Everyday

I am currently at work for over 6 hours. Is boring. Watched some movies and finished some stuff for uni. Had some problems with a client but i didnt start arguing. I might be out of this dump in a few weeks. Cant wait to flee this shit hole. Why would i argue with clients if i dont even care of the business. I was super bored of online uni classes. I barely paid attention. Did some work yesterday for the 1st internship. Didnt want to or like it. I put some kg on since i have been eating more junk food and sweets. Prepared some material to work on a project related to the erasmus summer internship. I havent done smth in months about it. Still dont want to prepare for my exams. I havent fapped in 2-3 days. didnt want to or felt strong urges.

This time at the online interview i will say i do not have a job at the moment, i will say i don't have any horticulture aspirations, I will say i don't want to keep going with both digital marketing and horticulture and so on. Last interview i said too much about myself and i came across as undecided and unreliable for a job since i listed so many interests. I will only say i am a student ATM. Nothing more. Wont tell about the internship this summer. I hope we will study online for a few more months. What else? My GF annoyed me a lot last 2 days. I am dissatisfied with the relationship. I should have sized the opportunity and broke up before NYE. Hope i will have a similar opportunity. I wish a normal girl as my GF. She was way too many problems and why the fuck she is with me if she complains frequently? I still don't get it. I am still upset on myself for not standing up for myself last time we argued and just accepted her demands. She was like either this or we break up. And now i am frustrated because i am still upset about the fucking thing. I didn't want to break up when we argued because that previous day i had just told my family we got back together and i will spend NYE at her. Also, her parents would have got upset for canceling last minute. I will waste 6 h to see her and then come back to my city one day, in the upcoming weeks. She complained when we argued before nye that i didn't go to see her since we got back together. During today's call i told her how my day really was: some uni, some homework and just wasted the rest of the day. She didn't like hearing that since she has a type a personality but that's the truth. Very often i tell her i am more productive than i truly am so she wont get upset for wasting time. But i don't really care right now.

Hey Yesterday morning the guy from the advertising company who i was supposed to have an interview last month said he's going to call me sometime this week. Also, the company i used to visualize working for e-mailed me yesterday. They asked if i am still interested. I said yes and they gave me a test. I sent it to them this morning. They liked it and i will have an interview this Friday. lol. Totally unexpected. I emailed them on 3rd of December. In December they posted a job opening for a junior digital marketer. They had like over a 100 participants. And now they dug through emails to contact me? Interesting.

I finished those tv series. Now, i feel bad and want to watch some more even if i know there are no benefits. Two days ago i went to bed at 6am and yesterday at 4am. I am no better regardless how many hours i wasted watching that shit. Managed to stop cumming while fapping twice but not more than that. Failed day after day and got disappointed. Also, my sex drive is low now.

Wasted a bunch of time last few days... watching netflix

Finally, i started google ads for my family business. I just had to make a site on wordpress. Didn't have to pay anything. I felt stupid for postponing doing it for so long. I plan to start studying today for the upcoming exams. Feel quite disappointed of myself again. I can do better. I know i can... Watched an optimize 101 class on Love. Wow. so many things i didn't even think about that go into a good relationship. Even small things like appreciating your partner for example for giving their time to speak with you after a busy day. Couples remember the bad stuff, fights and arguments more than the good times. So be careful. Oh, and another thing was that when you are in a relationship some problems you have are just in your face out of a sudden. You have to deal with them. For me, this would be getting angry for no good reason and acting like a child. I had an argument with her before living to spend my NYE with her. She stated clearly that either i accept her point or the relationship is over. I said what bothered me in a way it came across the wrong way. I had to accept her point in order to keep being together. But i do feel resentful is either her way or the high way so to speak. Plus, i see that the relationship is on her terms and it always been this way. I don't like that my wishes do not matter that much in this relationship. I am not happy. And her breaking up with me was all a scheme to make me motivated to work on getting closer to a real job, in ads in my case. And i have to admit it worked. I feel stupid i am being manipulated like this.

I went overboard with eating junk food last few days. I even watched some reviews of movies online. Ate sooo much. Missed a day of Back Exercises since i returned. I keep doing PC exercises daily. Even if i had a few days i was doing only 2 sessions instead of 3. Did another point from LP course. Finished the book on dirty talk. So many insights. I started reading 7 principles to make a marriage work. Got the blades for the straight razor : ) I managed to get 3 little cuts but is alright =))) I use it only to define my beard for now. I am waiting for my hair to grow again =)))))) https://www.amazon.com/Euromax-100-Single-Edge-Blades/dp/B07GNNNVHL Realised i have done a project wrong. Ooof. I have to start all over again. Picked up the udemy google analysis course from where i left. Cooked some food last night. Going to make some veggis too. The kombucha batch i made was ready on Tuesday. I gave half of it to friends at the 1st internship- they loved it. I used brown sugar, black and green tea. I think the longest i went without brewing kombucha last few months was 2- 3 weeks? Think is i like it so much i dont get to F2 most of the times =))))) Made some more ads for the 1st internship. It was exciting. Finally, i bought a SSD, my laptop was full: https://www.amazon.com/Passport-Cobalt-Portable-External-Storage/dp/B07HYZY9FX/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8 Not going to see her for a weekend in 2 weeks as we spoke because her exams. No worries. More time for myself. I got a little lazy since i start LP work. I want to focus on other stuff as well.

Finally, yesterday i sent a project i have been working before Christmas. I have been extremely horny last few days. Very hard to focus and be productive. Ate unhealthy. I feel very tried and i am cold. No call from the ad agency. Don't feel like i started this year right. Something feels off.

Have to send some shit for university Not looking forward to start exams. Reading atm about dirty talk I even forgot to cook some shit for myself. Nye food leftovers are done. Going to work daily again No lp again A little uni project work

Woke up one hour later and did back exercises. Went to drive with father. Went walking with my friend from university for 3 hours. Now, i am at work. Yesterday, my family was like why you didnt tell us you got back with your ex for over a month? What else you didnt tell us? What happened when you saw her? So are you guys good now? etc. Me and her got in a fight just the day i left. Some stupid shit anyways. Now we are good. So i think so idk.

Hey Happy new year guys! I celebrated NYE with my gf and her family in her hometown. Got drunk as fuck with her stepdad =)))))))))))))))))))))) I felt like puking and took a break. Didn't made it back to the living room- if i kept drinking i would have got blackout drunk. I was close. I read the book about sex again a few days prior. Helped me a lot but i need more practice. I didnt do many pc exercises last few days at her place. I didn't do any LP work, digital marketing courses, exercises for my back, etc. Going at work tonight. Not looking forward to start working for my parents and on myself. I still cant believe is 2021. Feels unreal. I am waiting for the guy from the ad agency to call me. Cheers

Bought some green and black tea for kombucha. Had none left and today this week's batch is ready. Finally got a straight razor. I wanted one for years.

Here they are: awareness energy independence Knowledge humour self improvement mastery creativity order passion

I am working on the last one. I didnt like doing this exercise even if i feel better knowing my values better. Last few times it took me weeks. I think now that i passed this exercise and maybe got stuck afterwards???? not 100% sure.

I arrived at Pass #05: Value Definitions, here i got stuck at 2-3 times.... I am extremely nervous to go on. I fear i will fail again So far i have defined ten times the following values: awareness, independence and energy. I am working on knowledge atm. The following ones are: Humor/Laughter Personal Growth/Self-Actualization/Self-Help/Personal Development/Self-Improvement Productivity/Efficiency . Professionalism Mastery Creativity/Ingenuity Order Passion/Enthusiasm I recall being much much harder to finish this exercise years ago. I dont like it but is not the hardest thing ever. Quite disappointed of my past self for stopping because of this exercise...

i like this idea. I will do it. I always forget the good things that happened

I arrived at Pass #05: Value Definitions, here i got stuck at 2-3 times.... I am extremely nervous to go on. I fear i will fail again. I lack belief in myself that i can change my life. Re-starting the LP course re-opened a lot of buried emotions and shit. I am pissed of i avoided doing it for years. If i do a little bit, even if once a week i will be done with it in a few months.. but i chose to do nothing. Watched all the 6 episodes i skipped from the mandalorian for the the last month. Felt bored but hooked. Wanted more and more and more and just to avoid taking action in real life, which is harder. Watched two movies and went to bed at 5am. Felt disappointed. I wanted to watch more movies or tv series to stop feeling bad. I want to deny the hard work i have to do, and run into daydreaming and so on. What i want in life is not in movies or tv series. is in books. I got together with my ex for over a month but my family still doesn't know. Today, at dinner my sister asked me to serve her even if she could do it herself. I served everyone at the table yesterday anyways. She said that i am not treating her as well as her boyfriend =)))))) yeah obviously. My father said i am an asshole and that my gf left me because i didnt treat her well. I did. I got super angry and reminded him that i never called my gf stupid, hit her like he hit my mom or called her a bunch of other insults i dont know how to translate in english. He said it was just a joke and he can behave like he wants because they are married. Lol.=)))))))))))) And my mom said is her fault too because this and that. =)))))))))))))) Then i left to my room.

BRO ME TOO I got stuck at the end of the values segment and have been stalling for about a week. Let's change that today... Definitely! Good luck you too! I am also going to do more exercises from the course. I see the value of knowing my values again and this motivates me

Finally, i managed to stop 4 orgasms and kept fapping. On the 4th felt really really good. But also my erection decreased. Not sure if i am doing smth wrong. And i didnt feel amazing after each avoided ejaculation. I see i need to stop completely - squeeze pc muscles hard af- and than continue. I also noticed there is a shorter span between 2nd and 3rd orgasm. Not sure if i am doing this whole thing right. But i feel amazing. Over a month of daily workouts ; )

I have the LP course and i avoid doing it.... whilst other people don't afford do buy it. Pathetic of me...

=)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) lol I have this goal for years..............

=)))) I am going for over a month atm. Felt urges last 2 days. I can manage them. Every time during holidays i took it slower and indulged in bad eating and watching tv series. I say all the time i deserve it=))))) I wont do the same this year- the part about tv series =))))))))) But i will watch a movie with my gf and friend ***

Did some tasks that had to be done even if i didn't feel like it. Feel better now. I put a lot of negative emotions around the LP course and finding my passion. Lots of buried uncertainty and frustration. I do want an LP but in the same time i don't want to find the truth. e.g. that i have to drop out or smth similar- even if it would be for my own benefit. Spoke with my friend from South America. It cheered me up a lot. Also, i realised we have been friends for 2 years but i don't know a lot about him. Like his favourite movies, dreams and so on. I spoke about movies with him and we are going to watch one together in a few days. Is a horror movie we both like. I don't know many things about my family either.

I still feel bad. I had headaches yesterday. Today, i feel very cold. i m not too optimistic of my future. Went to buy some stuff for myself and for my family. I run into a girl i had massive crush on when i was in middle school. She was working as a sales clerk at a bookshop. She rejected me back then. We were both surprised. From all people, she was one of the last ones i would imagine myself meeting randomly nowadays.