Reconciling with old self - life changing accident

[Chadders]

In the last couple of years I have experienced massive personal growth. I have gone from someone very content within my own company, working on my business and playing video games to now being a highly extroverted person. I actually did a personality test and I’ve gone from and INFJ to an ENFJ

As part of my transition I sold my TV and gaming PC. I socialise so much more than I used to - it’s actually nearly all the time. I’m relentlessly active. I go boxing, swim, cycle regularly and enjoy park runs. I love the outdoors and being active. My diet is second to none. I am so much better with women now and much more confident being able to turn women on and also know what my needs are and what works for me - I’m not here to perform it’s a two way street. I met someone recently and we’re really hitting it off which is nice. 
 

But something happened two weeks ago. Going down a hill at speed I hit one of the tram tracks and came flying off my bike. I have a broken leg and wrist. I was taken into hospital and was there nearly two weeks - a week waiting for an operation! Now I’m back home. My Dad is having to look after me because I can’t manage well as I can’t put any pressure on my leg for 6 weeks. 
 

This is perhaps the hardest personal challenge I’ve had to deal with and it’s bringing face to face with my old ways because what the fuck else can I do. I wish I had my gaming PC but there’s this guilt around going back to that. I recognise that I have created a shadow out of my old self - the introvert happy playing video games and working. I am no longer that person

Not really sure what I’m trying to say here but if anyone has had any similar experience it would be great to hear. Tbh even being on this forum feels like I’m reverting back - I haven’t been active on much at all until recently 

Additional context I had a very profound psychedelic trip (I credit psychedelics with how I have radically changed) over a month ago. It was like a warriors initiation. Not going into it but after this I just got a sense that I want to settle now. To stop taking the hard road and just be. I have been relentless over the last couple of years really pushing myself. I’m starting to feel like this accident is a way the universe has forced the breaks on me

Edited Thursday at 01:16 PM by Chadders

[Joshe]

Spend your time planning how you’re not going to backslide. Remember all the coal you’ve shoveled and rebuild the vision for what your life would be like for each path. And contemplate what you’re going to do the next big life upset.