Aquarius

What is yours? Yea that's what I meant lol. 100 here we go...!! I'm a girl tho but thanks I try! NEW VID (maybe meditating to neurofunk isn't the best idea...... )

Everything. idk im beginner

Exactly! Life is so beautiful now. ^^ <3 Glad you enjoyed!

Something weird happened today! Just today I was walking in the park and a dog ran to me very happily. Since I am in flow state I am very present in the moment and relaxed, move easily, socialize easily... So I smiled at the dog, and a woman sitting at the bench told me "He doesn't bite! And he loves when you stroke him." cause the dog sat on the ground and waited for me to play with him. I was stroking the dog's back and he immediately fell asleep. He was hard to wake up and the woman said he never was this relaxed. Maybe I have hidden reiki powers???? Anyway. Conversation with woman as follows... : Woman: He doesn't bite! You can play with him. Me: I figured. He looks like a good boy. Woman: He likes when you stroke him that's why he lay on his back. Me: *stroking dog's belly* What a good boy... I never had a dog. I live in a block. Woman: Me too, he sleeps on the balcony. Me: Yeah.. I mean, my father lives in a house, he has some dogs, and I live with my granny on the 4th floor on ___________ Street. Granny was a nurse in this park in that building. *I point to a building with a quick head movement* She is bacteriophobe. (is this a real word??) Woman: I understand. *silence while me playing with dog and stroking his back, face and belly, after that he fell asleep. im calm and the dog is cute* *some kid kicks a football accidentally there* *I realise she's a mom. She tells me to kick it back to his son. I kicked the ball back. The children were asking each other if im a girl or a boy (I had this problem since childhood, I'm very androgynous haha). *She stands up and approaches me and wakes up the dog with a sweet voice* *I give her my hand to shake* Me: I'm ______ (my name). Nice to meet you! Woman: _______ (her name). Me: *telling her about my father, I tell our surname and ask if she knows him* Woman: I know him! He is a mechanic! Me: Yeah, I'm his daughter. Woman: How old are you? Me: 21. Woman: Didn't you go to university? Me: Nah, I failed my Bacalaureat at maths...I was lazy and I oreferred going out in nature, jogging and walks in nature. ***next 10 minutes: *random chat, mainly me talking by myself cause i had insomnia last night and has less control of what I said..* *son kicks ball too far again, I kick back. asks mom if im a girl* (pic related) Woman: No, I mean YES! Cause her name is ______. Me: *smiles at his son and shouts out loud* I'M A GIRL!!!! (I got used to being mistaken for a guy, so I was neutral to the fact that they though im a young man) Woman: I will have to go now. I hope to see you again soon! Me: See you! *awkwardly start running for some reason because I wanted to jog but I realize my clothes are too heavy and think, "Next time" and after 2 seconds of jogging I start walking.* Found her on Facebook. She's a psychologist and pharmacist. Wow. I bet she read me like an open book! This was my first approach of a stranger. Was cool practice. And it was by accident, I only wanted to stroke the dog but meanwhile I made a friend. So see? I do mistakes but I treat them as nothing. I live by the quote that, those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind. It doesn't have to be perfect guys! I hope this is a good example for guys and girls and pickup community and people who want friends in their adult years.

comments, advice, suggestions welcomed! ~

@Zigzag Idiot Ain't gonna lie, I missed You the most from this website! ❤️ I was offline for months cause I went to better myself in the cold, harsh reality..

Probably not a good idea to approach until you get into flow state. Read Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi books. I never read them cos I figured stuff out on my own, but people say he talks about this. Be the cool guy, the bad guy, making my mom cry guy. ? (Sorry I looove Billie Eilish and I'm just kidding. Be nice to mom, mmk? ??) Learn humor and to let go. Be witty! Don't care what people think! Let go of analyzing what people might think of you and stay in your own body. Be body-aware! (another video I didn't watch but I figured out myself through real life practice and anxiety pills). And most importantly.. don't force the whole thing. And if you make a mistake don't overthink it, just let go. Enlightenment work helps. Nonverbal communication means more than verbal. Learn to communicate or get in flow state. Also how old are you? Are you at school/uni, or you approach on street? I will give you an example of approach, I'm a female btw. Read this post I made: And lastly, be fine being alone first. Don't just make friends cause you're lonely.. make friends with yourself. I always tell people that love isn't the praise you get from friends or the attention a sexual partner gives you. While those are important or even necessary, true love starts within. By respecting yourself. Take care of the flower (self), the butterfly (friend, lover) will come when it's time. - quote I heard from a friend.

i. - Things that were, are and will be "bad" in my life - a radically honest and detailed list Things I didn't like about myself, things that I struggled with, things that were mildly or severely annoying me, things that were going bad in my life or simply disturbing or disrupting my flow and things I had to accept cause I couldn't change them. These are from birth till now, as chronologically sorted as possible. I have some things I work on too in present or things I sense I will encounter in the future. So I will sort this chapter past - present - future. a. past hurt I was born 1 week later than it would've been normal. So 9 months and 1 week. I find it lucky cause I am an Aquarius. If I was born on time, I would've been a Capricorn. Still am a Capricorn based on some weird astrological systems, including Vedic. I don't own the book below. It's on my wishlist though! Someone buy me pls? ? Just kiddin. Anyway, sometimes I suspect the reason why I was born a whole effin week later is because both me and my mom were attached to each other. I was overly attached to my family and overly dependent on them because of my financial situation. That doesn't mean I should've felt energetically in debt to them just cause the money, food and shelter, but for some reason I did. Solution: I went to a psychologist whom helps me cope with hardships. She told me I don't have to tell everything to my family, only when I'm ready. I have some secrets since then that they know nothing of... I will tell them about my secrets when it is TIME. ? Another solution to the over-attachment was going outside alone days in a row. I am doing a 100 day challenge of going outside every day..... It is 5th day today. I mean 6th because it is past midnight but that doesn't matter. I am in the mood to write cause I was having a horrible fight with family and I can't sleep so I'm writing this thingie hehe. So..back to subject! I was going outside every day for 6 days and they slowly started believing in me and they let me go outside whenever I wish. I still have to tell them when I leave home. but I am working on a way to make it possible to leave home without letting them know,.. idk if it is a god idea but I would be more comfortable. Plus they invented mobile phones half a century ago ugh. ? Oh well... at least I know I have loving and supporting parents whom care about me, even if they are overprotective. That's the way how the best moms are. <33333 It's so good to have a family that loves you and supports your dreams.. When I was born I didn't cry up. They had to take out the water from my throat then I cried. I am sensitive in my throat, for example I can't stand cigarette smoke, incense stick burning, air freshener, (strong) perfumes and deodorants, ice cold air, too hot air and talking too much or singing. I also talk a bit in a mumbling voice and have a weird lisp and russian accent. ? Solution: Started talking with friends and family more, got out of my comfort zone and called and texted and contacted old friends and people. Told them about my mental illness. Read a novel about a socially awkward girl and how she coped (pic below), and I still have to finish the book..I'm at 54%, it means I read half the book. .... to be continued.

00 - Prologue ~ Ok, so I want to write this journal to inspire others. I finally awakened and knew myself. It was similar to Ekhart Tolle, I suffered so much that I hit rock bottom, then things started going upward after I contacted a good ol' internet friend my age (21) whom I met at a psychiatry back in 2012. He told me to get help and promised it will get better and offered empathy... Then read some older replies to a post of mine. I need some post-trauma healing and minor shadow work (and a part time job for a decent income), but I am wise enough and now I implemented everything I learned from actualized org and friends and family and throughout life in a short period of time (say 3 months..). I matured. Solved the maze. Still get ego backlash rarely but it ain't that bad and I can make it go away with self control. ***Note: I didn't read or watch everything from Actualized, but what I read and listened, I implemented. I am too weak right now and my mind can't take more info from Leo vids, he is too advanced. Maybe older ones.. Much respect, @Leo Gura! Thank you for being part of the process and helping me find "da wae!" ? I am NOT a fan of "I'm enlightened ask me anything" journals. You can ask me advice here or in private, (I prefer here so that others can benefit as well, but message me if it's important or sensitive topic. If you can (only if you can cause, I don't mind much haha), pretty please don't use "woo woo" terms and occultist jargon, or over-complicated mental-masturbatory philosophical ideas. Thankies! ? Be honest. Be pure. Be direct. Be clear. Be concise. Be objective. Keep it simple and to the point. Ask many questions. Give detailed info so I can give detailed solutions and advice. I am gonna use this thing as a daily journal as well. To track my growth progress. Easier to track here than on paper. I am not on computer much cause I'm out in the world doing stuff, living life. I spend minimum 5 hours outdoors and / or in nature every day and the rest of the day is spent exploring creative ideas and chatting on Messenger with friends whom are materially more successful than I am at the moment. Which is normal, we are all unique. I am going at my own pace and I have different needs atm. I'm also going to share inspiring photos, quotes, books, music, art, people, tips and advice. I might add astrological notes, videos and article links since I want to learn to read a chart properly. I will share occasional self-created art. Digital, graphite and paintings. Maybe also photos or vids of my life stuff....... I plan to structure this like a book. Will see.. Wish me good luck and good health to keep this journal project going! ? -- 10/oct/2019, 2:27 am

You guys, I don't mental-masturbate anymore. I had realizations via direct experience and my English knowledge is weak so I'll just let you discuss. Point is, I found the answer to my question thanks to all of you. Cheers!

@Scholar No no, you see I had an existential crisis. The forum members helped me out. You got my question wrong. I know what "-ism"-s are. Thanks for the info though, you learn something new every day. ♫ overthinking overanalyzing separates the body from the mind....♫

There's a counter-intuitiveness I often see in self-help. The more you chase happiness, the sadder you become. Because of the attachment to an idea of ideal reality which doesn't exist. Life is now. I'm happy because I'm content. Reality hits hard oftentimes, but that's ok. I learned to cope. Most of the source of human unhappiness is not being grateful for what you have, in my experience. Always wanting more -- in a neurotic manner. Chasing illusions instead of experiencing.

I don't know. There is something beyond me that I sense that I cannot quite grasp. It just is. It's quite liberating. I always remember this sentence you wrote in my darkest times. Helped me/ saved me, you name it. Thank you, Tsuki. <3 Yeah. I am in a phase where I am quite stuck, I'll see what I can do. Certain forces hold me back. I saw Leo's Fear video but haven't the gut the watch it fully. It's too intense. Taking it bit by bit. How I missed this forum and its loving, motivating atmosphere. ? I'm not alone... Dude. I cried. @Shin I made it. ? Also thank you for the long message. I went through a quite challenging time and I accidentally awoke randomly. Don't ask. And yes I went through the same realizations. Now it's time to get creative with the resources available. I am content. ?

He has it in the audio downloads.

I don't know if this has been posted yet. Thought I'd share.

@studentofthegame Haha oops. Didn't mean it. Wanted to quote the quote. Sorry. Edited now.

Liberation is about allowing yourself to feel desires that are wrong. Because if you feel bad about feeling something "bad", thinking that you "shouldn't" feel that emotion, you create a negative feedback loop, and you feel bad about feeling something unusual. Then you feel bad about feeling bad about feeling bad. It can go on forever. But if you allow yourself to feel, and say "yes, life is shit, people are bad and selfish, everybody dies in the end anyway, so I can do what I WANT!", it just means that you can stop worrying about saying something controversial or doing something bad, or feeling something bad, then when you do those things you just laugh at yourself, like "Hahahaha damn, I was so dumb to get angry on something so small like this!". And then again it doesn't matter that you were dumb to do or say something, because nothing matters, people get cancer every day and live their lives like there's no tomorrow, cause you never know. Or, someone wrongs you and instead of getting angry you ignore them. Because if nothing matters why does it matter that he laughed at you? If nothing matters, why does it matter so much to you that someone wronged you? If it really didn't matter you wouldn't be angry. So it means that it matters to you, something matters to you. Perhaps your public image. But if you didn't care, it wouldn't embarrass you that much. Think of comedians. So many comedians are considered ugly or weird by society and then they make a career out of being weird and making people relate to them. Because they accept their situation. There was a teacher of mine who tried for 10 years to get into doctor's university. Not once, 10 times. She didn't make it, but she could've just worked a 9-5 job in a factory, instead she tried a 11th time at literature, became a private teacher, speaks 5 languages, and makes money on her own, doesn't even teach at school anymore. And she helps hundreds of children get into highschool, collage, university or to get a job. She could've given up and say "the system is corrupt and I have no chance, I will kill myself". But she fought instead. Changed lives. Including mine.

You're misunderstanding the whole thing. Being alone doesn't mean there is only you and you are imaging the world from your limited human perspective. It means that you are connected to all, there is no where else to go, there is only this, nothing outside of the universe / God, the Universe is alive, and consciousness is not an accident, a life-less inanimate thing cannot randomly create forms out of pure chaos. It's really subtle but life changing and it has enormous implications. It won't give you superpowers though. Please don't fall into delusion, these are just pointers. We are real lol.

No, he is not my ex. And on a side note, what if I'm toxic too? Nobody is perfect. My ex just told me btw that he doesn't deserve me. (Edit: it's not about "deserving" someone...we are equal) He realised that already, so I forgave him, and no we are not together, we aren't compatible and that's ok, but I don't see the reason why we should hold grudges. Even if we don't talk that often. But I also agree with you. If I want to grow I have to let go of what no longer serves me. For example lies people tell me about how I am and what I deserve. Thanks Shin.

About 2 years ago I had a dream one night, a dream that I hold dear. I was in a place filled with shallow water and it was dark and everything visible was monochromatic, sort of like purple-bluish. In the middle of the place there was a huge wide tree, that was the only thing that was there and that could be seen. I was the consciousness in the shadows, looking at the tree. Or at least its root, because it was an enormous tree and only the roots were visible in that darkness. Strong, big roots. Strong, big tree. I was looking at someone stumbling and climbing around the roots. It was a friend of mine I always loved but never talked to (in real life), plus he likes to insult me and play with my feelings (also in real life). I was watching him doing his thing around the roots. In my dream I didn't recognize him or who he was, it's just his presence pleased me. Then I woke up with this strong desire to connect with this specific person. Awake, I could easily associate him with the presence (guy) in the dream. A quite ironic, sarcastic and nihilistic guy that talks in soft monosyllables and never laughs. So I messaged him on the internet, and he replied and was happy. We talked a lot since then. I always ruined everything though. Sometimes he was the one that messaged me for life advice or to tease me. I almost always felt uneasy when he talked with me, but secretly wished he would talk all day with me (sometimes he did). It's interesting how a friendship developed from a simple dream. I never told him about the dream. And of course I ruined the friendship recently and we don't talk anymore. Anyway, what do you guys think the dream meant? It was a highly mystical experience for me.

I don't think it is your fault. I used to have the same problem. My family kept telling me that they are jealous, but of course I didn't listen and thought it was complete bs. Then years after graduation I realised they were right, they WERE jealous, because looking back at the pictures I was the prettiest, at least from that year, and what they said was the complete opposite. I never were that disappointed and in so much pain and suffering. I mean how could I be that dumb? I could've easily find my path and do that which resonated, but I left myself be tricked and kicked in the face. And now I have to start all over and lay the foundation again. I say just believe in yourself and be yourself. It's never too late.

You may want to contact a professional.

I don't think there's anything that can make me happy.

I never thought about that. I just sort of do it because everyone seems to be doing that and then it becomes the norm (the thing about relationships). Because "why not." But somehow that's not enough. I asked for meaning because life feels empty and useless. I don't even think there are words to describe it. Ok, waiting. That feels calming. Thank you. So what next?