peanutspathtotruth

Very good point! That‘s something I‘m inquiring into a lot at the moment. It‘s like any bit of discomfort and I‘m closing the gates, it‘s quite childish (that’s where the pattern came from of course!) when really seen. In some sense, to accept all suffering IS the deep desire to be free from falsehood/suffering.

I would have to accept that everything else needs to be sacrificed.

This question collapses within the realization, don‘t worry. If you can be the only light in and endlessly dark chamber, you will go through anything to light as many candles as you can, whatever is necessary. But you have to see your light first, and then nourish your willingness to never let it go out.

It is your nature to want to know yourself/truth. You love exploring your endless depths, that‘s what ALL THIS is. That has absolutely 0% anything to do with the body or the mind or even the „physical world“ - you are that desire for truth. This desire tends to be clouded the quickest, so when you see it once - never let it go. NEVER !

@Jo96 There is eternal peace, inquire into that longing into the future. It’s a great entry point. And the word „peace“ beholds all the other words you could use for that beauty. It is always what you are, there is nothing other than that. Go to that place, you have all the tools you need, you‘re at the right place. And once you‘ve seen it - trust it fully.

@Illj Great and honest question @Forestluv great answer I can just speak for myself. Have realized infinity today, went in and in again for multiple hours. It‘s crystal clear, and it beholds all that could ever be desired. Utter, final perfection. But since it is infinity, and if one is humble enough to see that it‘s COMPLETELY mysterious, there is also the potential for this: - Why not exploring this mystery further and further and further? I was starting to ask myself today what is it I want to do with this power, this recognition? And you‘re right, there‘s nothing wrong with doing whatever the heart desires, for it is all perfect anyway! But I feel like we are granted this reflection of ourselves to dive all the way - and all the way might mean it will never end. How could it end? I see infinite potential for understanding + infinite potential for making the world a playground for this perfection, this love. Whatever we do is doing that ANYWAY. I feel like I‘m entering my own mysterious library that is literally infinite. Consciousness studying itself. Infinite possibilites. It doesn‘t change anything about the truth that everyone is. „No one“ is less than anything, no compartmentalizations. I find this talk to seem reeking of ownership, but quite honestly - I have no idea if Leo is genuinely just not able to speak the truth otherwise. I understand it‘s hard. But indeed nobody should feel attacked, that‘s unskillful.

I‘ve been wanting to explore some microtonal music lately. Tripping turns out to be excellent for that Melts away any rigid structures, perplexes the mind. Like a new universe of sound, I love it!

Greetings from the caravan

You're the cosmic class clown, I love you man ?

To expand, ego in a nutshell: ?

What a beautiful view ??

That's definitely how it feels like to me, too. Fractal mirroring of the Absolute. We can't know but somehow it's the only logical way seen from God's perspective. ? Well what does hedonistic mean here for you? Pleasure maximizing? Depends on the level one sees it from, from a human perspective I'd say no. From God's perspective self love and self pleasure... It's just words at this point. Maybe it's the same thing. Cool idea tbh. We have no clue. There's something to these energetic beings, more than just a human hallucination, at least that's what would be super amazing

@Call Me Whatever Man, this is so classic, I know how hard this feels. You can not work against the mind, ever. Because you're not two different "things". So let even the superego voices, the hitting and screaming happen. Let it be as long as it is there, and let it pass when it passes. The only thing you can do is notice. Hint: Notice as precisely and closely as possible. That might feel like effort in the beginning.

Being / Non being / None of the two / All three / ....silence

Wow. This was exactly what I needed. I will do this one over and over. Thank you so much. <3

Can approve that this sneakily happens regularly to me. The harder one tries, the smaller the prison gets. That's how frustration happens.

Thank you for the recommendation. I will maybe try this out when I have more freebase.

You mean something like Syrian Rue extract 10:1? That's the powder I have here. That would be amazing!

It is ? Very potent for complete, utter, final letting go! Did feel like that many times for me.

Wow!! Have to try this on the iPad when tripping next time

Do any of you know the MoDem festival? I haven't been there, but a very good friend of mine and he showed me the visuals from the main stage. This is incredible stuff. They also have a relatively new video with their visuals system. It feels underwhelming at first, but give it some time Really amazing

For me, it depends on how awake I am. Sometimes when switching from sitting to lying down, I can clearly see how I'm getting less present and it's very hard to stay centered. Then it's a matter of honesty and doing what's best. Most of the time though, it's amazing. Savasana is the most important yoga pose for a reason

Spontaneous trip-report: I was surprised to find a tiny rest of freebase today (I haven't really tripped for months, made a big break). So I just took it. It was about 30mg in total, split up into three journeys via GVG. I wanted to go back in lightly, carefully. This was more of a dive into my psychological outset regarding consciousness work. I started out having a lot of fear taking the first hit. Really quickly I realized what I'm afraid of is pain, of being insulted and beaten up and judged. And inquiring into that, I saw how I'm actually afraid of my own superego voices. There is nobody else there who could hurt "me", and there is not even someone to be hurt, even though it feels like that. And then I saw clearly how what is true would never hurt anything, not even the ego, for it is all itself. The one wanting the ego to die is the ego itself. And that wish is not genuine. It is just another way of trying to prove itself, to do it right. More thoughts like "I should go deeper", "Why am I not getting IT"?, and "I should not think right now" appeared. I asked WHY? Who is saying that? Listening to these thoughts, I "saw" spiritual teachers appear, as if they were demanding that. Of course nobody does so but some self invented voices. So I realized all fear and all demands coming only from myself. I dropped it all and let the heart guide me further, and I saw how pressing my face into my own shit is just God wanting me to see that it's okay - it's okay to accept that what I thought I am is an illusion. It's okay to see clearly that an illusion can not be real. It felt like an internal family gathering, and all internal voices agreed - we might have seen things wrong all this time. We don't have to fight anything, for we are trying to protect something that's not even there. We don't know what's actually there. But we have no choice but to die into that, to let everything else go. Very beautiful.

I have been very inactive in this forum for quite a while, but now it draws me back again to share this. It comes from the heart. It is more aimed at myself, I am not trying to teach anyone, these are just insights. Only looking beyond the ego won't do it. Only looking within the ego won't do it either. Bruteforcing truth upon the ego did never work for me, after all these years, be it through tedious self inquiry or 5-MeO, or whatever. And there were many deep awakenings and purification experiences nonetheless. Of course, looking into the Absolute Truth of things is most essential. When done extremely sincerely, there is love, silence, stillness revealing itself to be your essence. But seeing what you are does not make the ego surrender. I think many of you can relate when you have experiences like this: - You realize what you REALLY are. - You realize "you" have been holding yourself back all this time. - You bathe in perfection, but at some point the clouds come back, and sooner or later you're kind of lost again. One of my most strong barriers in this work has been the wish to annihilate the ego. Most of the time, this only hardened its shell. Why? Because next to all the superego voices that beat your ego up all this time, now it invents a new "spiritual" superego that is the worst of them. And with that voice, you always eventually want to kill your ego. Wanting to kill "your" ego will just make it more defensive. So this is where Personal Truth gets in, which is something shadow work should aim at clarifying. This is a very VERY important point: When the ego fully (!) understands how things really are, it will surrender without one moment of hesitation. But for that, there needs to be a clear understanding of why you suffer on a personal level. We not only suffer because we take ourselves to be something which we are not. That is the ultimate root of the problem, yes, but there is more personal, relative truth to be seen. It has to be seen. The truth is that the ego, the foundation of it, is completely innocent. To call it a devil, albeit true in a sense, is really dangerous, for it most likely introduces more superego voices (happened for me). What has to be seen is that you are a sweet little child, precious and full of beauty. All you want is to love, to play, to dance, to enjoy all things with everyone. That is your purity, even as a personality, not only as Truth itself. All the "wrong" you did is because you did not understand. So of course there is no wrong. There is no reason to ever doubt, ever second guess, or ever worry. This is so important. This can only be seen when you are connected to the love that you are, the infinite ocean of love. Only this love can give this child the understanding and compassion it needs. When the child sees its own innocence, and how it imagined all these voices some time in very early childhood, it no longer wants to believe them. Ego will choose love when it sees that that is the truth. Yes, all the layers upon the ego, they act like they don't want love, because they are internalized punishers and demanders. They are fictions. And yes, also the ego is fiction of course. But only when the ego sees it for itself, when it truly understands "Oh I see, there is only love, and that's all I ever wanted and deserved and needed. Oh, and I also see that why I'm suffering is because I believed in lies. Oooh, and I am also a lie? Well, when I have to cease so only love can remain, then I happily leave.", only then will it accept its fate. This is how surrender happens, through understanding. And of course, there is also grace. It is in no ones hands to fully understand. We can just assist our ego, with true love and gentleness (and sometimes firmness), to see what is real. And that has to include all the personal barriers, because they will remain either way, even after enlightenment. That's what many teachers call transformation. It both has to happen anyway when you want to mature. I personally found this to be extremely important to fully grasp. This is like a team effort with your ego, and at some point, it will take one for the team so to speak. And then the team as a whole readily steps into the cleansing fires, for the only aim of the team was to prepare the stage for Truth to enter.

@Nick_98 It might be helpful to know that these reactions are really ingrained in your body and your psyche. There are tons of layers of defenses that try to keep you away from seeing the truth. So never feel bad about reacting like that. I've been doing this work for a very long time, and often times when I glimpse a certain realization, my whole body just contracts and my mind screams "NO!". It's not like you can control it, for who is there to control what? As @cetus said, it is about surrender. Maybe it helps to know that what we are all basically doing here is learning to allow the truth without fighting so hard. That can take (a lot of) time. Keep going, what you experienced is a good sign