judy's gratitude journal

[Judy2]

[ low energy and motivation today. hopelessness, fear.]

 

• i talked to my dad and told him i could use his support to help me re-direct with my thesis
• i booked a coaching session for tomorrow and hope that it will offer some insights as to how i can improve the things i am currently struggling with

 

... still feeling really low, lost, it seems futile to even try to pick myself up again. idk, maybe i just need a break. not sure.

[Judy2]

• pushed myself to go outside because it is supposed to help with my mood
• saw two purple butterflies
• the sun is shining
• the sky is nice and blue, with some white clouds
• there are some green trees, they look nice in the sun
• walking feels good 
• i am being nice to myself and taking care of myself. it's new that i am able to do this. this is progress, i'm not stuck.
• the soft breeze feels nice on my skin

[Judy2]

• pushed myself to go outside because it is supposed to help with my mood
• saw two purple butterflies
• the sun is shining
• the sky is nice and blue, with some white clouds
• there are some green trees, they look nice in the sun
• walking feels good 
• i am being nice to myself and taking care of myself. it's new that i am able to do this. this is progress, i'm not stuck.
• the soft breeze feels nice on my skin

[Judy2]

• i slept well and had a lot of dreams
• dad was being supportive when i spoke with him on the phone yesterday
• i really like the new soap i got for my bathroom. every time i use it, i'm surprised at how good it smells.
• i'm trying to have a fresh start with the thesis today. 

[Judy2]

[emotion: some fear, worry. some hopefulness]

• i slept well (because of my sleep meds)
• i dreamed of a small dog that was extremely cute. every time i need to be comforted, i dream of miniature pets, and it totally works. 
• i have been pushing through and working on my thesis this morning. feeling a bit calmer and more confident that this can work out, after all. 
• people on the forum are there to support me
• last night i spoke with a friend who supported me and discussed with me how to best progress with my thesis
• dad is trying to be supportive, and i appreciate that
• maybe dad can help a little bit with my thesis, too 
• i am doing something new by acknowledging my emotions and taking them seriously 
• i am going home again and look forward to it 
• i like my earrings 
• i am hoping to feel more relaxed in the days to come 

[Judy2]

• made it back to my lovely hometown and now i'm suddenly feeling really good. i don't understand my mood swings - when i was switching trains i was about to have a major meltdown and now i'm almost happy and joyful.

[Judy2]

>>> i am very much capable of feeling joyful, happy, relaxed, at ease!

i keep forgetting, but it is possible for me to feel good in life, and to be alive, and to simply live and be content in the present moment.

[Judy2]

• i like it here
• i like my hometown♡
• i like that i finally managed to allow myself to come back this year. that i allowed myself to be the woman capable of coming back here. (although it's not easy...)

 

• love my room♡ it's very tidy and girly and beautiful.

Edited Thursday at 01:39 PM by Judy2

[Judy2]

[i am anxious, i am not sure how, but]

i am hoping that food struggles will subside in this environment. please.

i'll try my very best to stabilise.

[Judy2]

[feeling triggered. bad body image. struggling with that changed face i see when i look in the mirror...and it's scary how that face can change while me and my thoughts stay the same...when i think of that face as being capable of reflecting who "i" am, and capable of showing that to the outside world...but then it doesn't quite match up...very complicated topic....]

• i went cycling in the fields surrounding the village:)
• i liked the wind in my hair and on my skin
• i liked the sensation of cycling/riding the bike
• i liked the blue sky, the sun, the green fields and trees
• there was also a little stream and i liked the sound it made

[Judy2]

10 gratitudes today:

• slept through without meds
• eating went well
• i made some progress with my thesis
• i went to the gym 
• taking a hot shower at the gym after my workout
• in some moments i had tolerable perspectives on my body and face
• i successfully re-activated my card for the university library here and had no trouble finding the book that i needed
• dad supported me and took a lot of time to discuss my thesis with me
• dad and i got along well...no major conflicts and some moments of positive connection and interaction 
• dad and i watched a documentary about mathematical patterns in nature and there was this really cool thing called Conway's Game of Life. i'd never heard of it before but found it quite fascinating.
• i like the denim blouse that i wore today....made it to 11:)

Edited Friday at 08:51 PM by Judy2

[Judy2]

• i have a comfortable bed to sleep in
• i am feeling better now than i felt earlier this week - thank God!
• i am considering that my face may look alright after all. sometimes i look in the mirror and think it looks okay/pretty.
• hopefulness: my face will keep looking alright/pretty!
• hopefulness: i'll manage to write this thesis and write it well; i'm already making lots of progress with it.
• i have access to supplements that support my health
• today i am going to meet my childhood best friend again - hoping to have a good time
• i'd like to buy myself a pretty box for meal prep

Edited Saturday at 05:28 AM by Judy2

[Judy2]

• drove our car today
• had a nice chat with my friend
• went across the street to feed her parents' cat twice
• made some progress with my thesis (i hope)

[Judy2]

[went for a hike with dad and felt stressed for 99% of it.]

• sleep + my bed felt really good, safe, and cosy
• weighed myself today and yesterday and the numbers i see are good/reassuring
• no bloating today, more or less flat tummy
• i like my bum and my arms are okay, slightly toned
• saw some beautiful flowers in nature
• saw some tadpoles and watched them for a bit
• i tried to communicate my stress in a functional manner
• dad acknowledged that i felt stressed and i can tell that he tries to help me feel more comfortable
• hiked for 5 hours so even though i felt stressed throughout, at least i got a nice leg workout, basically 
• drove our car for one hour...which was a bit more exhausting than i had expected, but i'm glad i made it and keep practising
• some progress with my thesis (i hope!!!)
• fed our family's friends' cat again
• i really enjoyed taking a hot shower after the hike
• i am wearing my favourite flowy red dress again now...feels good:)

Edited 11 hours ago by Judy2