Tackling life problems one at a time

[Deziree]

4th. 

attain closure through commenting and rumination, perhaps negative rumination. 

This helps a bit. Because you feel like punching a pillow. You feel that thrust of anger. That foaming at the mouth. You wanna get back at someone who was unfair to you but you don't know how. Active negative rumination. That's the key. Throw punches in the air. Throw imaginary punches. Find fodder to punch at. Develop sarcastic humor. Disect and criticize as much as you can. Call out. Take shots at. Insert dark humor. Find something to punch at. Think like you're criticizing a politician. Be systematic. Slowly degrade step by step. Although this is not a very spiritual thing to do, it's something you should do to shut that negative noise. Sometimes this also takes the form of barfing. Degrade illogically, even if it appears like you got no clue what you're talking about. Still do it. Because you're dealing with an opponent. Not an enemy. Enemy might be a strong word. You're dealing with an opponent. 

 

Edited June 20 by Deziree

[Deziree]

5th. 

 "move into more lively stuff, meet doctors, meet people who care"...

When new doors open, new things are pleasant to your eyes, like a road trip, something that gets your energy moving into a positive energy, seeing animals perhaps, seeing beautiful imagery, just imagining a beautiful lively living, how is that for a change instead of just festering and fretting around the negative circle that keeps gnawing at you. 

Meeting doctors and meeting people who deeply care brings a completely different shift in perspective versus dealing with complete strangers and mostly predatory people around. I'll call them "insensitive stock. A lot of them. 

Edited June 20 by Deziree

[Deziree]

6th. 

"feel deeply appreciated yourself first and foremost" how does that feel? Just knowing that you are actually appreciated. A new beginning eh? These are self esteem uplifting patterns. 

Engage in something every morning that makes you feel upbeat, appreciated, uplift yourself on the regular. Positive affirmations. Whatever that works. Six pillars of self esteem. Read that. Do you appreciate yourself enough? Do you desire to feel appreciated? Would you be bored of it at some point? Maybe it's a validation seeking pattern or process. But it's still good in the meantime, not long term as it can turn into an addiction. But short term self esteem boosts are a requirement for those who struggle with self esteem really badly. 

 

[Deziree]

7th is find alternative means of communication.

Alternative means of communication can be books, TV, animals, YouTube, your school friends that you trust, family members, soft toys, writing, journaling, reading newspapers, sitting in a cafe watching people, being in nature, keeping yourself busy, cutting out toxic people from your close circle. Also talking to your therapist helps. Doctors etc.. 

 

Edited June 21 by Deziree

[Deziree]

8th is "mostly keep to yourself."

Mostly keep to yourself. Just do not indulge in people that do not share the same interests. You will seek more peace that way by simply disconnecting with something that you do not find yourself blending with. 

Edited June 21 by Deziree

[Deziree]

9th

Decode body language early on. This is an important exercise. It's important to understand what's coming to you. Don't miss red flags at all. Even the slightest should not be ignored. 

 

Edited June 21 by Deziree

[Deziree]

10th.

 

seek peace in your energy in whatever manner possible.

 

This is important. Seek peace within yourself. This is not about resolving inner conflict. But it's about seeking peace within yourself. If you're peaceful yourself, you will see a flow, a balance in your life. A general feeling of goodness. Just be an embodiment of peace yourself. Seek your higher self. How to do this? Clean your own energy. Meditate. Relax. Relax yourself. Monitor your own state of mind. Listen to calm music. How do you feel inside? Grow that energy in you as you would grow a plant within you. How can you be peaceful yourself? Give yourself that boost. Empower. Remain calm. Remain savvy. The moment you wake up in the morning. It should be a routine to always be peace seeking. Truth only comes after peace. Be a peace seeking peace loving person. If you feel angry or aggressive, just relax and forget it and let go. Let peace be your identity. You have to seek that peaceful energy yourself. See how it affects your time everyday. It will make a huge difference. 

 

Edited June 21 by Deziree

[Deziree]

11th. 

 

 will be "don't move or rattle your peaceful energy, keep it strong and focused, don't let it be disrupted by outside forces"..

Once you're peaceful, stay that way. Don't move it. Things will try to rattle it. With negativity of course. But you have to instantly cling on to it, hold on it and not let it be disrupted by anyone with their volatile hostile energy. You can detect that monstrous unpeaceful energy right away. 

Edited June 21 by Deziree

[Deziree]

12th. 

 "how to respond to so and so" different people"

Yea you have to respond to different people differently. That's just how things work. Do not react. Do not jump. Control that impulse. Just respond calmly and sharply. 

 

 

Edited June 21 by Deziree

[Deziree]

So this was one of the life problems I had been facing. And I can't say I was able to handle it fully or successfully. But I have achieved some bandwidth in this direction. 

I notice that I make very slow progress. It's dampening. But knowing that you are healing everyday is better. 

 

[Deziree]

I think I will need to jump on the bandwagon of elitist mindset, that in some way I'm someone special to neutralize the feelings of being made to feel like an outcast, it's just hard to deal with everyday, it's like I have to become more biased myself in order to deal and cope with biases floating around me. I was a victim of biases after all. It matters who is victimized. It matters who is being oppressed. 

I'll later feed this into chatgpt. 

[Deziree]

I have to look into productivity apps. 

[Deziree]

This video makes me very sad. Sad days. One person attacking another and having a probability of losing their career. How strange. Cancel culture at its finest. I'm glad the tide is slowly turning. Reality is whipping itself. Some people can see through the bullshit clearly. Victim hood doesn't pay forever. I mean at some point this had to come to a halt. At some point it goes beyond what's manageable. 

Most unlikable obnoxious self proclaimed victims that feel entitled to damage someone's career.. I think the video illumined a lot of what was going on in my mind about the cancel culture rhetoric. You cannot be British and just not want to be proud. We never wish bad on anyone. Safe trip back. We should never in fact. So he handled it right. I hate how overly sensitive society has become. The security guard of your building works very hard so that you feel safe. Some people just cannot be grateful enough. 

Edited June 21 by Deziree

[Deziree]

So it's time to go over my life once again. Things are going slow. I'm battling an infection and the doctor prescribed me antibiotics. I'm not that great at raw survival. I have to struggle a lot before I make measurable progress. I'm not going to divulge into a lot of the things. I want to protect my internal state. Start with a fresh new slate. Social media has been ruining my life a bit and I'm thinking about controlling it as much as possible. 

[Deziree]

I'm a bit confused about the current state of affairs tbh. I want to collect all of my physiological and psychological stuff together. Currently I do a lot of meditation, evening and morning walks in between the hospital visits. It's like life comes with different stamps and you're the creator of your own life. I also want to have some entertainment programmed into my life. I don't want my life to be just a cheap thing. Make better decisions every time. Don't be stuck. 

Edited June 23 by Deziree

[Deziree]

Leo made a post about survival and truth etc. It resonates a lot. I really want to go over that post again and again. It made a lot of sense. But unfortunately I couldn't get through it enough because I was limited in my capacity. I want to study it though thoroughly as it made a lot of sense to me. Truth seeking is definitely an endeavor I wish to be invested in long term. But then there are obstacles to it. I think the biggest obstacle is surviving itself. If we are living as meager as we can, how can we handle the truth alongside reality. Maybe some other day I'll reflect back on this same thing. What is the root of truth? And why we don't actively pursue it? For now it's just bread and butter and survival at its best. 

[Deziree]

I'm still trying to figure out the root of truth. The foundation of truth. Truth is based on something obviously. 

 

[Deziree]

Kindness speaking to myself - saying this. 

The night flips a switch. The same places you knew by day, for the next few hours, all exist in shadow. Every tiny crack in the cement you stepped over.. the steps between blades of grass.. they spend equal time in darkness as they do in light. 

People, too, have a side you can see and a side you cannot. In his book Happy : Why more or less Everything is Absolutely Fine, Derren Brown states, "we are terrible at reading each other's thoughts. Yet we consistently behave as if we have been endowed with this entirely handsome ability." 

It is a thought he has mulled for some time. Seven years before the book's publication, he wrote, "Each of us is leading a difficult life, and when we meet people we are seeing only a tiny part of the thinnest veneer of their complex, troubled existences. To practice anything other than kindness towards them, to treat them in any way, save generously, is to quietly deny their humanity."

As you rest tonight, breathe in and imagine every little thing you saw today as it must look right now. What was once bright is now cast in the dim of this moment. But you know it is there. 

 

Edited June 23 by Deziree

[Deziree]

It still exists. As you travel through the fabulous world, with its huge moons sitting just on top of the horizon, you will come across these moments that offer pause. Seneca wrote, "Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness." 

Sleep now so that you will be rested for the unknown opportunities that await you. 

Edited June 23 by Deziree

[Deziree]

Kindness speaking to myself - saying this. 

Will you notice that crack in the cement now that the daylight shines upon it. Will you observe the light between the blades of green grass? The next person you see, will you pause to remember you can only see a tiny fraction of their complex existence? It is in that moment that an opportunity exists for kindness. 

Edited June 23 by Deziree