Aquarius

@Annoynymous She seems to come from a place of extreme hurt and anger. Not judging her for this, but she could work a bit more on herself before helping others if she wanted to. This too of course, is just a personal opinion from what I saw thus far. I don't think you have anything to lose, just take her words with a grain of salt. That is, don't follow her every word blindly but question everything she says. Take what resonates with you, leave the rest. Have a laugh. What you can gain from Teal Swan: - a new perspective on some issues - awareness of certain things you did not consider before If you're worried about losing time, then decide what direction are you wanting to move to and take the needed steps. Of course no human is perfectly informed about everything. And that's perfectly fine. But I'd say a key element on trusting someone, anyone, is about how genuine they are about themselves and how much responsibility are they taking for their lives. And don't just watch her, but watch/read other 300 teachers/teachings as well. Sound fair?

Food: vegetable soup, mashed potatoes, and a hamburger (the things I do for love...) Drink: orange juice (upgrade unlocked )

Food: 1 chicken frankfurter, 1 sausage, 3 slices of salami, 1 slice of cheese, 2 fried eggs, 1 orange Drink: water (gotta upgrade my supplies soon.. )

What the workout was about: At first I aimed for weight loss, because when I woke up I was extremely skinny, and thus I felt motivated. But then I ended up restoring my body's energy levels because I woke up to being very depressed today and had poor sleep quality. I started off by doing some jumping jacks and fast-paced aerobic, but I got carried away in thoughts, I needed focus. I thought maybe correcting spine would bring back focus. Then when I realized that I'm extremely unbalanced energetically, I needed something more extreme, so I started punching the walls (DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME, KIDS!), which requires a lot of concentration or coordination, because you can basically break your hands if you're not energetically tuned into it, so yes, that was fair enough to bring me back to flow state because I was "forced" to concentrate. Type of exercises: Aerobic/freestyle dance, spine correction stretches, wall-punch/tai-chi. Satisfaction level: I will give this experience a strong, well deserved 3. Not to say it was bad, but I had many external factors contributing to my inner turmoil. Seems like I have to start a careful plan for my workouts, because as it seems, freestyle won't always work. I was slow, unfocused, confused. Music: I started off with some neurofunk for aerobic, but I didn't quite "vibe" with it at the moment because I usually use it for meditation. Done the exercises for about 10 minutes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEBysA5tY88 Then some random freestyle workout, stretches and jumping jacks on some aggressive metal music, but I felt this too was sucking down my psychical energy levels, which were very low upon waking, so I listened for ~30 minutes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJdPxexOntY Then switched to progressive psytrance which was enjoyable at the moment. (10 minutes) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9Rr8ZShYFI Total workout duration of about 1 hour. ***Note to self: CAREFUL PLANNING IS NEEDED IN WHAT REGARDS BOTH THE MUSIC AND THE TYPE OF EXERCISES. FACT THAT REQUIRES FURTHER RESEARCH!

Weight: 81.8 kg (h: 1.77m)

Food: 4 pieces of chicken frankfurters, 2 large portions of tomato+radish salad with olive oil Drink: water

@Zigzag Idiot I have a nerdneck. You don't have to cut down on portions, just eat the right food. Now that's tricky because you're a mature man soo you have different needs than young woman in her twenties that works out day and night haha. I definitely recommend nutritionist and maybe talking with a gym coach or yoga teacher or picking up a sport. Octane af aye. I recommend you watch this, the guy is very funny. He is a chiropractor btw. I'm using this exercise for my neck:

Food: vegetable soup, pasta I didn't cook/grocery shop today, was too busy with my art. I have a hard time getting my needs heard and respected by others around me (I cannot eat wheat for example). I'm in physical pain and crying so hard right now, I have things to do today! Edit: Oh well, I guess I'll just bounce around like a large ball lmao. Drink: water

What the workout was about: I analyzed my body and found out which muscles are weak and was working on those areas to strengthen them. Was also working on flexibility and posture correction. My belly is kinda fat and looks awkward and made sure to take some care of that too. Type of exercises: Weight lifting, stretching, cardio, abs. Specific exercises for neck, spine, belly and inner thighs. Satisfaction level: I would say this experience was an 8. Mainly because some songs irritated me, and I had to interrupt the exercise pretty often to go and drink a ton of water haha. And then a family member came home from grocery shopping and I had to explain what I'm doing with my life. Music: The duration of the workout will always depend on the duration of the mix I am listening to. This time it took 40 minutes of intense workout. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiECEao2VKI Food: 1 sausage, 2 chicken frankfurters, cheese, cherry tomatoes Drink: water

Hey so I tried chatting a bit cause I was lonely, so I went on a chatting site (10 minutes ago), but when I open up and I'm authentic, people punish me for not wanting to have sex and only wanting to love them unconditionally. They don't understand unconditional love and even punish me for it. I don't mind having sex or even getting married or having a child, but no one can offer me that I need. Some things I got called in only 1 conversation that I had, in chronological order: cute (when I was accepting of him and sharing love) adorable (when I was teasing him) awesome (when I was open minded) lovely (when I understood him) exciting (when I told him about my abilities) prude (when I told him I don't crave sex) religious (when he saw I had no interest in sex for sex's sake, aka meaningless banging) naive (when I told him I love everyone unconditionally including him even if he is a stranger) weird (when I told him his intentions are unpure) easy (when I told him anyone could have me, it's the intention that matters and he should study female-male dynamics instead) nazi (when I told him that love is about collaboration and hard work) uhum sure, You will tell me what love is??? (when i tried to offer tips and tricks about pickup) when I told him to go bang a slut instead: - goodbye, im going to have sex now (they said they didn't have sex in 2 years before that, how ironic...) Wanted to reply "good luck with that" but he left the chat. Wow. His hatred was so intense. Strange... I'd rather go pickup people irl because at least then they feel my energy. Digital world is not the answer to dating. I try not to offer my help next time. Are men really that afraid to be honest and vulnerable? Also I didn't even like the man, he was very old and unattractive, yet I was offering all my love and help to him. And he treated me like a piece of crap. Now I want to kill myself and i feel empty and cold. Help.

Yes, seems like something that's worth studying. Beautiful quote. Thanks for the link, saved for later.

Checked out the Enneagram. I'm an Intimate nine subtype. "The Enneagram portrays our biggest problem in life and our greatest gift, and remarkably they are the same." "With the intimate Nine subtype, the general tendency of style Nine to merge with the plans and agendae of others becomes focused on a partner. The intimate Nine will tend to almost "live through" the romantic partner or close friend or parent/child. Within style Nine the danger is not getting what they want because they prefer to do what others want in order to get along. When this energy is focused on the partner, the relationship becomes all important and the Nine can lose her own volition and direction." (Source: http://www.enneagramcentral.com/index.html )

@tsuki It's not that we fail at it, it's just the written medium is tricky. If anything, it's the written medium at fault, not the people behind the screen typing the words. I don't see it as a failure, but rather, an opportunity to grow maybe. At least for me. You view it as you want it. I'm pretty sure if we talked face to face the misunderstanding could've been avoided. We're very much alike it seems. Don't beat yourself up over a misunderstanding. We are fine. We cool. No resentments. Have a good day you too! edit: don't say sorry, you've done no harm.

Song of the mockingbird [5th of february 2019] Singing a sweet lullaby Hush, baby, hushabye! Come dance to my melody In my deep bittersweet agony. Aroo-baroo, ratta tata ta I'll crown you with a panama! Come, join me in my loneliness Share with me your loveliness. Singing a happy songaroo Jump with me like a kangaroo! Wop, bop, hopp, cha-cha-cha Read to me the books of Akasha. Come, teach me how to play! I honestly don't know what to say. Singing a mantra, lalala Eating myself up, what a flaw! Dup, dee, doop doop woop getting caught up in the strange loop! Come, teach me how to dance, With you I know I have no chance.

@tsuki I think it's obvious that what I write says more about myself than about you. I had good intentions, but I had to realise that if I try to help others with such urgency, especially when not asked, then I must have either some insecurity about myself or a fresh emotional wound, and it can easily come off as unusual or shady to other people. Don't take anything I say too personally. I'm just trying to open up, in hopes I might get heard one day. I know the way I worded my ideas may have sounded annoying, but I wasn't aware of it back then. @Zigzag Idiot Saved the video for later. Thanks! I think if I'm a Jungian Innocent, then maybe that correlates to the tarot Fool? Thoughts? Some interesting perspectives on being a fool that are worth considering: “True rebels hate their own rebellion. They know by experience that it is not a cool and glamorous lifestyle; it takes a courageous fool to say things that have not been said and to do things that have not been done.” ― Criss Jami “A quick temper will make a fool of you soon enough.” ― Bruce Lee “A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell.” ― Thomas Fuller And maybe I have some Empress in me naturally because I'm a girl after all. “To those who abuse: the sin is yours, the crime is yours, and the shame is yours. To those who protect the perpetrators: blaming the victims only masks the evil within, making you as guilty as those who abuse.” ― Flora Jessop

It was unclear to me what the term 'typology' means because I'm not a native English speaker, but I did some research on it. I assumed the SD model is a typology. Now it is clear to me that I had no reason to mention it. Shit happens.

I don't feel superior at all, honestly. And even if I felt that way, would it really matter much on the grand scale of things? My feelings about myself have no reason to impact your way of life, objectively speaking. What I'm trying to say, I wasn't attacking you, you literally asked me to share and explain my views, and so I did. I won't call your reaction 'insecurity' because I have no way to know your inner world or why I seemed superior to you. In fact, you don't seem insecure at all to me, in case you wondered. From my perspective you misinterpreted my intentions. Sorry if what I wrote has offended you in any way, I had no intention of attacking neither you, nor your views. I'm on this website to help others and to grow myself, so I have no reason to hurt someone doing the same. I only tried to be kind and understanding and to share my recent experiences, thought you'd find them interesting and helpful. Though luck on my part, such is life it seems. I respect your choice, and I did say the spiral is just a model, and there are millions of other models by millions of other people. In fact there are probably at least 10 versions of the SD model in itself, because people develop it and such and such, at least from what I saw. Leo's video is also just his interpretation about the model. You're free to have your own interpretation. Just know the the SD model is not a hierarchy. It's easy to be seen that way. No stage is better or worse, or higher or lower than others. It's much like evolution. Is a chicken better than a dinosaur? No, it just evolved to fit its environment! lol If you don't agree with me, that is fine, but please please attack my ideas, not me. ;p If I really wanted to dominate and feel superior, would I have really been so honest to tell you and to the whole community I've been at the psychiatry cause I'm so weak that I cannot even handle a simple awakening? Did you perhaps view my authentic kindness as a way of trying to covertly belittle you? Because I didn't do that. I'm a very direct person. If I had anything to say to you personally, I would've done so. Everything I said in my last post was about me and about my views.

@corndjorn What enlightenment model are you using? Actual firsthand experience is more valuable than over-thinking a situation. Language, words (whether written or spoken) are pointers, not the actual experience, and it is easy to project ideas into written language, especially when debating things. What works for you is valid and it's great that you know yourself so well, it saves you from a lot of trouble. I can only congratulate you for it, good job. Studying the right, needed material (books, articles) saves you countless hours of suffering. Don't expect others to answer your questions and do the research for you, you could buy the actual books that offer advice for what is needed. And if someone gives you advice on this forum, I recommend you don't reply back immediately. Keep your cool, contemplate what they said. In certain cases action is needed. Mastery of anything takes continuous practice and openness to learn, maintain and keep up. Whether it's spiritual practice or a hobby. Eye-opening video to consider: Pain arises from resistance. Pain is a pointer, a teacher indeed, but Truth is soothing. If a particular idea hurts, it's not Truth.

when Alex* wept** [3rd of february 2019] i looked at his face and i saw you not like i mind it, but mind you! i am not at all paranoid will avoid the term schizoid this is for every you and every me this is for that person I call "he" whom I've hastily played out all my cards been let there out "play your cards well!" that's what I heard in hell. but is it really all just a game? one can dream. :-) * Alex - alterego assigned to myself that I use in my poems and short stories ** bonus points if you get the reference, I didn't read the book yet though

blind eyes [2nd of February 2019] feels like everybody is trying to fix me seemlessly trying to mix me into the whirling antidote against the sacred sovereignity of the Self. and I tried to be nice, I tried to comply, tried I to be firm tried I to stand up against the throwing of rocks of the masses. I was there, and God, was I loud! I am sacrifice under human flesh I'm the mirror on your wall I'm your reflection staring back at you I'm the keeper of light in dark times. I am your friend, and also am I your deepest fear and also am I the love in times of ruthlessness your genie inside the broken vase of my tormented body. call me and I'm there but you better speak my language I only know one: that of love. That shall be enough for now.

@tsuki I knoow, it was a joke! I am laughing at myself lol. No worries, you didn't offend me. And even if you did I am responsible for my reactions and emotions. All of these categorizations are mere models, some are more widespread, some aren't. Some are older, some are emerging. I simply identified myself with something that resonated. I know you meant I seemed a bit arrogant, I mean, that's a pretty high level, but I didn't say it out of ego. It's all meaningless, after all. Didn't mean to brag. I think green and yellow can be wonderful if developed with patience. The spiral model takes hours to study. It's a mere self-development tool based on psychological observations. Some people tell me I'm more turquoise than coral, but that's because those people are either green or turquoise themselves and turquoise doesn't see the stage above him. None of these stages are better or worse than others, each human being is equally valuable and every stage can have negative and positive manifestations, depending on the individual's psychology. Besides, the spiral model was meant to represent the dynamic between societies, from what I heard, but it's also used by individuals to develop themselves. If you feel yellow is comfortable, then remain there and become the most positive version of yellow. Learn everything about yellow. Not every human wishes to evolve further on the ladder. Sometimes we can develop and evolve within a specific stage, and a positive yellow is still better than a negative turquoise manifestation. It is said that Coral correlates with the Boddhisattva, in case you wondered. Sometimes I can regress into green when I'm depressed. I had to visit a psychiatrist after my enlightenment because I couldn't handle it, it was too fast, it broke my mind in a sense. Fun times. So yeah my point is that it's not worth going somewhere that isn't comfortable. No need to feel inadequate, in case that's how you feel about the whole model of the spiral.

That's good. I hope you're getting what you've expected. Communication difficulties and misunderstandings can easily arise in such complex topics, Depending on where you are on the path. @now is forever <3

I think you're referring to the spiritual ego. Thanks for your concern..But no, I was aware that you genuinely meant everything. I wasn;t projecting anything, I asked a question to be able to help you in a more effective way. I was literally saying, "help me help you". And I meant your thread, not your post. Sorry for the confusion, it's late night here. Was generally and genuinely asking what are you expecting from the actualized community.

Thanks! Nice to meet you too, it's a pleasure to talk to you. I'm a girl by the way. No worries tho haha, just mentioning it cause you had no way to know it, so you created a picture of me in your mind, which is natural and not "bad", in fact it's something that everyone does, it;s how the human mind works. Many people assume I'm a guy, maybe it was my emo-ish profile picture haha. You tell me. (See the point I'm trying to make here? We all make projections based on past experiences. Me being a girl in essence is meaningless, at least I believe it doesn't alter the helpfulness of my posts for you). And yeah, I guess I can be constructive sometimes, I get that often. I am confident but deep within I know I am just like everyone else. A random human being. But thanks, that really felt good! It's ok to be abrasive. No one can take that away from you. It's a choice. You're free to choose each response, no one was doing the action of typing for you but you. Not saying it was wrong, it was neutral from a non-dual point of view. Abrasive is just your opinion about yourself, but if you feel like it resonates with you, fine, be it. You are aware that everyone can be what you call "abrasive", right? No need to be hard on yourself, but I appreciate your honesty with yourself, it's definitely a sign that you're on the right track! Keep up the good work! Sorry if I scared you away with my last post, I'm still practicing to express my unconditional love towards people effectively, so don't mind me if I was bit awkward haha.

What are you trying to achieve with this whole post? Authentically, honestly speaking. Let us know. If you have no ego, you have nothing to protect and nothing to hide, so a question like this should be no trouble for you to answer. Plus we are trying to help you. Let us know what are you expecting of us. at least me, the individual typing this, I'm genuinely curious about your needs. All of us were trying to help in our own way, you're just not aware of it. I don't actually expect you to respond, just sit with yourself and contemplate if you need to. You are free to choose your reactions or non-reactions. I am only reminding you of things, I'm not assuming you don't know them. So it;s pointless to argue. Maybe take a break and respond later if you feel like it.