Formed Frontal Lobe Thoughts

[soos_mite_ah]

Things I Have Accomplished During My Time Off Work 

I'm working again and I'm done with my time off. I wrote a post of all the things I wanted to accomplish during my time off and I want to reflect on that. My thoughts now will be highlighted in blue:

On 5/13/2026 at 10:44 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

Things To Do During My Time Off

If everything goes according to plan and the paper work is done and processed, I'm going to be taking a leave of absence from work for about 8 weeks starting on 5/19. I journalled about my inital thoughts about what led me to this decision here: 

Since I will not be working 8+ hours a day, I have decided to give my days structure in other ways and come up with a list of things I want to do during my time off.

75 Hard

The 75 Hard challenge is a social media challenge where you do the following for 75 consecutive days: 

• 2 workouts everyday for 45 min, with at least 1 being outside (the workouts also need to be 2 sessions at least 3 hours apart) 
• Drink 1 gallon of water 
• Progress picture everyday 
• Your desired diet plus no alcohol and cheat meals
• Read 10 pages of a non-fiction book a day 

If you are unable to do anyone of these, you have to start the 75 days again.

My leave of absence is roughly 75 days long and I think I'm in a mindset where I can really benefit from this with a few tweaks. Since I'm not working, this challenge is something that will be more realistic for me because I have the time and energy to dedicate myself to it.

I think this will also help me give my days structure while also promoting healthy habits like working out, eating healthy, getting enough water in, and reading more. I already have a habit of working out but I want to do that more. I'm pretty bad about drinking enough water (I'm not drinking sugary drinks everyday, I'm just a dehydrated bitch lol) so I think this will jumpstart that habit. I want to read more since I have been putting things off. As for my diet, I'm thinking of leaving my diet the way it is for the most part except I want to moderate my snacking (1 really good and nutritious snack a day as opposed to random nibbling) since I tend to snack more with free time, and I want to cut out sugar. I'm not thinking of cutting it out completely. Fruits are fine. Just no chocolate, desserts, or sugary drinks. I'm not adjusting this diet due to weightloss or aesthetic goals. I'm mainly trying to do something that feels good for my body and that can challenge me a little. 

The tweaks I'm going to make to this challenge are the following: 

• No progress pictures: I have a history of body dysmorphia and disordered eating and taking pictures everyday can cause me to spiral. Plus, I want to do this in a more intrinsically motivated way rather than focussing on how I look. 
• Instead of reading 10 pages of non-fiction, I want to read 1 hour each day of any book of my choosing: I think both fiction and non-fiction can both be beneficial in their own way in the way they work different intellectual muscles.  I did the hour a day but after a while, I just went back to the 10 pages instead. But I think it's still been good for me to establish the habit of reading books more often regardless of duration.
• Instead of having to start the 75 days again, I'm going to add any make up days if I screw up: So if at the end of the 75 days I screw up 10 times, that means I have 10 extra days that I will have to follow the rules above. The program has been criticized for being very all or nothing as opposed to promoting healthy habits and I think this all or nothing mindset can result/ fuel disordered eating, especially for someone who has a history of that. I did mess up a few times but I decided to not add make up days due to the changing schedule of work. I'm just taking the L. I know I didn't complete the challenge and I would love to one day but I'm glad that I kept going and that I got to the 75 days to the best of my ability. 
• Depending on how I handle the gallon a day, I might take a page off of the 75 Soft challenge and do .75 gallons of water a day: I'm only 5'2" so my water needs do vary compared to the average sized person who needs more water than I do. Like, I want to be hydrated but I don't want to pee every half hour. I had to switch over to a half gallon to .75 gallon because the gallon of water a day was messing with my blood pressure. 
• I also want to add another thing to this challenge, and that is no social media / short form content / or random mobile games: I can watch longer youtube videos and listen to music but no Youtube shorts. I also think I will need to wean off the random games and reduce it ideally but I think my priority is not taking in short form content and social media. I deleted my social media apps for the last 3 weeks and I think that has done a lot of good for me mentally. I did the no social media but I had to engage with some short form content when planning my trips. It wasn't that much though. I also failed on the random mobile games. 

The list of things I want to do while on break: 

Physical Activity Related: I have been drawn to being more physically active over the last month and a half. There is no set fitness or aesthetic goal for me. I have been going to the gym for straight vibes because my body has been wanting to move more. Maybe it's a reaction against having to work a desk job. But over all, when I am physically challenging myself, I do feel more alive. It's like whenever I'm pushing myself, whenever I'm out of breath, whenever my muscles are sore and I tell myself I have 4 more reps to go, I'm forced to be present. Working out lately has felt like a moving meditation of sorts and it has been essential in maintaining my mental health. Here are somethings I have found enjoyable and that I want to do more: 

1. Work out more: Lift weights + Continue doing cardio 
2. Yoga classes: I haven't done a yoga class in a while because life got busy.
3. Maybe some pilates classes: Again, having done this in a while because life got busy 
4. Swimming: I have been enjoying this and I think this can serve some of my cardio goals 
5. Ice Skating: I have been falling in love with doing this all over again and I want to be able to do this mid-day on a week day when the rink at the mall isn't crowded. I can do a whole post on this tbh.
6. Enjoy the outside: I live in a semi walkable area and multiple parks near by. I go to these parks often but I want to do that more. Plus, I like feeling the sun on my skin and seeing random people take their dogs on walks. 

I've done everything except go ice skating. It was great.  

Intellectual / Spiritual Pursuits: One of the weirdest things about working in corporate is how I feel like I am learning a lot but not feeling educated. I attribute this to how learning is filtered through increasing profits instead of developing an understanding of yourself and the world around you like it was in school. I miss how much I would learn in the classroom and in my day to day life back when I was a student and I was exposing myself to new experiences. This is how I'm planning on replicating that: 

1. Read the books from my undergraduate degree: I have been putting this off for a while as a goal and I think this will be the perfect thing to do at this time when I'm not utilizing my mental energy towards my job. 
2. Read the fiction books I have been putting off: I'm going to be honest, my ipad baby tendencies have done a number on my attention span and I think reading fiction is the perfect way to recuperate that because you have to infer and interpret the themes on your own instead of the intellectual spoon feeding that can happen when you're reading non-fiction. I think this can also help hone in media literacy skills. 
3. Keep up to date with my favorite Youtubers: This means watching things on my Watch Later list, especially when it comes to the longer form, documentary style content that is about 1 hour 30 minutes or longer (yes, that includes revisiting videos from Actualized.org) 
4. Journal + Reflect: I can do this at home, on a walk, or go to a coffee shop 
5. Meditate: Just allowing myself to be and enjoy the present moment
6. Continue going to therapy

I got to do everything and I'm happy with what I got done. 

Random Things I Want to Do with More Free Time: 

1. Go to the grocery store midday on a weekday: I used to do this in college and I miss doing this. Did this. 
2. Maybe go to the mall and buy some new clothes: I haven't done this in years and my clothes are looking rough. Didn't do this. 
3. Try 2 new recipies weekly: I have been eating the same 3 meals in different fonts for a while due to the depression so I think some variety would be good for my soul and my cooking skills. 2 recipies every week was a lot so I didn't do all that but I did try a number of new things so it's a win. 
4. Sleep in guilt free: I have no problem still being productive even when I wake up late. I think my reasoning for this is not to sleep until 1pm every day rather it's to listen to my body instead of expecting myself to be energetic and alert at 6:30 every day on a week day. I was pretty consistent with waking up between 8 am to 10 am everyday. I had a day or two in the beginning where I slept in until 11 but that's about it. 
5. Deep clean the apartment once a week: Mopping, scrubbing the shower, vaccuming, laundry. I didn't deep clean the apartment every week. I did it like 3x but I think that's reasonable since our place doesn't get dirty like that. 
6. Have a guilt free bed rot day and not worry about wasting time. Did this.
7. Have more sex: My sex life has been suffering / nonexistant due to the increase in stress and I want to connect with my partner more. Did this.
8. Get back into art: This can be drawing, painting, or simply coloring. Didn't this.
9. Hang out with my friends more: I have a friend who is going to be in town who I'm looking forward to hanging out with. I also have a couple of friends who are unemployed and I think it would be nice to hang out with them more outside of the weekend/ evening hours. Did this. 
10. Go Furniture Hunting: My apartments needs side tables, a bed frame, and a dining set and I have just been putting it off. Didn't this.

Travel: 

1. Go to Washington D.C.: I have been thinking of going to D.C. for the 4th of July as it is the 250th Independence day Did this.
2. I need to plan out my trip to Africa: I haven't been really doing that since I have been overwhelmed by work and other things in my life. Did this.
3. Maybe go to Australia for a week or two: I'm seeing a lot of naturey things to do there and I always wanted to experience Christmas in July. Those two things coincide with my leave times and things I'm gravitating towards so I might seize the moment. Going to Australia this year specifically wasn't part of my original plan when it came to going to all 7 continents by 30 but I'm open to the idea. Didn't do this but I did plan out that trip.

Broader things I want to Accomplish with the Time Off Work: I don't think I'm going to accomplish all of these but this is what I'm orienting myself around / working towards when it comes to working through my high functioning depression. 

• Reconnect with myself and my sense of joy by engaging in hobbies and moving my body: Was Successful
• Work out issues in my social life regarding navigating adult friendships: Still in the process of figuring this out but I made good progress
  • I think I'm still a little socially anxious but I worked out a lot of the grief, self deprecation, and difficult feelings I was experiencing. I'm still learning to navigate this area of my life, however, I'm not making this process harder than it needs to be by overthinking or internalizing things. I think getting off social media was the right move for me. I'm going to make another post about this specifically. 
• Figure out if I want to have a child: Still in the process of figuring this out but I made good progress
  • I did do a lot of reflection and that helped me get to a point where I'm not ruminating, I processed my thoughts and feelings, and I have expanded my perspective so I no longer feel trapped by this conflict even though it's still here. I'm mainly in a place where I feel like I need more life experience to figure out if this is really what I want to do. Basically, I need to put myself out there and then reflect rather than focusing inwards. 
  • I wrote over 20 posts long ass posts about this topic in my journal: 
• Feel less stagnant in my life and personal development by focusing more on my life and less on increasing shareholder value Was Successful
• Allow myself time to work through my issues and actually reflect on what I'm experiencing instead of just trying to regulate and keep things moving without deconstructing why I do what I do.  Was Successful
  • I wrote in a post that things that would typically take me a week to process would take me a day or two while I was on leave since I had the extra time, space, and energy to deal with things. And things that would take me a day or two to process took me like less than 24 hours while I was on leave. 

I know I have listed out a long laundry list of things to do but I do not feel intimidated by this. Instead, I find it to be quite exciting because it's all things I want to do but don't always have the time and energy to do such things. It feels less like someone piling on papers and assignments to work through and more like a menu to your new favorite restaurant that has all your favorite foods that you get to try one by one without worrying about the cost because it is free. 

In conclusion, I found myself feeling like this coming into work:
 

Edited yesterday at 02:46 AM by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

ummmmm.....