Everyday

first of all good luck with your challenge! i am curious how do you plan to deal with your drug addiction. are you taking them with your friends? what will you have to do to stay clean?

May 27th, Sunday ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3.5/5 ✔️no fap ( no or low urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ❌ overeat (my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ✔️reading ❌/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌/30m mind powers ❌/30 meditation ❌/10 concentration ❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) 4am ✔️ ❌ ✔️Eating healthy i feel ashamed of my mustache but i realized that no one really cares which is cool. this shame it`s just in my head. one the the other side i do feel that i am pushing my comfort zone daily with this little guy on my face which is good. i am worried that people will think that i am some 20-year-old weirdo or that i look peculiar. anyways as i said it is a simple way to push my comfort one and it looks funny and i forget about it sometimes i passed those exams but i don't feel happy af. i thought that i will. i feel normal and even worried for my future there . isn't this funny? i basically fulfilled one of my biggest dreams (to move abroad ,in West Europe -this is a big thing here,in E Europe ; This place is rife with corruption, unjustice injustice,poverty and carrer career limitations etc). i went with my family to a restaurant and i paid for everything -this made them happy. this was a way to thank them for all the help and emotional&financial support they have offered me over the course of this year. they are kind people -to tell you the truth i wouldn't have done so many sacrifices for myself if i was in their shoes or for my child as they did. i simply cannot grasp how can you be so kind with some creatures who drain your money,life and energy and they end up banishing you from their life. they could have used those money to make themselves happy -at least i would have done so. i don't feel close to any of the members of my family . i remember once when i was younger that i figure out that if i am nice with them and pretend that i care fr them they will give me what i need to become independent . i don't even know how i have come to be this way. i think i cared and loved all of my family when i was very young. now i am always looking to realize my dreams and goals no matter what even if this means to hurt my siblings or my parents. i pretend to care for them just because i know that i might need them one day. i cannot grasp how other people are so close to their families and would sacrifice for them -i know i wouldn't. how does loving your family feels like anyways? how love feels like? like a crush? hmmmmmm i am selfish to the bone. i paid for the restaurant today only because i know that this is a good investment and they/ll give me 10 times more money in the years to come comparing with what i paid today. i will work out this selfishness gradually. maybe i am curing it by meditating,shamanic breathing, and doing other consciousness work. maybe i need to be selfish at some level in order to grow. whilst i was reading in my fav park today by the lake random thoughts pooped up. thoughts regarding expected happiness,college, about the passing of time, being young, expectations vs reality, living in the present, looking back to ``the good times/best times or years of your life``, what meters etc. I/ll look back to these years, to my early 20s with nostalgia 20 years from now. but now i don't feel the magic of being young nor how important is that i got into personal development at such a young age. i wonder sometimes how me my life would be like if i wasn't into self actualization. i suppose i will still have shity friends, i would be drinking, i would eat totally unhealthy, i would have no idea how much i can improve, i would be doing shit but i will have no awareness about it, i will have quit trying to learn English at all, i would have chosen a random-good-sounding-degree instead of fallowing my passion. owo wow harry and marion where taking about their lofty dreams of traveling the world and opening up several coffee shops one day. i thought; lol they are filthy drug addicts -they wont make it. than is stuck me: i am like them. i have lofty dreams but i do not take MASSIVE action towards making them REAL. i need a solid plan a-z style with baby and ant and toddler and mini gaols and larger ones. can you believe that 10 yrs from now, the year i was 19 will seem cool and nostalgic and i will speak about it like ``those good times``??? i asked myself a few times how do i imagine bing a college student is like. i will quote this after some time in college. it will be so satisfying to see the differences between my expectations and reality. lol. here i go: i think that i will be fun petty much all the time I/ll be productive 24/7 it will be somehow easier to work on my goals just because i am college I/ll push myself daily I/ll magically change my habits and personality traits I/ll get along with people it will be 10 times easier to approach a girl just because i will be a college student I/ll have high grades I/ll feel free I/ll feel excited to cook for myself I/ll be making progress easily I/ll have lots of time to do self actualization (shamanic,yoga,meditation,etc) I/ll deal with procrastination better than i do now/ i wont procrastinate at all I/ll feel motivated and good daily I wont feel bored I/ll eat very healthy i wont be affected by peer pressure i wont care what people think of me at the point of not making myself happy like i did in high school i wont stay at home all day I/ll study a few hours per day at a library/coffee shop i wont feel anxious in pubs i wont feel not cool enough because i do not go out in shmancy fancy places i wont feel ashamed that i don't have instagram/snapchat or that i barely use facebook and that i dont even have a profile pic i wont feel ashamed for feeling bored of re-installing snapchat or that i am thinking that instagram is overrated and plain boring i wont feel ashamed that i don't get constant message and app notifications on my phone i wont feel quitting I/ll feel motivated to get a job I/ll finish my assignments before due time and i will never fail an exam I/ll be happy i wont be affected by my past i wont want to show off my achievements in front of high school colleagues I/ll keep mediating watching tv series as a form of escapement will be non-existent I/ll get my driver license in between first and second year of uni i need to shave the hairs between my nose and my mustache i felt the same. that i am not good enough or that having a beard is not who i am. for him as for myself having a beard, long or even short is about proving myself that i can become the person i want to be. also i learned to experiment more with my haircut and beard. (i kinda started doing this--which is a stretch from my comfort zone)

May 26th, Saturday ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 2/5 ✔️no fap ( NO urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ❌ overeat (my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ✔️reading ❌/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌ /30m mind powers ❌/30 meditation ❌/10 concentration ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) ❌ ✔️❌Eating healthy i felt pretty bored today. i watched some movies and episodes of a tv show but it just bored me even more. watching them is just not as fun as it used to be. Anyways i made a smoothie and read outside. i plan to this more as well as going out on a daily basis (eg museums,parks,coffee shops, cooking etc) smoothie ingredients: 80% strawberries, 10% cherries , one orange , 2 spoons hemp seeds, 2 spoons Ashwaganda powder and 2 fat spoons of honey parsley seedlings . i should have put more soil. this morning glory just grew up here randomly near the fence. maybe i put a seed in some of the posts and old soil that my father trowed away a few week ago. wow. this one lol. i added soil over the initial one and this little guy grew in the dark. hahah they look like this because i forgot them in full sunlight again after i watered them deeply. they boiled. they look like this because i forgot them in full sunlight again after i watered them deeply. they boiled.

@PhilGR https://www.udemy.com/courses/personal-development/memory/

you have to cut the seedlings that develop slower than the others from each cell . sue only the strongest ones. and again do not sow as many as i did and keep a safe distance between them. have faith in them that they will grow eventually. parsley seedlings *NOTE THAT THESE PICS ARE OVER A WEEK OLD. I WILL UPLOAD CURRENT ONES TOMORROW.

GARDENING LESSONS I have been nurturing Phalaris arundinacea for almost a year (even in winter in my house in pots and plastic glasses) with no success . it just doesn't flower . that`s how it was supposed to look like flowering : fennel seedling : 198888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888885 fuck yaah snt ge.mp4 all of them : i am not allowed to put too many pics in one post alone (4.88MB max) so i will make a second one

i am back ! ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 1/5 ✔️no fap ( low urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ overeat (my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ❌reading ✔️a lot /10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️ /30m mind powers ✔️/30 meditation ✔️/10 concentration ✔️ ✔️ ❌Eating healthy ○ ○ so i felt very resistant to trim my beard to 0.1 and to keep the mustache. ``will my family make fun of me?``. They said that i look like a Mexican lol. I think i look funny. and on top of that the main goal of this mustache is to get out of my comfort zone. Everything will be fine and my comfort zone will expand which is all i want + i will have fun just by reminding myself that i have a funny mustache lol i watched a few episodes and movies. they barely entertained me . now that i allow myself to watch them , watching them is no more entertaining. a few hours ago i chose to take a shower sooner than to watch another episode. yesterday i thought of watching movies till 5am but i chose to sleep instead -it is not as appealing as it used to be. it annoying and amazing in the same time . i spent a few hours just talking care of my seedlings . i just felt happy .anyways, i will take a break from studying and doing smth productive although i feel like wasting time . i have to take this break. my-future-fall-2018-self ill thank me. i guess i will do what at least i know that i enjoy : walking,taking care of plants,spending time outside, reading and cooking. i need to know myself better. this break will last anywhere from 2 weeks to 1 month i guess i will fill like being productive? However i will keep doing shamanic breathing, meditating,mind powers and concentration practice

i am back ! ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 1/5 ✔️no fap ( low urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ overeat (my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ❌reading ✔️a lot /10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌ /30m mind powers ❌/30 meditation ❌/10 concentration ✔️ ✔️ ❌Eating healthy ○ ○ so i felt very resistant to trim my beard to 0.1 and to keep the mustache. ``will my family make fun of me?``. They said that i look like a Mexican lol. I think i look funny. and on top of that the main goal of this mustache is to get out of my comfort zone. Everything will be fine and my comfort zone will expand which is all i want + i will have fun just by reminding myself that i have a funny mustache lol i watched a few episodes and movies. they barely entertained me . now that i allow myself to watch them , watching them is no more entertaining. a few hours ago i chose to take a shower sooner than to watch another episode. yesterday i thought of watching movies till 5am but i chose to sleep instead -it is not as appealing as it used to be. it annoying and amazing in the same time . i spent a few hours just talking care of my seedlings . i just felt happy .anyways, i will take a break from studying and doing smth productive although i feel like wasting time . i have to take this break. my-future-fall-2018-self ill thank me. i guess i will do what at least i know that i enjoy : walking,taking care of plants,spending time outside, reading and cooking. i need to know myself better. this break will last anywhere from 2 weeks to 1 month i guess i will fill like being productive? However i will keep doing shamanic breathing, meditating,mind powers and concentration practice

Your heart feels my ass over and over. fuck yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i passed the chemistry exam too. lol . i thought i will fail. i barely feel relieved. i still feel tense and worried. what if i wont find accommodation>? what if my English skills are not good enough? will i even pass the first year? during these exams i thought of shaving my beard but keeping the mustache. lol i will do this. this makes no sense.

i passed at math with 60 /100. the limit was 5.5 lol . i need to take life more seriously. i have never been so stressed and worried. i guess this it how it feels to really care about smth. hmmm intersting

lol i passed the math exam. i had to use my intuition heavily since some of the questions WHERE NOT EVEN IN THE CURRICULUM. fuck you all the goats from Antarctica. i literally had a problem with how much milk a 45kg teenage goat can give( btw it was way more complicated than this) . lol

0 days till math/chemistry exams (may 24th) i am worried and anxious aff. i have been listening to this on repeat for over 2 hours -it relaxes me deeply but in the same time keeps me in this productive and stressful state. i got some more shit done . Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart fYour heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.eels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over. Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heYour heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over. heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over. heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.art feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.Your heart feels over and over.

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5 ✔️no fap ( low urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ❌ overeat (my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️20/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️ /30m mind powers ✔️13/30 meditation ✔️/10 concentration ✔️studying - 7h( 2h than 2h sleep than 1h than 1h than 1h) ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) ✔️ ❌ ✔️Eating healthywho cares? who cares? (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cawho cares?uliflower,not too much milk,coconwho cares?ut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,who cares?curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption) (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, breawho cares?d, sausages , processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese) 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIEwho cares?S; high urges How many times did i check out who cares?this forum? who cares? was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread?who cares? how mwho cares?uch anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? /who cares?5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post?who cares? /5 fuck this shit and fuck chemistry. i ate unhealthy today and i got diarrhea like symptoms but who cares because i had to study so i crammed for another 2h anyways. and on top of that i just realized that i was too kind and permissive with myself in the last year. `` should i force myself to study more ? nahhhhh i will next week. `` nope. now i have to recap months of exercises&subjects in a few h 1 days till math/chemistry exams (may 24th)

May 22th, Tuesday ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily3 /5 ✔️no fap ( low or moderate urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ? i don't remember ? overeat (my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ❌no lp course ✔️reading https://www.amazon.com/Requiem-Dream-Novel-Hubert-Selby/dp/1560252480 ✔️10+/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️ 5/30m mind powers ✔️10/30 meditation 1?/10 concentration ✔️studying -see below ❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) 1/2am ✔️ ✔️ ✔️Eating healthy (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption) (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages , processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese) 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; urges How many times did i check out this forum? was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? /5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? /5 STUDY PLAN 3h total. i started with 2h math, although i took baby breaks 1-2m and struggled o keep consistency. i felt somehow stress that i was studying with a timer. after i eat i felt unmotivated so i fallowed sara`s advice and read for a few minutes . i read Requiem for a dream. it worked! after 10m a i felt motivated af 1h mathematics no chemistry though now another 20m mathematics. owowowowowo also, i alternated difficult exercises with easy ones and my resistance lowered significantly i feel very angry and irritated by everything. i am tired. 2 days till math/chemistry exams (may 24th)

yes, remarked this the other day when it took me hours just to recap one lesson albeit i thought that i will be done with it in 40m and thank you very much

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5 ✔️no fap (no urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ overeat( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ❌no lp course ✔️❌reading ✔️14/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️ 5/30m mind powers ✔️10/30 meditation ✔️1/10 concentration ✔️studying (same coffee shop,less than 3h, struggled to study bc of tiredness and stress -though i manged to recap a lot but not all the most difficult problems; felt like throwing up because of stress and worries, forest fruits tea+cocoa powder+cinnamon-----perfection) ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) ✔️ ✔️ ❌Eating healthy (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption) (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages , processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese) 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; no baby How many times did i check out this forum? was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? /5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? /5 small talk 2 people i felt guilty for making too much salad at the point at not being able to eat it not even in a few days always say be to the coffee shop staff. that place is not a cave. be polite. worried massively whether i will find accommodation in NL even if i pass the exams. also how funny it would be to get hit by a car right before these exams? ahhaha i have been preparing for this for months and puff lol. i have been growing my beard for almost 2 months. i keep it very short because it looks ridiculous when it grows too much -maybe i don't have the genetics to grow a pirate-beard. anyways:, here is a very helpful guide about how to do it thyself. finally parsley seedlings! How cool is that? NEVER SOW YOUR SEEDS VERY CLOSE TO ONE ANOTHER (and never more than 3) (see first cell) SAW SOW STUDY PLAN Time to take action on this piece of advice: I`ll start from tmomorrow i will start with 2h -chemistry than as a break 15m reading from https://www.amazon.com/Hope-They-Serve-Beer-Hell/dp/0141029455/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8 which i read last year and i enjoyed it very much another 2h -math 30m lunch (beetroot, parsnip+carrots, meat) 1h chem 1h math *note* i may actually study less because i have just recently begun to study for long periods of time so it would be wise to take it easy at first 3 days till math/chemistry exams (may 24th)

@sarapr you seem the kind of person very conscientious about school work so i have a few questions. What do you do when you feel tremendous resistance to study? -do you force thyself? -do you start with easier topics? How often to you recap already learned notions/problems? How many hours do you study per day/week? How many hours at a time? Short or long breaks between study sessions?

@Amilaer--- +1

May 20th, Sunday ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3.6/5 ✔️no fap ( no urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ❌ overeat( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️5 /30m mind powers affirmation -``i am studying all day`` ✔️9/30 meditation ✔️1/10 concentration ✔️studying (forest fruits tea+ cocoa powder, coffeehouse, 6h!!!!!, taking a stroll around the mall as a break is working! ) ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) 4am ✔️ ❌❌Eating healthy (a lot of pizza,fries) ✔️ 10/30+5observation shamanic breathing - no negative emotion arose, i breath faster and deeper than before, due to the fast movement of my chest and therefore of my body, my dick was moving so i got a boner again, i felt very very cold, i meditated on this album but the songs where to short so it was difficult to fall into trance + (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption) (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages , processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese) 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; no urges How many times did i check out this forum? 3 was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? yes how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 3/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 3/5. small talk 2 people i wish i was at the beginning of high school again. to waste time. to do nothing all day. to daydream all day how i will magically get what i want and how i will live abroad one day etc. those where the times.... i find in food a way to escape my problems and negative emotions. today i spent a lot of money to eat at the mall. i think that i can let myself to slid a bit till i finish these exams. something else happened but i will write about it next year or during this summer. i thought i was over this negative habit. ``ignorance is bliss`` interesting video(it was recommended by someone on this thread - i cannot find the thread anymore) - i decided to take a 1 month off after these exams. after i finished high school i kept studying all summer and than massive burnout+ego backlash hit me in the fall of 2017. I do not want to go through that again. like him,i do not feel that i have done progress with the do-nothing technique i am doing it for over a year and i got significant results only in the first 6+months. i will change it with mindfulness meditation . in the summer2017 or fall2017 or next year? interesting thread. it inspired me to start kundalini yoga next year during summer. this it`s actually the first thread i ever read on this forum. very very inspiring. yes morning glory seedlings. this is WHAT HAPPENS when your pots are to close to a surface which overheats because of the sun. Choose their spot carefully pls 4 days till math/chemistry exams (may 24th)

May 19th, Saturday ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily /5 ✔️no fap ( moderate urges; since nofap i get random boners through out the day whereas before this rarely happened) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ yes overeat( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ❌no lp course ❌reading ✔️15/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️10 /30m mind powers ✔️20/30 meditation ✔️10/10 concentration ✔️studying (coffee shop, 2.35h+) ❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) 3am ✔️ ✔️ ❌Eating healthy + (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption) (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages , processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese) 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; no urges How many times did i check out this forum? many many times was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? yes. a lot how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics?3 /5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 3/5 i did made small talk with 2 people. It made me feel better. Lesson -some people don't want to engage in small talk, move on. ↓row1:arugula ↓row2:fennel ↓row3:sage ↓row4:tomato seeds i got from someone ↓row5:tomato seeds i got from my last year production ↓row6:parsley ↓row7-8:morning glories i got from my last year production (April30)Day 1 vs Day 19 fennel deceased seedling. It died in WW2. Lesson: use quality and enough soil from the start! 5 days till math/chemistry exams (may 24th)

@Peter12 Personally i did not go to my prom. I don't regret it. Proms are overrated. At the end of middle school i went to a resembling kind of festivity and I FELT BORED OUT OF MY MIND. I remember that a mother who was taking pics told us that we have to enjoy the party because these will be the happiest moments of our life and we will regret not taking advantage of it. Well, i regret that i went at all. Almost a year passed since my prom and i don't even regret that i stayed at home. That night was barely mentioned again in conversations. You can use the money to go out with your friends or to buy books instead of paying for a costume which you`ll wear just for a few hours.

May 16th, Wednesday (update) ✔️11/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️ 10/30m mind powers (yesterday i did aff and positive self talk so today i i did aff and visualization) ✔️1-3/30 meditation ✔️2/10 concentration ❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) -went at 2am but i wanted to stay way more ✔️ ✔️ ❌Eating healthy btw the university was super ok with the fact that i paid for those exams in the last minute and that they`ll receive the money after one or two days. lol 8 days till math/chemistry exams //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// May 17th, Thursday ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 2/5 ✔️no fap ( high urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ❌ overeat (my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ❌no lp course ❌reading ❌/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ❌ /30m mind powers ❌/30 meditation ❌/10 concentration ✔️studying ( i wanted to jump off the window. mathematics is hard. my brain stopped working) ❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) 3am; i didn't even brush my teeth ✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy + (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption) (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages , processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese) 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; moderate urges How many times did i check out this forum? 3-4 was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? actually yes , i was bored lately how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 2/5 i felt resistant to put all the pics of my plants today so i divided them in chunks. it seems to work. 7 days till math/chemistry exams parsley seedings tomato seedlings lol //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// May 18th, Friday ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily /5 ✔️no fap ( high and intense urges) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ❌ overeat( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ❌no lp course ❌reading ✔️13/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️ /30m mind powers ✔️/30 meditation ✔️/10 concentration ✔️studying ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) ✔️ ❌ ❌Eating healthy (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption) (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages , processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese) 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; high urges; i wanted to watch a movie but i couldn't find it free online. i was lucky How many times did i check out this forum? several; 5+ was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? yes.... how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2.3/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 2.3/5 they received the payment. i have 60m to finish for each one of them i feel apprehensive about those tests. i even felt like throwing up when i thought how much i have to practice in like 6 days bc i procrastinated for months 136 days till college -i feel scared. will i be good enough?. also i feel somehow excited a about all the possibilities that are in front of me revelation: i can study better if i don't overate. also water is wet 6 days till math/chemistry exams (may 24th) morning glory seedings. i am proud of my work

@MisterMan wow this really sounds good. you got flow. i just read the comments the beats are good too

@ElenaO lol i can`t believe we are actually talking about this seriously. i will put an explicit sign next time. thank you for your observation though

yesterday ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5 ✔️no fap ( i won count the days because i don't see the point in doing so -it`s too stressful; high urges; i used ``edging`` for hours and the next day i was in a state of lust and temptation -don't use edging.) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ ✔️✔️Eating healthy no ✔️(no) have i overeat? NO(no, i did not) {no} no ( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ❌no lp course ❌reading ✔️11/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️ 16/30m mind powers whilst listening to jazz. it works! ✔️31/30 meditation ( i meditated in a park. the first 16m where amazing but the rest of it was a struggle(i was thinking that someone will steal my stuff because i had my eyes closed. hAAHAH) ✔️10/10 concentration ✔️studying ( i went to the same coffee shop. i managed to study for less than 40m. i was to tired.) ✔️go to sleep at a decent time( yes yes yes! i went to bed at 23.00) + 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; : no urges How many times did i check out this forum? not at all was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? lol lolo no how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 2/5 i felt for a second that i am not my mind nor this ego that i am improving nor my brain i felt guilty for not studying more //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// May 15th, Tuesday ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 2/5 ✔️no fap ( faint urges in the morning, no urges for the rest of the day) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ have i overeat? no but i almost ate to much ( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ❌no lp course ✔️reading ✔️11/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️10 /30m mind powers ❌0/30 meditation ❌0/10 concentration ✔️studying 4h, same coffee shop, black tea + cinnamon ❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) i watched stupid videos all night till 5am ✔️ ✔️❌ Eating healthy (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption) (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages sosges, processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese) + 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; no urges How many times did i check out this forum? 2 was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? no how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 3/5 i think i will write these posts in the morning/noon because i have stuff to do and i can afford to roam around here too much . i write them at night but then i feel so much distracted and resistant to go to sleep and therefore i am prone to waste time on the INTERNET yes less than 10 days till the admission exams for college. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// May 16th, wednesday ✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5 ✔️no fap (moderate urges; thought of edging again) ✔️spending time outside ✔️daily journaling ✔️ overeat -i was again one fork away from doing it ( my goal is to not overeat so✔️ means that i didn't overeat but if i did that mean that i overate so❌) ❌no lp course ❌reading ✔️/10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower ✔️ /30m mind powers ✔️/30 meditation ✔️/10 concentration ✔️studying (same coffee shop,2h, i made a study plan -i have resisting doing one for months).Amazing! ✔️❌go to sleep at a decent time (goal- 23.00\00.00) ✔️ ✔️ ✔️❌Eating healthy + Eating healthy (to eat vegetables,smoothies,legumes,omega 3 pill , fruits, unprocessed meat, nuts, eggs,salads,fried broccoli&cauliflower,not too much milk,coconut milk,soup,spices(pink salt,oregano,curry),to minimize unhealthy food consumption) (no sweets, no unhealthy snacks, bread, sausages , processed meat, cakes,ketchup, pizza,ice cream,soda,cheese) 30 days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES; no-no urges How many times did i check out this forum? 2+? was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? yes how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 2/5 have i worried what people will think after reading this post? 2/5 i initiated three small talks with : at the bank with the consultant/cashier?. she was quite friendly actually. when i left she even wished me good luck! Amazing! i felt good and she felt good to -i assume) lesson- always start the conversation RIGHT AWAY supermarket cashier at the coffee shop with the barista : she looked sick so i just asked her ``are you sick?``. and she said : ``hehehe i was, now i am recovering``. than the barista-man gave em some a weird look and started talking with her about some stuff. lol keep being in a positive state . it makes the initiation easier. also, i realized that i first need to push myself by making small talk even if i don't feel like it. and as i speak more and more i get ``in the zone``. ``what will my dear readers think of my teenage-preparing-for-college-admission problems ?``. lol. it just happen to start this journal now. there is no shame in being young and unexperienced and scared and preoccupied with unimportant things lol i checked m email today and i saw a message from college reminding me to pay for those exams (apparently tomorrow is the last day when you can pay.lol. i have been preparing for these exams for months and i felt so much resistance and postponed to do this quintessential task. it would be pretty funny to not be able to take them just because i payed paid to late. what a twist would be. though i still feel resistant to read and take action regarding another email