ivankiss

Witness The Unthinkable

580 posts in this topic

Definitely should not go out with an intention to have sex. Because no. 

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Ahh, who am I fooling... If I meet with this girl now we're getting involved on a more intimate level, for sure. At the very least we would be making out, one point or another. 

So... Yes? No? The fuck do I want? 

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Oh what the hell. OK. Fine. Let's do it. 

But no expectations. And no pressure. 

Just a casual little walk in a park. 

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Signing the contract with the new company on Monday, btw. Just confirmed. 

And I'm pretty sure that means 5 days of holiday, starting right now. 

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Heh. Free ice cream. From a very cute receptionist. Nice. 

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Haha! You all still think I'm just playing... 

I don't think you realize how big this is. No one has ever gone down this way, and especially not this far. 

Not even Leo. 

 

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I have let go... so fucking hard... it will echo through all eternity, forever. 

And that is why... I am now in control... of everything. Except my super wild imagination. That roams freely. 

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Jk there is no thinker of thoughts, no doer of deeds. 

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The problem is that you don't see how all of your 'flaws' are actually contributing to your uniqueness as originality, and how all of your built in errors are actually helping you get to where you need to be, faster. 

It's just that you're not fucking living and breathing your life purpose. You have not yet said yes to this epic mission. You did not yet embark on this epic adventure. And that is why it's all working against you, instead in your favor. That is.. self destruction. Yes. The wrong kind. 

You think I'd be able to pull this off if I wasn't obsessed to such a ridiculous extent? If I wasn't a little bit weird and twisted? A bit fucked up? 

Of course fucking not. You need all that. You need your flaws. You just don't know how to work with them yet. 

I assume, of course. 

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In other, simpler words... Make good use of your pain. 

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Right now though, I'm all alone with a Canadian girl in the room, and she's got barbed wire tattooed around her thighs. And we all know what that means. 

Don't worry. I'm not planing on doing anything... I think. 

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Now... Where were we... 

Ahh, yes. Requiem K. 626 by Mozart. What a beautiful piece!

It's coming together real nice! 

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What's wonderful but also truly mind blowing, is that you could easily spend an entire lifetime working on any of these magnificent pieces. Sure, you'd learn all the notes pretty quickly, but when it comes to performance, your presence, posture, accuracy, emotion, breathing... Hyeah, that can always be better. 

You can always play more consciously. More passionately. You can always be more immersed. More involved. More out of the way. 

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Wow. Definitely going new places tonight. 

I'm falling in love with the guitar, all over again. 

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Fine. I'll let you know what's next in line for me to learn. Stop bugging me. 

It's nocturne no. 20 by Chopin. 

Don't cum all over yourself now. 

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Yeah, that one's gonna take a little while haha! Definitely level expert stuff... But I want to nail down at least the first passage, asap! It's hauntingly beautiful! 

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I just remembered that how I percieve myself is never how I actually am, and it made me smile. 

Ok, good night. 

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