Everyday

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3.2/5 ✔️no fap ( very STRONG urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️❌/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️❌ /30m mind powers ✔️❌/30 meditation ✔️❌/10 concentration ✔️studying ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time + How many times did i check out this forum? only this time was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? no how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 2/5 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 18: moderate urges i felt numerous negative emotions through out the day i let myself to feel lust/sexual desire and felt much better(not perfect , but better). i just accepted those emotions as a normal element of being a man same coffee house. i struggled for 2h to study and at the very and i hit momentum so it became 3x times easier to study which surprised me and made me excited one staff dude from this coffee shop which i thought that she hates me jugging by the way he looked at me . he said to me ``thank you `` after i cleaned after myself, and returned the wood try from where i took it. he and his colleagues have to clean after all the other customers all the time. i felt instantly happy and surprised. it just took me by surprise . lol also, i just observed that they have cinnamon etc to put into tea. lol. i went there for over 10 times and just today i have seen it today i did not strike p any conversation with strangers bc i felt crappy

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5 ✔️no fap ( no urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️❌ ❌Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️5 /30m mind powers ✔️5/30 meditation ✔️10/10 concentration ✔️studying ✔️go to sleep at a decent time + How many times did i check out this forum? just this time was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1 /5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 3.2/5 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; Day 17: STROOOOOOONG urges made small talk with a one cashier and and a woman who was selling sockets socks lesson just ask simple questions. eg- i asked the cashier what was wrong with a product which she scanned 3 times unsuccessfully. i know is simple but works. lol. to brake the ice. also make more conversations based on ``what you see`` don`t wait . just start a conversation. if you do otherwise it will get creeper and creepier when you will finally initiate contact with that person

MAY ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.1/5 ✔️no fap ( NO urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️ 11 10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌ /30m mind powers ❌/30 meditation ❌/10 concentration ✔️studying ❌going to bed at a decent time wouldn't you like to know weather boy? How many times did i check out this forum? ONLY ONCE was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2.3/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 3/5 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: no urges; Day 16 . i made small talk with some people although i really hesitated at first. it was funny . lesson- keep the conversation going- don`t stop it. i bought two plants, today from a local greenhouse: a mint and a stevia, i will use the former one to sweeten my smoothies. i planted some seeds of morning glories before the ones of which i had posted here. they have already germinated : also, the arugula seeds i planted a few days ago had just sprouted. i will post a pic tomorrow

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.8/5 ✔️no fap (no urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️ 18 10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌0 /30m mind powers ✔️15+/30 meditation ❌ 0/10 concentration ✔️studying (it was hard af) ❌go to sleep at a decent time ONE EGO BACKLASHY BOI: How many times did i check out this forum? a handful of times was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 3/5 15th days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: low urges( lol i had a dream in which i was watching a tv show but i said to myself that it`s OK because it`s a tv show not a tv show (it really did made sense to me). it seemed so real. when i woke up i wasn't sure if it was real or not -it was a dream fortunately. WHAT A SHITY DAY I HAD: i just realized that i had a similar shity day, one day before starting this journal. Both of them were right after i had a shamanic breathing session. i am taking about massive ego backlashes. is either just my imagination or this is real. at 1 in the morning i found out that i passed the English exam therefore i will start college in uk instead of my own country in a college-town. i felt proud of myself for a some time but than i felt afraid and sad that this means that i will make a fool of myself bc my conversational skills in English are sub-mediocre and everyone there will laugh at me. i just wanted to fail the exam although i prepared for it for months i was woke up early in the morning by my VERY nosy neighbors. i lazed around till 12:00. i put some notebooks in my backpack and i left home to go to a new coffee shop . by now, my neighbors were quiet af if you can believe this. on my way to this place i was crippled with thoughts such as: what if my high school colleagues see me? what if they`ll make fun of me? what if they will think that all i have done since i saw them last time is lame? What will these tourists think of me if they ask me smth and i reply with broken English?++++ I am so pathetic! i cant even do pickup;if i go to a girl i will have no idea what to do; i don't know how . and i kept running this scenarios in my mind and even daydreaming of meeting with them randomly and that they`ll me jealous and impressed by all my achievements. i arrived there and one waiter told me that i they don't serve inside the café and outside was to noisy so i left. albeit that i felt a whirlpool of negative emotions (fear, apprehensive, frustration ,hate, resentfulness , anxious, hopeless, etc) i KEPT pushing MYSELF like all day. so i went near my old high school to eat at some vegan place. on my way there i passed by two people i knew from high school but never talked with them and again a lot of negative thoughts&emotions erupted:``i haven't done any major cool stuff since i finished high school.;( i am taking a gap year currently).;That my dating skills are as poor as always.; That i haven't changed at all since than. That i wasted my time ; That i am boring and my schedule is boring (meditation,studying,reading,walking,self -actualization; That i will never be able to improve my dating skills or to start pick-up; That i still don't speak English fluently; That i wont be able to speak in English abroad at college and everyone will think that i am retarded ; That i should give up . the college where the majority of my high school colleagues and friends went is nearby my high school as well as the second coffee shop i went which was closed. Whilst walking near this college i was so frustrated and so afraid and so disappointed of myself that i was almost shaking after each corner which might have put me face in to face with them. i saw no one I am not that smart to be studying in West Europe ; i am too old (19) and I still don't speak perfect English nor am i doing pick-up; It`s too late to learn them now; and so on. .... this are my thoughts i had around that college ----written only a few hours later (fresh like a home-made orange juice from onenote) I felt afraid, worried, embarrassed, frustrated to the bone. I feel embarrassed that i still haven't picked girls up. And i am not doing it. Nor i had sex or spoke with girls sexual since i got rid of them(high school friends) Hey! Only 8 or 9 months had passed. Lol. you cant become extra-extra self-actualized in such a short time. But you truly did amazing improvements. Look, if you stress so much about pick-up ill do it. I felt uncool bc i don't go out(hey i do now , i go to coffee shops) I felt ashamed of my un-cool clothes and hair, half-assed grooming, the state of cleanliness of my shoes. I realized whilst i was looking at hot girl that i wanted to speak with her bc i wanted to prove to ( high school ex- friends) that i am cool now . I can speak with girls I can be cool -if i want that I can learn English Also i felt bad bc i have shity English skills. I felt so ashamed. And apprehensive that one if those foreign tourists will speak with me and they'll laugh at me. But ill never see them again. I can do it. I don't even like those scums.(high school,past friends) I am thinking about what they'll say about me if they see me. will they like me now, that i am cool? Lol get over it. high school is over Why am i holding them on a pedestal? They aren't god. What am i assuming that they have done in 8 months that is cooler than everything i did.( contempl this) Don`t get lost in this ``i want to be cooler than them, who's the best chimp``!! see leo video- college advice- don't play social status games What do well dressed men think of my style? Do they hate me? Hmmmm. Contempl. I need to let go of the past. i need to let go of searching for approval ., being defined by my past, being passive in building my life. I need to stop listening at others gains and their ``cool`` past stories I need to learn to look forward I need to re-define myself. I need to let go of my high school drama. Even if i don't feel ready. Being in nature won't help you feel 100000% better and forget about your self imposed pick-up boundaries. Don't expect to feel like one that does it. Tom did not feel like one. I worry that I'll suck at English in uk. So what? That's how you grow! the mastery process! you want to be a new you? Right? Than do the hard work! The people you want to get approval from are garbage.! Pure garbage. Shut up! You can do it! Hahaha hahaha believe in thyself. Or not. Just push like a miner. Yo! You're in your gap year! High school is over! Let it go. You are like over it. How can you build the new you a little every day if you are living in the past? Hoe? I wanted to make more small talks with strangers to create a win-win situation but i felt so resistant and unmotivated. (tom torero said that by having positive small talks with strangers make both of you happy and as a plus you grow your conversational skills) Than i walked a little more and i eat in a park beside an area were a manipulative friend from high school lives( i got rid of him. it was ridiculously hard emotionally speaking) as i kept feeling so bad about everything that i haven't fixed about my life yet(dating, pick-up, knowing English perfectly). Also i passed by a well dressed and groomed man which made me to think that o am not enough, that my clothes aren't cool, that my haircut isn't cool, that my shoes aren't perfectly clean and so on. I sat on a bench listening to a few depressing songs on repeat. Also, i remembered about a few sad memories from my past. I got frustrated that i cannot forget about my problems and my insecurities regarding dating although i was surrounded by nature. I Realized There THAT i cannot fix my problems regarding pick-up or my English by trying to solve them indirectly. I need to make a plan to fix them directly not passively. I cannot run from hard work. I can fix dating problems dating and reading by dating /pick-up. I took the subway to my regular café in the same mall i talked about before. i took a walk in the parking lot and i was amazed by how sad and lonely i feel and how quiet was that place. i bought two apples . I saw two gorgeous girls. One of them flirted with me but i did nothing bc i had no idea how. I felt frustrated and needy ?. I eat the apples on a bench in the mall just looking absently at a door. i pushed myself to ask a dude where the bathroom is (not a big deal but today it seemed 10 times harder, and i knew where the bathroom is obviously). Then i left towards the bathroom walking behind someone because the restroom was two corridors ahead of me. He looked scared -he turned his head and i thought is bc he saw me talking with that dude before. nope. HE look like that at me , with such a WORRIED FACE BC HE FARTED. YES. YOU READ THIS RIGHT. THAT FART WENT DIRECTLY IN MY NOSTRILS. I HAVE NEVER SMELLED SOMETHING MORE HORRIBLE THAN that. Lol. I said nothing. Just kept walking. Lol. boi....... that smell ...... ohh boi I ordered a smoothie. I made some joke that she(the cashier) put her underage(read:10 years old daughter) to wash some dishes. She laughed. i felt good. Furthermore, i suggested to her to put her little daughter to wash/swipe the floor too. the little girl didn't look happy. her mom laughed. (tom torero win-win situation -but not for the little girl lol). I (finally) arrived at the coffee-shop studied for maybe an hour than read day-game and took notes. Than i for a huge urge to eat a burger. I have this toxic mindset that i have to continue doing things that are bad for me and than i will start all over again in the fallowing morning. I gave up. I eat the damn burger.. It was greasy and had no distinct taste. Whilst i was eating i was telling to myself that i am a disgusting human being, that i don't deserve anything, etc etx. I felt horrible. Than i got this idea that i have to eat another one and than i will start all over again the next day and it will be everything perfect. I went to buy some burger for another place within the mall but it was too crowded so i left. I walked home by foot. I tried to get a burger from some place but they did bot had any. I left. I decided that i have do destroy this day definitely and therefore i stopped at another place and got a huuuuge burger. It was disgusting. Like i was near to throw up. I eat till i was too full to finish it. It had no taste. Just a greasy texture. (last time i eat one, before i started this thread i thought that is somewhat tasty. Hmmm had my consciousness raised? Fruits /vegetables tastes 10 times better . i got a bad stomachache so i left. I felt guilty and disappointed of myself. my stomach hurt all the way to my home. I had a sensation of mild-i-will-throw-up but i didn't. Tomorrow will be shity too. Probably. I have work to do but i have zero motivation.

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 1.5/5 ✔️no fap ( no urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ❌ ✔️❌Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️31!!!10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌ /30m mind powers ✔️36\30meditation ✔️10/10 concentration ✔️studying ❌going to bed at a decent time EXTRA: 14th days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: low urges I cant believe that is already may 1st . How many times did i check out this forum? a few was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 0/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 0/5 5th? shamanic breathing - i could concentrate better than the last time somewhat consistent breathing more tingling,more light headed no emotions felt afterwards(even after 14m) my chimp- mind was very quiet. it was pleasant i only did 14m because i had to run an errand asap. i went to buy smth and there were some construction workers waiting in the queue. one of them was screaming at the other one: YOU CAN`T STAB ME HAHHAHAHAHA THE BLADE WON`T AFFECT ME AHHAAHH. i didn't think geeeeee i am way smarter than them but i actually laughed. lol

Summary: When you give to someone to much without asking anything back he/she will resent you more and more end this ``friendship`` right now! he is using you for money. he sees you as a naive fool ``give me a small amount of money for lunch`` will (trust me) evolve in bigger and bigger monetary requests he is jealous of you if you would not ask for your money back he wouldn't even bother to return them to you set firm boundaries with these kinds of people i know that you want to be a good human being by helping him but he is a toxic person and he`ll suck you down for some reason i felt bad (like you@Ibn Sina ) to say NO because i did not want to be seen as mean with money or rude. your connection with him will make you feel more guilty/frustrated and angrier which will result in you giving him MORE MONEY i had a colleague that used to do exactly the same thing. he would say: Do you want to go (a place near our school) to buy some food? And once there he would say: Oh.... i left my money in my backpack in class .......Can I barrow a few cents from you? I will give you them back when we return. (usually he bought: pretzels/ sweets/ fowl-smelling cheesy chips/cola) once we arrived at class: he would either go to other class and delay returning them or literally say: I have to change my money first (bla bla bla) days would pass till i would get my money back from him( i heard any excuse you can think of for his delays) + he said that he is saving up for some trip with his gf. his grandma made him almost daily some sandwiches which were (literally) bigger than a spoiled-restaurant rat if i did not give him anything HE WOULD USE HIS OWN MONEY after a few months of this he suggested that we should go on a camping trip PAYED BY ME he was making fun of me (directly/indirectly) oohh yeah, i forgot to mention that he was TAKING FOOD FROM EVERYONE (can you give me a bite/chips?please i have no food or money at me---obviously ,after eating those rat-ass sandwiches) i hope this helps !

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.7/5 ✔️no fap ( VERY STRONG URGES urges)- i calmed myself down after i remembered that after masturbation i wont feel good, therefore i will feel bad in the present moment and long term benefits are not important. only the present does) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling Eating healthy✔️ ✔️ ✔️ ❌ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️ /30 mind powers ✔️meditation ✔️/10 concentration ✔️studying ( 2,30h+1.30h reading ) going to bed at a decent time ✔️ How many times did i check out this forum? a few times was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? ehhh how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 1/5 PLUS: 13th days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: no urges 155 till college 4143 till i turn 30 i went to a new coffee-shop, the one i meant to go last week. i was clumsy and confused at first but after a few hours i calmed myself down and really enjoyed my time there. good music and thy had the mos COMFORTABLE chairs i have ever sit on . also, i ordered a cup of white tea+spirulia--- quite an amazing idea. i`ll try it at home i wanted to eat smth unhealthy after i left the cafe and after i arrived home but i resisted and i eat very healthy(salad+smoothie) the more i meditate, the more i get mind-fucked by how beautiful the nature is in spring/summer. today, i just felt happy when the sunshine was shimmering over my face,my book and the table in front of me. it was beautiful. i get more and more moments like this. i felt worries and doubts about my future last nigh but i know deep down that everything will be fine i realized that is totally normal to be clueless and worried and confused when you first start smth. it`s the way you grow. this day was like a roller coaster of negative emotions . wow ( i wont mention everything that happened today but it was intense ) APRIL REVIEW i finished a book i planted some seeds i started this online journal! i tried asparagus and liked it i started doing shamanic breathing started a 30 days no-tv series challenge i pushed my comfort ZONE aaaaaaaaaa looooot i have started reading a pickup book( which i planned initially for mid-summer) i discovered a new method of learning for hours on end(studying at coffeehouses) i accepted the mastery process regarding learning English(and that speaking broken English isn't smth to be ashamed of because this means that you are on the right way of improving your English skills) from now on i will review my growth/progress by the end of each month . i will use a different color for each one i relapsed(i masturbated a few times after over a year of nofab -but it`s fine bc i committed again to no fap+probably bc of this relapse i started reading daygame) ///////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////// ///////////////////////////////////////

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3,3/5 ✔️no fap ( moderate urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling Eating healthy✔️ ❌ ❌ ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course x reading ✔️2110+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌0 /30m mind powers ✔️15m meditation ❌0/10 concentration ❌studying going to bed at a decent time ❌ How many times did i check out this forum? twice was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 4.6/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 0.5/5 SUPPLEMENTARY: 12th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: Strong urges i hesitated to start a conversation with a stranger -don't think--act. after resisting for months - i finally planted some seeds of : arugula/rocket fennel 6 mixed-surprise strains of tomatoes the seeds of the tomatoes i planted a year ago. the seeds of the morning glories i planted a year ago. sage (officinalis, not the cool one) parsley

28/4/2018 ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.3/5 ✔️no fap ( moderate urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling Eating healthy✔️❌ ❌ ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️ 10 18 seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌ 0/30m mind powers ❌\30meditation ❌/10 concentration ✔️studying going to bed at a decent time ❌ How many times did i check out this forum?twice was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? middly how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 1/5 ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: 11th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: low urges same Coffee house: studied for 2h, read for 1 small talk new brista, a stranger

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5 ✔️no fap ( low urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling Eating healthy✔️ ❌ ❌✔️ ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️ 10 20 seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌ /30m mind powers ✔️34\30meditation ✔️10/10 concentration ❌studying going to bed at a decent time ❌ How many times did i check out this forum? just now was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope!!!!!! how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 4/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 4 /5 MORE: 10th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: low urges i cooked today! i made: a salad(soaked chick peas&black beans,carrots, arugula, tomatoes, zucchini+ salad mix bag=valerian,radicchio rosso, regular salad+ spices oregano,pink salt) fried Asparagus&Broccoli asparagus is now, my favorite vegetable ! this was the good part, other less pleasant things happened today as well my mother bought food from some kind of fast-food . the cashier overpriced her order and kept laying to her that the price is so high because she bought a lot of portions. latterly she calculated the price by herself and realized that the cashier actually lied to her. this made me feel resentful and upset. latterly i bought meat from a butchery and when i arrived home my father told me that the cashier added some un-eatable pieces of meat . i had no idea. she really seemed honest. she did this just to make me to pay more why do people do this kind of sneaky schemes? she wont get rich by fooling people for a few cents.? i tried to talk with a girl too! i went to the supermarket to do the groceries . i arrived at the toiletries district and i was looking for a toothbrush for my father and some toothpaste . her job was to help people at this part of the district. i wanted to start a conversation with her but i had no idea how it had to be done so i was there hesitating. i gave up and i started looking for those products . i grabbed 4 tubes of toothpaste .she than approached me saying that if i buy them i will receive some magnetic photo-frames to put on the fridge. i was yea.... sure. she was visibly bored by her job. i wanted to ask her about her major,college,age etc. but i had no structure so i didn't even tried. than i thought that maybe i can start a conversation by asking her what kind of toothbrush is the best=))))))) lol. she actually starting presenting THOSE DAMN TOOTHBRUSHES IN DEPTH . i thought she was kidding. nope she was really really serious. i said thank you and left. also i was ashamed to be teased by my family if they so me talking with her. i know that it`s nonsense. =))))))) . second attempt- i bought some dried plums. this girl was tired af by her work. i asked her where do i find the tea district. lol. that was funny. obviously i knew where it is bc i go there shopping for years. i thought that i destroyed my change. so i thanked her and left . when i arrived home i did not want to throw the magnetic frames i received bc i thought that my parents will make fun of me for talking with a girl or smth. like they knew .lol . i decided to have some fun at least so i took several miniature pictures representing baby Jesus and his mother that my parents had from Jerusalem and i put them on that frame. at least i had some good laughs. these cards look like the Yu-Gi-Oh decks . lol i feel better now. Yu-Gi-Jesus!

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.4/5 ✔️no fap ( medium urges; 8th day) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ✔️✔️Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️10 12+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️ /30m mind powers ✔️33/30 meditation ✔️10/10 concentration ✔️studying 1.5h+ going to bed at a decent time x How many times i checked out this forum/views? only a few times in the morning was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? not actually how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics?2/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 1/5 OTHER: 9th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: no urges i was so damn hungry in the morning although i eat two-going three full bowls of soup i am starting to love spending time outside,walking to the coffee house ,admiring the nature and the upcoming vibe ? life is getting better and better i feel good about myself i feel excited by my potential and all the things i will realize in the upcoming future i had a difficult time studying but i managed to do a quarter at least. + i read from day game(tom torrero) at there near some business people WHOM WERE talking so slow and SO LOW that i couldn't stop but wonder whether they are self-conscious,overly polite or just WTF? i made small talk with a new barista and regular costumer. i felt really good afterwards albeit i hesitated at first i feel that everything is possible and that i can achieve all of my goals. i think that my mind makes me feel such negative emotions regarding not starting pick up exactly to push me to do it! OOoh and i saw a relatively popular youtubeer you tuber (in my country) at the subway station. i saw one of his clips a couple of months ago when i was in full ego backlash and i felt like shit browsing mindlessly on youtube. i was stunned to see that his posture it`s even more hunched than my 70-yr old grandma he was reading a book(fiction obviously) and he was 1000% focused on reading it. whilst i was looking around doing nothing so i got my book from my backpack and i started reading. so mind your own business and don't waste time. and his walking style was pretty peculiar too!!! i thought that popular person have a really cool way of walking or smth. also, i was amazed to see that all the people around were not even looking at him. they were treating him like any other joe. i thought that all girls will just turn their heads and stare at her like people look at the moon. also also, his presence made me aware of some of my insecurities .i contemplated this>>> i convinced myself to start working towards fixing and understanding them rather than ignoring them or distracting myself from feeling bad. and speaking of feeling bad i remembered an insight i had whilst watching tv series and movies till 6 in the morning: . it`s actually pretty obvious.(lol the solutions for our problems are right in front of us sometimes) ok, i am out of here before i am actually tempted to roam mindlessly through this forum.

https://www.google.ro/search?client=opera&hs=JVp&ei=8PPgWqi0FZHOwQLOi5KgAg&q=actualizrd+org+resume&oq=actualizrd+org+resume&gs_l=psy-ab.3..33i160k1.5335.14181.0.14857.21.21.0.0.0.0.100.1750.20j1.21.0....0...1c.1.64.psy-ab..0.21.1729...0j0i131k1j0i67k1j0i10k1j0i30k1j0i10i30k1j0i13k1j0i13i30k1j0i22i30k1j33i21k1.0.gUcn2q0Vm5o

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3.4/5 ✔️no fap ( no urges; 7th day) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ❌ ✔️Eating healthy ✔️ overeat ❌no lp course ❌reading ✔️10 18+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️ /30m mind powers ✔️32/30 meditation ✔️10/10 concentration ✔️studying 3h+ going to bed at a decent time ❌ i resisted going to sleep albeit i was dead tired How many times i checked out this forum? a lot was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? yes how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics?4 /5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 4.9/5 OTHER: 8th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: no urges ( maybe the first day with no urges at all) i resisted to write here, today 3rd session of shamanic breathing i was the must peculiar session ever. 30m + 10m mindfulness observation afterwords i meditated prior to doing it i resisted at first i struggled to keep my breath at a frequent peace (and it was better than one week ago) it was difficult , i wanted to quit but i forced myself to continue tingling sensation in hands light headed i got am massive boner =))))))))) in the mid-session but i felt no urges to masturbate i felt nothing special. i listened to this i was listening at max volume because my neighbors were very loud and therefore i had an extra strain on my practice. i felt calm at the end of the session than i started the afterwards 10m observation my mind is still i listened to this mix. as i am listening to these beautiful sounds i start feeling pure happiness. my money mind starts remembering the problems i had lately i remember and think about pickup ( some worries) than right than i feel how tension from my upper chest and throat is released. in the meantime i feel/visualize deep under me a deeper DARK layer of negative emotions. i wanted to push myself to release more of this dark deep layer of emotions . i felt overwhelmed by them so i stopped trying i stopped being annoyed by the noise coming from above . i felt even better . i felt on top of the world i smiled. i felt that i everything will be fine than i the noise started annoying me again the alarm rang. 10m had passed i felt amazing!! so happy . so alive. i wanted to do it again but i just could bare by neighbor`s noise. i ran some errands i felt an unstoppable rush of relentless energy . that`s a quick note i took on the spot ``Hm now i feel very very energized. I want to talk. I am pushy. I want to talk. I wamt to do smrh``. i prepared to go to the coffee shop to study on my way to the destination i started to be mindful by this beautiful day,shadows, the sunlight, the trees etcx. in the same time,as i get closer to my destination i get more and more indescribable DEEP negative emotions . i mean that i could not label these emotions they weren't easily recognizable like fear or anxiety. it was like deep in myself. all i felt was this pressure on my soul . this affected my studies meanwhile meanwhile. as i saw girls i felt no strong neg emotions(needy,aroused,excited,frustrated) but again, as i got closer to my destination i started feeling more and more frustrated,annoyed and jealous and so on bc i wasn't picking them up i felt them in the same place where i released those tensions(throat,neck). plus in the back of my head. maybe that black layer of deep emotions was partially released i recognized that this might be a good things since this powerful emotions will fade and i will have grown a lot i studied at the same coffee shop so, struggled to do my homework as the hours kept passing these deep emotions kept loosing the hold on me. by the time i was close to my home i still felt traces of these deep negative emotions. now i feel normal. hmmm . . . . other stuff/ in the mean time yesterday seems a week ago the barista i helped yesterday was there. i had the impression that she`s checking me out but i couldn't tell also i was friendly and made some small talk with one of the withers . i felt good going friendly. and smiley. (which is weird since i felt those deep negative emotions in the same time) i forgot how to utter ``green tea`` like by brain shut down for a seconds. everything was ok he wasn't rude or anything. latterly i made some jokes with the barista i talked yesterday. again i couldn't tell whether she thinks that i am creepy/likes me/recognized me from yesterday or is just friendly. i felt a rush of uncertainty/frustration bc i couldn't read her behavior. (again the deep neg feelings are still there) this rush fainted quickly. i am very proud bc of it. 2 yrs ago i would have gone bonkers bc of these doubts. maybe meditation perks? i kept studying. i got tired and kinda bored ,i forced myself a lil bit to finish my homework at the subject in question and i left not saying her goodbye to not be seen as needy or to feel like shit tomorrow when ill go again. . but all in all i feel proud of myself that i found an enjoyable way to study. how about your day?(rhetorical question) ha!

I am at day 7.

200 views !!(in 6 days!!!!) Am i happier now than i was when i had almost 10(views)? nope i am not feeling better because of the views but AS a RESULT of the effort i put into this work i still struggle. it`s hard to abstain from tv series and unhealthy eating and to push my comfort zone. i didn't believe that i will have so many views in such a short time. but the views don't make my journey EASIER in any way 12 or 10.000 views? Who cares? this path wont get effortless and painless! i wasted the last 6 days checking the popularity of this thread only for the sake of it -i didn't actually contemplated this obsession! wow! maybe that`s why people are obsessed with the number of likes at their pics on Facebook and instagram.! there is a false sense of achievement! but no real gain in the REAL WORLD! hmmm does this applies to other people too? probably leo`s fame doesn't make his self actualization easier and so on the more you know... will i feel different at 500views?? nope. i hope that this post shuttered your expectations(if you had just started YOUR online journal)

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3.6/5 ✔️no fap ( low urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling Eating healthy ✔️breakfast -1banana,1orange, 2 apples(latterly) ✔️lunch -vegan lentil soup and qinoua quinoa /apple pices/ goji berries salad ✔️dinner -2 scrambled egggs with pink salt leftovers,coconut solid oil,curry,oregano + cucumber slices and red beans 3 out of 3 (BINGO!) ❌ overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️10 20+ seconds cold showers after worm shower( i have been taking these for a few months but i want to take solely cold showers) ✔️❌ 5/30m mind powers ✔️35/30m meditation ✔️5/10 concentration ✔️studying : 4h going to bed at a decent time ❌ How many times i checked out this forum? 3/4 was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread today? moderately obsessed OTHER: i forgot to mention that i started a conversation with a random girl. i hesitated at first. i asked her smth about her purse`s decorations. she did not seemed interested to continue the conversation. she minded her business and i felt frustrated that i had no idea how do go from hi to asking her out. i felt a little of resistance in the beginning. what if i am putting all these limitation on myself unconsciously? 7th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: VERY LOW urges i am too tired for shamanic breathing this thread really helps me grow! yay i had to run some errands in the morning so i did not go to the coffee shop i talked about yesterday, but i went to one in at the mall i went on Thursday i was a little anxious to check it out so i studied for two straight hours on a spot i previously used in that mall. TWO HOURS! at home i would have got bored after 20m and went to the kitchen to eat or browsed the web/forum mindlessly. i felt a few negative emotions all regarding my frustration of not practicing pickup after i saw some girls. yesterday i bet 2 lemons that i wont meet with those people. well... i saw on of them but he did nor recognize me so it was ok. i felt hate and anger at first but i was mindful of my emotions and i got back to study and i even forgot about them. latterly i barely cared about them. than i eat some vegan soup and salad! delicious! than i went to that coffee shop (which was on the same floor). i was very anxious at first thinking that those people will think `` he isn't the kind of person who studies in a coffee shop``. no one gave a fuck. i ordered a cup of green tea all in all , this coffee-shop was AMAZING and I HAD AN AMAZING DAY OVERALL oh yea and no one asked me to leave or to but smth although i stayed for a few hours. the music was really good (EDM) i did my homework on the porch till it stared raining i hold the door for a waitress bc i wanted to go inside anyways and she had her hands full of dirty cups. i remembered what i have read yesterday about not being obsessed and needy. so i didn't glazed at her afterworlds like a 47yr old homeless rapist hoping that she likes me now or whatever. i felt so good about myself that i let it go and that she wont remember me as some creepy dude. the tea had too much caffeine because i felt a little nausea. (coffee disturbs my ability to focus properly and produces high abdominal discomfort--so i don't drink it) during the last hour there or so i felt amazing! extremely happy that i finally found a way to be productive and that i did not wait till college to study outdoors. also that i broke through that idea that i am not that kind of dude who studies outdoors. furthermore, i did what tom torrero (day game) did!! i positioned myself as the dudes who studies at coffeehouses regularly. Fart-wise: i positioned myself quite in the middle of the room whilst all the other people there(10) were staying in corners. therefore i could fart silently without being caught. i wanted to stay there more to study but i was tired and my attention span started to go south. when i finally left i thought that some of the staff is giving me the eye. probably it was all in my mind i made small talk with some people on the way to my home(very low anxiety, but i had a few doubts) how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 3.6/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? yes, 4.1/5

for later use; copy&paste style ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily /5 ✔️❌no fap ( urges) ✔️❌spending time outside ✔️❌daily journaling Eating healthy✔️❌ ✔️❌ ✔️❌ ✔️❌ overeat ✔️❌no lp course ✔️❌reading ✔️❌10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️❌ /30m mind powers ✔️❌meditation ✔️❌/10 concentration ✔️❌studying going to bed at a decent time ✔️❌ How many times i checked out this forum? was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? OTHER: th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: urges how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? /5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? /5

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5 ✔️no fap (very strong urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling Eating healthy✔️❌❌ ❌i did overeat ❌no lp course ✔️reading (Daygame) 4m/30m mind powers ✔️meditation ✔️5/10 concentration going to bed at a decent time ❌ How many times i checked out this forum? 5 times or more OTHER: 6th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: low urges; I wanted to watch a movie i felt on top of the world today i finally took action to fix one of my insecurities after delaying DOING IT for several years I really like about myself that i am relatively relaxed around strangers which is a priceless asset for pick-up. Of course, i have my bad days and insecurities of which i remember from time to time and than feel like crap and i get irrational thoughts if i do smth new which is out of my comfort zone. but i can fix them by journaling about what actually made me feel anxious. also mindfulness in those moments is good. i started my homework sooner than ever. tomorrow=3rd shamanic breathing session. i am spending to much time checking out how many views does this thread has accumulated since the last time i checked. tomorrow i will go to study at a coffee shop. i wander if it will be as productive as studying at the mall. i am anxious and worried to meet with some people i no longer speak with . i hate them . although i am reasonably relaxed around strangers i am really don't want to meet those people. what if the staff will kick me out for staying to long?lol nonsense. hmmm now, let`s flip this worrisome thought upside down with logic. i bet 2 lemons that i won`t meet them + and if i meet them i will have some negative thoughts and emotions to tackle and untangle. i met with them a few months back, it was not as bad as i imagined that it will be. i feel better now. a couple of insights i had whilst reading from Daygame: Don't send to many messages, don’t be needy. Neediness drive people away Some girls want casual sex as men do . Sex can just be sex. Not everyone wants a relationship. Library pickup- can you recommend me a book for a friend?? Don’t relay on alcohol for your successes. Although getting drunk at going to a club with no game in mind sounds good but the sex that you might get is most likely bc of luck and will happen just a few times. Go out at least once/twice a week. ``Worcester clubbing taught me that you can get laid randomly jut by being vaguely sociable and letting nature take its course, but that what you end up with was like fishing in a canal…it could be a salmon or a shopping trolley. Just by being social-leaving your house and speaking with to women- things would irregularly happen .`` Make a point of being sociable. Talk with everyone at college and on at every opportunity you get. Affirmation -Talk with everyone everywhere Again, it's ok to be clueless at the beginning of pickup , keep growing . No shame no growth You`ll struggle but you`ll have your successes Have rational goals, even after 100 girls you'll have nervousness at openings but it gets better with time lo. Experience. Aka it`s normal to be afraid. Open indirectly, attract with GENTLE teasing. Attract a woman through non-needy behavior and a display of value. build comfort and than seduce through leading and physically escalating. --add to vision board

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 1/5 ✔️no fap ( strong urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling Eating healthy ✔️(morning) ❌(lunch) ❌(dinner) ❌i did overeate ❌no lp course ✔️reading (Daygame-it`s amazing) 5/30 or Only 5m out of 30m of mind-powers ✔️meditation ✔️concentration going to bed at a decent time ❌ OTHER stuff: 5th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: I was so so so close to watch a movie but i resisted after i realized that i don't want to disappoint the people that are reading my journal. Ha! i felt down bc i procrastinated which resulted in watching cringy vines for hours on YT but i come back at the end of the day to being productive i got wrapped up in negative thoughts about my future such as: ``i cant do pickup, i cant succeed at my work, i cannot deal with my problems perfectly``. i finally made that smoothie:(coconut flakes,oatmeal,1 orange, 1 apple and ashwagandha powder). It was delicious. 4150 days left of until i turn 30. 162 days left till college i have read some RSD field reports. i felt inspired. tomorrow i will go to a mall to study . it`s time to do my homework before the due date. i will try some coffee shops as well . i am spending to much time on this forum. i will let myself to read this forum only twice a day a couple of insights whilst reading from Daygame: tom torrero had far more problems to deal with regarding pickup than i have : He had depression, severe acne, panic attacks, no friends, thick ugly glasses ,literally zero social skills, overweight and so on. I don't even have a quarter of his difficulties. i don't deserve to complain and bitch about my baby/midget challenges. Being at a college doesn't make you grow. You do by taking action don’t be needy. - Cold approach will makes me stronger and effects in all other area in my life in a good way Talking with people is good for your mood. Do it more. Invite people out. I am confident in my abilities to make friends lol. He count even make friends. Stop whining. It`s never to late to improve your skills with girls. Why? Bc 5 yrs from now you'll be older. That`s why. we are the product's of our own thoughts .

check this out https://www.udemy.com/courses/personal-development/all-courses/ they have good courses but don't fall in their ``limited time/ only 5h left `` marketing scheme because almost all courses are $11 all year long

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily (i will assess how much i did it from 1 to 5) today was 4.5/5 ✔️no fap ( no urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling Eating healthy ✔️(morning) ✔️(lunch) ❌(dinner) ✔️ i didn't overate today ❌no lp course ✔️reading (notes) ❌mind powers ✔️meditation ❌concentration going to bed at a decent time ----nope ❌ ha-ha OTHER: 4th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: moderate desire to watch some tv series. i did not organize my schedule properly so i had no time to do make that smoothie . There is some invisible unwritten rule on this forum ``dating and pickup is bad -concentrate only on enlightenment``. As a consequence i feel slightly worried and ashamed of talking about my dating /youngster problems to not be seen as dumb. But is all in my head and this journal keeps me on track so fuck it . Knowing that i can basically abandon this account at any moment without any real-life repercussions gives me courage to express myself, regardless of possible negative feedback. i watched a play held by teenagers at a small theater. It was so painful to watch that started daydreaming about being anywhere else but there. SO MUCH CRINGE But i had some deep insights so it was worth it in the end. i could not help but feel embarrassed and anxious just by witnessing it . i got triggered emotionally a couple of times. SO MUCH CRINGE I realized that i had avoided so many naturally embarrassing situations over the years at the point of forgetting that i have my own unresolved self-esteem issues. i thought that i am not cool enough to approach girls. nonsense. it was fear talking! i am in a conflicting state- i know that i am good enough and i think that i am not in the same time. i realized that i don't have to be somewhat different to pursue my goals. i have all i need right now. i will never feel 100% ready. i come to the conclusion that feeling embarrassed or ashamed or being unexperienced is fairly normal in the process of improving your social skills and especially at dating i wont improve in this area unless i adopt a growth mindset and i accept that it wont be easy + why wont i be feeling negative emotions whilst actually growing myself rather than feeling them from a default position of misery? i compared myself with the people on the stage although it makes zero sense since we had different difficulties and goals. moreover, a few of them where pretty good mainly bc they have been practicing their craft for years.(and so can I) i thought that i will have to drink and smoke at college to fit in and to banish feeling anxiety but i remembered that it`s not worth it long-term and not even short-term! i felt jealous that those people where on the stage, doing a extracurricular activity and smth with their life whereas i spent my leisure time in high school watching tv series and movies, listening to music,browsing around,daydreaming about that one day when i`ll do smth worthwhile with my time ,rooting at home and generally wasting time on things i cant even remember . i thought that i am not cool enough/i am not the kind of dude who attends extracurricular activities . for me acting classes seem such a difficult activity since you are bound to look ridiculous playing your character at first as you gain experience. on the other hand , it`s seems somehow interesting and a promising activity to use for my personal growth therefore, i have decided to take some acting classes during college, as a thorough comfort zone challenge ! HEY! I was pondering whether I should live in a college dorm room or in a rented apartment during freshman year? Which one is better suited for self-actualization? Will it be harder to meditate with all that noise around? What do you think about this?

✔️pushing myself today ✔️no fap ( high urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling Eating healthy i dint eat bread today! ✔️(morning)-2 bananas ✔️(lunch)- meat +fried legumes ❌(dinner)milk+a lot of cereals ❌ i overate only at dinner ❌no lp course ✔️reading( i have just finished ``The Rum Diary``) ❌mind powers ❌meditation ❌concentration ❌going to bed at a decent time 0ther: i felt guilty for not have started pick-up months and years ago. (again) 3rd day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: moderate desire to watch some MOVIES i will make that smoothie tomorrow.... now i am sorting my notes out from that book and i will read them once a week for a month i will start listening to reading ``the defining decade``Daygame`` tomorrow or smth like that i realized that i cant distinguish whether a salesperson is telling the truth about a product or not. My intuition tells me that he is honest but the facts tell me he`s lying i realized how much of a rabbit whole is to buy the decorations and furniture for your place. there is all that daydreaming that people will like your design and that you`ll feel a little peace of mind , but only after you buy all those objects. all you want are pleasant feelings,right? You can get good feelings and even more by meditating and doing countless positive habits for free! i asked a teacher various questions about her life : one of them was : ``Are your fellow colleagues gossiping and separated in different rival groups like in high school?`` she told me ``high school never ends``. Her colleagues talk about each other`s shit behind their backs just like teenagers do!! also, they aren`t a united community as i expected Of course that i know that people at large gossip regardless of age but i had high expectations from intellectuals Although they gossip more subtle way than younger people.

I really like your writing style. It resembles Jack Kerouac`s style. Check him out -I bet you`ll love his books. https://www.amazon.com/Lonesome-Traveler-Kerouac-Jack/dp/0802130747/ref=la_B000APV9LY_1_15?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1524237543&sr=1-15&refinements=p_82%3AB000APV9LY