The Perfect Murder: Suicide by Proxy

[trenton]

I am dealing with a terrifying situation. I have a narcissistic family with members who are aware of my severe depression, PTSD, and trauma who are actively weaponizing my deepest psychological wounds against me. They are aware of my risk of suicide, yet they have already pushed me to acting on these suicide plans despite pretending to care on the surface while keeping the abuse hidden from others so they will gaslight me about the situation. It may be the case that my sister wants me dead and her abusive tactics could be a manifestation of homicidal intent. 

The reason suicide by proxy is the perfect murder is because it is nearly impossible to prove that the psychological and emotional abuse targeted at a vulnerable person is attempted murder. There are many layers of plausible deniability. All the perpetrators have to do is pretend to be caring on the surface and then use various covert methods of undermining the victim's sanity while framing their mental health as the problem. In fact suicide by proxy is on the rise and it has overtaken direct murders in intimate partner violence. Furthermore there are Nazis who are increasingly using these tactics of suicide by proxy in order to cover their murders and they are getting away with it. Presently there are almost no legal protections against this method of murder.

Presently the suicide statistics are wrong because many of those were likely murders and involved abusive relationships which led to the suicide. There seems to be almost no way to figure out how many of those suicides are actually murders. In my case the psychological and emotional abuse I experienced has resulted in symptoms of PTSD such as nightmares, severe anxiety, inability to stop ruminating, insomnia, and so forth. I am especially vulnerable to this because as an individual with autism I am about 10 times more sensitive to this kind of abuse and it is much more likely to lead to PTSD in autistic individuals. In my case my survival instincts prevented me from carrying out my plans and I ultimately survived.

In the case of my family they use all the classical tactics of narcissists. They use DARVO, minimization, victim blaming, weaponized morality, and even weaponized trauma all while avoiding accountability whenever possible. This type of abuse is designed to make the victim seem crazy which is why therapists who are not trained in abusive relationships often blame the victim and pathologize the trauma responses. Like my family, I also had therapists who would push religious frameworks on me such as Jesus and forgiveness which simply do not apply to this situation. This kind of response served to cause me religious trauma on top of the previous trauma. It is obvious that my family and many therapists have no interest in understanding my world view or my sense of morality as they simply project motives onto me that don't exist and then try to put me in these narrow categories of faith or reason.

It is obvious to me that my sister and my mother match the description of vulnerable narcissists. My sister in particular shows obvious signs of enjoying the suffering she causes others including me when she weaponizes PTSD against me. This is common in narcissistic individuals and in the case of vulnerable narcissists, the personality disorder often stems from abandonment trauma such as my father fleeing the state to avoid paying child support. My sister was old enough to remember this, which likely instilled her with deep anger and a sense of betrayal. Once my father started showing surface level sexist favoritism toward me which was actually part of a psychopathic scheme of his, my sisters turned against me even more. I became a symbol of my sisters' unworthiness and thus became an even bigger target to them. In narcissistic individuals this could be a source of homicidal intent, but once again it is nearly impossible to prove because of how deceptive and manipulative such people are.

Unfortunately, explaining these dynamics to my family is impossible. It is like trying to tell the family that there is a child molester among them. They will rush to the defense of the abuser and blame the victims. Families typically refuse to believe that someone they love is deeply cruel and deceptive. The same happens in cases of covert psychological abuse and suicide by proxy. In such cases, the victim would be blamed and gaslit by the entire family. The family members in my case are either participating in the abuse and denying that it even is abuse or they are ignorantly applying religious frameworks to me as if my behavior is a moral failure due to not forgiving people who may want me to commit suicide.

There needs to be more advocacy for the victims of suicide by proxy in these abusive relationships. We can't let evil win by exploiting these legal weaknesses, and our refusal to commit suicide is an act of resistance against these people. Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths think they are clever in their ability to manipulate people and systems to their bidding, and we must not reward this behavior by killing ourselves as they likely want this in many cases. If you are a victim of an abusive relationship, then you must not let these people break you. You must do whatever you can to understand yourself, your trauma, and their abusive tactics clearly so that you can protect yourself from harm. I understand that it is far easier said than done as I myself was driven to suicide attempts and the mental health system failed me when I reached out for help. We ultimately need a better system to protect trauma survivors, but until then we must find other ways to support each other.

I understand their antics clearly. Now that I do, their guilt tripping and manipulative tactics no longer work on me. I will not engage in their shit and I will not let them twist my words to turn me into the perpetrator. I urge any victims reading this to do whatever you can to protect yourself even if it is from somebody you love. Don't let your love for them blind you to the abuse as sometimes they are counting on that and they will mix surface level love and compassion with hidden abuse to confuse you. You were always worthy of authentic love, but unfortunately such people may not be able to provide it to you.

[Hojo]

If you are autistic the best thing you can do is ignore everyone and their feelings. You are too sensitive(meaning there is less a 'you'than average people) to distinguish  where these emotions are coming from. And if you try to hold them and intellectually decipher them, there is just madness. Its important for an autistic person to ground themselves in nothing, so they can smell the bullshit ( which is anything from base line emotion) before it comes at them. Because they are too intelligent for human conversations.

If an autistic person tries to engage with petty drama they will go insane because there's no intellectual honesty there to logically rationalize anything. Just laugh and move along. Stop talking to them if you can.

Autistic people do not judge other people so they always blame themselves. They have like baby brain self reflection. Like mommy and daddy are getting divorced because of me but in every scenario and conversation. You end up carrying a metric shit tonne of baggage.

Its good you discovered their antics before going insane. Now realize every single person is doing it to you too. Dont get angry about it just stop playing the games. They cant play games with you if you dont play.

If you are autistic you need to create an imaginative reality inside your head so you can play in it all day. Autist have very good imaginations but end up turning it against themselves when we are put into situations like this and stop using it. 

Keep the imaginative reality PG

 

Edited August 9 by Hojo