Trying to Get Better at Connecting After Approach – What Helped You?

[reality250]

Hey everyone,

I’m 35 and currently working on myself—mainly inner game and personality change—as part of a journey that started through therapy. I realized I deeply desire both sexual connection and emotional intimacy, after missing out on a lot of that in my earlier life.

I’ve been watching a few dating/personal development programs:

TenGame by Julien

Austin Summers (latest program)

Blueprint Reloaded

My biggest sticking point is: getting into a natural conversation flow after the initial approach. I can start, but often don’t know how to move things forward smoothly.

I’m not just doing this to get more dates—I’m trying to build real confidence, presence, and meaningful connections with women.

 

Thanks in advance!

[Sugarcoat]

It kinda depends on the reason why you have difficulty continuing the convo. If it’s fear then getting yourself completely relaxed is a game changer. Like if any insecurity is holding you back. But then you can still not know what to say even if you’re relaxed, it happens to me. Then it could be other factors such as lack of genuine interest in the other but I guess it’s not the case because you said you’re looking for genuine connection so that genuine interest is probably there, it could be lack of interests in your life in general so not having richness in your own life to talk about. It could be too stuck in head so it’s like you’re closed in on yourself, so you’re not able to react as spontaneously to the other person or connect to environment/the other person. You might have ideas in your head about how convos should go, what’s relevant to say or not, what’s appropriate so it’s kinda limiting your flow. 
 

Imagine that when you talk, your responses are impulses and they are traveling like on a stream in your head, traveling in your brain to your mouth when you speak. It should be quite a flowing stream, things shouldn’t be blocking it. It’s like you have a connection to yourself, that is your connection to your own stream. Anything that’s blocking the stream is a block in that connection to yourself.

So the more your go into yourself, and clean up your psyche, clean it from trauma, insecurity, unwanted societal conditioning that doesn’t align with you. You are cleansing the stream so it can flow better

Edited June 24 by Sugarcoat

[aurum]

1 hour ago, reality250 said:

My biggest sticking point is: getting into a natural conversation flow after the initial approach. I can start, but often don’t know how to move things forward smoothly.

You just vibe and get to know each other a bit.

Don't talk about "things" too much.

Talk about her, talk about you, talk about you together as a unit. 

Also, you need to be thinking about where you want this interaction to go and make plans accordingly. Is this a ONS? A phone number situation? A social circle environment? Friendship? What do you want from her?

Think about solving as many logistical problems before you even go out as possible. Are you going to Uber back to your place? Drive her yourself? Take public transportation? Can you shorten that distance? Is your apartment / home ready to bring women back to? Do you have fun things planned or an excuse to bring her inside? What will you do with her friends?

The problem a lot of guys have is they're too haphazard about all this. They think this stuff will just work itself out. Sometimes it can if you're clever, but often it won't. You need to plan ahead.