Everyday

Something important to mention here is that i only went to around 20 dates from tinder the end of last summer to now. So i need more experience. I cant complain after just 20 dates. It is ridiculous actually. I have so much to learn. I barely scratched the surface. But i have a better idea of what type of girls i want. I need to chose my dates much better to cut any wasted time and money. I cant believe i lived through last 5 months not watching tv series. I read some posts from earlier this year and i was surprised how bad i want to watch some tv series. I still do. Also, i should chill more. I am not studying law, I havent really studied hardcore for my exams, i am just bitching. I need to be stronger. It is alright and it isnt that horror at work. Chill bro.

I also passed today's exam. Cheated as well but i knew some answers as well. This is just very cringe. I have a history of behaving like this and than realizing that it is just dumb. Looking back, she didnt put much effort into conversation before or after the date. Why was i so surprised she didnt really want to go out again? I just made a whole story in my mind regarding her potential. It is absurd and plain stupid. It was all in my head but her behavior was clear - she didnt put much effort from the start. It is my fault i let myself carried out. Now i am just stressed with university and i am searching for some distraction. I got congratulated for my work over the weekend. I wanted to sleep today after uni but chose to keep working. I should study really. I should have got a few days off as well. But i feel bad taking them. I have one exam left. Literally, the last one! This is the end of this part of my life, finishing college. I am been trying and working to do this for the last 6 years omg.

So i have been feeling very horny lately. I have been using pics of hot girls to fap lately and it works. I did this before, when i tried nofap and not watching porn. But i am not sure how much of this type of content is same as porn or not. I have a big collection of hot pics on tumblr. Havent used the app for around 3 years after i got back on porn. I logged in and i found that i posted pics of my ex from her facebook. Under one of them i wrote "i asked her out and she said yes". Very disturbing. I deleted everything with her from there. So i am back on tumbler and i want to fap so hard. I am actually searching for sex gifs even if this would be technically porn. I find some hot enough pics and i fap.I really wanted to watch porn. Afterwards, i feel the urge to check on Teo once again and follow her on Insta. We only spoke on wapp. I am still thinking she would have liked me if i did something different. This morning she accepted my follow request and i got a bunch of negative feelings. Looked on her profile. I am feeling frustrated for wasting my time with every girl who wants me instead of focusing on girls i really like. I am chasing the wrong girls and this makes me feel really defeated. Also, i am feeling frustrated not working harder on myself? Why am i bothered about some girls not liking me back? Maybe because she resembles my ex so much? I felt a very familiar feeling - being with a girl with lots of problems and trying to get in her good side. It felt like that 100%. I should have followed her months ago. I would have seen she goes out a lot and it was so clear she doesnt want to see me again. I feel so cringe waiting for 1 day each time to get a single response from her. I feel embarrassed for being so desperate. I regret being so insistent when it was so clear from the start. I knew but i tried anyways. It is funny how i didnt feel such a strong urge to check my exes too. Just this girl i went on just one date. I also found a nice quote on insta. I got back on the app unfortunately and spend hours on it. The quote said to respect ppl who dont want you instead of being pushy. This is exactly what i am doing. I am not accepting that that girl doesnt like me. I need to work harder in all aspects of life. Yesterday, i would study for 10m and jump back on social media for a while. I couldnt focus on studying for hours like i want. I really need to be productive for hours and so on. Maybe i am not there yet. Keep going on dates but please dont just go out with girls you have a bad feeling. I dont trust myself i will really follow my advice. Of

Hey Last night i spoke with 2 girls from tinder. One of them has exams right now as well. I asked the other one out next week and she said she wanted to go to this expensive restaurant instead of the place i proposed. I said sure even i feel like she just wants to eat for free. I thought i have to go on with this because i dont have experience blah blah. But i dont have to be just plain dumb regardless of my experience. Nice restaurant tho, asked my friends if they want to eat there next week =))) I didnt study much, preferred to sleep and work today. And i went to the lab in the morning. We inoculated some shiitake bags. The dude who owns the lab is 32 and i told me he struggles so much with discipline. He said he should work on university projects and study like i do. He also said im lucky i dont have a GF and i can just focus on working on myself. That is true. His GF just had an argument with him for not spending the Sunday with her and coming to the lab until 13:00. I dont like her, i said it before. She just wants to have fun all the time. She isnt even excited when he tells her about his passion with this mushroom project. I talked a little with a girl who said in her bio she's 1.72 tall. She didnt replay to me after i told her i am 1.70 lol =))) Talked with another girl and she was not really putting any effort into the conversation. She said "oh, you are not doing your masters already?". Lol. I should have just seen her comments. I worked out just a little bit yesterday. I feel is too much to do full body workouts now. I better split them instead of quitting like last year. I am so afraid i will fail again to be honest. I need to find a balance between work, dating and working on myself. I want to get laid but i feel it isnt the moment to get a gf as i am setting up my foundation right now. But it is never the good time to date haha. I will just find a way to do it in the same time. But i try to not go out with each and every girl i find on tinder. It is fucking stupid and i waste my time. I need to be smarter about this. Why am i asking almost every girl out? Because i am desperate and i am trying to get whatever date/ attention i can get This is embarrassing but i wanted to check that girl who rejected me in February once again. I wanted to follow her on insta like it would change something. It is fucking embarrassing. It has been over a month since i bothered her and she started seeing someone. I think that it is stupid to discover dating and texting by myself. I am doing unnecessary mistakes when i can just learn the steps from a book. But i am thinking - i dont have time for this shit. Yes, i have. I can spend 4h learning about this shit instead of going to some date.

I need to deal with feeling bored and not doing anything about it. I missed working out yesterday. I woke up today and i dont feel like studying. I did some work but i feel bored to go on. I feel so resistant to work out - because i didnt work much lately? Is it like a loop?

I have to say that it takes hours for her to replay now. When we started speaking she would replay in seconds regardless of the time i texted her. Now, for some reason she is pulling away. Not sure why, maybe because i didnt ask her out sooner. I am curious about it. Maybe because of this i told her i cant wait to meet next week, even if it isnt that true. She seen the message and replayed to the other ones. Hmm. Interesting, i scarried her away with my bullshit. I think she started being more distant after i told her we can only meet in 2 weeks, after exams. I can learn from this. If that person is too busy to see me she can make an effort to set up smth next time. I passed today's exam. I should have studied more because today we couldnt cheat like we did last time. Too bad but i got a 6 and passed. I have 2 exams left. I was invited to get drunk tonight by my sister's BF and my brother. I declined. I was tired and wanted to chill. They complained about it but i am really glad i refused. I really dont like getting drunk on command just because he asks me to. After that exam i went to the lab to make some substrate for shiitake even if i had work and other exams next week. Once i got there my colleague from work messaged me to tell me to redo the task from yesterday. I was anxious again i will get in trouble because i did almost half of the task with huge breaks in between while i was upstairs making the substrate. I was annoyed of being so stressed about some stupid task at some stupid job, I should have got off work for these exams but i am anxious to ask for days off. I am wasting lots of time anyways. I need to work on this. One bag with substrate with Hericium got Trichoderma. I throw it away but this means i wont get a 3rd flush. Shit. But it's not such a big deal. I still have 2 flushes from this species. It is ok. What else? I talked some more with my colleagues at university. I keep telling to myself i make them feel bored but at some extent it is just in my head. I want to exercise more. I am taking it too easy lately. I am still watching some interviews on YT even if i should study. I just get bored. I need to be more careful about the next girl i want to date. Or at least be sure to get out sooner. I am really frustrated being so nice for nothing in the end. Once again i am glad i didnt kept talking with that girl from the other city. Such a waste of time. How low can i get - dating a girl from another city who is cold and doesnt even like tenderness? Whhhat? No! What am i looking for now? I do know that i want sex without insane amounts of investments. I want short relationships without hating myself for putting up with too much shit. I want more experience and i am curios the girls i will meet in the following months. I am looking to find the middle way between working on different areas of my life. I dont want to be 26 like that girl and still watch tv series or to waste my time on Instagram, scrolling after college. I hate when i am on that app wasting time and feeling so bad about myself. Today i used it for 1 min looking if that girl texted me out of curiosity. She didnt. Good, now i dont have to use instagram until i am back on tinder. I didnt bother to check her stories =))) i dont care about what she posts or what the other ppl i follow are posting. I dont really care and there is no reason to know. The Regrettes - Anxieties (Out Of Time) [Official Music Video]

Buna mai I spent a few minutes on Insta. I am proud about that. I didnt check everyone's stories nor i replayed to my messages. That girl didnt replay but it was interesting to see where it goes. It was first time i spoke on insta with a girl i met irl. I had to work a lot today unfortunately. I still didnt finish but i have to study for the exam tomorrow. I didnt finish going through all presentations. My mushrooms are growing fine, maybe i should collect them now. It's second flush for some. I had a 3rd flush yesterday. I refused to go out this weekend with some of my friends. Good. I need to focus on these exams. I might go on a date with this girl i have been speaking since 28th of April from tinder. She is also nice and kinda hot. We will see. I want to finish the final project as fast as i can. I dont want to be worried as fuck last minute. I feel so relived i passed that test last week. I was afraid i will fail since the beginning of the semester. I feel very little motivation to work out lately and i dont like it. I got some more junk food from time to time. I drank some beers.

MAN, i passed that stupid test i took last week. Insane! I worried about it since the semester started. A quarter of my colleagues failed. He failed some of them for no reason. I feel so relaxed i passed that test. I have 3 more exams and that's it. I am so close to finish this degree. I cant believe that next week around this time i will be done with exams. Hopefully i will pass all of them. I hope i did well at today's exam. I should have read all those presentations and notes. I went to the office yesterday. I havent been there since February. A colleague saw me almost falling asleep. Shit, now he is on my back. He had a call with me today and gave me a shitload of work. He will be like this for a few months and that's it. I didnt actually have to go. I should not have gone to be honest. I need to learn GA4. Im behind. I dont see a raise anytime soon because of my level of knx. I am sure i wont get a raise unless i do better soon. I saw it as such a big waste of time to be at the office. 2 hours wasted to arrive there, lots of back pain and not much to do. I did my work and i spent the rest of the day trying to find smth to do. I wasted my day in other words. Told my family about passing that test and my father had to remind my once again about failing college in Netherlands. I told him to never bring that up and to stop mentioning it. It was 5 years ago! I spent very little time on Insta last 2 days since i deleted the app. I just checked if i had messages from that girl and that's it. Replayed to her and didnt waste too much time on it. I am worried about managing life - work balance once i finish uni and start working full time. Wasting the whole day at the office feels so shit to be honest. I thought about telling my boss i want to quit but i felt ashamed - i am basically worked part time most of the time and now i leave to do my own business or grow edible mushrooms? It sounds ridiculous but i know this thinking is stupid. There is nothing stupid about having your own business and learning more about yourself and the marketplace. etc. It will be fine. It is stupid to not live your life afraid of what this dude will say or your colleagues. No body cares really. Also, i wont regret it once i am making more money on my own and i am able to make my own schedule and invest more in myself rather than staying all my life in my town and worrying about getting fired. I need to do smth about this stress i am feeling now. I am taking uni and work too seriously. It is just work and university. I should stressed so much about tasks and exams. Some people present their last year project later because of work. It isnt a big thing man. I thought yesterday again that should have done more by this age, 24 years old. But i didnt believe i can. I see people online having their own business at this age but i am still afraid. I still cant believe i can do it. I am still so worried about failing. I am still not believing i can do better for myself or that i deserve better. I will be better. I will show this to myself. Maybe been productive 24/7 out of a sudden it is too much?

Or maybe feels bad to end the conversation. IDK. I have my 1st exam today out of 3 this week, I have two more next week. I am worried for the ones from next week. Especially what i did at the test last week. I am quite sure i failed. I have to cheat better at that stupid test. I went through 3/4 of the amount of presentations i had to learn from. I got frustrated today because of my dirty room, wasting time on insta and so on. I deleted the app. I cant waste time doing that crap. It makes me feel so bad. I also cleaned my room and did my meditation and exercises earlier. I feel lots of resistance to do my routine if i already wasted 2 h on insta right from the start of the day. My mushrooms are doing fine. I got a new digital socket which enables the ventilator to extract the CO2 from the tent. It has 16 settings and i have to change it with the one for the remaining 8 hours of the day. I am afraid that i will waste all my time after i finish college. I am afraid i will watch tv series and be lazy. But i know i can control this. I already have stuff to do, i dont need to give up. I was super productive last year of high school but afterwards everything went downhill after exams. I am scared it will happen again. But now i have stuff to do instead of watching tv series and porn. I have work, i can date, i can learn more about shopify and so on. It will be fine. I am afraid to become tired and lazy like the 26 year old girl from tinder i told you about. She was just watching movies and tv series after work each day. I dont want to do this again. Just no.

Hei Last weekend, i met a girl, the sister of a girl 3rd year horticulture student. I ran into her last week, said hello and than i replayed to on of her stories on Instagram. I didnt expect anything out of it, i was just having fun. We started speaking daily since than. I have never done this. I didnt give her any compliments or any of that kind of talk because i am afraid to be seen as cringe. Very interesting. Also, i matched with another girl a few weeks ago and kept speaking with her as well. I just turned my tinder on a few times and just kept talking to her.I even forgot to replay to her while we talked on tinder. I was joking about going on a coffee and she said she's love that. I didnt ask her out because of exams but it is interesting to see once again that if a girl wants to talk to you shell make an effort. Studying is going very slowly and i dont have much motivation for it. I need to push myself over here

I finished that one on time. I could have finished the project with less effort and sources. It was ok in the end. I still dont know if i passed the test i had on Monday. I am pretty sure i failed the test. I am really sturggling with this. I feel very resistant to exercise and meditate on time. I keep letting them really late at night. This week i didnt work out and its already Saturday. I kept saying i have smth to do like studying. Last year i quit around this time. I am so afraid i will make the same mistake again. I have last exam on the 24th of May this month. It is so close. I need to stop using Instagram once again. Too much time wasted. Also, i waste time on YT again. I feel worried about this. A friend asked me out and i refused. I really need to focus on uni right now. I want to take my goals more seriously. I have the rest of the year to go out. I am so close to finish this crap. I got upset the other day for wasting time at uni instead of being home and doing smth productive. I really dont get ppl saying high school and university were the best times of their lives. WTF. I am frustrated not making more money and being stressed about them just like my parents. My sister's boyfriend kept telling me he wants to invest in making a mushroom business with me. I kept giving his family the mushrooms i am growing. I get really annoyed by this. First, i dont have enough knx to start it on my own and also i dont want him stressing me out to make money out of this passion. I really dont like his attitude saying things like "you would work for me". I really dont have anything to learn from him. I didnt even tell him about what i want to do with my brother, selling stuff online. I just dont want him to know for now, i dont want him offering to give us money and basically making more than us while we do all the work. Meanwhile the guy helping me with those mushrooms pretty much did nothing last week. I dont know what future i have with this dude. He is smart and knows what he is doing but has really bad discipline. So i really want to be independent. I have a feeling i am not growing enough working for my current job. I am also not making enough to travel or live alone. I want to have my own thing so i dont have to feel frustrated and also have more free time to work on myself and learn much more stuff in general. I thought of telling my boss i quit in the future but i feel ashamed of the fact that he kept me these 2 years and i barely do shit each week. I asked a friend to give me some money he owes since March. He said he will have some money on his card soon. He was doing the same years ago. He said he only has cash blag blah I had an opportunity to drive but i didnt take it. I was afraid. One of my flatmates from NL is travelling the world with money from her parents and also getting jobs around Europe and S America. It has been 5 years since i met her and i feel some things didnt change much. I am still not making enough to even move out or travel. I feel like i am in a trap. I am making enough to buy stuff but not too much nor to move out or to party a lot. I cant afford it right now. I feel i am selling myself short not making more money at my age. I feel i am not good enough to get a better job because i didnt put enough effort into my job for the last 2 years. I came across a eye opening interview of a prostitute - She said she treats people like she wants to be treated but she almost never gets what she craves from them. Same here. I would like some friends to ask me how am i doing but i feel the urge to ask them how they are doing. Interesting. Also, i really want a gf who would treat me like i do, with lots of physical touch and tenderness and care. But i never had that as much as i would like to. I feel annoyed i am watching geopolitics YT videos instead of making an effort more often to study for uni right now. I quit tv series but i still found another way to waste time. Also, i have to think what can i do about buying junk food when feeling bad.

Hello I was late at uni. I brought my laptop and worked during the lecture as well. A colleague from uni asked us to pick up a picture for the album. I downloaded them on my hard drive. Same one i stored pics of ex, screenshots and videos and other personal stuff. I was shocked to see that i still had pics of everything with her. I was sure i deleted everything. I went to hundreds of pics and deleted almost everything related to her. It made me feel sick. I forgot how cringe and a simp i was - i still am. I was so afraid i wont find another and regretted not trying to make it last longer even if i didnt feel ok. I still have this feeling, but 2 years ago was unbearable. Again, should have ended that shit much sooner and i should have used tinder to get dates. I should have left her alone 100% and focused on my life. I felt bad for so many months. I am still affected by that whole scene. Maybe this is why i kept the girl from another city around even if i knew it wont work. But doing so made me feel so bad. The messages i sent to her after the break up are so cringe, needy and desperate. In one of them i asked her please tell me how are you... Unreal. This it was the results of trying to keep the relationship regardless of lots of problems. I betrayed myself by putting up with that shit. It was really painful to face that. But there was no other way than a break up. But definitely i should have communicated more instead of throwing a tantrum. It was so embarrassing. Two years later, i am still improving myself. I m so proud that i left that girl go last night. It would have been worse one month later. I just couldnt keep investing in that type of relationship. Anyway, i need even more experience and it is alright. Once i am done with uni i can focus on girls and other stuff. I will start working on a project for the day after tomorrow. I only did a few push-ups last week instead a full body workout.

Hei I volunteered the whole weekend at my university fair. I told her i will be late one day prior and i was late 25 minutes. She was upset because she came from one hour distance to see me and i am late. She didnt let me kiss her a lot. She was even colder than last time. Even said last time wasnt colder because she was tired. She asked me where do i imagine i will do my wedding - i never thought about this lol. It is a second date and we speak about marriage already?? Also, she said she isnt really into kissing and tenderness and all this stuff. I really am into this. I really need this in a relationship. She underlined a few times her effort to come to the city to see me. She said next time we should go on a hike even if i told her i have exams. She was really upset i was late and i kept apologizing. I didnt eat anything for the whole day and i was anxious to tell her i am really hungry. To be honest i find it annoying that she was so upset for smth so small. Apparently she expected from me to get the hind she wanted to meet another day. I thought seeing each other for even one hour its better than nothing. This is what i did in past relationships. It worked. I spoke with her some more and finally today I told her i dont want to see her anymore. I told her i really dont like that we live in different cities. I felt ashamed to tell her i of my needs to be tender and so on. But i am proud i didnt ghost her. It is a really big step. Next time i will let her go much sooner. And i shouldnt feel bad about not wanting someone in my life. It is my right. She arrived a few days ago. Just posted a story from an event with her friends in the city. If she wanted to contact me she would have done that. I met with one of the guys from high school i see once a month. He is the only one i really have what to learn from. He boosted my self esteem to tell the girl above i dont want to see her anymore. He said there is no shame in just not wanting to see someone anymore. I cheated on the test today, the one i was so worried for months. But i didnt cheat very well because i didnt find the proper info in his documents - i didnt study much. The volunteering was OK. Fun at times and met lots of ppl. Two girls liked me and i could see it in their behavior. Interesting. Maybe i should have done more volunteering . Im late on work. I am working now even if it is 22

Hei I came across on some interesting idea - that you may feel instant connection with a date just because of trauma. She is familiar with your exes. I noticed this. Both my exes are similar in a way. I felt both times i had to fix and help them and so on. Interesting. I am worrying about the test on Monday. I am trying to understand each problem. It is boring. I watched some politics, geography and interviews online before studying. I felt the need to avoid starting. But i am still so proud i stopped watching tv series. Such a huge waste of my time. Maybe i cant yet understand the benefits. I am worried of my future even more than i was yesterday. I used the last 4 years to not think about life after college too much. But now i feel so worried. I want to do so much and i worry i am not good enough. I am still worried i will get fired. I am worried i wont find another job because i didnt work much last 2 years. I would still get a junior position. But i wont start from zero man. I am so worried to even ask for a raise. I think i dont deserve it. The guy who is helping me with the mushrooms asked me if i want to show them at the uni fair tomorrow. I felt so ashamed and not good enough to present them. I dont know more about them. I am not good enough to do it. Wow, i need to work on this a lot. I have a date with the girl from the other city tomorrow. I should study, not go on dates. I am still speaking to her out of scarcity. I mean we dont have a place to bang, what is the point in talking to her for so long. It feels bad for both of us. I dont see her long term partner because she isnt motivated enough. She is just watching tv series each day after work. Just like i did few months ago. I did learn that the girl from January was more likely to bang than this one. But i was impatient. I told the other girl to let me know when she gets back from her trip so we can go on another date again. She didnt message me. I did expect this. I need to start looking at the effort these ppl are putting in. It is so clear she didnt put much effort since the beginning. I kept thinking she might change but it was clear from the beginning. I feel this is so basic but i didnt know when a girl isnt interested. I have to learn so much. I need to keep dating, but i have to focus on girls i do like. I feel my profile isnt good enough or i am not good enough. I should drive for example Also, i see dating as another escape like YT and so on. I need to find some balance. I know i will. Thinks will be better. Do the work pls. Overall i am doing great. I do feel better not watching tv series anymore. I do feel better not watching porn either. I do feel amazing that i kept working out and mediated. But it can get better.

Hei I realized i have a difficult test next week. I also have an exam next week. I think it is in the same day. I started studying for this test but i feel very resistant. Last semester i failed 4 times the test at this professor. Retard =))))) Some of my colleagues still didnt pass I am trying to keep this at bay for now. I need to finish this degree first. I am also complacent about my dating life. This isnt smth to think about now. Focus on uni pls

What's up? I am glad i didnt go on a date this weekend nor i went out to drink. I finished those projects. Also glad i didnt go this week in vacation with friends. I presented both projects today and besides some mistakes it was all good. It didnt feel so difficult to finish them after all. But it was so stressful for me. I dont know what to do about it. I am so stressed of work and university but i dont have real reasons to be. It is all in my head. I was stressed about this projects for moooonths. I feel relieved it is done. I hate lots of sweets last few days . I was busy with these projects for around a month. Now that they are done i am afraid i will go back watching tv series and other crap. Being bored is a big thing for me. It is why i wasted so much time man. I have my 1st exam next week. I will have a bunch of shit exams so i will be busy with this for now. Next month i will finish my project for university. After that i need to jump into smth productive instead of tv series. I am afraid to derail like i have done in the past. I watched some porn a few day ago. I didnt fap directly with the video in my face but still. I dont have to worry tho. It isnt a reason to give up. I am using again too much insta and i watch videos on yt on soft white underbelly and history. I am wasting time even if it is interesting. I also wasted time on tinder, just looking around. I had some urges to watch tv series. I am stressed with these shit exams next weeks haha. I have used being a student here as an excuse for not having time for x and y for the last 4 years. Now i will have no excuse. It scares me for the first time ever. I am still speaking with that girl from another city every day. The other girl, is just replaying to what i say but we dont have a conversation. I asked her to let me know when she gets back in the city from her trip. I am quite sure she wont bother to contact me again. I wont bother her either because i feel she's not interested. This is what her behavior tells me. Florist - "Thank You Light" (Official Audio) I was thinking a little about my future. I am afraid i am stuck and i dont know it. I imagine i would date more and better if i had my own place. I am afraid i will be like my colleagues form work. I will work all day and do nothing else. I would be tired all the time. My solution to this is to sell products from china online and make money off that like that 17 year old dude i know. I was thinking that it would be cool to move in Thailand and date there for a few months. I know that i will keep dating after these busy months. I am excited right now but also want to learn some game because i struggle with keeping a conversation going.

I cancelled on both. The test today was ok. Everyone cheated. No body cared. The professor got in an argument with a student. I got a digital socket for the mushroom tent. Now i dont have to worry about turning on/off the light myself. The ventilator should be ready in one week. I should finish those projects bu i dont feel like starting =))

I did lots of progress on that stupid project. I went to sleep really late. Slept through a few alarms and arrived to uni late. Met with my coordinator for the last year project with mushrooms. I was so stressed. Showed her pics and the 24 pages of theory i wrote and she was pleased. I told her things are going fine. Good. I was so fucking stressed. I told her i will keep writing after these stupid projects for the end of the semester. I have to present both next week. Right around the time i was supposed to be 4 days in the mountains with my friends. Glad i wont go. I am so close to finish uni man. Hehe. I was very stressed today for being late at uni. I asked my family to take care of the packages coming today and they made fun of me for being stressed. I was at the lab and my sister said im not going out to take them because this and that. I was so fucking angry. Yesterday my friends met again and they couldnt understand why i am stressed with uni work. One of them was like but at my uni we have exams next month? Why is this way at your uni? Idk, just leave me to do my shit man. I have a date this Sat and meeting with friends this Sun. I think i will not go. I have to finish these projects. I was supposed to go out again on Monday with sister and her BF. She got upset i cancelled. She doesn't understand why am i stressed. NO one in my family understands. It makes me feel very stressed.

So i asked her what to do since the species she gave me arent going together. She just gave me another ones and i had to start all over again. Of. I told my friends i cant go out because next week we have to present it. I worked on this shit last night and i will work today as well. Oh, at the end of the week im celebrating 4 months of not watching porn and tv series. Amazing. I am so proud of myself. Also, 4 months of meditation and continued to work out at least once a month. Great! What else?

Hello I went to the wedding of a girl from high school. It was my first one and it was pretty cool. I didnt get too drunk and i am really proud of that. I messaged that 19 year old girl again. She was fresh after working 12 h on Saturday and than going to the club the very next day. I asked when she's free - she said only Wednesday and Friday. So how about Friday? She remembered she is leaving the next day and will be tired. Ok, Wednesday than? Oh, she goes so shopping that day? Lol, why did you say you are free than??? It beats me haha. I asked her to let me know when she's back from her trip next week. I am quite sure she wont and it is ok. I am tired of chasing her. If she wants to see me she will do smth about it. I felt really frustrated by how serious i am taking the whole situation. Just focus on your shit please. I have a test this Friday and some more shit to finish for uni. Fore some reason this whole thing made me think of my exes, and compromising so much just to have a relationship. Now i am left with spite and frustration. That few more times fucking dont matter now at all. And that other girls is coming from another town to meet with me. As my friend said, if a girl wants to see you she will make an effort. I am still stressed with the work i have to do at uni. I am meeting one of the professors tomorrow for that stupid project.

Updates: I went to my sister's boyfriend to try his suits. His father gave me an expensive suit which looks awesome but it is a little bigger for me. But it looks much much better than the shit i bought. I never had a suit. Forgot to say i got some really cool dress shoes. She was at work today when i messaged her. She had a 12h shift. I should have known this since she didnt tell me if she is free today. I offered to bring her some food since i was nearby after buying clothes. She ignored my message and i didnt insist. I cant read her. It seems she keeps me at distance and doesnt really give a fuck. She is the hottest girl i dated so far. The other girl asked if we can meet next week. I said yeah sure. I will keep her around until i have more time to date. But i do feel bad for doing this, same i felt with my last GF. I feel guilt knowing she;s not right for me. Let's see what happens. Looking back i should have kept around the girl from January as well. I was just expecting sex much much faster. I need to be more patient. I forgot to say last month i met with 2 friends for a movie. I was very excited about the amount of girls i dated and the girl i banged. He told me he didnt date anyone or anything since last month. Wow. But i did make some progress since we met last time. I am happy for myself for dating so much overall. Learned a lot. I cant to finish uni to start all over agian.

Hei I got some clothes for the wedding tomorrow. But i just realized the jacket is too baggy. Fuck it. Wasted hours searching for smth good enough. I m throwing almost all salary for this wedding haha. I am getting super stressed with uni projects and that stupid ventilator for shrooms. I snapped at siblings. The professor said she can speak with me next week on Tuesday/Wed. I wanted asap. My father connected a cable to my mushroom setting and all wires almost fell in water. OMG.

Hei Went to bed at 4 am yesterday. I barely manage to wake up and work. Today i made some upgrades to my mushroom tent. I set up a device to control the humidifier automatically. Tonight is the 1st time i am letting it run and i am afraid it will burn. I worked a lot on that stupid project for uni. I am so happy even if i wasted time working on it. I finished almost half of it. I messaged the professor with the parts i am confused. I will ask another colleague about some other stuff as well. She said she doesnt know her schedule for this weekend. I didnt push her. Maybe she doesnt want to go out. Understandable. Otherwise, i will ask her again next week. I didnt message the other girl as much. A friend asked me if i wanna get high and i refused. I am so glad i worked on this project instead hehe. I didnt feel like doing it anyways. It was at that guy guy's place. My friend was going there again.

I worked out shortly after she told me that. I did some work on my project as well. Went to met with some friends and now i do feel better. I am feeling insecure because she chose that guy over me. I shouldnt have messaged her this week. I was better not knowing and just taking the fact at face value that she didnt want to go out with me and that was it. Next time i know. But i will be fine. I just need to keep working on myself. Maybe i focused too much on these girls. I am so dramatic haha. She replayed after all and we chatted a little. Waiting to see if she is free this Saturday to hang out.

So i just told her the reason i kept pushing for a date it is because i never met a girl like her. I know it is cheesy. And told her i was never so insistent with anyone. She said thanks and i asked her when she's free the following weeks for a date. She said she started seeing someone. I said i understand and said that guy it's lucky. Honestly, i hoped she wanted to see me again. I wonder what that guy has and i dont. I will never know. It is not about me its just about her. There is nothing wrong with me. I am not what another person is looking for and it is alright. But it bothers me, of course. I did learn a lot from this experience. I will be fine. I am surprised but it was quite clear. She would have put some effort to see me again if she wanted for the past month even if she was busy. But i do want a girl who makes time for me. I was feeling frustrated chasing her. Everything will be ok, go back at doing your project. After I finish uni i can date as much as i want. I cant wait to learn even more and meet even nicer girls. Girls who dont forget about our date and dont take 1 day to replay, etc. Girls who make an effort to see me no matter my flaws and problems. I am a good match. The other girls, Lorena still didnt replay. Probably she wont and it is alright. She wasnt more distant last date. I can focus more on myself. It was a nice experience. She was the hottest girl i kissed.