Aquarius

Yes! Leo is great! I don't know how he does it. Every word of his is extraordinarily grounded and collected. Blows my mind.

Lol kinda ironic because there are many versions of the Bible and they changed it many times over the years.

The first part with the panties sounds really cute. But the second one with yelling and all could leave her crying. If someone did that with me I would even break up with them lol. Or maybe just leave me disgusted of them for a long period.

Day 2: I did not listen to music, but this guy had his first radio show and I was curious so I listened for like 5 minutes, just to hear his voice. He was talking more than letting music play so I don't really consider this listening to music. Besides, I only stayed for around 5 minutes to congratulate him. I heard a song in a clothing shop that I liked and interestingly I could appreciate it more than in the times when I listened to 4-5 hours of music daily. I didn't go to the shop to listen to music so this is not cheating. I needed to buy something. I had some minor sadness and conflicts with some people, also inner conflicts related to my departure from my ex-bestfriend. I decided not to talk about him anymore because I'm just complicating things anyway. The idea is that this triggered very negative feelings in me and I immediately felt the urge to gratify myself with some music. I carefully observed how this urge arised, then I let go of it. I think I might have repressed it as well. But honestly this forced me to face some truths that I've been avoiding because they were too painful. Especially regarding some deep wounds. I feel like my mind is generally more clearer nowadays now that I don't really daydream, so it's easier to see the big picture. When I daydreamed I think I often self-deceived as well with idealistic lies. Today I was in a worse mood than usually, but it went ok.

@EternalForest What car? Lol. And no, it is an addiction and a crutch for me. It doesn't work like that. I disconnect from reality and I daydream too much when I listen to music. It became a problem. Trust me, this is real hard addiction not just something insignificant sadly. It also always destroyed my sleep schedule because 1 hour was never enough, I needed more and more and couldn't control my hunger for music. Even when I felt sick of it and I hated it, I still needed it when I was sad, angry, frustrated, etc. There are more healthy ways of dealing with these emotions and their roots than running away from the truth. Like facing them for example. It's more complex than just listening to songs for me. I'm not saying people should stop listening to music, it's just that this helps me if I stop. Because that's my psychology. What helps me might harm you and vice versa.

Some of them have a lot of views so yes, people are reading them. I am reading interesting journals sometimes.

@Shin Lol yeah I will force my new partner to binge on Leo!

@F A B I didn't research it either, I just heard about it from an underground youtube channel for women, so I wanted to check it out and watched a video. It seemed really cool, compared to other porn.

@Shin Never tried any of them anyway. I don't think I will anytime soon.

Wait, so Leo has a video about Yoni massage??? Omg

Edit: nevermind I'm watching a video, it was a confusion.

@Shin Sigh.. alright.

@Elysian Oh well I have like 7 symptoms on that list. It's crippling depression!!! Jokes aside, I never really looked into depression or what it really means because I'm generally very active, motivated and full of energy. But it seems like I have to take care of it asap before it ruins me. Oh nice, good to know that the most important person to me thinks of me as a nuisance! @Shin How could I be so naive? lol Problem is that when I give him more space he always comes back and is really nice to me so it's confusing. I don't think he has clear goals in life..

@bejapuskas Yeah it's usually me telling him to go outside with me. I talked to him today on the phone because he invited me to his first ever radio show (which is online). I casually asked if he wants to see my new haircut, and he was laughing awkwardly and changed the topic. Maybe he just has emotions about the show and needs to prepare, but I don't know. It's weird, really. It's like he has extremely strong feelings for me, yet avoids me at all costs and treats me like crap sometimes. Maybe it's really my fault, for whatever reason. @Mu_ I'd like to learn more about these dynamics. Not necessarily to fix our friendship, but I'm curious. Where do you learn about these?

@Shin It's a tantric massage where you relax tension on the woman's body. It's really intimate and therapeutic. Thank me later.

Try Yoni massage. I saw it on pornhub and it looks cool.

Is this from a movie..?

Many reasons. Some do it to mask a pain, others because of peer pressure, and most of people do it recreationally. A few people though do it to enlighten or get spiritual insights.

Day 1: Yesterday I was having some urges to listen to music. Usually I get up and dance with headphones on my head. I did get these automatic behaviors, I did get up, moved around in the house. Then sat down again. Then got up again. I also felt it a few times in my stomach, as if I was "hungry" for music. Today (day 1) was ok. I didn't do that automatic walking around the house that much. I was more present in the moment. More energetic. More social. I had maths class this morning and I could actually resist 2 full hours of maths, not just 1. Then I visited my father and socialized a bit with him. He had music in the car and we also had music in the restaurant, but it wasn't my taste so it's not like it got me into Daydreamland or anything like that. Overall I feel like I am more energetic, present, social and witty. I had some really cheeky comebacks (which means I'm fully present and not daydreaming or ruminating). I was talking with some men on a dating site, not to actually date them but mainly to practice my skills (honestly I'm shy even around internet people). But today went great. I could actually have fun and get the best out of even the most annoying men. It felt like I'm in control. I didn't get the urges to get up from the computer and listen to music like I usually do. So it went fine. It's really amazing how much removing a simple distraction does with your life! I had such a rich day today when I didn't just hang on my phone with all the bs repetitive music. I also went to sleep earlier because I didn't distract myself with late hours of music listening. Honestly right now I have a great urge to go listen to the radio, or maybe the latest death metal album, because it became a habit over the last... 9 years? Oh god. But I'm going to sleep early again and I will be full of energy again! And this is worth so much more than listening to the same old songs on repeat!

@bejapuskas Keep it alive by not talking to me and pushing me away?

@Elysian Your answers are always spot on. Many people tell me that I'm depressed all the time, but I don't feel like it's true? I don't even feel sad?? I mean I know I said that I am "sad", but it was in the sense that the situation frustrated me. I'm not really sure what depression even is, unless I see it on other people but I don't really feel it myself. @Mu_ What unspoken desires are you referring to? And yes, we were dating on and off in the past.

@GenuinePerspectiveXC Where can I find out more please??

@Emanyalpsid Of course it is just a model. Every science is just a model. It's also a man-made model, and it's not perfect but no one claimed it is. Even if something is 30% true and can tell you information about something you didn't even know about, then it's pretty cool. Many people have misconceptions about how these things should work because of all the movies portraying esoterics as something really flashy and extremely fantasy-like, when it doesn't even work like that at all. And it doesn't even have to. That's just ego. Also I see where you're coming from. There will be charlatans in every area of your life. It's easy to get lost in the age of misinformation, and most of this stuff is super flaky, but why would you throw out the baby with the bathwater? Most people use astrology to feed their egos of how awesome their signs are anyway. 99% of people won't even tap into the practical uses of it. They don't even have to, it takes time to master it, like everything else. But it can be interesting to study for someone who is into it.

I usually don't post things of this sort. Actually I'm posting this question because someone gave me a really harsh feedback on my success in life. What I usually do nowadays is that I'm reading a ton of books on all sorts of topics (at least 2-3 hours a day), researching how-to articles from the web, I'm even taking an online course in web-design, listening to affirmations and subliminals, creating and selling art printables, developing my general skills in life, currently learning to write an ebook and to open and etsy store, and healing harsh emotional wounds. Now I know this won't give immediate results! Although.. some of them do I guess. And I know this because I signed up for a free counseling website where they offer an emotional wellness test, and the results (and my own perspective on it) show that since last year my depression and anxiety levels decreased by at least 40-50% (from 79% to 33% or something like that). So I take this as the proof that education on and awareness of certain problems, and the mere intention of solving it, i.e. self-care etc. really do improve things! So I think, from a subjective view on myself and my life, I did a lot of progress lately. I'm more care-free, social, outspoken, more attractive and desired, actually enjoying sex and not only because I "have to", spiritually healthy, more successful in art, more experienced and knowledgeable about the world we live in and our work system, and I'm moving to my next stage in the Graves model (from Blue to Orange/Green). Yes, these are small changes, I don't say that I'm the perfect person or that I improved like crazy, but I would say that I improved about 100-200%, generally speaking, and since I was a very low place in my life around a year ago, this is almost as if expected of me, normal, and nothing unusual, but still, a lot of progress. And today I was talking to my friend about business, money, my career, how things work in the art industry nowadays, work-at-home options available in Europe, etc. I also mentioned it to him that I was searching for a few days now for some ways to make money online, some small amounts for now, and how I don't seem to have success because I never have what it takes to get a job. I've spoken to him about how you're supposed to apply for 100-200 jobs until you get about 1 option that will work out for you, and I talked about the new books I'm reading on passive income, and I went so far to share some lessons I've learned from the books. It surprised me that he started laughing uncontrollably and remarked how I seem to read " hundreads of books on every minor sh!# that is happening in your life, yet you fail at everything and never have any success!" Wow. I didn't know if I should have laughed with him or cry and leave immediately. The moment was so ironic. Somehow he was right, yet it felt so wrong. It felt terrible. I can't decide if this was a valuable piece of feedback that I should use to improve further, to learn about the REAL reality, or just something that is plain wrong and ignorant. What are your thoughts on my friend's comment? How should I interpret his words? Any tips on getting actual results that SHOW, that are visible and not just subtle and subjective/personal? Why is earning money and being a respected person so hard for me? Am I lazy or doing the wrong things in life?

@Serotoninluv Dude! If she asked for that information she's really into you! She's curious to know more about you and about how she can please you better. Or maybe she wants to see how compatible you are. I'd say feel free to give those details to her because she might be able to make you feel really good. But only if you trust the person, cause she might find out about your weaknesses as well.