Finished the LP course

[Jannes]

I am kinda sad.

Well I chatted with that girl and we kind of got a date going. I felt a rush of emotions coming up yesterday. Kind of surreal even. 

On 26.10.2026 at 4:41 PM, Jannes said:

First day getting back into university today. And I met the one girl I liked so much. 

Now I enter an interesting point, if I enter a connection with her I loose opportunities elsewhere. I am not above slutiness and casual sex. And I would loose other more immediately stimulating (sexually) options. I think of myself as only longing for deep connection and with not much interest in casual sex, but I think I would miss that a bit. On the other hand I am free to do casual sex for quite a while and I never want it because I dont feel the connection or I dont want to hurt anybody etc. Ma mind is weird. 

Anyway I am definitely trying to get to know her better, this is surely the right direction atm. 

...

Btw. my mind feels pretty disfunctional, I am not clear at all. Not sure what it is, but it clearly has to do with my sickness.

 

Today though I got back to my social spot and saw the girl again which I was trying to built a connection with before. And I clearly have emotions for her as well. So then I just realized that I cant have it all and that I need to cut it off. When I just got the possibly perfect opportunity with her being single and so on. 

[Jannes]

Didnt really have the opportunity to cry about it today on someones shoulder. 

Well actually one person I usually find pretty annoying I told about it roughly. In situations like these you dont always know on who you can count. Well other people asked how I am beforehand though. 

I was clearly sad and people noticed. 

[Jannes]

Gotta give the new girls names for my journal. 

Okay her I call the social girl

On 26.10.2026 at 4:41 PM, Jannes said:

First day getting back into university today. And I met the one girl I liked so much. 

Now I enter an interesting point, if I enter a connection with her I loose opportunities elsewhere. I am not above slutiness and casual sex. And I would loose other more immediately stimulating (sexually) options. I think of myself as only longing for deep connection and with not much interest in casual sex, but I think I would miss that a bit. On the other hand I am free to do casual sex for quite a while and I never want it because I dont feel the connection or I dont want to hurt anybody etc. Ma mind is weird. 

Anyway I am definitely trying to get to know her better, this is surely the right direction atm. 

...

Btw. my mind feels pretty disfunctional, I am not clear at all. Not sure what it is, but it clearly has to do with my sickness.

 

The other one I call jeans girl. She seems to be a little more street haha

[Jannes]

I think part of the emotional process I went through the last couple of days was about untangling emotional pieces from other girls of my old theatre club and also processing bad emotions that were left like sadness.