Life now .

[Sabth]

My life is so unsettling right now. It wasn't fiction fictional. But really true. The longer (the time passed by /I get older) the harder. I mean , the more I am disconnected from the past and has no way of returning. It felt worser and worser , personally. In my real life. Unsettling. I can't. How much time has passed? And I'm getting worser by the day. A few days ago /or a week ago I might have what was like the last resurrection of my past (life). It shall never happened. Or hit or miss. Like something really good , if it did not happen you'll loose all your life. It was like everything been gathered all your fortunes. That's how I felt and it was otherworldly. But I was living in such a tough time. Hell. In terms of my relationship with someone. But it really does. Inevitable. I even lowered my standard. Unavoidable. And it was otherworldly. Wont be anything like it anymore. And no I didn't do it. And felt a little bad. Terrible. I'm thinking of a cope. Truly bad. Because it was yet the highest in my life.

When I tap , into my aunt's number~ and I , do not know anything. It had been a long time that I'm disconnected from everything I've ever had or I'm ever with. It was really unsettling. And even right now .

Because I've been verbally abused by (refusing to say what it is " *God* " ~~) the matrix in an unimaginable way and I ignored it. Because well what was that? I know I'm living in a fake or A.I. Simulation world so I tend to ignore everything strange. And I let it be fucked. Its been too long. 

 

My last thought last night was , that these oldies will just die in no time and will leave peacefully while for me, I had decades more to live. And they left after only giving me shit and painted my future. They will leave and die while I had to live. 

Edited Sunday at 08:53 PM by Sabth

[Sabth]

Who makes their child toddlers below seven prostitute? Not wearing them clothes. And just to make it be seen and then accusing me or whoever as pedophile just for the sake of it. I can't avoid it because they live in my house. So its a constant flashing. Not in a terrible way but still frustrating because their plans are working. Its annoyances. Flash flash . Done. Whatever . Things running. In the past with my own child /kids (people I know) it would be as natural as it is. You'll find it cute and because its yours there's only love no outside forces no thing that's constantly waging war at you and invading your space. With hatred and vengeance. 

Edited Sunday at 09:03 PM by Sabth

[integral]

Because of the difficulty i had reading your writing i used AI to translate:

 

What the writer seems to be saying, broken down into simple bullet-points

• Time feels hostile. The older they get, the more cut-off and “unsettling” life feels.
• A recent “last chance” slipped away. They thought they’d just experienced the final shot at recreating the good parts of their past, but it never truly happened and they’re devastated.
• Relationship turmoil. They’re in (or were in) a very hard relationship; they even “lowered their standards,” yet things still felt unavoidable and painful.
• Severed family ties. Even dialing an aunt’s phone number reminds them how long they’ve been disconnected from relatives and the life they once knew.
• Feeling abused by an unseen force. They describe being verbally attacked by something they call “the matrix” (or a simulated reality) and say they try to ignore it.
• Bitterness toward the older generation. They resent that older people who caused them pain will “die in no time,” while they themselves still have decades left to endure.

 

• Disturbing situation at home with children.
• Someone in the household is letting toddlers run around unclothed, essentially “prostituting” them for shock value.
• That same person then labels the writer (or others) a pedophile for simply being there.
• Because they all share the same house, the writer can’t escape the constant, unsettling “flashing.”

 

• Comparison with earlier parenthood. When the writer was around their own kids (or familiar children) in the past, it felt natural and loving; now it feels like a hostile, hate-filled environment.
• Overall mood: hopeless and deteriorating. They feel life keeps getting “worse and worse,” and they are looking for any coping mechanism they can find.

[Sabth]

Any post that I make is a net negatives. Because there will be people in my country or state that will claim it and use or whatever . Like sucking my post. I don't wanna be online anymore. And even yesterday the other day , there are people in front of my house and garage staging against me.y house is a public space it can be accessed by anyone in and out. There is no owner of this house. I dont even make myself public in this account. 

 

And then they'd be happier if I 

 

 

.

I do not wanna say any of these. 

 

Edited Monday at 02:19 AM by Sabth

[Sabth]

They keep on thinking that I'm backing them up when I'm just thinking of running away.