Everyday

Bought some green and black tea for kombucha. Had none left and today this week's batch is ready. Finally got a straight razor. I wanted one for years.

Here they are: awareness energy independence Knowledge humour self improvement mastery creativity order passion

I am working on the last one. I didnt like doing this exercise even if i feel better knowing my values better. Last few times it took me weeks. I think now that i passed this exercise and maybe got stuck afterwards???? not 100% sure.

I arrived at Pass #05: Value Definitions, here i got stuck at 2-3 times.... I am extremely nervous to go on. I fear i will fail again So far i have defined ten times the following values: awareness, independence and energy. I am working on knowledge atm. The following ones are: Humor/Laughter Personal Growth/Self-Actualization/Self-Help/Personal Development/Self-Improvement Productivity/Efficiency . Professionalism Mastery Creativity/Ingenuity Order Passion/Enthusiasm I recall being much much harder to finish this exercise years ago. I dont like it but is not the hardest thing ever. Quite disappointed of my past self for stopping because of this exercise...

i like this idea. I will do it. I always forget the good things that happened

I arrived at Pass #05: Value Definitions, here i got stuck at 2-3 times.... I am extremely nervous to go on. I fear i will fail again. I lack belief in myself that i can change my life. Re-starting the LP course re-opened a lot of buried emotions and shit. I am pissed of i avoided doing it for years. If i do a little bit, even if once a week i will be done with it in a few months.. but i chose to do nothing. Watched all the 6 episodes i skipped from the mandalorian for the the last month. Felt bored but hooked. Wanted more and more and more and just to avoid taking action in real life, which is harder. Watched two movies and went to bed at 5am. Felt disappointed. I wanted to watch more movies or tv series to stop feeling bad. I want to deny the hard work i have to do, and run into daydreaming and so on. What i want in life is not in movies or tv series. is in books. I got together with my ex for over a month but my family still doesn't know. Today, at dinner my sister asked me to serve her even if she could do it herself. I served everyone at the table yesterday anyways. She said that i am not treating her as well as her boyfriend =)))))) yeah obviously. My father said i am an asshole and that my gf left me because i didnt treat her well. I did. I got super angry and reminded him that i never called my gf stupid, hit her like he hit my mom or called her a bunch of other insults i dont know how to translate in english. He said it was just a joke and he can behave like he wants because they are married. Lol.=)))))))))))) And my mom said is her fault too because this and that. =)))))))))))))) Then i left to my room.

BRO ME TOO I got stuck at the end of the values segment and have been stalling for about a week. Let's change that today... Definitely! Good luck you too! I am also going to do more exercises from the course. I see the value of knowing my values again and this motivates me

Finally, i managed to stop 4 orgasms and kept fapping. On the 4th felt really really good. But also my erection decreased. Not sure if i am doing smth wrong. And i didnt feel amazing after each avoided ejaculation. I see i need to stop completely - squeeze pc muscles hard af- and than continue. I also noticed there is a shorter span between 2nd and 3rd orgasm. Not sure if i am doing this whole thing right. But i feel amazing. Over a month of daily workouts ; )

I have the LP course and i avoid doing it.... whilst other people don't afford do buy it. Pathetic of me...

=)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) lol I have this goal for years..............

=)))) I am going for over a month atm. Felt urges last 2 days. I can manage them. Every time during holidays i took it slower and indulged in bad eating and watching tv series. I say all the time i deserve it=))))) I wont do the same this year- the part about tv series =))))))))) But i will watch a movie with my gf and friend ***

Did some tasks that had to be done even if i didn't feel like it. Feel better now. I put a lot of negative emotions around the LP course and finding my passion. Lots of buried uncertainty and frustration. I do want an LP but in the same time i don't want to find the truth. e.g. that i have to drop out or smth similar- even if it would be for my own benefit. Spoke with my friend from South America. It cheered me up a lot. Also, i realised we have been friends for 2 years but i don't know a lot about him. Like his favourite movies, dreams and so on. I spoke about movies with him and we are going to watch one together in a few days. Is a horror movie we both like. I don't know many things about my family either.

I still feel bad. I had headaches yesterday. Today, i feel very cold. i m not too optimistic of my future. Went to buy some stuff for myself and for my family. I run into a girl i had massive crush on when i was in middle school. She was working as a sales clerk at a bookshop. She rejected me back then. We were both surprised. From all people, she was one of the last ones i would imagine myself meeting randomly nowadays.

The last time i attempted to finish leo's LP course was in 2018.... wow. Since then i kept saying i dont have time for it. I quit it because i didnt have time to work on it. I feel anxious to work on myself during NYE and the end of the year. Each year i get excited and then end up dropping everything after a few months.... I attempted to do the lp course a few times. Never got passed values. So while working on this goal i need to push hard, because my mind wont believe me i can finish until i get over that step.

I am more comfortable with the new types ok kegels. I am writing this from work. Another day in this dump Hope i will get hired sooner... I will start later Leo's LP course. I bought it 4 years ago.... and i always said i don't have the time to go through it... even if i had 1h /day time to watch some video game for over a year at work. Ridiculous. Started reading another book on sex. Wow. I thought it will just recycle info from the last one but the info is new. Had a zoom meeting with the guys from the first startup. I have been doing sales for them for 4 months already. Now is ''hibernating time'' during the holidays. I told him i will work for them until February 2021 because i dont like it and i am focused on getting a job in digital marketing. I thought i will stay with them until i live to Belgium for Erasmus this summer so i wont have to tell them i want to quit directly. But i cant tolerate this job anymore. I don't like it and never did. I had less motivation when i started to use the time on myself instead. Also, last night i finished Brian's masterclass on how to make the greatest year ever- love, work and energy wise. I have to stop doing many things and start doing other things. To quit working for them and my family is top in the work section. Moreover, i need to get a job in ads. Love wise, i need to learn and master multiple orgasms exercises, learn more about sex and relationships and make the decision to leave her eventually. Energy wise, i have to start eating paleo- wanted for years-, go to sleep earlier and quit fapping. I am quit upset on myself for not doing any of this work earlier on myself. Is unforgivable. I could have been in a better place. I remembered i dont enjoy going out with new people because i find it hard to have to keep a conversation. I dont know what to talk about. Seems i have nothing in common with most people and in the same time not knowledgable enough to speak with the people i do have things in common. Is ridiculous. In addition, I also remember about the things i am insecure about so i dont like it. Especially that until now i didn't actively try to improve myself.

Today, i bought some gifts for Christmas for my family and gf. I got a small notebook i will write why i like/love her every day and then give it to her. I found this idea online a few months ago. Woke up but went to bed again... even if i said it will be just a few minutes not three hours. =))))))) Going to redo my assignment after i got feedback from my professor. Not sure what i am going to do for NYE. I thought i will spend it with her but her parents are crazy about the virus so it isn't a possibility. I will stay in my room and take some course or read some book. It wont make a difference if i party or not. Told my family this a few months ago and they were like but why aren't you going somewhere with your friends or smth? Felt inadequate for not spending NYE with my gf like my siblings are doing.

Sarted a 2 weeks trial on Brian's site. I am watching learning 101: https://www.optimize.me/learning/ Lots of insights, amazing advice and frustration i didn't learn sooner all these topics. I meant forever to watch this module. I am going to move to how to plan your greatest year etc. I wanted to take the module last year but i got busy with some bullshit. I am still fighting this limiting belief that i dont have time. Finished some essay for uni, some assignment and looking to see what else i have to finish. I am continuing a udemy google analytics course i stopped preparing for the facebook exam. I am talking about this analytics course: https://www.udemy.com/course/google-analytics-certification-coursenvy/

I am working on some assignments due for next week and some for January. I am resistant but if i am not finishing them i will be stressed later on... Felt bad for oversleeping Read more about relationship evolution and psychology Thought again i dont have time to read what i want to read. that i should start 10 things at once and so much other crap to prove myself i dont have time. i have lots of time. I need to focus on using the material i already have. I want to learn more about studying, productivity and how to organize my year

Passed today's test with a 10. I cheated better together with my uni friend =))) Worked and finished some assignments. Cooked again this morning Lat two days i finished some errands that were bothering me for some time. He said we'll have the interview at the beginning of January. I had some conflicts at work but didn't go crazy because it doesn't matter. I just want to get out of here. I am also bothered that i am still working here. My brother treats me with superiority and i hate it. Sister made fun of me yesterday for not getting the ads job and not having a gf. I didn't tell them i got back with my ex. I didn't like her making fun of me. And i replayed back with nasty comments. Just made me remember to work harder.

Cooked again after a week or so. Tomorrow is my last day of university this year. Have some homework left to do. I feel scared of how much free time i will have and that i might waste all of it I thought of watching some tv series to entertain myself. I lost hope at some degree that i can change my life sooner. Seems i am going nowhere atm. I feel disappointed of myself again. Ooooooof. I have a horrible habit of giving up and daydreaming. How could I? The only way out of this rut is hard work. Getting used to the new Kegels exercises is uncomfortable.

I have seen improvements from not drinking and smoking weed this year. I drank 2-3 times but not got drank and smoked once. and i got a more clear mind, especially for not drinking. But i still got my mind cluttered with music, fapping and tv series. I didn't feel like listening to music all day yesterday and had a more clear mind. Very interesting.

This Sunday i celebrated 3 weeks of doing kegels 3 times a day, everyday. From Monday i added a new exercise to each set. Going to do this for 2 weeks for now.

no sign. he is sick so it's normal Wed afternoon Had the exam today and passed. I was very anxious because i didn't prepare as much as i wanted for it. I took a course about facebook ads on Udemy and gone through all the facebook blueprint courses last month. Didn't find good unpaid resources to prepare for this exam. I wanted to take a higher grade. It wasn't that hard. Some people said they studied for weeks and it was hard but i don't really think. I found most answers logical. Yesterday i procrastinated a lot instead of preparing. I was extremely close to give up and watch tv series. I said again- fuck it i feel bad and is just 4-5h of episodes to watch, one hour more since i didn't give up a few days ago- but i read some notes i took on my notes and remembered myself i am trying to -------------- avoid affecting my self esteem by not studying hard and failing. i wanted to blame it for not studying than to make an effort and fail. My sis felt sick for a few days because COVID but not like my brother and I. My parents are fine. I feel better but still coughing. Passed my tests but i am not content with my results. I could have done better if i put more effort into it. Didn't have hard tests. I am back at reading about dating. I have insight after insight. Kept doing exercises for my back 4 times a week for over a month! Thanks but i dont agree with you here. I need to fix all my problems to feel better for good.

Don't feel ok today. Many things accumulated. Feeling down again about my life so far. Called him this morning. He didn't read my email because he was in quarantine himself. He didn't sound alright on the phone. He may check my email and call me tomorrow.