Everyday

Hey I barely got out of bed for work. Just didnt want to go there man Had to do some hard tasks today and it was stressful. Managed to do well. I wont be able to take that exam on Monday cuz i didnt go enough to labs for that one. I have to wait a few more weeks. Good. Didnt want to finish that project anyways. I can stay longer in vacation with siblings. I wont take pics tomorrow because of the weather

hei I went to the exam dressed nice for work afterwards. Got some compliments for some of my colleagues too. I looked at the 3 subjects and i was naaaah dont remember this. I look on my phone what i didnt know as my colleagues did. To my surprise he scolded two colleagues for cheating as well. Last semester he didnt care. He asked some questions besides the subjects i had on my paper. I responded as well as i could but it was clear i didnt spend more time studying. I got an 8. I am still surprised. I was sure i will fail. I got some sandwich afterwards, one i was eyeing for a few months. It wasn't that great but meh. I am done with this exam as well. Right in the middle of the exam my boss asks me where i am. Really? The guy who is helping me with my project complained that i didnt come to harvest the mushrooms last weekend as i promised. I felt like shit. Should have pushed myself to harvest them man. Went today after work and cleaned the place too. I wanted so bad to be home. It was the hottest day so far. Horrible. I was melting in that stupid bus. I need to finish some project by Monday. Crap. I wanted to finish it this weekend but i have to leave with siblings in vacation. Sister got upset i wont go to her graduation party. Man, i cant take a day off, especially not now. I better got fired man. I should have spend the time while i am a student to study, not to work. What is the point - some extra money? i should have got some part time shit.

hey On Friday i didnt do much work for work. Just the bear minimum. My boss asked me what am i doing at 16:00 - i was just preparing too cook some meat in the kitchen with my family. I felt quite bad last weekend. Just wished it would pass. I didnt study as much as i should have. I did anything but study - i even cleaned my room and some gardening. Made some stupid mistake at work and my boss said - only you could have done smth like that hahahah. I felt so stupid man. I am starting to acknowledge my limits. My brain just cant... Spent too much time on social media so i logged off my accounts. Got new haircut and my beard done at the barber shop for pics later this week. Afterwards, i felt like that looks too good for me and crap like that. Got my salary and didnt throw them all in crypto. Time to take care of other areas. What else? Have a stupid exam tomorrow. I am thinking it was a mistake to get this job. I cant multitask - study fro uni and work in the same time. Barely could do one thing at a time. I just didnt know what else to work at the time. Didnt know myself. I am thinking how ppl from my class and friends dont have to work to have money - since they get them from parents, how i am stressed of work and university and they just dont care. I wish i had that luxury but here i am stressing about money and so what? How is my life better than theirs? Cant say man. What is the point then? My siblings and friends are saying each week now to hang out and shit but i tell them i am busy. I envy them for their free time. My brother has been seeing his GF each day for weeks now. Colleagues from HS are complaining that we dont go out a lot more but i am tried and busy man. I have to admit i am getting bored at work. It was nicer when i would stay half day at university and work afterwards. I am bored of work man. I dont want to admit this very often but yeah.... i

Hei I dont think i wrote about this in May i volunteer one weekend to help at university in order to compensate for some skipped classes. I met two girls, second year Horticulture. One of them didnt seem much and didnt caught my eye at first. Her BF should up to the event as well. I searched her online and to my surprise she is finishing her 4th year of Law, her family is rich and she has a nice relationship with her BF. I talked to her some more and i was getting these vibes, the ones my ex had. Of being super motivated and wanted to be with them to get some of that drive. But i also felt resentful. I want to have some of her skills and so on. I admired her. I checked her on social media and her accounts inspired me to take care of myself more, to be more confident and so on. Today i noticed she had even less pics and all her pics with her BF are gone. Wow. Just like that. Is done. They even lived together. Wow. The other girl was nice but i didnt ask her out unfortunately. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ My siblings just came from a vacation. They spent a few days at the beach. I couldnt go cuz of exams and work. My brother's GF came over. My mom doesnt like her at it is so funny to see her faking it for the sake of my brother. I dont like her at all. Very annoying. I made some fun of her together with my sister. My brother laughed too. I stayed up until 3AM to finished some project and i just couldnt figure out what is going on. I finished it but isnt correct. After that i studied a little for an exam i had today. I got a 5, just because i didnt study much. I wasnt even supposed to take it but i passed the test yesterday. Talked to some girl from uni some more. She is from my class. I dont know what to say about her. Talked some more with some ppl from HS as well. I went to eat with my friend from uni after the exam. I didnt eat with him in quite some time and not even by myself. I really enjoyed it. Didnt work much after i came home. Just kept falling asleep. All that talk to take things seriously went to crap. I am looking forward to take those pics next week. I am really excited and also anxious. I also need to clean my room. Is a fucking mess.

Hey there! Went to work full time most of the time this week. I got tired and bored sitting at the desk all the time. On Tuesday i had a meeting with my boss to discuss my situation. He asked me where am i cuz he wants to speak while i was preparing for the test. This made me ultra stressed. Surprisingly he asked me if i want to quit or work harder and stay for longer at the agency. I thought he will kick me out. He complained about my lack of knowledge and mediocre skills. He is right. I am a shit employee. I wanted to say i quit but i want the money. If he kick me out next month that's it. Otherwise i will stay until the begging of 4th year at uni. Had another audit to do yesterday. Finished that crap by midnight. I was soooo tired man. Had to wake up to work at uni. I barely moved myself to leave the house. Horrible. Had that test i failed twice on Tuesday. I passed. Nice. Have an exam tomorrow now. I have 3 exams left and 2 projects to finish. I need to force myself man. What else? I scheduled 2 photoshoots for next week. Finally. Decided to not spent my scholarship this month as well on crypto. I earned all those money last year and for what? What was the point if i didnt make any improvement in dating? Money wasted that is.... I also realized i am not as smart as other ppl are. Takes me too long to understands what is going in an account and even longer to peace together info to write about it. Same for learning new stuff. I am struggling to learn easily at uni and work like my friend from uni does. He can remember all this stuff even if he barely pays attention. I envy that. I am lazy at the core. I like to do nothing all day but this frustrates me in the same time. I want to be lazy but not to have a shit life. Wtf?

Hey I am still struggling with one of those projects. I should have made it weeks ago since it takes me so much time to understand it. I still have left 2 more steps in order to get a 5. I messaged some colleagues to help me. One of them made me really annoyed and the other i was worrying she wont respond to me anymore because is weekend. A few weeks ago i deleted all ppl from my blocked list on FB. Some ppl there didnt even make sense to be blocked. Now, it seems stupid, since i can just unfriend them. Didnt have to make a new FB account 3 years ago to change myself. But it was really hard for me to change myself and still is. I am removing layers others didnt bother with. But i am doing it somehow. Today, i was taking a break and deleted the whole list of blocked ppl from instagram. This list was even more nonsense. I blocked my flatmate from NL and many ppl from the college in NL. But why? Doesnt even make sense. I cant remember why. Also, i had ppl from high school and my ex which i deleted and blocked this year. It felt all so stupid man. What was the point of this blocking if what happened in high school isnt an excuse to stop me from growing now. It took me a looooooong time to learn this man. Unfortunately, i checked ex on FB and insta again. It felt so stupid afterwards. I feel down, more than before for not being more motivated, better etc. This made me get super busy and stressed last summer. It was fucking stupid man. Is all my fault i didnt ask more girls out. Some things changed since last year but not as many as i wanted cuz i didnt work on them. Simple as that. Blah blah i want to forget i checked her right now. Made me say again i need to get more pics taken. What came out of this? I felt i overreacted about making a new fb blocking everyone from High school. Especially, that i am friends with them now. They want to hang out and i dont even have them as friends on FB and Insta? Ridiculous, i was hiding from them. So, i sent them friend and follow requests. It was time to make some things right. Again, with it didnt take me so long. What if some ppl i didnt like in high school send me friend requests? I just dont accept them. Simple as that. Man, is just ridiculous i made a new FB account 3 years ago just cuz i was afraid of their opinion of me. But i needed that back then. What else? Wish i was more productive over the last couple of years. Sure this job helps and what i did last year but i want more. Lack of vision is to blame. I love to be comfortable. Spent the weeks before this busy period by watching a lot of tv series.

Hey Last night i checked my email and saw that my superviser did the audit himself for the other client. He didnt wait after me anymore. I could have never made it as good as he did. Woke up at 8 and finished that audit. Sent it too my superviser to be checked and he said is acceptable and that i can send it. I was done before noon. Then, my boss messaged me to do another audit. Lol. I stressed so much with these last ones man. Last thing i wanted to be honest. I will loose another 2 days. I have to retake a test and finish 2 projects man. Pfff. I started one of these projects, doing it feels nothing like making an audit. It wasnt that hard after all. Just need to pay attention and time. I spent last weekend studying for that test and now i dont have that time anymore. I still failed. With all this stress i am still feeling sick and i caught a cold.

Hey man On Wednesday woke up to do weeding for 2 missed labs and also paid them. $10 each. Boss messaged me. I knew i need to leave asap. When i arrived at work i got 2 audits to do. The shit show started. Took me 6 hours and didnt even finish the 1st one. My superviser told me how easy it is to do one in 1 hour. He told me all my drafts are garbage and my grammar is horrible. He told on me to my boss and the shit hit the fan. I told them both that i am doing my best to do it right but they are thinking i am not putting enough work into it, that i dont care and so on. They said they dont see me doing my best but i dont know what to do anymore. I am really stupid. Thats my conclusion. All those months i did anything but worked are coming back at me full force. Like it was 6 months ago. Not much have changed. Hope he will kick me out and i will be able to focus on uni. I didnt even go to a test the other day cuz i was working on that audit. Shiiiiiiit man. I got my examples from some audits a colleague did and was praised for them. But when i used her phrases it wasnt good enough. I even copy pasted everything my superviser told me and he got upset. I just want to finish that crap. I am not understanding myself many things about shopping ads - let alone explain to someone else. I looked at that data and i am just confused. On Wed i worked until 22, woke up today and worked some more and some more and still dont have them done. My boss said i disappointed him. My friend from uni just laughed about all of this. He said they want to kick me out and shit and to enjoy my youth. I feel bad cuz is all my fault. I didnt put 100% in this job and now i suck. He told me is stupid to be so stressed so young. He is right. I dont even have kids and another million problems and i still complain? I told my boss again i am working as fast as i can and he said that's not fast enough and we will speak monday. Good. Fire me and let me be stupid. I have a headache again from so much stupid work. Man, should have got some part time job and finished this stupid university. One thing at a time. Shit, could have got a job at university man. I had to present 2 projects and those are my last worry man. I am so stressed and i just want to sleep and forget about this shit. My family just made fun of me for being stressed with work. Pff. They are all chilling man. I am the only one stressing my shit. I want to just do nothing but i am 23 already. I need to do smth with my life man. My sister wants to propose to her BF. I was surprised. My father didnt approve. My brother looked like he thought that is his turn as well to propose. I hope not. His gf is crap. My sister wants to propose him next month in a trip where she wants everyone to be there. I will got 1 day cuz i have exams and work. They are annoyed i am busy all the time. They are all day with their S.O.

Hey I think almost everyone failed that test. She changed the problem and we got confused as fuck. She just argued with some students from my class and threatened to call the campus security on them. They wanted to talk and apologise. They hid behind the greenhouse while we had to work and she got crazy mad. I was doing work again to compensate for some missed classes at university. Teamed up a dude i didnt speak much with. He told me about a professor who left his wife for a student. They are still together. He told me about how almost everyone fucked some girl from our year. He laughed when i said she has a boyfriend. He said yeah, so what? He said some guy was speaking bad about her because he didnt bang her cuz he didnt have a condom. He told me about this bossy girl who bangs with a 30 year old and some other guys. That one of our colleagues has a massive crush on her and he didnt want to hear about any of that. Yesterday, some girl from my class was proposed by her BF at his graduation in front of everyone. She took the ring and said thanks =))))) Another girl said she will be proposed next year. I was surprised. Another dude got engaged with some girl from the other side of the country. What else? I am behind with work. Was invited to hang out this saturday. Refused bc i want to do some more work and study. They were annoyed i still have exams.

hey Last week was stressful. Had to redo some labs because i skipped them. It took me 3 days to do them. Woke up at 7, worked until noon and then to the office. I even got one day off to do them all. Have a few more to do now. I gave up on doing 2 projects. Should have started them months ago. Dont even know where to start man. Took some time to work on my project at uni. I was feeling like screaming. Things are ok there but should have put more effort into it man. Failed some exam today. Passed some test. I didnt eat at work or university at all last week and rn either. I learned to resist. I have days when is harder, days when is easier. I am still thinking that ordering food at work daily is too expensive. Have to redo some test tomorrow. I am stressed about that. Worked in my garden as a break last weekend. I didnt drive tho. I have another year of uni and i am basically working part time atm. I am from monday to friday with uni related stuff. In two weeks i will find out if i get fired or not. My colleagues got new accounts again. I still have just a few. I was thinking about possible jobs and this scared me to be honest. My father was thinking how i cant borrow him money if i dont have a job and my brother was thinking i can help around the house more. My father is still complaining about money. We told him to stop building that stupid vacation house since we dont have food in the fridge. He wont listen. That lawsuit i told you about ended. The judge said too many years passed since my grandpa died and cant take the money back now. Before finding out about this my parents argued worse than ever. Never heard my father speak so bad of mom. It was horrible. We talked about putting some assets on our names and my father refused, like grandma he wants all for him. He will be like her, crazy and unstable. Do you remember i told you about that annoying girl from work? Today, my superviser had enough of her shit and told her to quit her BS. It was funny. She was talking how she is arriving past 10 cuz she has to take the bus and subway blah blah. Yeah, i live further away... What else? I am very uncomfortable with the levels of stress i am feeling right now related with uni and work. I should have never got a full time job while having two more years to go to uni. It was very good when it was all online but now is too much. I should have got a part time smth. To be honest i dont know how much i would study if i didnt work. I get bored there as well. Idk. I am thinking to get a gig as a helper in the kitchen but i am worried my back wont let me. Last summer i did what i thought was good for me. I am looking at that with different eyes now. What was right isnt the same now. It was very helpful to learn about spending money last summer. I was reckless. Still learning this man Bought some ETH for $20.

Hei I have to do the 5 practice days i missed this semester. I also have others as well. And because i didnt go at all at uni on Thursdays i cant take the exam. Pffff... If i get fired i will be able to finish this stupid university. Failed last week's test. If i dont pass next week i have to wait wait for her next year. Shit, dont want that man. I have another test tomorrow. Today, three colleagues hid behind the greenhouse while we were working. The professor saw them and she wont let them take the exam this year. She was really upset. Told my family i might get fired. They were supportive of me. Strange. What else? Forgot i have recorded video calls and pics with ex in my drives. Delated all of that. Feel better now. But to be honest quite stupid i didnt put more effort to get a new gf. All that misery could have been avoided if i had more options. Really man... What do i do? Spent all money on crypto and rent last year. Pfffff. But after i thought more of it was a way to heal for me, i couldnt do more at the time. Now, i know better. Same for driving. Could have used last summer to drive instead of going to massage courses and shit like that. I was not able to do more or i just thought i cant do more.

hei ETH down to $1500 but didnt ape in this time. My boss sent me a folder called verification. I wonder if he will use it to check my working hours. Hmm. I am stressing out i will get fired at the end of the month. Recession is close and dont even have a job? Ugh...

I cheated and passed. I passed the exam i took 2 weeks ago. Finally, got my eyeglasses! So amazing to see everything now hahaha. I think i failed another test. Studied just one day ahead. My boss told me he cant keep me anymore because of being half time at university instead of work. He said my colleagues complained about my lack of attention. That is all true. I done tasks for them without doing a thorough job. He will decide at the end of the month if he will keep me or not. I was shocked. I knew this day might come but it was a surprise. I dont blame him. I am a shit employee. Should have done my job better. I freaked out 1 st day but if i have no job i can finish my uni instead of skipping class all the time. I can get a job as a kitchen helper. Looking back it was stupid to get this job full time. Should have chose smth part time. I thought of how i have around $260 left after this year working there. I spent money on rent last year and on crypto this year. I should have saved smth looking back... I should have used them in a better way. I am still very pleased with the pics that guy took. I want to get more, even if just once a month or once every few months.

hei last Sunday my friend from uni asked if i want to hang out. refused cuz i had those tests. he got so drunk he only called on Tuesday. Very same day, hours later he got drunk again and called me. I told him i dont want to speak while he is drunk. He called me a few more times than stopped. Asked him to take the exam next week - but forgot we have 2 tests i didnt even prepare. He said to take the exam on Sunday. I told this to my colleagues and they all got upset. I really want to pass that exam man. One stupid colleague said we should do like him - not showing up and dealing with these exams later. I dont think my colleagues will even show up. I am worried i will fail that exam and not get my scholarship next year either. That would suck man. Bought some more eth and btc right after i got my salary. Got my glasses ordered as well. At last. Also, gave some money to the guy helping me with my uni project. Got some shitty back pain and worries about work.

Hei I was the only one who showed up for that exam... not even the professor came lol =))))))))))) time wasted. Thinking went alright at the lab, making progress. Got my pics from the photographer and they really looked so goood! In most of them i was really anxious and it shows. I chose the best ones and posted them on FB and IG. I havent done that since 3 years ago. Wow. I really likes these pics man. Just wow.

Hei the exam was ok i think. it wasnt prepared as well as i should have. i was surprised not all the ppl who failed that exam showed up. wtf? have another exam tomorrow, the one i failed last semester. soooo much to study it sucks. i felt pissed i went the professor with the first ppl... the ones who went the last passed cuz the professor didnt care anymore. what else? have another test next week and 3 weeks left of school. i have two projects i didnt do much or nothing at all.

hei i have an exam tomorrow. the one i couldnt take because i didnt pass a test. i was looking at my watch quite a lot at work. i was bored to be honest. today was the last day of a colleague of mine from work and found out that another colleague is quitting in july. wow.

hei went to uni this morning to compensate for some missed classes. came home and watched some tv series and studied for some exam next week. i had a friend is high school i was joking around a lot. I run into one of his friends who was also with me in same class last summer right after i moved with the couple. I thought they will call me to hang out but didnt happen. i logged in on the old fb account i was swearing i wont until 10 year passed. It was cringe what i had piled over the years. I had a few messages only. I messaged that guy with my new phone number and maybe he will respond. Started speaking with some girl i was in the same class with. I find the drama i made quite stupid. i changed my fb account and stopped speaking to everyone and not everything changed. i found some of the self imposed boundaries as stupid. Really stupid and useless. Answered to some more messages and checked my old colleagues profiles. Meh, most of them didnt even change or posted anything in the last 2-3 years. No body cares as much as i do. Really. I had some ppl blocked on that account and i cant even remember why. I do remember how bad i felt in NL when i looked over their profiles. Absurd man. I wish i enjoyed more that place instead of thinking so much about high school. Hack, i didnt even have my siblings as friends on FB. It was so stupid. I was so ashamed of them. It took me years to even add my mom on FB. The whole thing made me feel bad i didnt put more effort into getting more experience over the last few years. i could have tried harder, much harder. i was just lazy and so insecure of pushing myself more. I am still finding it hard to post a pic of me online. like is some jump off a cliff. pffff. Yeah i will get more pics taken. Didnt drive today but i want to do it tomorrow. This morning i was trying to listen to that annoying professor and i realised is hard. i want to know about vegetables, trees and vines just to impress ppl. Is hard to pay attention to what is going on at university. I dont care 100%. I looked at the ppl studying horticulture in weekends today. Makes me feel sad. Nothing wow about them at first look. I am going older and not working on some problems much. This is making me feel really bad for years. I will look back at my current limits and say it was so stupid. But i have to get there 1st. my brother s GF told me to get my brother with me when i go out with my friends. My sister told me to get her BF with me when i got out with my friends. They both told me their S.O. doesnt have more friends and shit.

hei found out one of my work colleagues resigned. he said he had an argument with our boss and decided to leave. i wonder if it was about money. skipped some more uni to go to work. found out i have 2 exams next week, the one i failed. if i dont pass them now or in summer i can say byeeee to my scholarship. fuck. i met with that guy and got my pics taken this morning. he was really cool and patient. i was very anxious. i was surprised how good the pics ended up to be. i never had such good pics of myself man. just wow. definitely worth the money. i felt quite uncomfortable of taking pics of but it wasnt as bad and difficult as i thought. just imagined it to be really bad and it wasnt at all. my project for graduation is going well. what else? bought more eth in this bear market. i wonder how long it will last. i will continue to accumulate. i am still recovering money from those stupid bnb miners. pfffff.

hei went to uni and got burned under the sun. ate a Vietnamese soup like i used to last year with my friend from uni. went to drive a little. i was rusty again and i felt bad not driving even more. i called my brother to check the car because it was making weird noises. my brother said is alright. my father thought i called him cuz i hit the car. He started yelling that he doesnt have money and some other crap to fix the car. met with my colleagues from HS. we went to some art gallery and then to visit one of our friends at work. he is renting bikes in a park. he told us about his date from tinder. they went out a few times then she ghosted him. I was thinking to invest on etoro on some companies. The stock market is down as well. i was thinking to buy sp500, coca cola, apple and so on.

the daily return on this bnb miner is decreasing each day. a guy online said you need to deposit some more to see it going up. pfffff. no thanx. i will withdraw every 2 days a tiny amount of BNB after sell tax. i am still earning from the other ones. all are going down each week. finally, i found some eyewear frames i like and i am waiting for their arrival. i will get new glasses in 2 weeks max. went to look for clothes yesterday. they didnt have the same ones i saw 2 weeks ago. The ones they had weren't my size. i got one belt and one summer shirt. i was disappointed.

what i was seeing was just the gas fees. i was able to withdraw 0.0049 BNB. I passed yesterday that test with a 6! was so happy ahahah! the other failed. i was really stressed with this stupid test. i bought $30 worth of BTC last night. i want to get some ETH as well. what else? going to get new accounts and this makes me scared. i will get less than my colleagues cuz they are better. i should have put more effort into this job early on. i am nervous about taking those pics next week. feels beyond what i think i can do or what i deserve.

hei i have that test tomorrow i am really stressed about it. i want to run from these feelings. Ugh. fuck this test. want to be over with it. i finish uni in 5 weeks. after that exams start, then practice, then other exams and then peace ahahha. hopefully at least. so tired of this university shit. that guy i mailed yesterday about photos called me. we are going to take those pics next week on Thursday OR Friday. i am quite nervous about that as well. man, did i tell you about that annoying girl from work? she is just beyond annoying man. i dont know how she can talk so damn much. the glasses i ordered last week just arrived. dont like them. found other but more expensive. i will get those instead. https://bnb.cropsfarmer.online this bnb miner makes me 0.0054 a day but when i wanted to sell only 0.001 could get. WTF? I staked some bnb i got from those miners on binance for 52% APY for 21 days. Not much but smth safer than these miners. Also just moved my btc into defi staking for a higher yield. Id like to get some more eth and bnb but i really want to get those pics. blah blah bhal. mom is alright after that surgery. one friend from HS got annoyed with us for having exams this summer. he wanted to go abroad with us but almost all of us are busy. he will redo his 4th year at uni bc he failed some exams years ago. smth like that. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3apkywzYf0&list=PL7ee065wMTPPHva-g-h-hidAiB8ayFMlF&index=4

hei i am feeling anxious about that test tomorrow. i moved some btc from flexible staking to fixed staking because they offer a bigger APY. just messaged that guy to get some pics taken next week. i am really nervous went to uni when i should have been at a work meeting. next week i am going there. it was an important meeting today. some new seo guy was hired today. we dont know anything about him.

hei Drove some more. Made some mistakes but all good. Need more practice blag blah. I drove my brother and his gf to her house and she wouldnt stop talking man. It was really annoying. My grandma turned 80 today. She said she doesnt want to see anyone and stopped answering the phone. We had planned for her to come at our house and celebrate. Went to her and she was really annoyed by us. But in the end calmed down a little. After Easter i drove my grandma home. Made some mistakes. My grandma told my parents i drive like shit. Today she said - is he driving? Better be careful. He is a bad driver. W T F ! Man what a bitch! How can you say that?! Went to meet with friends from high school. One of them had an accident before Easter. His was using his father's car. Now he is waiting for the insurance company to give him money. Another colleague said she is waiting to finish her Master's to get a job because shes bored. Last summer one of them got tinder. He spoked with a few girls and actually went out with one. I was surprised. I didnt know this! If he can do it i can!