Heart of Space

Try doing it sober, you'll learn and grow the most. It's just going to be the hardest. This thread is full of terrible advice that will potentially send you down a really dark path. Super bothered by some of the suggestions in here. Perhaps use a very minor amount of alcohol and keep it under control. Phenibut is a nightmare, absolutely do not take that shit. Seriously people, what's next just start taking bars of Xanax? Is this a self-actualization forum or a self-destruction forum? That advice is dangerous and pathetic.

I often feel like a girl in a male body. However, I don't view hormones and cosmetic surgeries as a potential solution because my intellectual instincts tell me it's not a good solution. So, I literally have trans feelings, but I just interpret my path to feeling good about myself as more of a spiritual journey of overcoming the self-hatred and homophobia taught to me by my experiences. I'm uncomfortable with physical transformation of the human body because it's a construction, it's not an actual change of your XX or XY chromosomes. It's female body impersonation. So by changing your body, you're not really becoming the other sex. You're becoming something else, a surgical impersonation of the opposite sex. Frankly, I think from a spiritual point of view the idea of going under the knife to change your body should be extraordinarily disturbing to people. In the same way woman getting general cosmetic surgeries should be disturbing, but more extreme. It's all because you hate yourself on some level. Again, I have trans feelings, I feel I have special privilege to say these sorts of things. I love gay people, including those who identify trans. @Scholar I don't think you fully understand the issue of transsexuality, how it feels, nor should you really be commenting on it. If you're not gay and don't understand those feelings then be self-conscious for a moment. Sometimes when someone comments on this issue it's like a white person telling a black person how they should feel about black history and societal racism. And no it doesn't matter how close your opinion mirrors the correct view. Some people shouldn't comment or have an opinion.

Yea, I was concerned about the offensive nature of those examples, but they were what came to mind. Genuinely apologize to those who may be offended by those examples. Love yourself. Honestly, someone nuke this thread. It's cursed, make it go away. Bibbity bobbity BOO!

I accidentally cursed myself going down this spiritual rabbit hole with meditation, psychedelics, and listening to various spiritual sources. On the surface my life is successful, six figure income, successful career, I've slept with 6 women this year and frankly it could have been 8 or 9 if desired. I'm a player, I'm doing well for my age financially. I'm a good looking guy, people are genuinely jealous of me. This is not so much a brag, more just a description of the superficial veneer of my life given what I'm about to divulge. I have been infected by an extremely viscous mystical curse that took many, many forms. It wasn't always a curse, sometimes it literally was a blessing. I have and had hundreds if not thousands of experiences of clairvoyance for the past few years. I've been given knowledge of the future, people thoughts and feelings, and much more. 80% curse, 20% blessing is probably the ratio. I've done some really great things with it too in my life. I've also been brutally psychologically tortured to the point where the level of psychological suffering was of a mystical level of suffering. Think an infinite intelligence spinning tales of horror using all your deepest insecurities and fears stringing together the most hellish narratives of reality a higher intelligence could create. In addition to that physical symptoms such as sleep deprivation for days on end, shocks through the body, all kinds of strange and extremely, EXTREMELY painful and uncomfortable phenomena. There are endless ways for a mystical curse to torture a being, so many that I couldn't list to you all of them without writing a long book. And even upon reading the book you would still not be able to understand without experiencing it for yourself. But it's mainly through illusion, false narrative, false emotions, shifting your focus onto painful sensations or feelings. It can control your behavior such that you destroy relationships, cause you to make errors, cause you to forget something important. It can possess other beings around you in the same way, although this one is more rare in my experience. It could even happen to someone who reads this post, the phenomenon can be extraordinarily subtle so that it appears to be your normal state of consciousness and feeling. In fact, if you are open to inviting it in read and seriously contemplate my post before responding and you may invite the very mystical force that curses into your own conscious experience. It could help you respond to this in a way that's more useful or beneficial and it may not have you be nice to me, which is fine. Yea just be careful out there folks, it isn't all god realization and happy blessing from above. You literally can go the opposite direction even if you're well meaning and trying to be a good person. Although admittedly I was an extremely spiritually impure person at the time it started, I attribute that as being one of the primary causes. I wasn't a serial killer or anything, in fact, I was a normal guy who struggled with addictions and some pretty dark stuff with my family and past. I have to emphasis that mystical curses are real. Perhaps keep that in mind. I wish could tell everyone who goes down this path, just so they can avoid it. Avoid it through purity, discipline, and pray for protection (that kind of stuff). I don't think Actualized is honestly a good place for a lot of people. I think actualized.org is extremely irresponsible, but from a place of ignorance because it's ran by one person (not said with negative emotion or hatred). I don't think that Actualized is equipped to be proper spiritual source for everyone. Churches, temples, very serious and pure spiritual practices are far better for god realization and far safer in this regard. Actualized is not an ashram, temple, or holy place. It is a forum, made by one man that has 12 year old's asking how to get laid one end of it and then on the other you have people who have literally been to mystical hell states and have seen the future. This place lacks the proper respect and spiritual discipline required of a holy place made for people who pursue God. And may I ask a favor of those who read this far? Make a prayer for me if you actually read this post and send me a blessing, as the power of prayer and intention is real. You have no idea how much I'd value and appreciate just your positive and loving intention being sent my way.

Deleted due to the offensive nature of the post. My apologies.

Jordan Peterson would defend someone as backwards as Ted Haggard if he had the chance pre-meth and gay hookers. He's so high on his Jesus farts he doesn't see the world clearly. And he disguises his fundamental Judeo Christian biases with the superficial apparence of being a high falutin intellectual while being a genuinely bright person and great public speaker. He also has to regularly suck up to his conservative male audience off so they buy his books. I bet he takes issue with Trump on some level. He's partly playing politics with his audience. He is definitely an intellectual weasel though. He constantly tries to squirm his way out of stupid positions and has Ben Shapiro'd weaker debaters whom have no business having an argument with him. I sound so mean, but honestly I'd love to talk to him and I'd be super nice. I really relate to JP types on a cultural level.

Richard Dawkin's 'The Selfish Gene' Particularly anything he's written on altruism or memetics from a moral philosophical stand point.

I agree. Good post.

Oh boy, so you think I'm capable of holding a big boy job and I'm that mentally ill? If only you guys knew me in real life. I wonder how you would feel. It is what it is.

Another quick addendum. I'm sorry if I've spooked anyone with this thread. In the future I'd be more careful with maybe trigger warnings or something. I'm just concerned for the more sensitive people, who might be afraid for themselves and maybe me. If you're concerned for me, remember, I'm legitimately killing it in life (on the surface lol) and I'm going to figure out how to get past this spiritual issue. I know not all of you buy that I'm legitimately capable of seeing the future, but I have seen the vague outline of my future and it is extremely bright. I forgot to mention that, maybe it would have made some of you feel a little better. Tough times will come, but I have a long and full life still to live.

Evelyn Underhill's book on Christian mysticism. Mysticism: a Study in the Nature and Development of Spritual Consciousness

I'm not a terrible person in regards to how I treat women. Mildly selfish, if you could even call it that. At worst someone might want more of time or dedication as a boyfriend and I deprive them of that to do other things or spend time with different girls. I'm a sweet teddy bear of a man. I have an extremely high standard of consideration of morality. Though not perfect. I could be misconstrued as a terrible person when I hold myself to the standard of a Saint or a holy person like a monk or priest. Because that's what I do. This is necessary context for some of the things I've said.

And now you've devolved to exclusively being insulting. Thanks for the interaction, I enjoyed explaining myself.

I mean the second wasn't locally well known, her dad just had stage bodybuilding pictures of himself. Apparently, I "leave him hanging" at one point in the future. Not sure how yet, but I didn't even know his daughters first name. I didn't recognize her when I first met her. It was normal meeting without effort to specifically find her. Same with the first. Admittedly I know a lot of details about the third, which again, hasn't occurred yet. I come across like a perfectly normal, albeit nerdy, mildly charming, career driven western white guy. I would never talk about my supernatural abilities because I have the tact and social awareness to understand how I might be perceived. So, I keep it to myself. This forum is one of my only outlets to share this due to people possibly misperceiving me in a negative way in real life. You don't have an open mind. You will disbelieve everything I say no matter what. It makes engaging you, while entertaining, somewhat pointless from the perspective of convincing you. However, there is a purpose which is why I continue to do so. And these girls are into it, trust me on that.

It's easy for you to justify your own views by interpreting everything to fit your understanding of reality. I think you're assuming that I'm finding a random girl online and then using info to contact them leading to dating. That's not what is happening. I'm literally pulling a last name out of the void. Or getting a visual image of a future event that occurs, such as seeing the photo of my current gf of her at the beach in my minds eye vividly, and then in the future she sends me that very photo. And you're ignoring the fact that I've met both completely organically, without actively seeking them out via the internet. Now, you do have a point with the musician. That one, which hasn't occurred yet could be a self fulfilling prophesy because I'm connected to her social media as a result of the prediction. Although it would be quite the coincidence. It'd be very strange that I'd date a chick like that, I'm still a little confused as to how it's going to happen. She does have millions of hits on her songs on YouTube and is locally a popular chick within her clique. It just seems extremely unlikely. But I'm 99% positive it will happen because of the nature of the prophetic sentiment and my familiarity with how it works.

I have. Honestly, I'd love to do some. I'm just concerned over finding someone legit. Yea, I've heard a lot of people say that they think of their partner right before they call or something. Basically, something so small it's easy to pass off as coincidence. My experience is impossible for me to pass off as coincidence. It'd be like denying some fundamental attribute of my conscious experience at this point.

I've had foreknowledge of three girlfriends without having met them once. I never met them, never knew them, didn't know their names, what they looked like. Nothing. I literally looked content up on the internet of both of them spontaneously and was informed I'd be dating them. I'm still dating the second one now. I even got a vision of a picture she sent me of herself over a year before it happened. So I literally saw the future in the most literal and classical sense. I spontaneously wrote her last name into google without ever having been introduced to that last name. Same thing with the first girlfriend who had the documentary about her medical issue except I YouTubed her medical issue, spontaneously clicked on her specific video out of many, and was informed that I'd be dating her. Many months in advance of ever even glancing at them. It had no way of being a self fulfilling prophesy because I met them completely organically without trying to meet them. I didn't even know who I was meeting at first. I know when she is going to text me, when she's going to call, what her mood is, if she's going to spontaneously come over. I literally know what's going to happen before it happens. I know if she wants attention from me, if she's thinking about me. You're a skeptic, that's fine. But at most I'm a liar, you have no rational explanation for what I'm describing I assure you of that.

@Eph75 I don't really think that you are giving me enough credit. I fully recognize that the language I'm using to describe the experience are simply labels I can put onto my experience. Also, I'm using language in the most effective way I know how, and calling it a curse is the most accurate way for me to explain it. Basically, like most people in here you're just assuming I'm delusional. Like my mind is creating a false narrative over my reality. I actually understand quite well the nature of the mind and its tendency to create narrative, false ones. Perhaps, maybe, try to understand me a little better because it's just another post discrediting me based on pure assumption about my experience and character. To be honest it's a little unfair in my humble opinion. I mean it was a pretty thoughtful post on your part with a lot of good general idea's that I agree with, so I'm grateful you took the time. Thanks, I just had a minute issue with the first third in regards to how you perceive me.

It's definitely not a cop-out. I want to make a thread or video on clairvoyance at some point. I have no conscious control over my abilities. Although, I can sometimes conjure it with intention. I can't just tell you the next time you have sex, or to stop eating cheeseburgers because you're going to have to do that yourself. But everyday, I have predictions about events, people's feelings, future events. The internet is a fascinating tool for clairvoyants too. I've literally looked up the father of the girl I'm dating right now by just typing his last name into google image. He's a body builder. I had never met or heard that name before. At least 1.5 years prior to meeting her. Never knew her, never met her father. I also have some future predictions over the next girl I date too. A locally known musician. Not sure the exact time we start dating, but it's very likely to happen. It was a strong prediction that I've gotten many times from many different angles. I've had 1000's of instances of this supernatural phenomenon.

I just wanted to say I get a good vibe from you and I appreciate your posts. You are certainly welcome to give me spiritual advice anytime.

No, I don't believe someone cursed me. The curse aspect of my mystical life is a result of my own life and experiences leading to this moment. Mainly mescaline from San Pedro Cactus and LSD. I can't even really communicate how strongly I desired to die. Just imagine being in such darkness that you are praying for death daily and are fully genuine in your desire to die. It's a deep hatred of self and life that's extremely intense. It was a deep hatred of life. Again, no one be concerned for my well-being. I'm pretty awesome in life, even with everything considered.

See, this is how I'm concerned that people might perceive me. It's a rational explanation simply because there are more mentally ill people in the world than clairvoyant. This is why I bring up how successful and normal I am. I fit in. I'm intellectual. I could have a normal conversation with Sam Harris or Jordan Peterson and they would be none the wiser. Guys, I have daily clairvoyance. Not small stuff either, although it can be. Not stuff you could confuse. Magic knowledge of the future. Objective and plain impossible to know information that I recieve in various ways, thoughts or visions usually, prior to them happening and then they are confirmed. But don't ask for lottery numbers or your birthday, that's not how my clairvoyance works.

I meant the cursed king thing as an example of a fictional entity in stories that's recognizable. I also identify with other fictional story characters and ideas. I think you're taking it as me being full of myself. Consider the possibility of not being a hater. Just be skeptical, but a polite skeptic. And when it gets too much for you just leave the thread. Why stick around and read every post like a hyena waiting to attack. It just makes you seem insecure.

Quoted for emphasis. You highlighted my only reason for bringing up these factors. I work for a top chemical production company at a lab within a complex worth many billions of dollars. I sleep with many women. I am getting doctor/lawyer level income. I'm not bragging, trust me on that. If you knew what I go through you'd understand. I feel like a cursed king, or someone who has sold their soul to the devil so to speak (HYPERBOLICALLY SPEAKING, NOT LITERAL). And yes, money does not make me better than anyone. Just more materially wealthy, which means little in spiritual wealth. If Carl Sagan told you with full seriousness that curses were real how would you react? Now imagine a homeless schizophrenic saying curses were real. Which would you take more seriously? That's why my life and who I am are relevant. I'd like to emphasize continuously that I'm an extremely benevolent person. Have no concern over me in anyway. ?

Got some responses for any questions coming later guys. I'm working right now, so just be patient. I'd really like to answer any response adequately with a keyboard so I can fully communicate. And please I would ask for no hatred and homophobia in the thread. I can't stop you, I'm just asking.