasm. Take you time with me. I don't know any better. 

 

More. More More. More. It never ends. This "More demand" is what makes us unhappy. 

Edited June 8 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #164 ~ Mon Jun 8 '26

for month of June 2026

Morning routine: 

7:30-8:00 AM:

Wake up at 7:30 am: 1/8

Take medication: 7/8

Shower: 7/8

Floss teeth: 6/8

8:00-8:30 AM

Meditate: 4/8

 

Night time routine: 

11:00 pm

Brush teeth: 6/8

Wash face: 5/8

No electronics: 2/8

 

Whole day goals:

No ejaculation: 5/8

No porn: 3/8

[Spiritual Warrior]

This place isn't what I came here for. I don't want to live a lie anymore. Nothing else matters but truth. But this is your own ego making this a big deal. It wants to feel special. How much should I continue to allow it? And how much should I steer into the flood. And it is flooding. Spilling over with semen. 

I'm horny right now, been horny. This makes me want to fuck. Real bad. This is a good thing. I haven't had sex in months. Of course I just went through a lot. I had heart surgery. People should feel bad for me.. this is how my ego thinks. He is in shambles at times. He is in shambles right now. Or just lower in the ego developmental ladder. But remember, this is just a sign of development. This is NOT THE REAL THING. THIS IS NOT TRUTH. 

What am I even doing here? 

[Spiritual Warrior]

Hold onto me. Cuz I'm a little unsteady.... A little unsteady. 

My name's Ben and I'm a little unsteady. But this is a persona I'm putting on. It's a mood that I'm attached to right now. My mood shifts day by day, moment by moment. Any mood that you succumb to now will vanish in an instant. There's nothing real about your self image or your mood or how you feel about yourself, it's all fleeting, it will all vanish and it will all pass. So let go. Let go so that you can be with God. Die. Fuckin die. There's nothing wrong with that. Pass your life on so that another can live. 

The irony here is that we are all fighting to survive when in reality, none of it really matters. Sure, if I die people will be sad, but guess what, I will have finally merged with the Oneness that is within us all. Dieing is the ultimate letting go, it is the ultimate transcendence, it is the ultimate sacrifice. But my ego is well aware of what I am trying to do here and it is fighting tooth and nail to make sure that I don't find out the Truth. That is what makes this work so hard, I have an enemy inside of my own head that is fighting me at every turn. 

What is it that I'm holding onto? What is it that I want out of this dream state? What is it that's keeping me here? I could fly away out into the unknown but my wings are failing me. 

The truth is I like things here, I like the way things look, I enjoy feeling a certain way. I enjoy the presence of the feminine. I also have a craving to create. So I'm not done here. It's just difficult to work on anything when you know it's not real. It's a fuckin' dream... But does that mean I shouldn't live in the dream.

The funny thing is, there's really no way out of the dream. You will continue dreaming, you're just aware now that you are dreaming, which makes it feel pointless, as if nothing really matters. And of course, nothing does matter.... But the feeling of an orgasm is still pleasurable. That burning feeling when you work out... You still feel that, that is a sensation coursing through your body that feels good. The fulfillment of winning a dance competition after all of that hard work, that is a real feeling. 

Just because you're dreaming doesn't mean that it's not real. It's real in a dream sense. So just enjoy it. Set your life up to enjoy the dream as much as possible. And for the love of God stop parroting how other people live. Live how YOU would like to live. 

Edited 1 hour ago by Spiritual Warrior