Everyday

yesterday ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5 ✔️no fap ( i won count the days because i don't see the point in doing so -it`s too stressful; high urges; i used ``edging`` for hours and the next day i was in a state of lust and temptation -don't use edging.) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ✔️✔️Eating healthy no ✔️(no) have i overeat? NO(no, i did not) {no} no ( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ❌no lp course ❌reading ✔️11/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️ 16/30m mind powers whilst listening to jazz. it works! ✔️31/30 meditation ( i meditated in a park. the first 16m where amazing but the rest of it was a struggle(i was thinking that someone will steal my stuff because i had my eyes closed. hAAHAH) ✔️10/10 concentration ✔️studying ( i went to the same coffee shop. i managed to study for less than 40m. i was to tired.) ✔️go to sleep at a decent time( yes yes yes! i went to bed at 23.00) + 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; : no urges How many times did i check out this forum? not at all was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? lol lolo no how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 2/5 i felt for a second that i am not my mind nor this ego that i am improving nor my brain i felt guilty for not studying more //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// May 15th, Tuesday ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 2/5 ✔️no fap ( faint urges in the morning, no urges for the rest of the day) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ have i overeat? no but i almost ate to much ( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️11/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️10 /30m mind powers ❌0/30 meditation ❌0/10 concentration ✔️studying 4h, same coffee shop, black tea + cinnamon ❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) i watched stupid videos all night till 5am ✔️ ✔️❌ Eating healthy (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption) (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages sosges, processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese) + 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; no urges How many times did i check out this forum? 2 was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? no how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 3/5 i think i will write these posts in the morning/noon because i have stuff to do and i can afford to roam around here too much . i write them at night but then i feel so much distracted and resistant to go to sleep and therefore i am prone to waste time on the INTERNET yes less than 10 days till the admission exams for college. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// May 16th, wednesday ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5 ✔️no fap (moderate urges; thought of edging again) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ overeat -i was again one fork away from doing it ( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ❌no lp course ❌reading ✔️/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️ /30m mind powers ✔️/30 meditation ✔️/10 concentration ✔️studying (same coffee shop,2h, i made a study plan -i have resisting doing one for months).Amazing! ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) ✔️ ✔️ ✔️❌Eating healthy + Eating healthy (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption) (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages , processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese) 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; no-no urges How many times did i check out this forum? 2+? was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? yes how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 2/5 i initiated three small talks with : at the bank with the consultant/cashier?. she was quite friendly actually. when i left she even wished me good luck! Amazing! i felt good and she felt good to -i assume) lesson- always start the conversation RIGHT AWAY supermarket cashier at the coffee shop with the barista : she looked sick so i just asked her ``are you sick?``. and she said : ``hehehe i was, now i am recovering``. than the barista-man gave em some a weird look and started talking with her about some stuff. lol keep being in a positive state . it makes the initiation easier. also, i realized that i first need to push myself by making small talk even if i don't feel like it. and as i speak more and more i get ``in the zone``. ``what will my dear readers think of my teenage-preparing-for-college-admission problems ?``. lol. it just happen to start this journal now. there is no shame in being young and unexperienced and scared and preoccupied with unimportant things lol i checked m email today and i saw a message from college reminding me to pay for those exams (apparently tomorrow is the last day when you can pay.lol. i have been preparing for these exams for months and i felt so much resistance and postponed to do this quintessential task. it would be pretty funny to not be able to take them just because i payed paid to late. what a twist would be. though i still feel resistant to read and take action regarding another email

MAY ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 2/5 ✔️no fap ( moderate urges, thinking way i should fap today and to re-start no fap again tomorrow and to never fap again;Day 3) ❌spending time outside ❌daily journaling ✔️❌ ✔️Eating healthy i overeat ❌no lp course ❌reading ❌/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️ 15/30m mind powers ❌/30 meditation ✔️5?/10 concentration ✔️studying (though massive resistance and worries that i wont pass those exams and that i wasted time) ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time + 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 3: moderate urges ; i watched dumb videos on you-rube to forget that i have to study 24/7 How many times did i check out this forum? 2 was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? no how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1.1/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 2/5 doubted myself today a lot; thought about how i will fail; thought how i will not speak in English proficiently at uni and everyone else will and hey will give me ``the look`` bc i am 19 and i don't speak English perfectly already lol ; i wish i could go back in time and learn 24/7. i wish to wake up and all my problems to be solved or gone i need to fix my sleeping schedule, diet,eating sweets,overeating,to take more care of my plants,to spend more time outside.to study more English make your goals more concrete i will go to sleep earlier today. i know i can. 142 days left/even less -4130 left of my 20s 18-22 posts per page important lesson: cauliflower resists in the fridge for more than a week and still looks decent (whereas broccoli is almost yellowish) i wrote on this side just because i can

@ElenaO thank you! lol i am working on this. 80% of time i overeat because i just like food. the ✔️ means that i overate and ❌means that i didn`t . i will make it clearer from now on. i bought leo`s lp course over a year ago but i got stock at figuring out my values. i feel tremendous resistance to do the exercises.

MAY ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 1.5/5 ✔️no fap ( Day 3;moderate urges;wet dream) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ✔️ ✔️Eating healthy i overeat lol ❌no lp course ❌reading ✔️12/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️15 /30m mind powers ✔️1/30 meditation ✔️5/10 concentration ✔️studying ❌ go to sleep at a decent time //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 3: i-dont-rememberer-urges How many times did i check out this forum? once was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? moderate how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 2/5 apparently hippos and rhinos aren't the same animal. i am surprised that i barely feel socially anxiety in crowded places like subway stations or supermarkets. although i felt lonely in the middle of the crowd around the fruit aisle .i remember when i felt moderate anxiety way back in the fall of 2017. interesting. i made fruit skewers! everyone from my family eat ate one! this is such a handy method to eat fruit! don't use too many sweet fruits/alternate them pear`s flesh is too thick and harden -use apples dont combine pineapples with oranges -it will be too sweet top fruit-combination : grapes, watermelon, oranges, strawberries,bananas i made a delicious fruit salad. watermelon, pears,apples,grapes,oranges,bananas + coconut flakes, hemp seeds, various seeds) lol

I am back on track, baby! ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 2.5/5 ✔️no fap ( Day 2; high urges - i calmed myself by reminding myself that by saying``i wont fap just once and from tomorrow on i will go cold turkey`` i will go nowhere and that i will feel urges daily so there is no point in delaying going cold turkey ) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ✔️❌ Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ❌reading ✔️/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️34/30 meditation ✔️10/10 concentration ✔️studying ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time ✔️15 /30m mind powers whilst listening to this album. i will keep doing this,maybe i will keep on track (5m affirmation, 5m positive self talk, 5m visualization)   + How many times did i check out this forum? just now three times was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 2 /5 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 2: high urges; i eat at a restaurant and i abstained to eat ketchup or mayonnaise although i had a burger . i don't know why but the other day i eat a full bag of potato chips albeit i haven't one in years. lol . baby ego-backlash? i can believe how much i have changed since may 2017. the high light of the day: I DID MIND POWERS FOR 15 MINUTES! i have been doing them on and off for months. but today i decided to start with 15m daily, than to increase to 30m. why i have done massive changes after a massive ego backlash? (April 18th-started this thread,i relapsed a few days ago and now i started mind powers) Amazing! i realized how wrong is to watch porn or to masturbate thinking about hot babes. porn is fake af. those people are just playing a role . and why would you even imagine fucking hot girls? it`s nonsense. what i read today: https://www.rsdnation.com/node/61376 https://www.rsdnation.com/node/60985 i really like his style. he is really enjoying the process https://www.rsdnation.com/node/357233 interesting. that`s what leo talks about all the time

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5 ✔️no fap ( moderate urges; day 1 ) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ❌ ✔️Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ❌reading ✔️11/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌ /30m mind powers ✔️31/30 meditation ✔️6/10 concentration ✔️studying ✔️go to sleep at a decent time + How many times did i check out this forum? just now was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 1 /5 145 days left 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 1: high urges; i felt resistant to do my work and delaying them by watching some movies/tv series seemed the perfect solution ; i was bored ; watching some episodes seemed a good solution; thinking that tomorrow i wont be watching seemed logical i will read from Daygame only a few times. i have 2 important exams on 24th May . if i pass both of them i will be accepted to the first college from my list ( best suitable for my lp,major,future plans) i will, from now on include more clippings from this forum and from the INTERNET lol this thread is almost 1 month old. i feel that i have grown a lot and maybe that`s way i have relapsed. that`s how we grow . shamanic breathing session: music it was the best one so far. no n. emotions surfaced. i just felt relaxed and calm i did 25m i have thought of quiting only 3 minutes before the timer was up music for 10m observation though use a thicker blanket next time i will try to do it whilst listening to this album or i will listen to these two in the same time gardening lesson: don't expose your seedlings too close to sun/heating/light source use good soil. don't over water the plants

@ajasatya hmmm interesting

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 2/5 ❌no fap ❌spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ❌ ✔️Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ❌reading ✔️15/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌ /30m mind powers ❌/30 meditation ❌/10 concentration ✔️studying (only a bit but mostly i watched tv series) ✔️go to sleep at a decent time How many times did i check out this forum? just this time was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? no how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 2.1 /5 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 0:

@ajasatya congratulations. Do you still get urges? @John Iverson 20 days

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.2/5 ❌no fap ( i went into a masturbation spree all night but the rest of the day i abstained; high urges ) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling Eating healthy✔️ ❌ ❌ ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ❌10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌ /30m mind powers ❌meditation ❌/10 concentration ✔️studying going to bed at a decent time ❌ How many times did i check out this forum?just this time, though i meant to check it out out of boredom at noon was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? low how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 2.4/5

lol i am day 1 again but i know that i can do nofap and i will resist better to my urges in the future lol nope i am at day 0 again ahhahah

MAY Sunday 6-5-2018 ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 1/5 ❌no fap (i relapsed . lol. day 0 ) ❌spending time outside ❌daily journaling ✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ❌reading ✔️10/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌ /30m mind powers ✔️5m/30 meditation ✔️5/10 concentration ❌studying ❌go to sleep at a decent time How many times did i check out this forum? not even once was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 3.9/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 3.9/5 i feel a little disappointed of myself nut i am positive about the future. 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 0. i relapsed. tough i did not watched them till 5am today,Monday 7-5-2018 ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3.9/5 ✔️no fap ( high urges) day 1 yay.....! ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ❌reading ❌/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️❌ /30m mind powers ✔️34/30 meditation ✔️5/10 concentration ✔️studying i watched tv series alll night till 7am ❌go to sleep at a decent time How many times did i check out this forum? only this time, but i wanted to do it more was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? no how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 4.8/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? yes,4.7/5 147 days till college 4135 until the end of my 20s i am positive about the future. i know i can do these challenges nofap and no tv series/movies. i am better and grater than these temptation . it is hard but it can be done 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 0: i still watched some tv series tough i resisted for the first part of the day

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3.2/5 ✔️no fap ( very STRONG urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️❌/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️❌ /30m mind powers ✔️❌/30 meditation ✔️❌/10 concentration ✔️studying ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time + How many times did i check out this forum? only this time was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? no how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 2/5 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 18: moderate urges i felt numerous negative emotions through out the day i let myself to feel lust/sexual desire and felt much better(not perfect , but better). i just accepted those emotions as a normal element of being a man same coffee house. i struggled for 2h to study and at the very and i hit momentum so it became 3x times easier to study which surprised me and made me excited one staff dude from this coffee shop which i thought that she hates me jugging by the way he looked at me . he said to me ``thank you `` after i cleaned after myself, and returned the wood try from where i took it. he and his colleagues have to clean after all the other customers all the time. i felt instantly happy and surprised. it just took me by surprise . lol also, i just observed that they have cinnamon etc to put into tea. lol. i went there for over 10 times and just today i have seen it today i did not strike p any conversation with strangers bc i felt crappy

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5 ✔️no fap ( no urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️❌ ❌Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️5 /30m mind powers ✔️5/30 meditation ✔️10/10 concentration ✔️studying ✔️go to sleep at a decent time + How many times did i check out this forum? just this time was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1 /5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 3.2/5 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 17: STROOOOOOONG urges made small talk with a one cashier and and a woman who was selling sockets socks lesson just ask simple questions. eg- i asked the cashier what was wrong with a product which she scanned 3 times unsuccessfully. i know is simple but works. lol. to brake the ice. also make more conversations based on ``what you see`` don`t wait . just start a conversation. if you do otherwise it will get creeper and creepier when you will finally initiate contact with that person

MAY ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.1/5 ✔️no fap ( NO urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️ 11 10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌ /30m mind powers ❌/30 meditation ❌/10 concentration ✔️studying ❌going to bed at a decent time wouldn't you like to know weather boy? How many times did i check out this forum? ONLY ONCE was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2.3/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 3/5 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: no urges; Day 16 . i made small talk with some people although i really hesitated at first. it was funny . lesson- keep the conversation going- don`t stop it. i bought two plants, today from a local greenhouse: a mint and a stevia, i will use the former one to sweeten my smoothies. i planted some seeds of morning glories before the ones of which i had posted here. they have already germinated : also, the arugula seeds i planted a few days ago had just sprouted. i will post a pic tomorrow

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.8/5 ✔️no fap (no urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️ 18 10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌0 /30m mind powers ✔️15+/30 meditation ❌ 0/10 concentration ✔️studying (it was hard af) ❌go to sleep at a decent time ONE EGO BACKLASHY BOI: How many times did i check out this forum? a handful of times was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 3/5 15th days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: low urges( lol i had a dream in which i was watching a tv show but i said to myself that it`s OK because it`s a tv show not a tv show (it really did made sense to me). it seemed so real. when i woke up i wasn't sure if it was real or not -it was a dream fortunately. WHAT A SHITY DAY I HAD: i just realized that i had a similar shity day, one day before starting this journal. Both of them were right after i had a shamanic breathing session. i am taking about massive ego backlashes. is either just my imagination or this is real. at 1 in the morning i found out that i passed the English exam therefore i will start college in uk instead of my own country in a college-town. i felt proud of myself for a some time but than i felt afraid and sad that this means that i will make a fool of myself bc my conversational skills in English are sub-mediocre and everyone there will laugh at me. i just wanted to fail the exam although i prepared for it for months i was woke up early in the morning by my VERY nosy neighbors. i lazed around till 12:00. i put some notebooks in my backpack and i left home to go to a new coffee shop . by now, my neighbors were quiet af if you can believe this. on my way to this place i was crippled with thoughts such as: what if my high school colleagues see me? what if they`ll make fun of me? what if they will think that all i have done since i saw them last time is lame? What will these tourists think of me if they ask me smth and i reply with broken English?++++ I am so pathetic! i cant even do pickup;if i go to a girl i will have no idea what to do; i don't know how . and i kept running this scenarios in my mind and even daydreaming of meeting with them randomly and that they`ll me jealous and impressed by all my achievements. i arrived there and one waiter told me that i they don't serve inside the café and outside was to noisy so i left. albeit that i felt a whirlpool of negative emotions (fear, apprehensive, frustration ,hate, resentfulness , anxious, hopeless, etc) i KEPT pushing MYSELF like all day. so i went near my old high school to eat at some vegan place. on my way there i passed by two people i knew from high school but never talked with them and again a lot of negative thoughts&emotions erupted:``i haven't done any major cool stuff since i finished high school.;( i am taking a gap year currently).;That my dating skills are as poor as always.; That i haven't changed at all since than. That i wasted my time ; That i am boring and my schedule is boring (meditation,studying,reading,walking,self -actualization; That i will never be able to improve my dating skills or to start pick-up; That i still don't speak English fluently; That i wont be able to speak in English abroad at college and everyone will think that i am retarded ; That i should give up . the college where the majority of my high school colleagues and friends went is nearby my high school as well as the second coffee shop i went which was closed. Whilst walking near this college i was so frustrated and so afraid and so disappointed of myself that i was almost shaking after each corner which might have put me face in to face with them. i saw no one I am not that smart to be studying in West Europe ; i am too old (19) and I still don't speak perfect English nor am i doing pick-up; It`s too late to learn them now; and so on. .... this are my thoughts i had around that college ----written only a few hours later (fresh like a home-made orange juice from onenote) I felt afraid, worried, embarrassed, frustrated to the bone. I feel embarrassed that i still haven't picked girls up. And i am not doing it. Nor i had sex or spoke with girls sexual since i got rid of them(high school friends) Hey! Only 8 or 9 months had passed. Lol. you cant become extra-extra self-actualized in such a short time. But you truly did amazing improvements. Look, if you stress so much about pick-up ill do it. I felt uncool bc i don't go out(hey i do now , i go to coffee shops) I felt ashamed of my un-cool clothes and hair, half-assed grooming, the state of cleanliness of my shoes. I realized whilst i was looking at hot girl that i wanted to speak with her bc i wanted to prove to ( high school ex- friends) that i am cool now . I can speak with girls I can be cool -if i want that I can learn English Also i felt bad bc i have shity English skills. I felt so ashamed. And apprehensive that one if those foreign tourists will speak with me and they'll laugh at me. But ill never see them again. I can do it. I don't even like those scums.(high school,past friends) I am thinking about what they'll say about me if they see me. will they like me now, that i am cool? Lol get over it. high school is over Why am i holding them on a pedestal? They aren't god. What am i assuming that they have done in 8 months that is cooler than everything i did.( contempl this) Don`t get lost in this ``i want to be cooler than them, who's the best chimp``!! see leo video- college advice- don't play social status games What do well dressed men think of my style? Do they hate me? Hmmmm. Contempl. I need to let go of the past. i need to let go of searching for approval ., being defined by my past, being passive in building my life. I need to stop listening at others gains and their ``cool`` past stories I need to learn to look forward I need to re-define myself. I need to let go of my high school drama. Even if i don't feel ready. Being in nature won't help you feel 100000% better and forget about your self imposed pick-up boundaries. Don't expect to feel like one that does it. Tom did not feel like one. I worry that I'll suck at English in uk. So what? That's how you grow! the mastery process! you want to be a new you? Right? Than do the hard work! The people you want to get approval from are garbage.! Pure garbage. Shut up! You can do it! Hahaha hahaha believe in thyself. Or not. Just push like a miner. Yo! You're in your gap year! High school is over! Let it go. You are like over it. How can you build the new you a little every day if you are living in the past? Hoe? I wanted to make more small talks with strangers to create a win-win situation but i felt so resistant and unmotivated. (tom torero said that by having positive small talks with strangers make both of you happy and as a plus you grow your conversational skills) Than i walked a little more and i eat in a park beside an area were a manipulative friend from high school lives( i got rid of him. it was ridiculously hard emotionally speaking) as i kept feeling so bad about everything that i haven't fixed about my life yet(dating, pick-up, knowing English perfectly). Also i passed by a well dressed and groomed man which made me to think that o am not enough, that my clothes aren't cool, that my haircut isn't cool, that my shoes aren't perfectly clean and so on. I sat on a bench listening to a few depressing songs on repeat. Also, i remembered about a few sad memories from my past. I got frustrated that i cannot forget about my problems and my insecurities regarding dating although i was surrounded by nature. I Realized There THAT i cannot fix my problems regarding pick-up or my English by trying to solve them indirectly. I need to make a plan to fix them directly not passively. I cannot run from hard work. I can fix dating problems dating and reading by dating /pick-up. I took the subway to my regular café in the same mall i talked about before. i took a walk in the parking lot and i was amazed by how sad and lonely i feel and how quiet was that place. i bought two apples . I saw two gorgeous girls. One of them flirted with me but i did nothing bc i had no idea how. I felt frustrated and needy ?. I eat the apples on a bench in the mall just looking absently at a door. i pushed myself to ask a dude where the bathroom is (not a big deal but today it seemed 10 times harder, and i knew where the bathroom is obviously). Then i left towards the bathroom walking behind someone because the restroom was two corridors ahead of me. He looked scared -he turned his head and i thought is bc he saw me talking with that dude before. nope. HE look like that at me , with such a WORRIED FACE BC HE FARTED. YES. YOU READ THIS RIGHT. THAT FART WENT DIRECTLY IN MY NOSTRILS. I HAVE NEVER SMELLED SOMETHING MORE HORRIBLE THAN that. Lol. I said nothing. Just kept walking. Lol. boi....... that smell ...... ohh boi I ordered a smoothie. I made some joke that she(the cashier) put her underage(read:10 years old daughter) to wash some dishes. She laughed. i felt good. Furthermore, i suggested to her to put her little daughter to wash/swipe the floor too. the little girl didn't look happy. her mom laughed. (tom torero win-win situation -but not for the little girl lol). I (finally) arrived at the coffee-shop studied for maybe an hour than read day-game and took notes. Than i for a huge urge to eat a burger. I have this toxic mindset that i have to continue doing things that are bad for me and than i will start all over again in the fallowing morning. I gave up. I eat the damn burger.. It was greasy and had no distinct taste. Whilst i was eating i was telling to myself that i am a disgusting human being, that i don't deserve anything, etc etx. I felt horrible. Than i got this idea that i have to eat another one and than i will start all over again the next day and it will be everything perfect. I went to buy some burger for another place within the mall but it was too crowded so i left. I walked home by foot. I tried to get a burger from some place but they did bot had any. I left. I decided that i have do destroy this day definitely and therefore i stopped at another place and got a huuuuge burger. It was disgusting. Like i was near to throw up. I eat till i was too full to finish it. It had no taste. Just a greasy texture. (last time i eat one, before i started this thread i thought that is somewhat tasty. Hmmm had my consciousness raised? Fruits /vegetables tastes 10 times better . i got a bad stomachache so i left. I felt guilty and disappointed of myself. my stomach hurt all the way to my home. I had a sensation of mild-i-will-throw-up but i didn't. Tomorrow will be shity too. Probably. I have work to do but i have zero motivation.

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 1.5/5 ✔️no fap ( no urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ❌ ✔️❌Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️31!!!10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌ /30m mind powers ✔️36\30meditation ✔️10/10 concentration ✔️studying ❌going to bed at a decent time EXTRA: 14th days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: low urges I cant believe that is already may 1st . How many times did i check out this forum? a few was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 0/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 0/5 5th? shamanic breathing - i could concentrate better than the last time somewhat consistent breathing more tingling,more light headed no emotions felt afterwards(even after 14m) my chimp- mind was very quiet. it was pleasant i only did 14m because i had to run an errand asap. i went to buy smth and there were some construction workers waiting in the queue. one of them was screaming at the other one: YOU CAN`T STAB ME HAHHAHAHAHA THE BLADE WON`T AFFECT ME AHHAAHH. i didn't think geeeeee i am way smarter than them but i actually laughed. lol

Summary: When you give to someone to much without asking anything back he/she will resent you more and more end this ``friendship`` right now! he is using you for money. he sees you as a naive fool ``give me a small amount of money for lunch`` will (trust me) evolve in bigger and bigger monetary requests he is jealous of you if you would not ask for your money back he wouldn't even bother to return them to you set firm boundaries with these kinds of people i know that you want to be a good human being by helping him but he is a toxic person and he`ll suck you down for some reason i felt bad (like you@Ibn Sina ) to say NO because i did not want to be seen as mean with money or rude. your connection with him will make you feel more guilty/frustrated and angrier which will result in you giving him MORE MONEY i had a colleague that used to do exactly the same thing. he would say: Do you want to go (a place near our school) to buy some food? And once there he would say: Oh.... i left my money in my backpack in class .......Can I barrow a few cents from you? I will give you them back when we return. (usually he bought: pretzels/ sweets/ fowl-smelling cheesy chips/cola) once we arrived at class: he would either go to other class and delay returning them or literally say: I have to change my money first (bla bla bla) days would pass till i would get my money back from him( i heard any excuse you can think of for his delays) + he said that he is saving up for some trip with his gf. his grandma made him almost daily some sandwiches which were (literally) bigger than a spoiled-restaurant rat if i did not give him anything HE WOULD USE HIS OWN MONEY after a few months of this he suggested that we should go on a camping trip PAYED BY ME he was making fun of me (directly/indirectly) oohh yeah, i forgot to mention that he was TAKING FOOD FROM EVERYONE (can you give me a bite/chips?please i have no food or money at me---obviously ,after eating those rat-ass sandwiches) i hope this helps !

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.7/5 ✔️no fap ( VERY STRONG URGES urges)- i calmed myself down after i remembered that after masturbation i wont feel good, therefore i will feel bad in the present moment and long term benefits are not important. only the present does) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling Eating healthy✔️ ✔️ ✔️ ❌ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️ /30 mind powers ✔️meditation ✔️/10 concentration ✔️studying ( 2,30h+1.30h reading ) going to bed at a decent time ✔️ How many times did i check out this forum? a few times was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? ehhh how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 1/5 PLUS: 13th days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: no urges 155 till college 4143 till i turn 30 i went to a new coffee-shop, the one i meant to go last week. i was clumsy and confused at first but after a few hours i calmed myself down and really enjoyed my time there. good music and thy had the mos COMFORTABLE chairs i have ever sit on . also, i ordered a cup of white tea+spirulia--- quite an amazing idea. i`ll try it at home i wanted to eat smth unhealthy after i left the cafe and after i arrived home but i resisted and i eat very healthy(salad+smoothie) the more i meditate, the more i get mind-fucked by how beautiful the nature is in spring/summer. today, i just felt happy when the sunshine was shimmering over my face,my book and the table in front of me. it was beautiful. i get more and more moments like this. i felt worries and doubts about my future last nigh but i know deep down that everything will be fine i realized that is totally normal to be clueless and worried and confused when you first start smth. it`s the way you grow. this day was like a roller coaster of negative emotions . wow ( i wont mention everything that happened today but it was intense ) APRIL REVIEW i finished a book i planted some seeds i started this online journal! i tried asparagus and liked it i started doing shamanic breathing started a 30 days no-tv series challenge i pushed my comfort ZONE aaaaaaaaaa looooot i have started reading a pickup book( which i planned initially for mid-summer) i discovered a new method of learning for hours on end(studying at coffeehouses) i accepted the mastery process regarding learning English(and that speaking broken English isn't smth to be ashamed of because this means that you are on the right way of improving your English skills) from now on i will review my growth/progress by the end of each month . i will use a different color for each one i relapsed(i masturbated a few times after over a year of nofab -but it`s fine bc i committed again to no fap+probably bc of this relapse i started reading daygame) ///////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// ///////////////////////////////////////

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3,3/5 ✔️no fap ( moderate urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling Eating healthy✔️ ❌ ❌ ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course x reading ✔️2110+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌0 /30m mind powers ✔️15m meditation ❌0/10 concentration ❌studying going to bed at a decent time ❌ How many times did i check out this forum? twice was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 4.6/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 0.5/5 SUPPLEMENTARY: 12th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: Strong urges i hesitated to start a conversation with a stranger -don't think--act. after resisting for months - i finally planted some seeds of : arugula/rocket fennel 6 mixed-surprise strains of tomatoes the seeds of the tomatoes i planted a year ago. the seeds of the morning glories i planted a year ago. sage (officinalis, not the cool one) parsley

28/4/2018 ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.3/5 ✔️no fap ( moderate urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling Eating healthy✔️❌ ❌ ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️ 10 18 seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌ 0/30m mind powers ❌\30meditation ❌/10 concentration ✔️studying going to bed at a decent time ❌ How many times did i check out this forum?twice was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? middly how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 1/5 ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: 11th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: low urges same Coffee house: studied for 2h, read for 1 small talk new brista, a stranger

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5 ✔️no fap ( low urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling Eating healthy✔️ ❌ ❌✔️ ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️ 10 20 seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌ /30m mind powers ✔️34\30meditation ✔️10/10 concentration ❌studying going to bed at a decent time ❌ How many times did i check out this forum? just now was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope!!!!!! how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 4/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 4 /5 MORE: 10th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: low urges i cooked today! i made: a salad(soaked chick peas&black beans,carrots, arugula, tomatoes, zucchini+ salad mix bag=valerian,radicchio rosso, regular salad+ spices oregano,pink salt) fried Asparagus&Broccoli asparagus is now, my favorite vegetable ! this was the good part, other less pleasant things happened today as well my mother bought food from some kind of fast-food . the cashier overpriced her order and kept laying to her that the price is so high because she bought a lot of portions. latterly she calculated the price by herself and realized that the cashier actually lied to her. this made me feel resentful and upset. latterly i bought meat from a butchery and when i arrived home my father told me that the cashier added some un-eatable pieces of meat . i had no idea. she really seemed honest. she did this just to make me to pay more why do people do this kind of sneaky schemes? she wont get rich by fooling people for a few cents.? i tried to talk with a girl too! i went to the supermarket to do the groceries . i arrived at the toiletries district and i was looking for a toothbrush for my father and some toothpaste . her job was to help people at this part of the district. i wanted to start a conversation with her but i had no idea how it had to be done so i was there hesitating. i gave up and i started looking for those products . i grabbed 4 tubes of toothpaste .she than approached me saying that if i buy them i will receive some magnetic photo-frames to put on the fridge. i was yea.... sure. she was visibly bored by her job. i wanted to ask her about her major,college,age etc. but i had no structure so i didn't even tried. than i thought that maybe i can start a conversation by asking her what kind of toothbrush is the best=))))))) lol. she actually starting presenting THOSE DAMN TOOTHBRUSHES IN DEPTH . i thought she was kidding. nope she was really really serious. i said thank you and left. also i was ashamed to be teased by my family if they so me talking with her. i know that it`s nonsense. =))))))) . second attempt- i bought some dried plums. this girl was tired af by her work. i asked her where do i find the tea district. lol. that was funny. obviously i knew where it is bc i go there shopping for years. i thought that i destroyed my change. so i thanked her and left . when i arrived home i did not want to throw the magnetic frames i received bc i thought that my parents will make fun of me for talking with a girl or smth. like they knew .lol . i decided to have some fun at least so i took several miniature pictures representing baby Jesus and his mother that my parents had from Jerusalem and i put them on that frame. at least i had some good laughs. these cards look like the Yu-Gi-Oh decks . lol i feel better now. Yu-Gi-Jesus!

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.4/5 ✔️no fap ( medium urges; 8th day) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ✔️✔️Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️10 12+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️ /30m mind powers ✔️33/30 meditation ✔️10/10 concentration ✔️studying 1.5h+ going to bed at a decent time x How many times i checked out this forum/views? only a few times in the morning was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? not actually how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics?2/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 1/5 OTHER: 9th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: no urges i was so damn hungry in the morning although i eat two-going three full bowls of soup i am starting to love spending time outside,walking to the coffee house ,admiring the nature and the upcoming vibe ? life is getting better and better i feel good about myself i feel excited by my potential and all the things i will realize in the upcoming future i had a difficult time studying but i managed to do a quarter at least. + i read from day game(tom torrero) at there near some business people WHOM WERE talking so slow and SO LOW that i couldn't stop but wonder whether they are self-conscious,overly polite or just WTF? i made small talk with a new barista and regular costumer. i felt really good afterwards albeit i hesitated at first i feel that everything is possible and that i can achieve all of my goals. i think that my mind makes me feel such negative emotions regarding not starting pick up exactly to push me to do it! OOoh and i saw a relatively popular youtubeer you tuber (in my country) at the subway station. i saw one of his clips a couple of months ago when i was in full ego backlash and i felt like shit browsing mindlessly on youtube. i was stunned to see that his posture it`s even more hunched than my 70-yr old grandma he was reading a book(fiction obviously) and he was 1000% focused on reading it. whilst i was looking around doing nothing so i got my book from my backpack and i started reading. so mind your own business and don't waste time. and his walking style was pretty peculiar too!!! i thought that popular person have a really cool way of walking or smth. also, i was amazed to see that all the people around were not even looking at him. they were treating him like any other joe. i thought that all girls will just turn their heads and stare at her like people look at the moon. also also, his presence made me aware of some of my insecurities .i contemplated this>>> i convinced myself to start working towards fixing and understanding them rather than ignoring them or distracting myself from feeling bad. and speaking of feeling bad i remembered an insight i had whilst watching tv series and movies till 6 in the morning: . it`s actually pretty obvious.(lol the solutions for our problems are right in front of us sometimes) ok, i am out of here before i am actually tempted to roam mindlessly through this forum.

https://www.google.ro/search?client=opera&hs=JVp&ei=8PPgWqi0FZHOwQLOi5KgAg&q=actualizrd+org+resume&oq=actualizrd+org+resume&gs_l=psy-ab.3..33i160k1.5335.14181.0.14857.21.21.0.0.0.0.100.1750.20j1.21.0....0...1c.1.64.psy-ab..0.21.1729...0j0i131k1j0i67k1j0i10k1j0i30k1j0i10i30k1j0i13k1j0i13i30k1j0i22i30k1j33i21k1.0.gUcn2q0Vm5o