NoSelfSelf

@Kksd74628 You bore me

@Kksd74628 I mean with that statement you went a little deeper than just saying its about being uniquely you, so thats why i said its a beggining because there are alot more things to it ,if you want to stay on surface level then it doesnt work in real world only in theory...pointless to talk about because you dont want to understand how it really works but make it your way...

@Kksd74628 We talked about that and its only a beggining...

I see Improvement ?

Dont listen to him on this subject he is not gamed up...

@Chives99 ?

@Chives99 I look it like this: belief in yourself comes from allowing every experience to happen because you belive you know you can overcome it then nervousness etc. is ironically not there, if you want to control every bit and having a system you will always be afraid because you are trying to control the reality which you cant control you can only control how you going to do things and rest is not up to you.Controling every bit is cause of your stress because its not possible to control everything. Control yourself not enviorment if you can dominate over yourself then outside doesnt matter.Create a system that doesnt involve anybody but you... Thats why in Fight club movie its a great quote:Self improvement is masturbation(because you are trying to ease the pain) while self destruction(going through the pain that will make you grow)... Social thing is in your head if you swap it with just what you want and there to do then social stuff doesnt matter. Supressing who you are(your autism) even if things works will just be a beggining of a relationship based on a lie that will always make you worry... Thats all i can give as an advice

@Chives99 Great then,only thing i can tell you is not about her but you,being afraid she will say no is what makes you stuck or what you think what she would like to hear or you do. In ideal situation you should not care and tell her what you really want and lead her by telling her in detail what you want. Like: You seem like a fun person to be around and want to get to know you better outside of work setting to find out if you are really what im looking for i have this place where they serve some really good ice cream(or whatever) explain to her why you love that place...then say when you are free and if that would be good time to acompany you on mutual discovery of eachother...

Im not sure if you would want to potentially mess up your job situation over a woman ...

You cant just ask lets get back together, you need to say something like: " i know ive been an asshole i regret doing it, let me make it up to you and show you how the fresh beggining will look like ,you just need to bring an open mind and be in your favourite dress and i will prepare some meal and dessert for you and rest ill let you think about it on a way to me...(you work the magic ?) Something like that...

Observing the present moment for 8 hours a day every day,until you get mystical experiences...usually happen late at night for some reason...

John wick fighting is waay more realistic than this guy snapping people in half with bare hands ?

He is not your friend,if hes truly your friend you would be happy for him that's how i think about it...

You take only what it applys to you and how it will work in your life, memorizing the whole thing is useless...i was like that, i needed to know every detail from the author to make sure im good,its not like that, you just take what you can apply in your life and no book can tell you that...

It could be that you are the value , you then give part of yourself ,or you are picking something you connect with and give it the value(the meaning) it has to you. If you dont care about something it has no value to you...

Narcissist cant see that he is in wrong, because he has so much shame in him that he must resort to gaslighting,shaming,blaming,being a victim etc.

You havent dig inside your mind the gold of yourself to love yourself, before that you havent sit with yourself and embrace yourself unconditionaly as you are...

@flowboy Yeah just learned about that in more detail,there are like whole galaxy of emotions,beliefs,memories,assumtions etc. mixed together that wants to integrate in every moment crazy stuff..

This is all an add on to the first 8 years of your life, where you formed wounds that later abuse just makes it bigger until it splits open...This coupled with emotional part(shadow work) can make it work...This is all my theory not scientific or anything (only the 8 years of childhood that formed the foundation for trauma by how emotions were treated by parents/society)... 1.Losing trust in yourself-slowly you not realize that the constant abuse ,lets say from gaslighting,from shaming,verbal abuse, you start to start seeing your own thinking/feeling/action as worthless, thinking all i need to do to avoid the abuse is supress my thinking/feeling then everything is fine. 2. Its like everything you do is ends up wrong and againts you... Since probably your deep thinker/unique indovidual and way you see the world is completely different from others,everything if you truly express yourself comes of as wrong could also be part of losing trust in yourself. 3.Losing ability to defend yourself. The more abuse is frequent, the more you defend, then you see it makes it worse ,lets say if you grew up with a narcissit he will make you pay for going againts his thoughts with silent treatment,everything being said is false and turned againts you, so you learn to not defend your position in the future it goes hand in hand with point 1. 3.Forming codependency(feeling and thinking something is wrong with me) At this point you start to feel like somethings wrong with you (almost all the time )and you need to fix yourself but this also makes things worse by seeing yourself more and more as someone thats broken and needs fixing(but its necessery first step). Depending on your self image and how you see yourself on the past experience(of the abuse) mind turns to defining you based on that, how world(could be a group of friends as your world)treated you thats how you see yourself and now you feel stuck in that world, where you dont have self belief to think different than how world saw you. Fixating on valuing other people thinking and opinions over your own,now outside world is in the drivers seat on how you will think and feel.(expecially in social or pressure situation its amplified/fear of conflict). 4.The more you lost the trust in yourself the more lower the self belief and confidence is the more it generates negative downrowd spiral From point 3 everything goes down Because of point 5. 5.Constant inner conflict emerges where you are batteling againts yourself all the time ,rejecting yourself because of abuse where you saw you your thinking and feeling is worthless,because its shut down every time making you create an inner contract(outside world didnt harm you you saying ill never voice my opinion and interpeting the abuse made it all possible)saying my thinking doesnt matter i cant voice it so every time you want to speak up in front of people social anxiety comes to stop you because you have that contract.... 6.Losing your individuality because of codependency Constantly being lost,confused cant find the way out of the problem because you lost the ability of original thinking and knowing whats best for you(plus inner conflict) so every part of life suffers leaving you with more suffering and depression fueling the old wound... Cant find place in the world. Well this all sounds "bad"... this is my theory and experinece and how i saw it.When i saw the pattern it i started to regain my personal power with trusting my own thinking and feelings to be completely valid and has huge value for me,thats in my opinion is the start of recovering yourself and everything else that piled on that core problem that started the domino effect(losing your trust/your defence/your thinking/living in a world defined by abuse experience.. hope it helps...

Always finding things you are grateful for you have,affirming great things you already have,looking back from where you came from. Having high standards is great and key to happiness, but wanting things fast and not appreciating the process hurts you,because process is what matters to get the the goal, focusing on goal itself is a distraction. Quality of the inner progress of lessons that setbacks teach you, is so much more rewarding than the reaching of the goal itself.

@Ulax Thanks ? @Vibes ?

@Ulax Yeah im thinking about exactly that,well im self diagnosed codependent could say mixed with trauma,which were really bad before whit constant anxiety,somebody could tell something about me(true or false)triggered the big respons(how others feel i would feel).You know some stuff about yourself but you dont even see that you abandon yourself,no interest in your own self,that causes you not having formed identity so you are lost in the world.Learning Game helped me with destroying codependency,not fully but big chunk of it,thats why i speak with so much passion/agression in dating section i dont know if thats that. Still have problem with figuring out myself,enlightement work helped me become normal and now i see better the abuses and ways things influenced me to form that so called passive toxicity or whatever(all this im thinking detached because i dont really trust noone anymore but myself to form information for me)... I would say i was at negative -100 got to a solid 0(normality) and now going up every day in this direction of self trust and taking back my personal power lets say. I guess that would be a preview...

@theleelajoker Yeah when you give yourself a permission to be fully you then showing it to others,expecially the ones like narcissistic father(who abused you)can be healing because you look it all from different pov,and allowing to be you, seeing how they forced you to abondon yourself but now you dont listen and abandon yourself after the same abusive pattern... @Ulax I got even more deeper into this one,not trusting yourself and constant doubt in yourself is the cause of so called toxic passivity, where you always look for something else to give you things so you can heal yourself,constantly hearing other peoples thinking inside of yourself not knowing what you want and not taking so called personalized action where you do action only for yourself (could put it in point 2).This is so deep that i didnt digest it all. But probably you can relate that you dont easily make a decision and always looking for the new answers and consuming stuff and not taking action for yourself and trusting your judgment/intuition because it was beaten out of you from abuse that everything that you always wanted as a child was bad and every time you start to do something for yourself it becomes an emotional mess. @001 Thanks ?

@Emerald Game is not something you have then it turns off,game is the whole person if that person is exciting then it will be throughout relationship,if that person is deep he will be always deep. If the things suddenly stop and become stale its because that person was using a fasade of looking like that person to draw you in,thats why i said you got attracted to the fasade of learned practiced behaviour that that person is actually not.Game cant stop because game is not about a woman its about a man who he is,thats why if a person is doing things for a woman and having her in mind and not himself hes manipulating right from the bat,its all about me i am who i am and i made my own life around me, you are the one accompanying me so there is no stopping and its not just the attraction phase its all phases.This is common sense when you think about it...

Without knowing yourself, you wont know what to think, so you need others to think ,so you depend on them thus need their validation... If you knew what to think and value your thought(btw all world does is trying to beat that out of you) you will need others and their validation...