Donald Trump as the Golden Child and Fred Jr as the Scapegoat

[jimwell]

This is a classic example of power dynamics in a narcissistic family. Mary’s father, Fred Jr., was the eldest son of Fred Sr., Donald’s father. The scapegoat is the emotional (sometimes even physical) punching bag of the family. As a result, the scapegoat grows up carrying the family’s mental and emotional pain and becomes a dysfunctional adult.

I know this because I was the family’s scapegoat as the eldest son. I was the emotional and physical punching bag of the family and I grew up completely internally destroyed (depression and other mental diseases, cripplingly low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts, etc).

Nothing worse can happen to a kid than being chosen as the scapegoat. It’s bad for an adult to be scapegoated. If you were scapegoated by your boss and coworkers at work, you would experience intense stress and might feel suicidal if the scapegoating persisted.

Imagine the negative impact to a kid who is scapegoated; it’s at least 100 times worse because a kid is very fragile and vulnerable. Kids are supposed to be showered with love and nurtured to grow mentally and emotionally into stable adults, not subjected to hate and condemnation. It’s especially devastating because the evil and abuse are inflicted not by friends, but by the parents themselves, who are supposed to provide love and support. A scapegoated kid, in many ways, is cursed for life!

Mary’s father died young (in his early 40s) because of complications from alcoholism. Of course, his alcoholism served as his coping mechanism for the emotional pain he endured as a result of being the family scapegoat.

Kim Jong Chul, the eldest son has stayed out of the political spotlight and was probably the family scapegoat. He was once considered a potential successor to his father, but Kim Jong Il reportedly dismissed him as being "too soft" for leadership. Instead, the younger brother - Kim Jong Un was chosen to lead North Korea.

It seems being the eldest son (perhaps also daughter) is a recipe for being chosen as the scapegoat in a narcissistic family. It ignites my curiosity.

Here’s a good article for further study and understanding: https://jreidtherapy.com/scapegoated-by-narcissistic-parent/

[Spiritual Warrior]

I'm sorry that you had such a dysfunctional family dynamic growing up. You didn't deserve that :/. And you're right, kids are fragile and should be nurtured with love. As an adult, you're quest will have to be finding ways to give that love to yourself, the love that you didn't receive as a kid. And now that you are aware of this dynamic, you could even make a life purpose out of it and find a way to help other kids or families that are in similar situations. 

Best of luck to you. 

[jimwell]

On 4/12/2025 at 7:16 PM, Spiritual Warrior said:

I'm sorry that you had such a dysfunctional family dynamic growing up.

Thanks 

 

On 4/12/2025 at 7:16 PM, Spiritual Warrior said:

As an adult, you're quest will have to be finding ways to give that love to yourself, the love that you didn't receive as a kid.

Mission accomplished!

 

On 4/12/2025 at 7:16 PM, Spiritual Warrior said:

And now that you are aware of this dynamic, you could even make a life purpose out of it and find a way to help other kids or families that are in similar situations. 

This has been on my mind for the past few years. I think I'll focus on it a bit more in the future although this is not what interests me most. My life purpose is not a usual one because it's multi-faceted or multi-domain which I unify into 1 overarching purpose. A life purpose limited to a single domain is simply too narrow.

[Spiritual Warrior]

8 hours ago, jimwell said:

Mission accomplished!

That is wonderful to hear! 

[jimwell]

I used to lament that my childhood was extremely bad, one of the worst a human could have experienced. And as an automatic consequence, I suffered greatly as an adult.

But a part of me is very grateful for my tragic past because it enabled me to gain a deep understanding of daytime as a direct result of experiencing nighttime. Now I know how good it is:

• To consistently feel good, because I've consistently experienced feeling bad.
• To have high self-esteem and confidence, because I've experienced extremely low self-esteem and confidence.
• To be self-loving, to show self-respect, and to set firm boundaries, because I've experienced low self-respect, being a people pleaser, and being treated similar to a doormat.
• To be admired, loved, and respected because I've experienced being dismissed, disrespected, and looked down upon.
• To be intelligent and prudent because I've experienced being foolish and dumb as a direct consequence of the abuse.  
• To love and respect my life and continue walking my path because I've experienced not giving a fuck about my life.
• etc.

My tragic past and destroyed self have also enabled me to see just how evil and pretentious humans can be. They are good and kind only to those they admire, respect, or who can provide them with some benefit. But when they encounter somebody they perceive as low-value or who cannot benefit them in any way, humans reveal their true colors. This behavior is repulsive.

I feel like spreading positivity and beauty, so here's a piece of music intelligently created; it has become one of my favorites.

sounds best with deep-bass headset or stereo