Everyday

Hei I was worrying i will be late at the caffe with this girl. She messaged me she arrived at another location haha. I didnt get mad, i cleaned my facebook and instagram pages and likes. It was easier to speak with her now. I just said whatever i had in mind at worked. I kissed her at the end and i was surprised she used tongue so fast. I felt weird to kiss her at the caffe so we kissed at the subway lol. =))) Next time do it at the caffe. I miss going to the park with dates. So simple. She asked me what am i looking for and i said relationship even if i am not sure yet with her. Maybe i should have said fun? I was afraid she would just walk out. What if she said yeah me too. She said shes on tinder because her friends pushed her to get with someone. Not sure what is she really looking for to be honest. What else? Family asked how i have time for a date now? But i am really very well with studying for now. Man, not watching series and YT really makes a difference. I was reading my goals from 2018 - i wanted to stop watching tv series. Same fucking thing. I am still trying, 4 years later. Man, when did 4 years pass? Fuck university, lol. Most of last 4 years i wasted to be honest but i have grown a lot, especially last 1-2 years. 2 Alessio Cala' Sugar Original Mix Master 320k

Hei Thursday Looooong day at university. I was very bored. I started following some old colleagues on insta and one girl wrote me. She's back from Italy and i invited her to join us next time whole group goes out. I went to bed at a more decent time. I forgot i got used to watch a few hours of tv series at night before bad. Felt so much better to just go to bed and do my visualization exercises. Kept pushing to do more work i didnt feel like doing asap. Felt so good afterwards. I surprised myself keeping working. I made some ads for a friend who opened his own reiki practice. I refused to hang out with my friends this weekend in order to study. I have a second date tonight and i dont feel like going. I am anxious we wont have what to talk about. I didnt feel so crazy to watch porn and tv series. The only bad thing would be spending money on junk food.

Hei Met with some colleagues from HS last night. I didnt speak with one of them since i was 17 i think. Good to see him and the others as well. I stopped speaking to him because they werent improving like me lol. What bullshit. It was fun and learned some stuff last night. I really need to be more aware what thoughts go around my head. I have a lot of negative self image things to sort. I am grasping the power of controlling my thoughts. Insane. Went to take a test i failed a month ago. I didnt study shit. I cheated again and hope this time i pass. The professor is really weird. Most ppl cheated but he didnt pass everyone. He is really weird. I got upset that my relationships so far have been out of desperation to get a GF. I came a long way to saying no instead of getting along just to avoid being single again. I need to put massive work in dating. I need to stop getting attached out of desperation and move on. Did my routine but ate junk food. I am not proud of this. I did some exercises to forgive and let go of grudges i have on myself and others. I felt amazing afterwards. Just wow. Arrived home and wanted to watch some stuff online and do nothing all day. Also wanted to watch porn. However, i am surprised i am not freaking out about exams and these tests. Watching tv series and movies daily was taking away all my time. Insane. Not watching that shit this year might be one of the best habits this year. I am thinking to work out again today. I worked after university and now i am studying for next exams. All good. I dont feel like studying but is ok. Set another date with the girl i have been talking to. She is nice but not amazing. Anyway, let's see how things go from here. I asked another girl to go out. We have been speaking every few days. She gave me some excuse. Over a week ago she said she needs more time before meeting f2f. Not going to bother anymore. I am surprised a girl from tinder wrote me out of nowhere. Let's see what is all about.

Hei Even if i studied all day i still felt it wasnt good enough. I listened to psyho-cybernetics too. Amazing book. I have been listening to it for more than a week i think. Just amazing. Took a walk and it helped. Wanted to buy junk food and i debunked this need by asking myself questions. I noticed that i feel resistant to study and do the work because i dont believe i can do it. I gave up in the past many times because i didnt use the right methods, habits, goals and i didnt re-calibrate my goals. For example changing my work out instead of giving up because it was too hard. I noticed i start reading about dating right when i have to study for exams or smth like that. So i quit sooner after. How about making it a smaller goal like listening to a book or reading some article. Simple.

Hello Yesterday i did a little bit of work but afterwards i just studied for some exams on Monday. It was boring and i kept saying myself i cant do it. I need to work on those limited beliefs. I also dont like learning about this things. I want to learn them to impress ppl with these skills like trimming trees but i dont really find it interesting. For example i want to learn SEO for myself and i see the difference. I am helping my krav maga professor with his ads on google. He invited me a few times to join the others when they go out. But i refused 3 times because i feel anxious going there. Havent seen them in years. I did some more visualizations about working out, curing some stuff, studying, dating, finishing college and so on. Made me feel so much better. Last night i wanted again to get some junk food. I kept saying to myself i need to control my mind. It was unpleasant. I woke up today at 12. My thoughts were - i wasted the day blah blah. But is just an opinion. I did my routine and started studying. Is just in my mind. I need to sleep. I am trying now to check my phone and social media as little as possible and it is really hard. I mean even harder than not watching porn. If that girl stops speaking with me i can quit Instagram for a few months. I also dont need to use FB at all. But i keep finding myself browsing them. Especially at university or when i am speaking with girls from tinder. Am i doing too much again? IDK. I thought of my goals after college and over the next decades. I got anxious not having a clear picture and not believing i can do it. I got scared when i wrote i want to have 6 more girlfriends to gain more experience until i turn 30. I got scared i cant do this. Ehh. I will learn how to text and things will get better. Is insane how much time i save by not watching netflix and YT crap. Just wow. I dont know what to do with this much free time at times. I find myself wanting to finish the day sooner because i dont know what to do until sleeping with so many hours left. Interesting. I feel good not watching crap online. I have less excuses to not do the hard stuff. I am trying to keep doing some stuff i dont each day. I dont want to get soft again.

Hey I am meditating for 2 minutes now. It feels manageable. It was very boring at university. But i was proud i did that homework yesterday. The professor didnt ask for it. I wanted to buy junk food afterwards. It was hard to say no to my brain but i resisted. I got angry i was letting my mind control my actions and not the other way around. I am helping a guy from the place i lived to make ads for his business doing reiki. Cool dude. I did some wrong move yesterday and my right arm hurts. I will take it easier for a few days. I am spending time on insta and FB. But i am not watching crap online and watching porn. It still insane i am not watching that crap online. wow. Especially that is a stressful period for me right now. I am so proud of myself. Yay.

Hey I had a stupid excursion today with uni and it was so boring. I was close to miss it because i fell asleep after turning off all my alarms. I arrived home and slept for 2 h. Afterwards, i worked out with my brother and finished some homework for tomorrow. I just finished it even if i took some breaks and thought i cant. I got some problems with my stomach for 2 days already. I am still speaking with the girl i went on last date. Stopped replying to the other girl i was talking but didnt plan to meet f2f. I didnt message the other girls i was talking. They are all busy with exams as well. No point in wasting time with that. I dont see the point in just talking with these girls if they dont want to meet f2f soon. Just emotional support? I think one of the reasons i started doing my homework is because i didnt have tv series to run from. Also, i dont want to run forever from hard tasks. Isnt healthy. What else? Called the guy who helps me with my project at uni. He is very busy as usually blah blah. He is busy with his business and is bored of preparing packages. He asked if i can help him and i said i have to study for uni. I can go but why would i? I already have a job... I am still worrying of that stupid tent not being ready on time. Of. I am looking forward to finish this crap college. I am really bored at university. I want to start that business already :)))

Hei I had a small misunderstanding with my boss and i immediately thought of myself as dumb. I re-framed it as just a mistake. Doesnt say anything about myself. Some other girls are too busy too meet but is ok. I have school crap to finish. Went to university last few days and i got so fucking bored. I fell asleep today. Is so life draining to have to go to uni each morning and than have to work. I am not excited going at the office next week after university. It will make it harder to maintain my routine. I will manage haha. So i havent watched any porn, tv series or YT movie recaps. I miss porn a lot. Also, i feel like running to tv series when i have free time or i have to do some task. I also understand why i quit sport last year. I am tired for waking up. I would be even more tired after going to the office. I will cut my workout in half to make it easier. Today i finished a project which is due for next week. I started yesterday. I feel so good about this. I just have the time now to study since tv series arent an option. The only "bad thing" is spending money on food at university. I mean junk food. I hate being so afraid about getting fired. Pff. Maybe i should get fired. I am going to save some more money and use them in that business. I should be done with uni by June. Cant wait hehe. I am thinking is stupid to be stressed about money until i hit 30 in a few years. Is so stupid. Working all week and still not having enough and living with my parents. I theory if i have my thing going on i can use more time to improve myself. I am stressed with uni project. I need to make that tent faster to grow that. I need to get pics and some real results. I am upset i counted too much on that guy to help me with this. He has real problems with discipline at is over 33 i think. Discipline is really important. We are supposed to make a business together but how can we when is taking him forever to do his tasks? Refused to go out with my friends in order to study. I am anxious of the upcoming exams but i will mange this crap, especially that i have more time to study now. I am envious on my sister and brother having fun while i am finishing this degree and working in the same time. It is ok. The thought of quitting work makes me feel scared and look like an asshole. What other job would i get lol? Blah blah. For now is good, especially i am not working much, especially in while my boss was in vacation. To be honest i get bored of work especially that i dont have much to do sometimes. I will make 2 years in this company next month. Still making dumb mistakes and other crap. All cool. Doesnt matter. I got some nice skills. I got paid for 2 years. I had money to move out, buy clothes, drink and go out, travel a little, a phone and also bought some crypto. Blah blah bad employee so what? It wont matter in 10 years. It wont matter they waited for me to finish uni and work for them for a few years more. I will be better working on a business and on myself. Why care so much that i will get scolded if quit? I should care more about myself. A few of my colleagues already left. A girl was here for one year and just quit.

hei So 1st day of university this year. Woke up at 6 and did my morning routine. I was so tired. Arrived at university just to listen my professors rambling so much crap, anything but teaching smth useful. One professor arrived late and spoke about his stupid kid and his frustrations, about us being dump and so much stupid shit. Wasted my morning but i wrote my name down that i went to his lab so i can pass this semester. I have to finish some crap for next week. I have some exams and stuff to finish. I will put Tinder on hold for now. Last semester i wasted my time talking to girls that i couldnt meet because of exams. Spoke with a girl just to find out we cant meet next 2 weeks because of her exams lol. I should do the same. Stop tinder altogether and just focus on school.

Hei hei hei So i had some really good days since i wrote here last time. I woke up and worked on my project for uni each morning before everything else. It felt amazing to not stress about it all day. Amazing. Studied for uni afterwards, worked out, meditated and listened to another book. I slept a lot as well. I went on a date last Friday. I paid more attention on what i was saying and some things made no sense. We even talked about self help books but i still think i bored her. Just didnt know what to talk about at some point. Nice girl but i think she found me boring. She was also smart and beautiful. I started listening to Psiho-cybernetics and i loved it. Amazing. I am not happy i have to go to university next day. But at least i dont have to listen to take part in those stupid calls at work in the morning. I realized that failing to work out each month last year was because it was too demanding for me. I didnt fail because i suck as a person. I failed because of the goal wasnt right for me. Looking back i could have done just pushups instead of doing nothing at all for months.

Hey I spoke more with some of these girls and i am not sure 100% what i am doing wrong. Maybe i should tell them "let's go to your place after a date?" instead of telling them im not looking for anything serious via messages. IDK. I will have a date tomorrow and i wonder how she will be like. So far it seems that again i dont have stuff in common with her. I like how she looks like. I wonder how she is like f2f. I am also excited to check my 1 date per month goal. I need to read more man. I get hit by this again and again and again. Just whaaat to say. I dont see the point in talking so much but i think is needed. I think i need to keep dating even if it doesnt lead anywhere. I cant say i need to be better to date like i did in the past. Keep dating and learn from it. But i should cut the conversation with the girls i dont like even if i feel awkward to do so. I finished listening a book about discipline from jocko willink. I dont agree with everything he says but i will use what i do find useful. I really need to work harder, especially in controlling my mind. Is hard haha. But i did get easier on myself since last year or two years ago. I got to the point from last month when i was like i am just watching this crap online and is just too much. One of my goals for 2023 is to read a book per month. Done hehe. Next one will be Psycho-Cybernetics. Next one mastery? IDK. I think i will try to work on my project for uni early in the morning. Is the hardest thing and i keep avoiding doing it all daay looong. I am not happy about the studying i will have to do to finish this semester. I will use this time to force myself to study and pass those exams. I barely studied for last exams. I worked out again. Looked in the mirror and i see some gains after over 2 months. I really want to work out each fucking week this year and the next. I will also made my schedule around it. I will say i cant go out today cuz i need to work out.

hei Set a date for this Friday with a nice girl. I am also speaking with other girls but i dont really like how they look but is fun to talk to them. I am shooting myself in the foot for not having a place to bring girls at. Just one of the girls i am talking to has her own place and i dont like the way she looks to be honest. Offff. I do want ONS but is more complicate if i dont have where to bring these girls. Offf. Yeah, it sucks but i will find a way around this. Anyways, just keep talking to these girls and see what happens. I want a quality girl so i need to be a better person. As my last date said i want a person who can make my life better. Keep that in mind for a relationship. I still feel weird to say - so what are you looking for over here and to get a question like a want a friend or just to talk. But i have to do it and grow. Is just a message haha. One girl even told me she is super bored and that's why she's on tinder. I think asking from the start what are you looking for is too much but also it backfires when you ask later. I am not sure how to approach this man. Hmm. I think i will just ask sooner and be done with most of this crap. I will find a girl who just wants sex. I think i need to change my profile. Maybe need to look like a guy who doesnt want any serious stuff. Maybe i look to simp and too nice. Maybe that is one of the problems. Oh, i just spoke with a fun girl from another city and she gave me sooo many awesome memes. Hahaha. - I made my vision even more clear. I did my routine and didnt watch crap online like movies and tv series. It was hard but i need to control my mind. As i learned from Think and grow rich - i need to work hard on what my mind does. I am the only one who controls my mind. Nothing can get done if you dont control your thoughts and feelings. It feels hard and i know it is. I did a bunch of tasks i didnt want to do. Slept some more and didnt cling on stupid thoughts.

Hei Met with friends yesterday. I petted all their cute dogs. It was fun but i feel bad i spent too much to order food. I even got extra food for myself afterwards. Walked one hour to my place. I was faster than i thought haha. I slept all day yesterday. Barely did any work. Just sit in bed. I didnt replay to anyone on tinder until the work schedule was over. I want to make it a habit. Worked a little on my project, studied a little and listened to some more of think and grow rich. I need to reprogram my subconscious mind ASAP. I also made my vision for this year a little better. I did something interesting. I said to myself "i feel like doing these exercises". Got out of bed and did them. I have been waiting to feel like it to do stuff - what if i can just tell myself that? Very interesting.

Hei I celebrated NYE with some friends. We did a BBQ and drank. I didnt get blackout drunk. I am glad so glad i didnt. It was fun. I meditated each day for maybe a week already? Just one minute a day. Means a lot to me just to start this going and to climb back at 30 minutes. My communication skills can be improved but i also think that some girls from tinder just dont care much to reply and to keep a conversation going no matter what. Yesterday i didnt do much besides sleeping and walking with a friend. Oh and we had a fight with my father about the way family's money are spent. After arguing for hours we came to a compromise. My grandma was there as well. She is a very sad human. She cried how her 2 daughters dont respect and help her enough and other crap. Pfff. She complained some more and that was it. Read some more from think and grow rich. I made my goals a little better to measure. Still feeling resistance to make more plans. I am very scared i will not work out each week like last year. But i am focusing on doing one day at a time. I also decided to not watch movie recaps on YT, tv series and movies and it already feels impossible. I need to just not do these. It makes me very sad, lazy and miserable. I am trying my best. It would be insane to even go months in this year without watching crap each day. I slept more since i am avoiding to watch crap online. Is very hard. But this is what makes me miserable each day, for years. It is a huge problem for me. I also cut porn for a few days and is so hard man. I am also trying to stop using insta and FB so much. I hope i am not doing too much right now. I realized i need to build my discipline this year, after reading current book. I am planning to read a book per months. Audio books for now. Worked a little more on uni project. I hate it haha. I am working out with my all my family in 30 minutes. So glad i convinced them. We are going to watch a movie afterwards (maybe i shouldn't?). I can say that i am not looking forward to go to work tomorrow or to start university. Not at all haha. I want to get one date per each month this year. I know i can achieve this, at least after exams. I also want to get a FWB/ONS. I never had one and it would be nice to try this. Last 3 weeks almost i got no dates from tinder. It went very bad. What else? I might get a date this or next week if some of these girls will respond again. I think i need even better pics but for now i will save some more money for that business. I need to believe more that we can do it. Younger ppl did it so can i. I need to finish uni and than i can start that business as well. What else? I still care too much what ppl think of me. I am thinking it will be lame to tell my boss i want to quit because my business is going very well. Isnt this stupid?

Workout for 45 min a least once a week (weights and calisthenics) Finish my studies Doing stuff anyways instead of just waiting to feel motivated

Hey I realized i am too serious. I have my life ahead of me. I have decades of work and fun stuff i can do. I shouldnt think life will be over at 24 or 30. Chill man. Today i watched shit videos in yt but i did exercise in the morning. Didnt feel like it. Slept some more and prepared smth for uni later. Not much else so far. I waited to just feel like snapping out of laziness. My sister told me i should ask for a raise but to be honest i dont think i deserve it. I still dont know how to talk to clients and deal with them. Still dont know how to do my job much better. Offf. I am struggling to keep the conversation going with some of the girls i meet on tinder. Really, is annoying. Just dont know what to say at some point. Offff. I thought i should move abroad at some point. I feel stuck staying here, working on little money and not having enough to do much else. Maybe i should go abroad again and find a new job or work remotely or smth. I dont want to be stuck like my colleagues at work. Ill spend NYE with some friends. We will make a BBQ and drink. I wont get mad drunk and i dont feel like doing shrooms there either. I need to make my goals for next year more specific. - I am anxious to start that online business but why not? Looks interesting to try. Cant wait to be honest. I need to finish college 1st or maybe not.

Hey Today was a lazy day. Slept a lot and not much else besides some exercises and work. I was very sleepy. I tried smth new on tinder. To be more playful in my conversation and to my surprise it works but still didnt get a date set so far. Most girls are out of town with their families. The ones over here dont seem to bother too much. Interesting. I saw some girls who are studying abroad and are here for a few days. I am surprised they say in their bio they are looking for smth serious. What? You are here for less than a week. Not much else to tell you I am trying to not get involved in organizing the NYE this year. Some of my friends dont have a job and still dont get involved, why would i? I have no idea what they are planning or if it will be fine in the end Im thinking i need to start that business sooner and finish my university faster. I want a new challenge. I dont want to work at this company forever and have less and less free time. I want to do more in life than just work for them. Also, my salary sucks compared with others'

Hey Wake up again and did my back exercises and warm up. I didnt feel like it but i was glad i did it anyways in the end. Worked some more on my project for uni. I forced myself to do it. Cleaned my room Studied a little for university. I really didnt want to do it man. Meditated for 1 minute for the 3rd day in a row. I want to bring this habit back. 30 minutes feels too much for now. But sure i can get to 5 min a day. Spoke with some girls on tinder. Man, is harder to do stuff right now instead of waiting to feel like doing them. I had to convince myself so many times to not watch crap online and still wasnt perfect. I did watch crap yesterday. I am so used to be lazy and wait to feel like being motivated to do smth with my day. I am still waiting that day i will feel like it 100% but never comes. Just waiting for years and becoming more frustrated. I watched a video on how to text girls even if didnt "have time". Another excuse. I am still coughing. This sickness doesnt go away. What now? I will work out even if i dont really feel like working out. Yesterday night i wanted to watch some tv series but chose to keep listening to think and grow rich. I really dig this book man. It was more interesting than watching that crap. I would like to drive or walk some more these days. I feel stupid i stopped working out this year for months. I could have done once a week or smth at least... offf. Same for reading books and so on. What a bummer.

Hey Merry Christmas! Took 5 g of shrooms last weekend. I saw how many limits i put up for myself. I saw again how i am stopped by waiting to feel like doing smth like work. I said to myself - wtf, i dont need to wait to feel like working out or cleaning my room. So stupid. I was very disappointed i am waiting so much to feel like doing stuff instead of just doing them. This time i saw patterns with my eyes open. Also, i had a hat and thick clothes to not be cold. It worked. After a few hours tripping i cleaned my room. I couldnt let it look like shit. I threw away gifts from exes as well. This time i said to myself i had some good times but i spent more times on those girls than on working on myself. What a shame... I bought tinder premium while i was tripping. I got frustrated i am upgrading this app since it works for me. What am i waiting for? Since than i didnt get a date this week. Maybe not the next one either. Next year goal is to get a one night stand besides just going on dates. I was productive with some mistakes the next few days. Listened to some of leo s books. Wow. So fucking good man. Again, i could have done this months ago... I still dont feel like meeting up with friends and i dont know why. I didnt feel my best today to be honest. I dont feel the best about myself. It was really annoying to see it in front on my eyes while tripping. I know i have to do this things... Just do them man... I will keep working on myself. I really want to finish college. We got a place for NYE. I didnt get drunk since last time. Look To The Rainbow

Hey Yesterday i was quite productive. Made some progress with my project but realized i have to come up with a solution to lie better. The data i have doesnt make sense compared with 1st growing batches. Did some exercises on Wed as well. I did pull-ups with my shoulders back and i felt the effort more on my back. I watched some videos online about making a store online. I can start with less products way faster. Yay. I need to decide if i want to wait 6 more months to me done with university or not. I felt again im not enough blah blah. I am trying and succeeding in using less social media. Makes me lazy, numb and complacent. Went to avatar 2 yesterday. It was amazing. I realized last GF deleted me from Facebook and Instagram. I didn't expect this. I wanted to do it as well but i thought isn't a mature thing to do. I will save up a lot of cash after all for this month. Yay. Bought some presents as well on Wednesday. You remember that girl from uni who inspires me? She has been doing Erasmus in NL last few months and now is in Spain for her winter break. Wow. She posts lots of pics of fine restaurants and delicious food. I felt envious to be hones.t My parents couldn't afford to give me that lifestyle. I wasn't doing great with money and i think i went just a few times at a real restaurant. I wish to not complain about money like my father does all the time. I dont want to complain all the time to my family how much i paid for x and y. I need to work on my limiting beliefs about money since i was raised like this. I had a meeting today with my colleagues. We spoke a lot of shit and it was fun. One of them told us how he is staying in the city alone for Christmas to avoid eating even more. He said he hates working from home because how much he ate last 2 months. Wow. I didn't think he cares about his weight. I thought he doesn't care at all. Didnt know he struggles with this. I was surprised to hear that he "loves to eat and work" and nothing else. Wow. He is older than me but isnt yet 30. Wow. Really? Life isnt going to get better as you get older. You make it better each day right now. They joked about getting to drunk this Christmas and i laughed this time. What else? Still dont feel like working for my project at uni but i have to do it. Even a little bit. I am wondering now if someone working full time in my city is happy compared to someone working remote from another country. I mean last 2 months we could have spent working abroad, right? I dont know what to say. Maybe it depends of the person doing it? I am swiping on tinder and waiting for the conversion to lead to a date. I am surprised ppl actually stay on tinder during this time. Interesting. - Finally, i started a new page. I had last one since summer. It was time to move one haha

Hey again Spent more hours watching tv series and crap on YT. Off. I am not happy with this. Anyways, i was thinking to make my story sound better when talking to girls at 1st date. I can start by cutting the failing university in NL. I think it makes me stupid even if i lived abroad a whole year. It was almost 5 years ago. Get over it and build new things. I think is lame that i keep mentioning NL. Havent i done smth cooler in the last 4 years? Something interesting besides work and university. I should read a book and take more courses. I didnt even travel outside my country since i got back. Also, i think i should stop saying i lived away from my family last year for 5 months. I returned because i couldn't afford it. Is lame to mention it. Maybe i can stop talking about wanting to start a business with my friends growing mushrooms and selling products with mushrooms. It sounds weird and we didnt even sell a thing. Is to early. I can say i want to do PCC afterwards as well. Maybe i can stop mentioning i am studying horticulture as well? I am 24. I wasnt even supposed to still be in college. I was thinking what i will be doing when i have more money and time. But until than there are so many stuff i can do right now which i will also do in a few years - working out each week, eating better, not watching tv series so much, not using Instagram so much and other stuff. I dont need money to do these things. Simple, right? I got lazy at times, thinking i will do stuff after college, like it is some new beginning or something. Looking back it was stupid not going abroad with Erasmus last 4 years. Yeah, would have zero work experience after 2 years and nothing to do but it would have been a life experience. I got 2 years working and not really becoming super good at it either. What a joke. Maybe i wont actually live abroad after all in the near future. Work just to make money, eh? Just to feel proud i am making money from a job i think i like and sounds good too. But what else? I chose to not quit fearing i wont find another job to earn money. Of. This is not a life. Is it worth it? I have been in this company for almost 2 years. Am i a different person? Yes, but it shows i was also at uni this whole time man. I dont know how i would be like if i chose to go abroad with erasmus. I think it would not have been so much different. IDK Maybe it is some purpose behind this once again? I have to say it was a big step to get hired but maybe is time to start a business? I am afraid i cant be a boss and have employees and stuff. I dont know how to do this. Maybe i will learn? I think is boring to do my job 5 days a week full time. At the start of this journal, i didnt even think i can get a job. I was afraid to get hired. When i started this journal i didnt even live abroad for a year, didnt volunteer, didnt speak english that good, didnt cook, didnt have tinder, didnt work out, didnt have a gf, didnt drive, didnt get my 1st job, didnt finish 3 years of college and didnt know the ppl i know now. Wow. I forgot all of this. So congrats for what i did well even if is not "perfect".

Hey D2 definitely ghosted me and i have to say it bothers me. I am thinking there is something wrong with me. But looking back i ghosted all girls i went out with so far. It is part of the game and i will get used to it. Will be fine. It wasnt the best day. Watched some crap online last night. Spent the day watching shit online and it made me feel indifferent and disappointed of myself. I am back on tinder and i find it uncomfortable to talk to girls. I dont feel well about doing this. I think i need some practice. Everything will be fine. I dont feel like hanging out with friends either.

Hey Went last Friday at a Christmas party at work. Got way to drunk and pissed next to the locker room, in a closet. Omg. I feel so embarrassed. Unreal. Everyone from work was there, isnt even funny, man. I also spoke too much shit. I went on a date with B and i decided i dont want to see her again. She didnt listen to what i was saying to her. I thought last time it was just 1st date but no. I also didnt like how much she talked. I learned to not rush in a relationship. This is what i did last time. Should take it slower. It was funny how cool i thought i am pursuing two girls in the same time. I even disabled tinder lol. I think D2 will ghost me as well. Maybe last time i was too much for her. Or i bored her. Last girl said she is looking for a long term relationship with a person who can give her some value in her life. I thought about this. I am also looking for a girl who is more than i am. And also just fun. I was very sick last night. Had fever and headaches. Today it was hard to work feeling so sick. I feel stressed with my last year project at uni. Off. I even watched tv series last weekend, finished a series in one night. I worked some more on that project but i need to work way more. I got a little stuck. I worked out yesterday and i liked it. I was so proud, even if i woke up at 13. didnt do much else besides that date. What else? I made a list of products to buy for that site and wrote some helpful tips. I need to buy in bulk and use wordpress and ecommerace. Shopify is very expensive if you want to make big changes on it. Interesting.

Hey Forgot to put my alarm last day and woke up later to start working. I was quite productive. I am proud of myself. Went on a second date with D2. Hmmm still quite and mature for her age but i am getting scared of her trauma with her father. She feels like holding back/ cold. We will go on a 3rd date next week. I dont know why but i feel like she will ghost me. B, seems with less baggage but i am not sure. She is also more mature. Hmm. Another thing that is on my mind is that with either girls, we dont have a place to see each other like i had with exes. This worries me. How will this work out? I cant tell to be honest. It worries me we wont get closer anytime soon. It was easier last summer when it was warm in parks. Anyways, i realized i might want a girl than has what i want - ultra motivation etc. I dont see myself long term with these 2 girls. But i also felt frustrated and envious when i met these types of girls - so? I dont have this figured it out. I need even more experience. I am getting in the 2nd date space now. Also, i am scared D2 has lots of drama and i have to deal with that like with ex. But for now she seems to have way less than D1. At least B seems more stable. In comparison D1 had way more trauma and it was overwhelming. All in all, is experience and i am learning. I feel i have my hands full - i paused my tinder account for now. What else? I am feeling the urge to watch some crap online, some YT videos etc. I worked out yesterday as well.

Last year in review: So it was much, much better than i expected. I changed even more than i did last year. What a surprise! I am so happy i took those pics of myself, used tinder and got a gf and some dates. This felt impossible in January. I am so happy i opened up about dating to my family and friends. It was so hard. Glad i drove some more. Glad i restarted working out even if i had most of the year off. Glad i did gardening this summer and had some cool veggies. So happy i reconnected more with my friends and ppl from HS. I feel closer to them. I finally made my mind up to start an online business of my own but will be done next year. Learned about crypto and bought lots of crypto from salary and scholarship. Finished massage course. NEXT YEAR: Keep working out but take it easier when i have exams Drive more Start business with brother Finish university, project Date more Dont watch crap on YT/movies/ series Mushroom business with friends