New Chapter in My Life: Habits and Disciplines

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #76

This morning, I have dance practice. As you can see, I have been contemplating the nature of attachment and my dance partner is the perfect person to use for contemplation. I am very attached to her and I know that the partnership is going to end in a few months. Therefore, I will see her a lot less which means that the attachment is being pulled out of its socket, it feels kind of like a break up. 

The other thing that probably gives me more of an emotional pull is I feel very rejected by her not wanting to dance with me anymore. I feel like "I'm not good enough," and overall I just feel "unloved." Feeling unloved is probably the worst feeling a human being can experience. Truth be told, this girl actually drives me crazy, always has. There is just something about the energy connection between us that just sends my emotional state on a fuckin' whirlwind. 

My job today is to become conscious of the attachment that I have towards her. Be very aware of it. Is it a healthy attachment or an unhealthy one? Do I genuinely love and care about her growth or do I only care about her because she is giving me something. And if the ladder is true, what exactly is she giving me? 

After this, I have a phone call with a pick up coach. He messaged me on Instagram and we started talking. I think I really want to take coaching with him because I REALLY want to deal with this women issue and I don't think there is going to be a better time than the present. I am primed and ready to go. 

This will also benefit my relationship with my dance partners because I think that the attachment and neediness that I am talking about stems from the lack of love that I am receiving from my dating life, I mean I haven't gone out on a date with a girl in over a month, haven't kissed someone in at least 2 months, etc.... so if I can go at this with an abundance then my neediness will be gone and then my relationship with my dance partners can be that of "how can I help you" instead of "how can you help me?" That would be a big shift. 

I've been much more loving with myself in terms of these habits as yes I am going through some healing of traumas and also there are A LOT of habits that I am trying to stick to all at once. In reality, these habits will stick in layers. I will get a few of them down for 30 then 60 days, etc... and then another few will come... These things take development over time. However, I would like to invigorate some tenacity into my life. This is missing I feel and I am going to start going at life with a ferociousness because.... Well I just want to and it will lead me to my goals quicker. Here is a reel that hypes me up:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTRAR4kDVKG/?igsh=MWI4a2gyNTBtNnZhcg==

 

1.16.26

Morning routine goals:

Wake up at 7:30am: 0

Make bed: 6

Journal: 77

Brush teeth streak: 79

Floss streak: 0

Shower streak: 50

Meditation streak: 0

 

 

Affirmations / Visualizations streak:

Hitting on women visualization: 0

"I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 0

"I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 6

"I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 6

Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 6

 

Night time routine goals:

Brush teeth streak: 2

Wash face streak: 2

No electronics before bed streak: 0

 

"Whole day" goals:

No porn streak: 6

No ejaculation streak: 6

Eat 150 g of protein streak: 5

No alcohol streak: 78

No smoking weed streak: 33

 

Weight lifting streak: (Still working on this, but I would like to work out today. The goal is 4 days a week, it doesn't really matter what you do for now, just get your ass to the gym or do push ups and pull ups.) 

Monday:

Tuesday:

Wednesday: Worked out

Thursday:

Friday: worked out

Saturday:

Sunday: 

 

Spending for January so far: $752

 

Income for January so far: 

$52 Ebay

$465 Dance studio

$511 Dance studio

$1,027 Total

 

Current debt left: 

For Mom: $320

For dad: $640

For debt relief: $550

Edited Saturday at 03:13 PM by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #77

I was at my best friends birthday party yesterday, it was a lot of fun. We just messed around acting like hooligans all day. I remember getting into a nice "flow state" while playing beer pong, this was done in a deliberate fashion too, which is very fun. This is something that dawned on me about parties. We are all trying to enter that delicious and succulent "flow state." We don't want constant stimulation, deep down we just want flow, we want to release ourselves from the mental prison inside of our heads.

My ex girlfriend was there and she was snuggled up against her boyfriend the whole night. I'm not sure why she has to do this in front me, but at the same time I like to treat these sorts of situations like "emotional regulation tests" because things like this will always occur and will probably become more and more challenging, so curve directly into it instead of avoiding and you will become well versed in "emotional mastery." 

I also had a dance practice in the morning in which we are trying to add emotion to the performance. This is very new to me and is something that is awesome for my growth, there is touching and snuggling up with each other throughout the dance. I am very comfortable with my dance partner at this point so she is the perfect person to try this stuff on with. I am also starting to release the attachment that I have towards her, which is a very positive thing. Let go. I cannot wait until I can share these "emotional things" with my students, this will catapult their growth and make them FEEL amazing. 

The most important thing in ballroom dancing is to make the woman FEEEEEEEEL. You make them FEEL something and they are hooked. This is what I am going to do with that new student that wants to "dip her toes" in. Firstly you cannot "dip your toes" into ballroom dancing, no you have to just jump in. If you dip your toes, you will not see the progress and you will fall off. 

I made a video journal on my way over there and it was very constructive, I summarized everything that I've been going through recently in the video, it was eye opening and a good test in public speaking. I posted it on YouTube as "unlisted" and put it in here, as this is not something I want public, its way too personal, but the people on here are welcome to watch it to understand what I am going through. 

 

Morning routine goals:

• Wake up at 7:30am: 0
• Make bed: 7
• Journal: 78
• Brush teeth streak: 80
• Floss streak: 0
• Shower streak: 51
• Meditation streak: 0

 

Affirmations / Visualizations streak:

• Hitting on women visualization: 0
• "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 0
• "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 7
• "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 7
• Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 7

 

Night time routine goals:

• Brush teeth streak: 0
• Wash face streak: 0
• No electronics before bed streak: 0

 

"Whole day" goals:

• No porn streak: 7
• No ejaculation streak: 7
• Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0
• No alcohol streak: 79
• No smoking weed streak: 34

 

Weight lifting streak: (Still working on this, but I would like to work out today. The goal is 4 days a week, it doesn't really matter what you do for now, just get your ass to the gym or do push ups and pull ups.) 

Monday:

Tuesday:

Wednesday: Worked out

Thursday:

Friday: worked out

Saturday:

Sunday: 

 

Currently in bank account: $467

Spending for January so far: $1057

 

Income for January so far: 

$52 Ebay

$465 Dance studio

$511 Dance studio

$1,027 Total

 

Current debt left: 

For Mom: $320

For dad: $640

For debt relief: $550

Edited Sunday at 04:57 PM by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #78

Morning Routine:

• Wake up at 7:30am: 0
• Make bed: 8
• Journal: 79
• Brush teeth streak: 81
• Floss streak: 0
• Shower streak: 52
• Meditation streak: 0

 

Affirmations / Visualizations streak:

• Hitting on women visualization: 0
• "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 0
• "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 8
• "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 8
• Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 8

 

Night time routine goals:

• Brush teeth streak: 1
• Wash face streak: 1
• No electronics before bed streak: 0

 

"Whole day" goals:

• No porn streak: 8
• No ejaculation streak: 8
• Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0
• No alcohol streak: 80
• No smoking weed streak: 35

Edited Monday at 02:47 PM by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #79

 

Morning Routine:

• Wake up at 7:30am: 0
• Make bed: 0
• Journal: 80
• Brush teeth streak: 82
• Floss streak: 0
• Shower streak: 53
• Meditation streak: 0

 

Affirmations / Visualizations streak:

• Hitting on women visualization: 0
• "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 0
• "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 9
• "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 9
• Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 9

 

Night time routine goals:

• Brush teeth streak: 2
• Wash face streak: 2
• No electronics before bed streak: 1 (With all of the relapses on this habit, I have seen the reason for why I want to do this because otherwise I will literally scroll on my phone in bed for HOURS... so stay disciplined)

 

"Whole day" goals:

• No porn streak: 9
• No ejaculation streak: 9
• Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0
• No alcohol streak: 81
• No smoking weed streak: 36

 

Things to do:

• Pack things for dance event this weekend: Friday: Dance camps ( just wear work clothes), 6 solos (christmas, Bolero, Walt, Bachata, NC 2 step, Hustle formation), 
  • things I need:
    • Work pants
    • Work shirt
    • Tie
    • Black vest
    • Dance shoes
    • Black socks (3 pairs)
    • Underwear (3 pairs)
    • Black button up
    • Blue jeans
    • Silver chain
    • Rhythm shirt #1
    • Rhythm shirt #2
    • Smooth shirt
    • Rhythm shoes
    • Tanning stuff
    • Phone charger 
• Tell boss about dates that I need to be out (February 12th for catherization test, March 27th for Future Champs comp, and April 28th going in for heart surgery) 
• Call car insurance for rates and ask them if windshield repairs are covered
  • Liberty
  • Geico
  • State Farm
  • All State
  • The General
  • USAA
  • Nationwide
  • Travelers
• Get blood work scheduled 
• Print out resume and apply at coffee shops
• Go to bank and get more information about a loan

 

Edited yesterday at 04:00 AM by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #80

Morning Routine:

• Wake up at 7:30am: 1
• Make bed: 1
• Journal: 81
• Brush teeth streak: 83
• Floss streak: 1
• Shower streak: 54
• Meditation streak: 1

 

Affirmations / Visualizations streak:

• Hitting on women visualization: 1
• "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 1
• "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 10
• "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 10
• Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 10

 

Night time routine goals:

• Brush teeth streak: 3
• Wash face streak: 3
• No electronics before bed streak: 2

 

"Whole day" goals:

• No porn streak: 10
• No ejaculation streak: 10
• Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0
• No alcohol streak: 82
• No smoking weed streak: 37

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #81

This is is an entertaining video journal; here I contemplate how frustrating it is feeling like you're so far away from your goals and what I have been doing with my life over the past 10 years. 

I have noticed a few things recently, so the first one is that I have had a breakthrough in my dancing. I now take every dance with a lady as an opportunity to give the woman an experience like no other; I express to her how beautiful I think she is, how sexy I think she is.. through the dance and the cool thing about is that its just a dance, so there are no rules, you can go as far as you want with them. And this is what they want, these women want to lose themselves in the dancing, they want to FEEL something that they've never felt before. They want to feel that love, that intimacy that they have been craving for for so many years. You think people stick around and pay thousands of dollars to learn patterns in a dance... FUCK NOOOOO ... They want to feel their feminine essence in a way that they've never experienced before. And this is what I provide to every woman that I dance with. I am going to continue to push the envelope more and more in this regard. 

The second thing I've realized is that I am truly terrified of escalating things with women. I have a lack of experience, I have a fear of intimacy, and I overall just have no idea what I'm doing. Now this should not stop me from trying. And I will start trying. Starting next weekend (I have a dance event all of this weekend), I will go back to Boston and see what I can do. I am not so much scared of talking to these girls, I've felt progress in that regard, I am just scared of escalating things in a non-creepy way. 

I have also decided that I definitely need a second job. I am going to print a resume out and head to coffee shops and see if any of them are hiring. I know I can get a job if I try hard enough. I will tell them that I can work any morning except Wednesday so that I can keep my dance trainings which start at 10 am and of course I go into work at 1 oclock on Mondays and Fridays. This should give me that cushion that I need to start saving (in case I need another car), paying back my parents, and start saving so that I can pay for that "dating" workshop. 

One of the cool things about journaling is I am starting to look at my current situation under a fuckin' microscope. I'm really starting to understand and be honest about exactly where I am in life, which is exactly what you need to do if you are going to actualize big goals. Understand and be honest about where you are currently at and understand and be honest about where you want to go. This creates structural tension that will propell you towards the life of your dreams. Read more of The Path of Least Resistance for more insights regarding this. 

 

Morning Routine:

• Wake up at 7:30am: 2
• Make bed: 2
• Journal: 82
• Brush teeth streak: 84
• Floss streak: 2
• Shower streak: 55
• Meditation streak: 2

 

Affirmations / Visualizations streak:

• Hitting on women visualization: 2
• "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 2
• "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 11
• "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 11
• Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 11

 

Night time routine goals:

• Brush teeth streak: 4
• Wash face streak: 4
• No electronics before bed streak: 3

 

"Whole day" goals:

• No porn streak: 11 ( I am going to go until at least March 27th without porn and ejaculating - this is when I am competing in New Orelans.) 
• No ejaculation streak: 11
• Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0
• No alcohol streak: 83
• No smoking weed streak: 38

[Spiritual Warrior]

Interlude: Dance Partnership Ending ~ 1.22.26

My dance partner told me that she doesn't want to be competitive partners when I age out of the category in August. We already have plans to compete together in March in New Orleans so we have to do that. After that, I won't be able to compete at the one in June because of the heart surgery and after that, there is one in Chicago and a local one, both in August. Although I could technically dance with this partner for those I would like to compete with someone else instead. The reason is because this is not a long term partnership anymore. Therefore, I would much rather develop some chemistry with someone else that I can use to catapult us into the next category, which is much more competitive. If I get this rolling now, I can start working on our routines now in preparation for August. I'm actually looking forward to this. The other positive to this is that this current dance partner has gifted me with an emotional roller coaster of an experience dancing with her. She's completely unhinged, highs are super high and lows are super low, which is honestly exactly how I am, which makes us not a well balanced match for each other. This other girl that I am going to be dancing with is very grounded, which is probably exactly what I need. Im thinking that we probably compliment and balance each other well. Im actually really excited to no longer be on this emotional roller coaster and to have some stability in my dance partnership. 

I am going to tell her about this as soon as I can so that we are all on the same page. 

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #82

I have a big dance event this weekend, listed below are some things that I have to pack for it. 

Things to pack: 

• Work pants - need to wash 
• Black jacket - in car
• Work shirt for Friday - need to wash
• Work shirt for Saturday - need to wash
• Polo shirt
• Black tie - going to wear 
• Green sparkle tie - at the studio
• Black vest -need to wash
• Smooth Dance shoes 
• Rhythm dance shoes
• Black socks (3 pairs)
• Underwear (3 pairs)
• Black button up - need to wash
• Blue jeans
• Silver chain - can't find
• Rhythm shirt #1
• Rhythm shirt #2
• Smooth shirt
• Tanning stuff - have just need to pack
• Phone charger - All I have is mac charger, I guess that will have to do
• Hustle formation shirt - have just need to pack
• Hustle staff formation shirt - have just need to pack
• Wig and sunglasses for staff formation - have just need to pack
• Cuff links
• Cowboy hat

Things that I need to wash: 

• Black vest
• Black button up
• Dress pants
• Black shirt
• Purple shirt

 

Morning Routine:

• Wake up at 7:30am: 0
• Make bed: 3
• Journal: 83
• Brush teeth streak: 85
• Floss streak: 3
• Shower streak: 56
• Meditation streak: 0

 

Affirmations / Visualizations streak:

• Hitting on women visualization: 0
• "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 0
• "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 12
• "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 12
• Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 12

 

Night time routine goals:

• Brush teeth streak: 5
• Wash face streak: 5
• No electronics before bed streak: 4

 

"Whole day" goals:

• No porn streak: 12
• No ejaculation streak: 12
• Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0
• No alcohol streak: 84
• No smoking weed streak: 39

 

Edited 3 minutes ago by Spiritual Warrior