Brandon Nankivell

Yeeha

Anyone know of any enlightened masters like Adyashanti, Shizen Young etc... If they've taken DMT (or similar substance) and what the experience is like? Is it unique versus when you're still identified with a false sense of self?

How much self-inquiry do you do?

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How do you know this?

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It's only after my 4th what I call a 'interactive hallucination' that I've finally considered that this may have something to do with higher levels of consciousness, but I'm not sure, and that's why I'm writing this post. Hallucination may not be the correct term but bear with me. Background: 26 now, been doing the whole personal development stuff since 17 and overall live a peaceful life, apart from one main thing that's been knocking on my door which is the call to intimacy. Hallucination 1 I experienced my first one about 1.5 years ago after waking up a little hungover and drowsy. I lost my notes on it but from what I recall, it was lucid-dream-like but not a lucid dream. It had a dreamy feel to it. I was in a room, without my body, a point of consciousness, and I got sucked into a point across the side of the room that I recognized as DMT dust. There was a profound message that my Dad was hyper-committed to my Mum because of love, in spite of the hardships of caring for someone with heavy mental illness. This has always scared me, but I understood why Dad stuck around after that experience. I woke up in a shock which I can describe as neither good or bad. I had 2-3 more between then and now, spaced about 6 months apart. Hallucination 2 Another one during my 6-months of my stint of unconditional love outpouring and absolute joy! I was drowsy in the afternoon, and in minutes I entered this sleep-paralysis-like state and I started seeing clear psychedelic geometry, and my body was merging with everything other than my body! Buzzing sounds... This is why I describe these experiences as interactive. They involve more than just seeing something. It typically involves the body merging with the outside, and I'm completely awake, yet kind of in a dream space and my body is immobile. It also has a spiritual presence to the experience, unlike previous sleep-paralysis experiences I've had when I was a young teenager, they had nightmarish themes. Hallucination 3 (today) Context: Around 2pm, in bed on a work break Journal entry: Was feeling tired, wasn't sure why but biggest suspect was the amounts of fat I'm eating on a non-keto diet. The 2 giant strips of bacon, 4 eggs, and butter I had this morning. Anyway... Shit got interesting... I was listening to Leo from Actualized.org talk about Jordan Peterson. Just 5-minutes-ish in and suddenly I found myself with my body paralyzed, fixed in place. The voice of Leo in the background. Conscious. Aware. I heard a continuous stream in the background, something that was similar to the 'bye woody' scene in toy story, that echooey 'byyyyeeeeeeeee wooooooooooooddyyy' with a bit of chime, ring and spin. Subtle. I saw blackness. I felt my body on it's side, slowly beginning to automatically penetrate. There was a feeling that this is all my body wanted to do. It was begging for it. Maybe my minds projection, but nonetheless that was what was happening. Automatic penetration. The dick wants to penetrate a woman. ***I was not using my will to do this, it was automatically happening, it was as if I was an observer of it yet feeling it at the same time Maybe the mind speaking again, but whilst and upon awakening from this experience, it's clear to me that penetration into a woman where I'm truly aware and loving, is what needs to happen to break through. ***note - this has been a recurring theme for a long time now, including on psychedelic experiences, to get intimate with a woman - it's been a long time and I often avoid it because I find it more comfortable to do things on my own It feels like there is something to break through. I felt my body merging with everything outside of me. At one point I saw visuals. Like a blurry painting right in the centre of my vision, taking up 15% of the composition. The rest black. It's a divine space. Common themes: Happens when I'm drowsy in the afternoon Lasts no more than 5 minutes Pretty clear visions Peripheral is always black Feel completely conscious Body immobile Ringing, buzzing, or feint spiritual ambient music A slight 'holiness' feel to the experience Merging of the body with the environment outside of it This is probably the biggest reason I feel this isn't an ordinary dream, lucid dream, sleep-paralysis, or hypnagogic experience - it's so potent and lines up with many accounts of experienced meditators - I can best describe it as 'merging with the universe' I feel like if this merging were to get any stronger, I would become everything and completely engulfed in euphoric bliss, it feels amazing, although I don't feel there would be 'me' anymore in my body, just one giant all encompassing infinity - I don't really have the words Thoughts on what I'm experiencing?

Stress. What a funny thing. Although I've had minor encounters with stress, I've never had it like this before. I feel like a complete newbie to stress. I've lived most of my life without it. And that's been intentional. Why the hell would I choose to live a life with stress? Some might say stress is good. Stress is required to achieve big goals etc. In my experience so far, even moderate stress has impaired performance. I'm with Sadhguru when he says why the hell you'd basically stress yourself instead of coming from a place of Joy! I do great when I'm coming from a place of joy! Anyway, this time is different. It was invoked by a situation where I had made some poor decisions upon leaving my previous house rental. Didn't tie up some loose ends. Moved into a new home, previous property manager got called and she lost her shit due to some of my poor communications. Currently dealing with a situation where I may get evicted, and it's also very difficult to communicate with someone who is in an emotional whirlpool with resentment being unleashed on to me. There's also higher order consequences of being evicted from my current place, to the point where I'm juggling 2,600 different things, something I'm not accustomed to. In good ol' Brandon fashion, I turned straight to Osho for wisdom on stress, myself too, can't remember which first but whatever. Both are super helpful, since Osho feels like a clone of myself in some ways, just a few steps 'ahead'. Part of me thinks stress management tactics are bullshit - like breathing etc. Alan Watts and Osho say don't try and do stuff to address it. Just let it be. I feel like I've tried both though. Letting it be. Breathing. Exercise. Lavendar scents. Tackling the sub-issues head on to come closer to resolve. The best thing that's worked so far for me is tackling the sub-issues head on to help me come closer to a resolution. It's only been a couple days (feels like a couple weeks) so hard to judge if letting it go is really doing anything. I think it's worth spending more time on just letting it be. Meanwhile gonna keep addressing the sub-issues as that is the most effective thing so far. Can't be assed committing to updating this journal given the 6 billion and one things there seems to be to do, although that doesn't mean I won't. On the flip side, what a great opportunity this is! The likelihood of encountering another stressful situation in life, even if I do the best in my power to mitigate it due to good lifestyle design, is likely. So I'll be better prepared for next time if I continue to make love with stress and learn more about it. Or maybe just let it go. I don't know yet!

Assuming the theory of the Wheel of Life / Samsara is true, why is it that figures like Osho and Buddha say that you escape the cycle of suffering forever? Why couldn't you fall back in? Apparently the wheel of life is begininngless, if it's begininngless though, wouldn't it be endless also?

There's the illusion of two though, right? Pretty much every one of us humans. So what stops an enlightened human from falling back into the illusion?

The fact that you're on this forum at age 17 tells me you're off to a great start to figuring shit out. I was 17 eight years ago with similar questions. Time is on your side right now. Do stuff. Reflect. Do other stuff. Reflect. Direct experience is the grand-goddess of figuring this all out. You'll get a plethora of suggestions of what area of your life to focus on and what to do regarding the girl stuff. My two cents is listen to your inner voice. If you don't know what that is, just keep at the self-improvement / self-actualization stuff. For me, getting my finances and financial confidence sorted via business early in my twenties has been tremendously awesome, although I've neglected intimacy which has come back to bite me recently, so now I'm addressing that. Any time you feel 'off', bad, or sick, is nature's way of telling you that you need to 'correct' something. Identifying what that something is, is 95% of the work done. So get busy meditating, journaling, posting stuff on forums, reading, having sex, travelling etc! Follow that inner voice!

Experienced this succinctly on my recent shroom experience!

Yes

Because they want to Why do they want to? Boost Confidence Why boost confidence? Acne/skin problems Why do you want clear skin? Creativity / experimenting Awesome! Look better Why do you want to look better? Look older Why? Look younger Why? ... Many of these responses are likely to chalk down to: Because it makes me feel good Confidence: I feel good! Look younger: I feel good! Look better: I feel good! Emphasize features > Look better > I feel good! Clearer skin: I feel good! Why do these things make you feel good? Could it be nature's way of saying that this is some kind of ideal? And isn't it wild that make-up can achieve all these things? High-value men typically gravitate towards a woman who looks younger, looks better, has clearer skin, has confidence, feels good etc. This is made clear in studies by Evolutionary Psychologist David Buss, not that you really need studies to observe this in the world. women aren’t wearing makeup for the purpose of going out and meeting a man. It’s much bigger than that. Just two examples of two women of the millions of women there are in this world, stating explicitly or tacitly wearing makeup for meeting a man would render this untrue. I find it highly unlikely you couldn't find at least two. Like a single, lonely 36-year-old woman who is past her prime and is wanting a new man in her life. To think that just a few of millions of these archetypal women who would admit the use of make-up in order to attract / meet a man of their liking? Highly likely! I speculate that most don't want to admit it because it can be seen as needy and repelling. What's more likely is multiple reasons bundled together, with attraction being high on the list, creativity and fun being others. It's interesting though that make-up is highly dominant and extremely common among women as a so-called creative outlet, versus all the other things that could be done as creative expression, hence the scepticism around creativity being a prime reason for make-up. The lip-stick effect is also significant enough to consider: This excerpt too: As some other women have suggested, it's not like you are consciously thinking 'I'm doing this to attract a mate'. But I propose that it's highly likely that it's rife in your subconscious. Why do we do anything when we really get down to it? Survival and reproduction. How to survive and reproduce? Attract a mate with resources so you have more security in your current and future prospects of sleeping, eating, drinking, parenting a child, and not get attacked by a lion. How to attract a mate with resources? Look good (indicates health and fertility for reproduction), as every study ever will assert, again not that you need studies to observe this in the world. How to look good? Make-up does a pretty good job! Just ask numerous men or reflect on many women's dating experiences with make-up versus no make-up!

Dedicated sit-down meditations can lead to insights, experiences, and concentration power that can transfer over to your daily life. But only to a certain extent. It seems once you stand up and get back in to ordinary life, the mind gets busier and stays pretty busy. Do you feel sit-down meditations are being given more emphasis than they deserve, versus turning daily activities into meditation?

I can defs still trip 5 days apart, although a little tolerance will have kicked in. I typically trip for at least 12 hours on any dose, 16 hours on heavier doses.

T+ 0:00 - 4g - Ground Syrian rue (MAO-I) T+ 0:45 - 5g - Acacia Acuminata T+ 1:30 - 10g - Acacia Acuminata Taken at home with friend. Wasn't really expecting it to work. It did. Psychonaut wiki guide suggested 2-6g (light to heavy dose) of Acacia Confusa. Apparently Acuminata may have higher concentration of N-N-DMT but that didn't seem to be the case, hence the higher dosage. It was difficult to tell if the 5g was kicking in after an hour, but it was only when I took pen to the paper and started drawing that I realized 'something is here...' 30 minutes later it became stronger, especially with the introduction of music and moving my body. I can totally understand why Amazon shamans use music now. It seems Pharmahuasca without music is like going for a bicycle ride without a bicycle. A fluid feeling in my body. The DMT was 'doing me'. Body automatically moving. I could resist it if I wanted to, but why? A sense of loving contentment. No visuals. No insights except the insights I had already come across in previous trips (drop the books, drop the journals, get out there and interact with the divine feminine). Highly pleasant experience. Lasted about 4 hours all up. Would do again at a higher dose, but feels silly ignoring integration before the next one.

I had 2 powerful awakening experiences that have caused a permanent shift: 1. Listening to my inner voice after 1.5 years and finally meeting up with a hippie group on the beach doing Wim Hof breathing. They emanated love and acceptance. On my drive home, I've never been the same since - similar to how Ram Dass encountered his Baba and 'caught the bug'. 2. Listening to Leo's Neti Neti video whilst under the influence of Cannabis

I'm feeling the call to connect and build a deep relationship with a woman or women after being single for 3+ years. I have a slight concern that there aren't many women in the dating pool who understand that traditional love is based on BS expectations. I'm also assuming that the biological wiring is deep in women such that they will want a relationship that lasts long-term, will eventually get the maternal call for kids etc. It's no wonder Osho outright said that every couple in the world should divorce. For those who feel they've reached a high state of consciousness and experientially understand that love is unconditional, how do you navigate the dating world or an existing relationship? Is an open relationship or polyamorous relationship the way to go? Be single and just hang out with women and always keep expectations clear that you aren't looking for a traditional monogamous shit-storm? Early on in taking action on this but interested in your thoughts.

Huh?

Sydney, sometimes Adelaide, soon the Gold Coast

I haven't heard much speak on this by Leo or on the forum. Thoughts on the usefulness of sitting in the lotus position, especially whilst doing SDS? My understanding is that once you've mastered the lotus position, it offers 2 major benefits: Less likelihood of distracting bodily sensations Something to do with the body having to do less work and blood flow

High on my list ?

I am yet to find a higher ideal than raising consciousness. I don't see anything wrong with using the words "I am raising consciousness" or "his consciousness is low". Nor do I see anything wrong with seeking to raise consciousness. Every major spiritual teacher like Jesus said something along the lines of 'Seek and ye shall find.' And as Osho would say, the boat is required to cross the river until it's not. Or a certain level of discipline is required, until it's not. I get the impression that what you're concerned about is the place that some people are coming from when they say these things. It is indeed not uncommon to see someone going on about raising their consciousness but acting in a way that is holding them back. My self included sometimes.

Cheers - will look into this