Finished the LP course

[Jannes]

I am still really confused and messed up. I thought the walk on the beach yesterday got it fixed but nah. 

I am feeling anger now that I didnt get a public goodbye. 

[Jannes]

I feel very little desire for sex somehow. I rejected so much sex that it definitely created new pathways in my brain, so that its harder for me to just go for impulse. 

Well but I still have a bit of horniness, maybe its the whole emotional weight that I cant bear. 

[Jannes]

So wholesome 

 

Edited Monday at 07:44 PM by Jannes

[Jannes]

Got a piece of paper in my mailbox on which was printed:

Info

Book to truth

"From shadow to Light"

from Ellen White

 

ffs some religious bs book. But its interesting that I got it at this moment in time, maybe someone knows me personally. 

[Jannes]

Honestly I am in a decent level of emotional pain. That I didnt get a goodbye from the club did hurt. If anybody the leader of the club must have understood my position as he got all the info yet he didnt speak to me and then didnt gave me a goodbye. 

I was angry before, now its a mix with mostly sadness. 

I reclaimed the moral highground though.

Shoud I still say anything.. He always preached to not take the easy way out, this would fit perfectly here ..

I really said everything I needed to say, if there was any insentive to talk he would and I am just tired ..

Edited Monday at 08:00 PM by Jannes

[Jannes]

Today at impro I also didnt really feel like myself. 

This will take some time I guess.

I already had everything, just need to get back to it. 

[Jannes]

I am really starting to enjoy my beard. I go for 2mm all around but slightly longer on the mustache. Maybe 3mm. Also a clean seperation between the end of the mustache and chin beard. Below the chin slightly shorter then 2mm and faded into the chin beard. All around clean. Have a few black hairs at my neck which I pluck. 

Really happy so far. 

The last things I can think of which would maybe improve my beard would be trimming above my mustache a bit -- heard that this makes it look better. And maybe cutting my birn below my lower lip and above my chin into a certain shape. 

[Jannes]

Tomorrow I finally get or not get my adhd diagnosis fr fr , I thought it would happen earlier but now finally it is happening. 

[Jannes]

On 22.5.2025 at 8:56 PM, Jannes said:

Wild card - Remote viewing

If I were less open minded I would actually have it easier to get a normal job. So wouldnt it only be a sort of a natural balance that because of my disadvantage there that I would have it easier else where like finding a well paying job one could only find through open mindedness and that I also have the abilities to do it, ... please, please universe bend to my interpretation of you which has my human bias?

Like can remote viewing be a real thing people and I can make money from ?

So this is the first time I considered remote viewing. Its important to remember this because if it doesnt work, this is the whole time span in which this sucked up energy like a tumor. All this time I could have thought about other career possibilites.

If remote viewing is real then a formal training would give me the best shot at learning it. So this would be the quickest way to get this variable out of the way. 

[Jannes]

Please please pretty please. 

[Jannes]

Got an adhd diagnosis! The combined type.

...

I explained so much through adhd that not getting the diagnosis would have implied that a lot of my sensemaking was wrong. So this feels very freeing.

Edited 16 hours ago by Jannes

[Jannes]

I get access to medications. Theraphy is available but I will have to wait for it for about a year. 

I can write my argumentations for still getting student loans. And I get some more small benefits like more time for tests in university. 

...

Looking forward to testing the medications. I need to test medicinet first which I dislike from experience and then get access to selvanse which is also the gold standard besides medicinet. And then there are other medications as well. 

[Jannes]

So there is this good looking artistic girl which asked for my phone number. I was texting her and to get a start into the conversation I told her about my recent thoughts about fashion. Now I feel like it seems a bit over the top and tryhardish. This is often something I do, but I dont think it creates a gentle vibe, more one where I want to proof my intelligence to her or something. I dont need to proof shit. 

[Jannes]

I was texting with this girl I found on a dating app, or moreso I got into my A-Game as I wrote a reply. Then she responded immediately. 
I got completly out of my space unable to come up with anything. What the hell. 

[Jannes]

56 minutes ago, Jannes said:

I was texting with this girl I found on a dating app, or moreso I got into my A-Game as I wrote a reply. Then she responded immediately. 
I got completly out of my space unable to come up with anything. What the hell. 

Saved it.