Finished the LP course

[Jannes]

WAIT, if it's not the case that he got shit despite being innocent then that wouldn't explain my case. Such a short time with so much pressure lifted off my shoulders. 

[Jannes]

I had a dream of doing it with a dude yesterday night. When I am lifted of a lot of social pressure my bi side comes out more. 

Weirdly in day consciousness I am basically never attracted to dudes. In my dreams I sometimes love to get nailed though. 

[Jannes]

I loved these things as a kid.

Wow, how can I only remember them now. How was I emotionally detatched from them ..

 

[Jannes]

The artist girl was there yesterday. It was a bit of a shock to my whole system. She is hella skilled socially, it doesnt even make sense. So I emotionally opened up but I dont really know how far I want to go. Really I created a boundary already, she has mental problems, a bf and overwhelms me, its not good.

[Jannes]

On 12.3.2026 at 1:54 AM, Jannes said:

He just told me he did sexual harassment. Oh my fucking God what is going on. 

I am not aware of any crimes that I did. This becomes very apparent when the freedom to confess them opens up and nothing follows. 

Aaaaaah I don't know what to think of my friend now. 

I confronted him about it today. He kind of sold it like he was the victim of ghossip and I wanted to clear that up. He explained how he did see himself as the perpetrator which I wanted to hear and explained many stories. 

Without the talk I couldnt be in peace with him. 

[Jannes]

Back to some serious self development, there is this dude which I am SO FUCKING AKWARD around. 

It was an experiment maybe a year ago, people I was comfortable around bored me, people who stimulated me I wasn't comfortable around. He seemed stimulating so I opened up to him with the intention that I could get comfortable along the way and then have a stimulating friend. Well I didn't get comfortable and some kind of childhood trauma kicks in and the situations that I create are so fucking uncomfortable.

Aaaah 

I thought I could explain that to him. Tell him I am awkward, not him. Tell him that if he wanted to, he could help me with taking this lightly/ jokingly.