Aquarius

THIS. The cultural situation part is very very true in my situation.

@now is forever Yeah it's a guiding system. And there's lots of misinformation and flaky information floating around. Like telling virgos they have OCD and telling aquarians they lack empathy. That's nonsense lol. There are some main things that have fixed meanings, but people interpret it differently. A true astrologist will never give you black and white interpretations, but might guide you that there will be problems arising in this area or that, depending on the movement of the planets and sun in correlation to your chart (synastry? I think that's what it's called). Generally a person who is doing lots of energy work and is quite enlightened can be helpful to you if he is offering an astrological reading. I think simply calculating your chart on astrotheme, then googleing and researching extensively every aspect you see can help enormously. Then maybe if you stumble upon blogs, you can read what other people saw based on observation. Astrology evolves with society. Astrology used to be more rigid in the dark ages, and it's more flexible and positive-psychology-like in our times.

@Charlotte I think it was denial of food, even though I was never hungry when I "denied" it. Then my body just took its revenge I guess.

Who is this guy?? LOL!

Same. If I find green, then it's most likely an unhealthy blue-green or orange-green. People cannot fully integrate it most of the time.

@Charlotte Yeah it also worked for me, but I think I made certain mistakes. For example one day I ate too much carbs and then things snowballed aggressively down the road. After successfully having it as a diet for almost a month, I started eating lots of crap, binged on every food I found in the house for a whole week, and probably ate more than 4000 calories a day (I never count calories though, just an estimate). I think I'll try it again, but maybe I'll have a day or two per week where I binge on unhealthy stuff to balance it out. Sort of like the 4h body diet plan lol.

That's actually true.

I tried IF, it's the coolest and easiest diet imo. I think IF is supposed to raise your libido, so it's strange reading this on your post. Maybe you overdosed on turmeric? Have you been using turmeric at all? Or any other supplements?

Maybe nice guy syndrome. If you get what I mean. But that's a just a stereotype.

@Shadowraix That's a good idea. Thanks!

@Elysian Yeah that's the hard part. Telling someone about traumas that even I myself hide from myself. Yes I meant setting some serious boundaries. I didn't mean not seeing him again in life. @denydritz Yeah you're seeing things pretty well. He did ask for help a few times but very subtly. I told him I'm not strong enough right now every time he did. Deep inside he knows well that I'm on the self actualizing path, he isn't dumb. But I doubt that he knows about self help. He might intuit that I have some knowledge, but he doesn't see me as an actualized being. Only when I create some distance does he see that I'm actualizing. And only then does he ask for help. What I'm trying to say is that leading by example is more effective on him.

@SFRL Oh.. alright. I understand now.

@VioletFlame Actually, when I said I'm listening to music for 5 hours I meant meditating to music for 5 hours. You got that right. I'm always in flow state, that's why I ignored the fact that I have a deep rooted depression. I've been in flow state even without music though. But it might be my serotonin imbalance as well (my brain produces too much). I don't know.

I was going through Leo's website and I clicked on "start here" and watched a few foundational videos. I got many insights and now I am clear about how should I lead my life in my situation. He was talking in his "How to start self-actualization" video about 40 things that are worth working on and one of them was addiction. Then it suddenly hit me that oh my god I am wasting at least 3 to 5 hours a day listening to music! I usually do this to contemplate insights but it got to the point where I cannot really do anything without music, my happiness depends on it! Also I daydream so much that I cannot put anything in practice because it's too painful to leave the daydreams! I had a thread like this a while ago, maybe in february or march this year and I was asking for advice. Leo replied that I'm using music as a crutch and it's true, however I was too weak to stop and now I think it is time. I think I am going cold turkey about this because I cannot do this anymore I feel like throwing up from this insane amount of music intake. I'm not saying I won't listen to music ever again, it's just I'm taking a long break, maybe 30 days. I stop listening to music today, but I will update from tomorrow on (day 1, day 2, day 3...etc.) I will either succeed or I will lose my mind. I have a rubber bracelet and I'm snapping it hard when I get the urge to listen to music. Wish me luck.

@Elysian Oh wow I think I'm blushing, I can't do it, I'm very shy around people that I don't know that well. But I'll consider your offer and I'll let you know if I need help. It means a lot! You remind me of an internet friend I have, he lives on another continent but he did distance reiki healing a few times on me. So seriously, I will think about it. Thanks! Me and my friend are both green, but he is at a lower stage of green with a lot of blue conditioning. Also with all of these wounds it's really unhealthy yes. Do you think that me respecting him from distance is a good solution? I mean having the distance and only keeping his lovely memory as a thing that fuels my creativity, motivation in life, etc. (?)

@SFRL Wow, this answers everything! I have little knowledge in relationships, I'm pretty young and unexperienced so I didn't consider that perspective. But many people on okcupid are actually just searching for friends not just me. They even state it in their bio. I think what's the difference and what seemed shady was that I was an actually good looking girl searching only for friends. I'm not saying this to brag with my looks, just a perspective. Because now the dots connect.. people always mentioned my profile picture and how I'm a catfish trying to sell organs because it's too pretty. Because people automatically assume that good looking people have perfect lives and all they want is sex. Ugh.

Yeah you're right. Sometimes I have some "normal" moments, but it's very rare. I usually think it's an awakening, when in fact it's just simple lack of anxiety, or normal state of being. I didn't have time to read your book recommendation, but I skipped through the pages and I got the essence. I tried the method where you ask your body "yes" or "no", it said I have no problems and trapped emotions. Then I asked about the Heart Wall and it said yes. It's not a hidden Heart Wall though, so I think my subconscious is ready to let go of some things? I asked if it's ready then it would say no then yes and no and yes again. And so forth. What does that mean? I think it goes like this: I show too much love, even if it's just friendly admiration and respect towards him. I'm a very passionate being so I might go over the top. He has some wounds, perceives it as me being dependent on him. I sense his anger, I have some wounds regarding males being angry so I try to overcompensate, thus being even more pushy and suffocating, but this time also fearful and maybe desperate for forgiveness and an answer. He gets distant, doesn't want to talk. Says he only talks when it's necessary and that he has nothing to say. It goes like this for a few days, he's getting more nervous, I get more anxious, the pressure between us grows. I keep pursuing him and asking what's wrong. He says nothing, he's hard to contact via social media and all, responds in 2 word sentences, usually in an irritated tone. He doesn't want to hurt me because he cares for me, but his fear of commitment (even for a loyal friendship, not necessarily relationship) eats him inside - notice the inner conflict between his love for me and his desire for freedom. Then that is a period when he tends to forget the real me, and sees me as desperate and kinda retarded. The tension in me grows, I get angry, I break off all ties and stop talking to him. But after a few hours I talk to him again to calm him down that everything is ok and I need space (again, some deep unconscious fear of losing people if they commit suicide because of me - source of fear yet unknown, but maybe the emotional abuse of a masochistic relative in childhood). I make sure he will be safe, even though I know he's probably ok. I tell him to give me space, to leave me alone for a few months but I tell him that he can write if he has important problems that I can help with. Then I'm calm but sad, feel some grief, especially in my lungs and I breathe very badly for a few days, very bad chest pain. Then everything in my life goes well, I'm happy. Then after some time I miss him and I wonder if he misses me too. I get depressed. Then he writes to me because he was feeling the same grief. We return to each other, have fun, feel good, share experiences of things that happened when we both were away, feel strong connection and he shows tons of love and admiration for me. Then cycle repeats. It has repeated like 10 times now, and I've only known him for about 3 years. That's some things based on my observation. It was really liberating to see things from perspective and write it down like this. It's true. Thanks. Yeah you're right. I do think Shin is amazingly helpful, but things are far more complicated than that. I just didn't share more info about my friendship because I didn't want to argue and complicate. But notice the dynamic I illustrated for Mu. It's written in a very objective manner. You cannot say one friend is bad or another is good. It just sort of happens out of fears, wounds, bad habits, complex dynamics, pressures. Strangely enough, even the most toxic people can have very good caring hearts. That's why it's hard to let go of him. I think the ultimate solution is to detach from the situation, even if it keeps happening in the background. I think of it as admiring a person from distance. The simple feeling of it is blissful. Especially cause Shin and others didn't consider one thing: that the love between me and my friend isn't necessarily egoic stage orange trading system type of love, but a holistic love that takes on many forms. One based on being. None of us is attached to "owning" or "keeping" the other person. It's almost like an very unhealthy manifestation of turquoise love, while the two persons involved are stuck in orange-green mentality and lifestyle because of the circumstances (society expectations) and ego-desires. Or maybe there's no circumstance yet to express it? But it's there. There can be any label on our relation to each other, yet we feel and express the same things. We were both trying to describe to each other the feelings we hold for the other many times, but it's really hard to explain. It's like the other person is the most fragile and important thing for one person, yet no one has the intention to keep the other person caged. We've been trying to find all kinds of solutions to express these strange emotions in the safest environment possible, so we tried dating (it seemed like being loyal would provide safety), then dating seemed very orange and possessive so we moved to friendship, but friendship is a label that doesn't let the people involved explore the possibilities of love-expression fully, so we detached completely from each other, but what do we do with other people and society? What do we tell them? People demand a label for everything. I'm wondering it anyone will ever "get" what I'm meaning above. This seems like the only community that would understand, yet I don't expect much, especially because my way of describing things isn't the clearest thing in the universe. sorryy. But I'm curious if anyone will truly get it. Also if there's an explanation of how two seemingly unconscious humans developed high consciousness emotions next to each other. That's the weirdest. (p.s.: this doesn't mean the relationship dynamic is healthy nor that I'm defending it in any way. + high conscious emotions are present in higher percentages in the friendship when other needs are met - like Maslow's hierarchy - so I didn't contradict myself anywhere on the thread)

Don't go the easy way, most people on dating sites nowadays are fake anyway. I know from experience. Just stop being needy and think of all the nice things you can offer to a guy. You'll realize you can offer many good things to men, just think of your strengths. You are worthy. Being needy is not showing any worthiness though so stop being needy. Go outside, get some fresh air and smile at someone nice. They might like you and talk to you. We're all in this together, it's not like someone is going to punish you for being nice. If they do they aren't worth your time anyway.

Day 3: I'm only adding this because I went through 3 days without music, not 2. Today was a bad day, lots of conflicts with people. It had nothing to do with my music challenge. Some music would have helped though. I realized it wasn't the lack of music that made me happy on the first days, but the fact that things went well in my life and I went to sleep earlier. I am actually surprised that good sleep helps soo much.. I mean being aware of my SPINE suddenly for no reason?? Leo talked about this but I thought it requires years of meditation! So music doesn't harm after all. I can live without music, but what's the point? First I have to fill in some lacks like a good sleep hygiene, people skills and making peace with family. Freezing this challenge for now because it makes no sense. There are other root causes for my subtle addictions and removing music only worsens things, but these 3-4 days were very liberating and cool and they were worth it.

@Shin Sigh unfortunately I have to agree with you. I was just curious what would happen if I stopped listening to music. At first I thought it was useful, because I went to sleep early, got up early so I was full of energy. Also, I distanced myself from toxic people, this causing me to be very energetic and full of good vibes. But the thing is, I can go to sleep earlier and give up listening to music at night, and maybe only listen in the morning or when I'm in the mood for 5-10 minutes each session. And as soon as I surrounded myself with other toxic people, things went bad again, and I didn't even have music by my side to soothe me. And the main thing that I realized is that there needs to be discipline and lots of planning and awareness about every subtle and hard addiction, because as soon as I stopped my urge to listen to music, I would pick up some food, sleep, internet, online chatting and other obsessions, and my important things didn't get cared of!!! This experiment wasn't wasted time though, as I gained the following insights: I have more subtle and semi-hard addictions than I imagined I need discipline not to replace a bad habit with another bad habit when I suffer I became more aware of my surroundings and faced some harsh hidden truths still a subtle addiction, BUT! I talked to more people which is progress because I'm shy. the realization that problems are multi-faceted, and need systematic healing approach (e.g. eliminating all the factors not just one, eliminating the root cause first) I need to spend more time with my family I spent more time on the forum and I got many insights for my growth I'll stop this challenge for now and put it away for times when I can come up with a systematic plan for eliminating root problems, which means incorporating meditation practices, communicating more with family, planning more outside activities and travels, and releasing trapped emotions! Thanks everybody for actually warning me that I'm deceiving myself with this challenge. It's a good challenge, Leo Gura recommended it a year ago. But I don't need it right now. It was fun though lol. I'll write in this thread soon if I have something to add.

Is that Vesta? Enlighten me.

@Strikr I get what you mean. It's not the case though. Don't project your expectations on me please. It was a simple statement that I appreciate how Leo succeeded at making self-development available to the masses on such a high quality, grounded format.

@Serotoninluv Cool have fun you guys.

I'm laughing so hard lol! I fell into this trap sometimes as well though. Worst memories ugh. Edit: It's funny that it's mostly people who have problems themselves who come to you with this approach.

There's no point to pursue enlightenment until you "get it" yourself. You'll have to answer your own question. Getting an answer from someone else kinda ruins the whole purpose of it. Try moving up the spiral and the insights will come.