A simple perspective for emotional intelligence

[Carl-Richard]

When you look at any behavior that might trigger you or somebody else, where you would ask "why are you doing this?", "why are you like this?", "why can't you stop doing it?", one perspective to have and that increases emotional intelligence is: it should be expected, it should come as no surprise. Why are you expecting anything else? Of course people are arrogant, selfish, "stupid", etc. This is how people are, and also how you are.

If you get triggered by something, it's because they are failing to meet some standard you impose on them. But if you don't expect them to meet that standard, you getting triggered might happen initially as a small impulse, but then you remember the fact that yes this is all to be expected, and it's no longer a big deal.

Also, if you get particularly triggered by something, it's likely because it's something in yourself that you don't like. If you tend to squirm at your own arrogance when it happens, which you also should allow yourself to do, but if you squirm at it so much that you can't accept that you are in fact sometimes arrogant, if it's just too unacceptable to even bring to the surface, you will have a very strong reaction to it when you see it in somebody else.

So if you expect that people will be arrogant, it will come as no surprise when they are. And if you expect that you will sometimes be arrogant, you will not react so strongly when other people are. Now, this is not a suggestion to become a doormat or not dealing with people or not standing up for yourself. I'm talking about the cases of being triggered about things that are really not affecting you that much but for the fact that you are triggered (e.g. reading a forum post).

Tl;dr: Come to expect people's behavior. Don't be surprised every time it happens. You should know how people tend to act by now. And you are not that different.

Edited April 27 by Carl-Richard

[AION]

That is social intelligence you are talking about which overlaps with emotional intelligence but I get what you are saying. Most people are tapped into the social matrix and their behavior is very predictable. It is like playing against low tier chess players who are easy to read. 

Edited April 27 by AION

[Carl-Richard]

2 hours ago, AION said:

That is social intelligence you are talking about which overlaps with emotional intelligence but I get what you are saying.

It's emotional intelligence in the sense that your impulsive emotional responses get challenged by a higher knowing. The examples I gave were largely social, but you can apply it to non-social things as well. You can for example expect that things will get broken or things deterioate or things don't go exactly your way. Reality is constantly changing and is not all catered to your highest concerns. If you expect reality to be a completely pampered and safe, like a children's playground, and if you think you yourself is pampered and safe and that anything that challenges this notion you don't entertain as real, you will get triggered very easily.

 

2 hours ago, AION said:

Most people are tapped into the social matrix and their behavior is very predictable. It is like playing against low tier chess players who are easy to read. 

Do you think you are not tapped into any of the social matrixes? Do you think you are not "easy to read"?

I think all of our behavior is very much predictable. Even the type of topics we like to talk about. We almost always talk about or hear about things we already know, but we talk largely as if somebody is hearing it for the first time and weirdly that we're saying it for the first time. Then, the true "point" about the conversation becomes not about sharing new things or learning new things, but reminding ourselves about what we find important (which is of course, important, as our existence depends on honing our attention). And to prove my point: I know about "the social matrix", I know that social intelligence and emotional intelligence overlap, I know some people are more socially embedded than others. But thanks for reminding me 😆

Edited April 27 by Carl-Richard

[Yimpa]

I swear it's that Stage Blue (Da Ba Dee) energy that's behind all this 

[AION]

1 hour ago, Carl-Richard said:

It's emotional intelligence in the sense that your impulsive emotional responses get challenged by a higher knowing. The examples I gave were largely social, but you can apply it to non-social things as well. You can for example expect that things will get broken or things deterioate or things don't go exactly your way. Reality is constantly changing and is not all catered to your highest concerns. If you expect reality to be a completely pampered and safe, like a children's playground, and if you think you yourself is pampered and safe and that anything that challenges this notion you don't entertain as real, you will get triggered very easily.

 

Do you think you are not tapped into any of the social matrixes? Do you think you are not "easy to read"?

I think all of our behavior is very much predictable. Even the type of topics we like to talk about. We almost always talk about or hear about things we already know, but we talk largely as if somebody is hearing it for the first time and weirdly that we're saying it for the first time. Then, the true "point" about the conversation becomes not about sharing new things or learning new things, but reminding ourselves about what we find important (which is of course, important, as our existence depends on honing our attention). And to prove my point: I know about "the social matrix", I know that social intelligence and emotional intelligence overlap, I know some people are more socially embedded than others. But thanks for reminding me 😆

I don't know my man. I hear people say I'm difficult to predict. It is not a pro or a con. I'm not involved with these social games anyway, my highest priority to individuate and become my ultimate self in this life span. At the end we are all tapped into something. But it shouldn't define you. I'm neurodivergent so my brain already works different than most people. I have learned to become socially successful and it is all about becoming predictable because for most people predictable means safe.

Edited April 27 by AION

[Carl-Richard]

17 hours ago, AION said:

I don't know my man. I hear people say I'm difficult to predict. It is not a pro or a con. I'm not involved with these social games anyway, my highest priority to individuate and become my ultimate self in this life span. At the end we are all tapped into something. But it shouldn't define you. I'm neurodivergent so my brain already works different than most people. I have learned to become socially successful and it is all about becoming predictable because for most people predictable means safe.

This forum is a social game, and you are playing it well.