Weed Experience: Yes up front, but net loss overall.

[Realms of Wonder]

Hey You, 

 

I want to share my decision making process that I went through with weed, As to whether its a wise decision to stop, or continue. These are my notes, Enjoy!

I'm not looking for advice whether to stop weed or not, I have already made my decision. I would love feedback if you have any though, on the decision making process.

1. What questions do you ask yourself when making a Decision?
2. What perspective do you have about making a choice that you think would work well here, or lead to a more authentic answer?

 

"I have been smoking weed off and on since I was 18, I am 26 now. As of the past year of so, I have been more intentional with it, and my relationship to it has changed.

When I was in college, weed was just something to escape my life, along with alcohol, Youtube, Icecream, etc..

When I Was in Eureka CA, I played a lot of video games, was somewhat unhappy, (oh the good old days of late nights and gaming, weed, and not knowing what to do with my life, that feels nostalgic.” it was so habitual at the time.

I remember that one time while doing mushrooms, in the middle of the trip, I had an insight that we (my brother and I) needed to stop smoking weed. I could see in that moment how it clouded my life, was negating my ability to actualize myself.

I was tapering down till I left for Portland OR, then I didn't smoke until after I had moved to Portland

Then was Amway. I felt extra pressure to be clean from it. I remember that one time I sent the picture of the joint in the trash to my uplines, telling them I was done, hoping they’d be proud of me. (boy I needed self love but didn’t realize it.)

I smoked here and there when I moved into the Harold home with roommates, and at that point I wasn’t really trying to escape myself as much, Even though my roommates smoked a lot, I would join sometimes, but eventually want to stop. that was after the SOLO retreat! that led to a lot of change.

that led to a cycle of not smoking for month sat a time, then smoking for holidays, sometimes smoking a little after the holidays with roommates, and eventually stopping.

The next time I smoked was as an experiment, it was before I left for Camp, and I wanted to try out “normal,” I played a lot of video games, smoked weed with Jesse, got drunk. It was a letting go of needing to be this actualizing person and try out another world.

After that I didn’t smoke until the next Christmas, then the family reunion at Bandon, OR, and I have been smoking off and on since then.

 

Right now, there is no judgement of it as morally good or bad. Its just weed.

 

I AM seeing some cycles when I do smoke weed. Things that happen consistently.

• more creativity up front in the first 1-4 hours
• more focus for the first 1-3 hours
• I tend to eat 50% more food
• I tend to go to bed later between 30-240 minutes
• Wake up groggy every time,
• increased resistance to getting out of bed.
• Expanded thought processes, more unique ideas.
• Easier to feel, I notice emotions more than usual.
• I feel a bit more ADHD, a little all over the place, get distracted semi easy
• Often end up doing something pleasurable, YouTube, Porn, Scrolling on Insta, Masturbating, eating more desserts than my body needs.

Some of these things align with my goals, with my authentic life. They also support being able to put in the work to create a life of purpose, creativity, Authenticity, wisdom, music, and the rest of my values.

• such as
• more creativity
• Temporary focus boost
• Expanded thought process
• Easier to feel, more connected to emotions

Some of these do not support, or actively get in the way of, the Self and Life I want.

Such as

• I feel a bit more ADHD, a little all over the place, get distracted semi easy
• Often end up doing something pleasurable, YouTube, Porn, Scrolling on Insta, Masturbating, eating more desserts than my body needs.
• I tend to eat 50% more food
• I tend to go to bed later between 30-240 minutes
• Wake up groggy every time,
• increased resistance to getting out of bed.

Quitting would mean letting go of these ALL effects.

I have 1.5 joints left, and I am seriously considering quitting weed again, at least for now, it doesn’t fit in my priorities or values right now.

Exceptions I may take into consideration

• Connection
  • With family, with , and with true friends when they appear.
• Something that directly or indirectly supports my Values and vision for life.
• For intentional consciousness exploration and state change.
• Pain relief (Haven't really experienced this.

 

I choose to quit smoking weed until it supports my values and vision for life.

 

How does this choice align with my values?

• Authenticity/Truthfulness 
  • Right now in life, what is most important is the creation of my life purpose. daily action towards that. and smoking weed supports it lightly in the moment, and undermines it heavily later on.
  • Without weed, there is less spike, up or down.
  • None of those symptoms can numb or distract me from my experience of reality, meaning there is a higher chance I will face it.
  • would miss out on the spike of positives.
  • would miss out on the spike of negatives.
• Music 
  • Wisdom/Understanding
  • Very similar to the last response, with the exception that I love more elevation, perspectives and ideas. the musical creativity that comes up front. 
  • Up front, once again, it helps because it brings creativity and focus, but on the back end it hurts because I am more tired, I may get less out of the next sessions sober, and it is a self created hurdle, a self sabotage 
• Mystical Experience 
  • same as the last, with the caveat that I love exploring new/different states of being. and Weed, can bring new flavors to my experience.
• Purpose
  • I am putting myself in purpose debt. I pay for the spike of enjoyment 2-5x the next day
• Love/Connection
  • I get quite shy when stoned unless I am with people I feel connected to.
  • when solo, (all of most of my current smoking,) I do feel connected to myself, my emotions especially. but I end up numbing myself later anyway
• Wonder/Awe
  • this is great for this! I love being stoned in nature, or recognizing the immensity of reality.
  • Usually don't go outside though during, so..
• Feeling good in my body
  • I feel connected to it.
  • When gorge myself so I end up feeling stuffed in the moment, and usually because I have the munchies so late at night, I wake up feeling stopped up gastrointestionally, and still full, but hungry.
  • I also wake up really tired, I am often tired, when I wake up, but this is so much more intense.
• Growth
  • I don't know.
• Creativity
  • Yes up front, but net loss overall."
    
     

Thanks for reading along, I'd love to hear your thoughts, (Not your opinions on weed, you thoughts on this decision making process.)

Warmly,

Paul

 

[LSD-Rumi]

Don't do any drug for pure euphoria, that will habituate the mind not to abuse such things. Weed (as other drugs do) become troublesome when people  take it for pleasure or for an escape.

[Realms of Wonder]

@LSD-Rumi Like I mentioned twice in the original post, I am not asking for advice or feedback on whether to or not smoke weed, just on a high quality decision making process.

Do you have any insight to share for that? 

[LSD-Rumi]

@Realms of Wonder That was my insight, it was not for you specifically, but for anyone who is reading. Other than that, I don't know  because I didn't smoke any weed yet.

Edited May 30, 2024 by LSD-Rumi