I know my purpose but I'm floating

[OrganicACV]

I know my purpose: Environmental Protection. But I’m 26, floating.

Took the life purpose course aged 18, chose psychedelics/ethnobotany, then matured into environmental protection. I aced Environmental Biology (top grades in undergrad + master’s at 22), worked in coral reef research, AI agriculture, ran a charity, and travelled the world on savings. I avoided the PhD route to stay independent, hoping to carve my own path.

Now, I’m living cheaply, bouncing between countries and my parents' place, tinkering with projects but not shipping anything. No income, no real-world impact—just existing. It's fun but going nowhere.

My dilemma:

Go full academia (PhD) – Stable, respected, impactful… but feels rigid and soul-crushing. I already had a PhD and career in a top world university lined up, but I hit the pause button.

Forge my own path – Ultimate freedom, but no clear way to make it sustainable or impactful.

In this unrestricted travel period I've been working on some advanced environmental science education projects, but success feels so far away, and I'm alienated from a community of like-minded peers/colleagues.

I resist structure, fear criticism, and struggle to commit. I'm a good worker but don't like working in things that feel meaningless. I want make a difference without sacrificing my freedom to travel—but is that even possible? I wondered about finding a remote, part-time PhD, just to keep things ticking over.

I also felt that being in a modern science environment is full of delusion and groupthink. I've followed actualized content for a long time, and I remember a long time back that Leo warned against staying in university for too long to avoid academia's influence on your epistemology. But I feel lonely and unproductive now that I've extracted myself.

Anyone been in a similar spot? How did you break through?

[OrganicACV]

Thanks @Michael569, really appreciate your perspective.

I guess it comes down to whether I fully commit to academia or back myself in a self-directed path. What I really didn't like about working in a university was being at the mercy of the expectations of my professors/supervisors. But maybe I'm just spoiled - it was a dream career in many ways. Nobody micro-managing me, very liberal work environment, full trust from my bosses to do what I was good at in my own way and in my own time, full experimental freedom to try and work out new things.

Like you said, it seems a shame to waste the momentum I built. I even turned down a prestigious position abroad. The unrestrained travel I've done since has been a mix of productive discovery and, surprisingly, was more affordable than simply living in my home country (thanks South-East Asia).

One thing I’ve been reflecting on is how I originally resisted academia partly because of the whole "don’t get corrupted by institutional thinking" idea. But the more I compare that to how master thinkers engage with complex topics (like politics), the more I wonder - how do you balance deep, private philosophy with actually learning from the best knowledge society has produced? You can't become an expert in politics just by philosophising in your bedroom, and I feel like the same applies to environmental science, perhaps to a greater extent. You need to absorb a huge quantity of real-life case studies and technical information. Maybe isolating yourself in a room trying to figure stuff out is not that useful, in the context of a young environmental scientist.

I’ve done a lot of hands-on environmental work and biological research, and honestly, the science we have is the best tool we’ve got for protecting the astoundingly complex planetary systems that we all depend on. It produces real, demonstrable results and a level of understanding that most people couldn’t even begin to wrap their heads around. Makes me wonder if I’ve been avoiding academia for the wrong reasons.

A possible middle ground I've been considering: a part-time, remote PhD to stay in the game while focusing on my own practical projects. But that almost feels like avoiding real commitment. Still figuring it out. Thanks again.

[The Renaissance Man]

2 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

being at the mercy of the expectations of my professors/supervisors. But maybe I'm just spoiled

@OrganicACV I don't believe you are spoiled. That's hell for many people, it's very common and you're not alone.

2 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

a prestigious position abroad

It seems like there's the third option of finding a job, not just academia or entrepreneurship.

2 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

Makes me wonder if I’ve been avoiding academia for the wrong reasons.

Very possible. It's great that you're integrating the pros and cons of each option more objectively. While Leo might have told you about academia's effect on epistemology, an even more important thing he told you is to think with your own mind!

2 hours ago, OrganicACV said:

A possible middle ground I've been considering: a part-time, remote PhD to stay in the game while focusing on my own practical projects. But that almost feels like avoiding real commitment.

Are you clear on what your own projects would be? If not, you need to get that clarity. I feel that otherwise you're not going to go anywhere in that direction for a while, and remain stuck.

Also, with 10-15 hours a week of work on an independent project you can go quite far.

Finally, consider temporary solutions too. It doesn't need to be 0% or 100%. There are phases where you can do sacrifices like travel less, in order to structure a better life for yourself. But only you can find the balance. I may be able to live 5 years without vacations, you may be able to live 5 weeks.

The fact that you have find your overall branch of work is already great by the way.

[Human Mint]

Something I see academia will always fail at is in helping you building your own brand. That is, creating your own business scheme which is something crucial to navigate through. You need to be thinking in ways you can exploit what you know and apply as many ideas of marketing as you can

[OrganicACV]

Thanks to all for replying. I've given this all a bit more thought over the last week or so.

@The Renaissance Man You're right - a job could be a great path for me. I can come back to academia for a PhD if I have a very specific vision I want to work on.

Funnily enough, I'm more open now to the idea of going back to university - it could be fun to live on a campus again, and be around that kind of energy. I just fear the opportunity cost. As fun as it might be to be involved with student campus life again, as well as getting the credibility of the title, I feel like the location, terrible pay, and potential confinement to hyper-specialised research probably wouldn't pay off.

Maybe the best path for the future would be to side-step the restrictions of a PhD, and leverage my existing background to find a series of jobs in different sub-fields of environmental protection, building a rigorous applied experience base while providing a more free and less constricted lifestyle than academia. I can then also test an independent consultancy project on the side, and potentially retain my location independence. Through this path, I might identify a good project for a PhD, and can make that choice then.

I've probably spent enough time in a phase where I simply studied a very broad overview of my domain. Maybe my time as a student already has been sufficient for doing that full time, but now I need to make something real happen. Really, I think my genius would lies somewhere in the realm of understanding the natural world, as well as systemic solutions to protect planetary systems.

@Michael569 Private sector does seem like a good avenue. I'm interested in every aspect of environmental protection, and have most experience with the biodiversity and agriculture side, but really the whole planetary system is important to me, from more 'pure' environmental science and biology to things like ESG, economics, and new innovations.

I'm also grateful for the perspective on corruption within these institutions. I agree with what you said, and don't feel particularly corrupted or programmed by the desires of the institutions I've been involved with. I've managed to retain my own thinking, shown by the fact that I'm here, disentangled from academia, not caught up in their manufactured rat race. Like you said, I guess I can choose to engage with the good aspects of it if I want to.

I suppose this pause for the past year or so was good, it helped me take a step back, survey the landscape, and do some exploration. But I think I need a more structured direction now, somewhere to funnel my massive action.

@Human Mint Agreed. Building your own thing seems to be disincentivised within an academic system, which prefers to have everyone involved in an endless paper mill of producing research papers or degree titles.