New Chapter in My Life: Habits and Disciplines

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #76

This morning, I have dance practice. As you can see, I have been contemplating the nature of attachment and my dance partner is the perfect person to use for contemplation. I am very attached to her and I know that the partnership is going to end in a few months. Therefore, I will see her a lot less which means that the attachment is being pulled out of its socket, it feels kind of like a break up. 

The other thing that probably gives me more of an emotional pull is I feel very rejected by her not wanting to dance with me anymore. I feel like "I'm not good enough," and overall I just feel "unloved." Feeling unloved is probably the worst feeling a human being can experience. Truth be told, this girl actually drives me crazy, always has. There is just something about the energy connection between us that just sends my emotional state on a fuckin' whirlwind. 

My job today is to become conscious of the attachment that I have towards her. Be very aware of it. Is it a healthy attachment or an unhealthy one? Do I genuinely love and care about her growth or do I only care about her because she is giving me something. And if the ladder is true, what exactly is she giving me? 

After this, I have a phone call with a pick up coach. He messaged me on Instagram and we started talking. I think I really want to take coaching with him because I REALLY want to deal with this women issue and I don't think there is going to be a better time than the present. I am primed and ready to go. 

This will also benefit my relationship with my dance partners because I think that the attachment and neediness that I am talking about stems from the lack of love that I am receiving from my dating life, I mean I haven't gone out on a date with a girl in over a month, haven't kissed someone in at least 2 months, etc.... so if I can go at this with an abundance then my neediness will be gone and then my relationship with my dance partners can be that of "how can I help you" instead of "how can you help me?" That would be a big shift. 

I've been much more loving with myself in terms of these habits as yes I am going through some healing of traumas and also there are A LOT of habits that I am trying to stick to all at once. In reality, these habits will stick in layers. I will get a few of them down for 30 then 60 days, etc... and then another few will come... These things take development over time. However, I would like to invigorate some tenacity into my life. This is missing I feel and I am going to start going at life with a ferociousness because.... Well I just want to and it will lead me to my goals quicker. Here is a reel that hypes me up:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTRAR4kDVKG/?igsh=MWI4a2gyNTBtNnZhcg==

 

1.16.26

Morning routine goals:

Wake up at 7:30am: 0

Make bed: 6

Journal: 77

Brush teeth streak: 79

Floss streak: 0

Shower streak: 50

Meditation streak: 0

 

 

Affirmations / Visualizations streak:

Hitting on women visualization: 0

"I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 0

"I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 6

"I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 6

Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 6

 

Night time routine goals:

Brush teeth streak: 2

Wash face streak: 2

No electronics before bed streak: 0

 

"Whole day" goals:

No porn streak: 6

No ejaculation streak: 6

Eat 150 g of protein streak: 5

No alcohol streak: 78

No smoking weed streak: 33

 

Weight lifting streak: (Still working on this, but I would like to work out today. The goal is 4 days a week, it doesn't really matter what you do for now, just get your ass to the gym or do push ups and pull ups.) 

Monday:

Tuesday:

Wednesday: Worked out

Thursday:

Friday: worked out

Saturday:

Sunday: 

 

Spending for January so far: $752

 

Income for January so far: 

$52 Ebay

$465 Dance studio

$511 Dance studio

$1,027 Total

 

Current debt left: 

For Mom: $320

For dad: $640

For debt relief: $550

Edited Saturday at 03:13 PM by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #77

I was at my best friends birthday party yesterday, it was a lot of fun. We just messed around acting like hooligans all day. I remember getting into a nice "flow state" while playing beer pong, this was done in a deliberate fashion too, which is very fun. This is something that dawned on me about parties. We are all trying to enter that delicious and succulent "flow state." We don't want constant stimulation, deep down we just want flow, we want to release ourselves from the mental prison inside of our heads.

My ex girlfriend was there and she was snuggled up against her boyfriend the whole night. I'm not sure why she has to do this in front me, but at the same time I like to treat these sorts of situations like "emotional regulation tests" because things like this will always occur and will probably become more and more challenging, so curve directly into it instead of avoiding and you will become well versed in "emotional mastery." 

I also had a dance practice in the morning in which we are trying to add emotion to the performance. This is very new to me and is something that is awesome for my growth, there is touching and snuggling up with each other throughout the dance. I am very comfortable with my dance partner at this point so she is the perfect person to try this stuff on with. I am also starting to release the attachment that I have towards her, which is a very positive thing. Let go. I cannot wait until I can share these "emotional things" with my students, this will catapult their growth and make them FEEL amazing. 

The most important thing in ballroom dancing is to make the woman FEEEEEEEEL. You make them FEEL something and they are hooked. This is what I am going to do with that new student that wants to "dip her toes" in. Firstly you cannot "dip your toes" into ballroom dancing, no you have to just jump in. If you dip your toes, you will not see the progress and you will fall off. 

I made a video journal on my way over there and it was very constructive, I summarized everything that I've been going through recently in the video, it was eye opening and a good test in public speaking. I posted it on YouTube as "unlisted" and put it in here, as this is not something I want public, its way too personal, but the people on here are welcome to watch it to understand what I am going through. 

 

Morning routine goals:

• Wake up at 7:30am: 0
• Make bed: 7
• Journal: 78
• Brush teeth streak: 80
• Floss streak: 0
• Shower streak: 51
• Meditation streak: 0

 

Affirmations / Visualizations streak:

• Hitting on women visualization: 0
• "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 0
• "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 7
• "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 7
• Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 7

 

Night time routine goals:

• Brush teeth streak: 0
• Wash face streak: 0
• No electronics before bed streak: 0

 

"Whole day" goals:

• No porn streak: 7
• No ejaculation streak: 7
• Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0
• No alcohol streak: 79
• No smoking weed streak: 34

 

Weight lifting streak: (Still working on this, but I would like to work out today. The goal is 4 days a week, it doesn't really matter what you do for now, just get your ass to the gym or do push ups and pull ups.) 

Monday:

Tuesday:

Wednesday: Worked out

Thursday:

Friday: worked out

Saturday:

Sunday: 

 

Currently in bank account: $467

Spending for January so far: $1057

 

Income for January so far: 

$52 Ebay

$465 Dance studio

$511 Dance studio

$1,027 Total

 

Current debt left: 

For Mom: $320

For dad: $640

For debt relief: $550

Edited yesterday at 04:57 PM by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #78

Morning Routine:

• Wake up at 7:30am: 0
• Make bed: 8
• Journal: 79
• Brush teeth streak: 81
• Floss streak: 0
• Shower streak: 52
• Meditation streak: 0

 

Affirmations / Visualizations streak:

• Hitting on women visualization: 0
• "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 0
• "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 8
• "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 8
• Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 8

 

Night time routine goals:

• Brush teeth streak: 1
• Wash face streak: 1
• No electronics before bed streak: 0

 

"Whole day" goals:

• No porn streak: 8
• No ejaculation streak: 8
• Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0
• No alcohol streak: 80
• No smoking weed streak: 35

Edited 4 hours ago by Spiritual Warrior