8Ball

@Shin Elaborate.

33 days in now. On Sunday I'll have female company at my place. We've been seeing eachother for about three weeks now and the sexual tension is extremely noticable. Now this will be the first time having sex, not counting the prostitute I visited a month ago, and also not counting the few times I've been in bed with women without getting it up. Got some viagra ready to go this time and I'm watching Leo's video on how to have amazing sex. Kinda nervous but whatever.

@Shin Yeah, feeling really good about myself. A month in and haven't had any urges at all. More energy, I'm thinking clearer and my dick can fully erect just by thinking about kissing my date. Never in my life has my dick been more alive. My problem is this. I've been watching lesbian porn since a little teenager. My brain has been wired so I cannot feel a sexual urge when I'm with bed with women. Now granted, the three times I've been in bed with women was when I recently had watched lots of porn and I wasn't in a NoFap streak. So next weekend my date will come over. By then I'll be almost seven weeks in of NoFap. And I'll be with a girl a like, a girl I find beautiful, smart and sweet. When we kiss it feels intimate so I guess I'm attracted to her. My best approach would be to follow what Leo says in his video about how to have amazing sex and I will also try what he says in his video about giving a girl a squirting orgasm. I'm gonna be honest with the girl and say that I have some problems "down there". Then I will take my time with her during the foreplay, make her feel comfortable, tease her. Then use my fingers and give her a few orgasms if I can manage to do so. Pop a viagra pill and pray to God that it works haha. I'll give you guys an update.

Ten hours away and I'm one month in. 30 days of no PMO, hard mode! My dick is more alive than ever. Raging boners in the morning. Just had my second date with a girl, kissed passionately after dropping her off, and invited her at my place the next weekend. Had a raging boner for fifteen minutes after kissing her. When I got home it finally slacked, haha. Insane. This girl is really into me. She's sweet and beautiful and all, but the problem is that she likes me more than I like her, I'm not that superattracted to her, a little I suppose. I have very little experience with sex, been in bed with two women, couldn't get it up. And I recently had sex with a prostitute in my neighboring country where it's legal. Had really passionate 45 minutes sex with her, took some viagara so I wouldn't have a problem getting a boner. Could never finish with her even though she was a freak in bed and was really hot. Hopefully my PIED will be cured until next weekend so I won't look like a 70 year old man with a cock that doesn't work. It would totally kill the intimacy and trust I've built up with my date, and most of all it would really make her feel bad. She would feel horrible if I can't get it up, like she doesn't "do it" for me. Like someone said earlier to me in this thread. It's best to be honest with her about my issues. Right now I'm trying to direct my energy to my sacral chakra. It really does feel like it makes a difference. But I'm just stressing for no reason. It's not the end of the world of I can't perform.

24 days in now, feeling strong. I've been dating a girl I like for the past two weeks or so. She's really beautiful and we both know that we're attracted to eachother and that it's time to take it up a notch. I doubt that my PIED is cured by now so it's best to come clean about it. If she can't wait then I wouldn't want her anyway.

One unexpected benefit I noticed just now is that my penis is much larger when flaccid. It used to be like a frightened turtle. Still no urges, feeling great, staying strong. Going to the gym now to unleash all the energy. My goal is to leave the gym totally crippled ?

18 days in now. I'm keeping count yes, but I'm not really focused on the days. I know the days because I know when I last PMOed. I'm in this for life. 100 days or 1000 days means nothing for me. It's for life this time. I'm thinking more clearly now, energy has increased. But my goal is not to simply stop watching porn and masturbating. If that's the only thing you're doing, that's just abstaining from it. You're not recovering. I've been improving my diet and hitting it hard in the gym. Funny thing is that I've had no urges. Thoughts of doing it yes, but no urges. Eventually it'll come but screw it. The benefits are worth a million times more than feeling good for ten seconds.

Alright so day 16 today, going out with a female friend tonight along with a woman I'm sort of dating. 16 days ain't enough for rewiring my brain because it's been like 13 years of PMOing and I've only had sex once, with a prostitute lol, and I couldn't finish with her even though she was gorgeous and was really in to it, doing all kinds of sexy things. I took viagra to avoid ED, but as soon as it was time for penetration my cock slacked. But when she sucked and jerked me off it worked. That says a lot about how sever my addiction is. Because I've been jerking off half my life, the only thing that can get me hard is being jerked off. And because of using the "death grip" on my cock for 13 years I've lost pretty much all sensitivity. I've been in bed with women before and couldn't get it up. But my encounter with the prostitute really gave me the motivation to avoid PMO for the rest of my life. If someone as gorgeous as her couldn't get me to finish I realized I have to do something about it NOW. I did NoFap for 75 days last year before relapsing so I know I have the strength to do this. Especially now when I'm 25 years old and have started dating a girl I like. So enough of PMO and instead enjoying having real sex with someone I like. But 16 days ain't enough to rewire my brain so I can get hard and ejaculate with a real woman. I'm thinking at least a couple of months before I can get aroused by a real woman and get hard down there. Does anybody know if there are some things I can do to redirect my sexual energy which is building up in my body, and redirect it towards getting aroused by real women? You know, just to speed up the process a little. Napoleon Hill talks in his book Think And Grow Rich that you can transmute sexual energy to redirect the energy towards something productive. I'm thinking it might work to redirect the energy towards becoming aroused my women, like why not? But how, is my question. Last night I put on some "root chakra meditation music" and closed my eyes and tried to calm my mind. The root chakra is where the sexual energy is supposedly located. Now, whether chakras are real or not I do not know, and all this sounds extremely new-agey I now, but I'm open to all ideas. If you can think of something please share it with me. The answer sounds obvious though. Stop thinking and worrying and focus instead on your conciousness work and let the days go by and eventually I'll be rewired. But it's hard having to wait several months when I'm seeing a girl I'm interested in and when our culture says that she expects sex on the third date at latest.

True that. Been in bed with a woman only two times. Couldn't get it up the first time, the second time I couldn't ejaculate. Had a few more opportunities with getting im bed with women but couldn't follow through because I know how it would end up. So I'm doing this to become more disciplined and to get my sex drive back with real women. Even though I'm close to 16 days of PMOing I'm far away from rewiring my brain. Think about it. My brain has been used to PMO for 13 years. Long enough to fuck with anybody's cock and sex drive.

Tomorrow I'm two weeks in. Felt an unusual good feeling today. Normally quite tired in the morning but earlier today I felt quite good. I'm talking to a girl, someone I met through a female friend of mine. I kinda like her but pmo has totally screwed me up giving me PIED. Hopefully my cock will work properly in a few months.

Warning: Details may be graphic. So I want to share my "success" story on how I lost my virginity today at the age of 25, turning 26 in a month. Never had a girlfriend but have dated two women who were both fond of me but I never cared for them. At the age of 22 I came really close to a colleague at work but I could never tell her how much I really liked her, I think she had some feelings for me but I couldn't know for sure. I was a pussy basically and could never express feelings or be sexual with her. I feared coming off as a complete fool if she replied "I like you as a friend." Lesson lesrned though, will never do the same mistake again if I ever find someone who I care for as much as I did for her. I had a troublesome childhood, deep rooted trauma, and have steadily improved my game/social skills quite a bit and grown as a human being a lot and raised my conciousness the last few years. Much thanks to Leo and his videos. But I think I have a fear of intimacy, mostly due to my past and probably because I still suffer from a little anxiety and self-esteem issues although it's nowhere near as much as it was a few years ago. Nowadays I feel more masculine, happier and confident and take greater care of my body. But I don't have a large social circle and I rarely go out so I don't get a chance to meet women. My first encounter with a female in bed was at the age of 22 when me and a friend went out with two girls. She didn't attract me physically so I couldn't get my dick up. During the foreplay and kissing I was hard, but as soon as she touched it, it never went hard again so we gave up. Didn't come as a surprise though since I had been jerking off to porn for 10 years at that point so how could this overweight female attract me compared to all the porn actresses? Did have a few more shots I easily could have taken with the women I dated last year but didn't feel an attraction to them as well, so never wanted to go all the way so I cut them off completely before we even talked about having sex. Three days ago, I had a friend over and two women. One of them definitely super hot, we all took some MDMA. The hot woman wanted to get all cozy with me. The problem was that she's super experienced and I'm, well not at all. We hugged and touched and I was basically a pussy not being sensual enough so she said I made everything feel weird. But being high off of MDMA I told her how perfect she was and how beautiful she was which made her fall in love with me (because of her MDMA high). I could have easily slept with her, she even asked me to touch her down there and I complied but after a minute I stopped. How could I possibly have an orgasm or even get it up if all my brain is ever used to is having orgasms by jerking off to pixels on a screen. I had some viagra on hand but she being experienced and I'm not, well, it felt as if I would lose my face if I took it further. I've watched Leo's videos on how to have amazing sex but all I could think of is how embarrased I would appear by having sex with an experienced super gorgeous 24 year old woman, with me almost turning 26. She would compare me with all the other dudes before her. All I could think off basically and my monkeymind made me stressed the fuck out. So for the last few days I've felt miserable about yet again fucking it up. And this time it was with a beautiful girl with a gorgeous body. Living in Sweden where prostitution is illegal is actually no problem since I only have to take a one hour train ride to Denmark where it's perfectly legal. So I said fuck it, there's no right or wrong. Morality is just a product of our ego. I knew exactly what brothel to choose and read some great reviews about this woman who always gives the clients the best she can offer. She seems really into it like she's totally comfortable with her job. It turned out that all the reviews were spot on. So I call and make an appointment. Take the train and then a cab to the brothel. I came there half an hour early and sit in the room and wait. An hour before I took some bensodiazepines to calm me down and drank a tiny amount of vodka to boost my hornyness, along with two viagra pills to ensure that I don't spend money down the drain by not even getting it to work. I know I know, stupid, would've been bettee going completely sober but I wasn't zoned out or anything. I had jerked off to porn five days ago and I've been trying NoFap on and off for five years with no success so I felt I needed all the help I could get, hence the pills and one shot of vodka. So she walks in, super happy with a big smile, in her late thirties, and I immediately feel comfortable in her presence. We talk a little and I say I'm not experienced at all and that I chose her because I've read some excellent reviews about her online. 250 dollars poorer, she tells me to take my clothes off and to lie down on the bed until she comes back after a shower. Very comfortable setting, nice round bed, music, comfortable pillows. She comes back a few moments later and we do all kinds of things, she sucks, I lick, I finger, she rides, I grab her hard all over her body, suck on her titties and we make out super passionately. I basically do my very best and it feels so natural because of her great personality and humor. She gives me an oil massage, I give her one as well. I could get a boner when she sucked and jerked me off and when we made out and touched our bodies. But as soon as it came down to penetration, it slacked, even though I took two pills of viagra! No matter what she did I could never orgasm and this woman knew exactly what she was doing. Had it been someone else they wouldn't last more than five minutes with all the things she did. After our time was up I told her about my problems and that it had nothing to do with her, because she asked me if she did something wrong because this usually never happens with her. I told her that I don't care that I didn't finish and that it was worth every penny just to cross the barrier to embrace intimacy rather than being afraid of it all my life. I tried to apply the things I've learned from Leo's video about sex, that I shouldn't be in my mind, to surrender, be in the moment and so on. But I learned a lot though even if I didn't finish. Making out is nothing hard, it's fucking easy lol. Always wondered if you had do have some super-duper awesome technique. (I have made out once before this though, but this time it was awesome) I learned that I need to focus on letting go, stop watching porn, stop jerking off, that foreplay plays a huge part in getting aroused. There's really nothing to be afraid off and I could have easily done it without the bensodiazepines. It just feels so great to finally know that I can be comfortable in bed (as long as the woman is so as well, if not then I know it's my job to make her feel comfortable). I just need to rewire my brain to be aroused without porn. So I need some thoughts here from you guys. I'm thinking of the following: - Never watch porn or masturbate. - Go to the gym regularly which I do though but could do it more regularly. - Start doing some cardio along with my gym routine. - Eat cleaner, meditate, be more conscious throughout the day. - Meeting women somehow and just start working my way up, even if I lose my face with the first few women. Start slow by practicing foreplay and kissing. Then take it up a notch by mastering oral/fingering skills, and how to make a woman aroused without even touching the genitals.

You are correct that someone who's inexperienced shouldn't lecture a person in the field of sex/intimacy/relationships, and I wasn't trying to lecture you, it was more sort of an attempt to showcase that in my own personal opinion (my perspective doesn't have to be true of course) having money doesn't resonate with my beliefs. Like I said in my quote earlier it would be interesting if you elaborate because I'm open to everything but it'll probably be hard to convince me that having a lot of money attracts women. Practically no woman wants someone who's broke and have no prospects, obviously. So money does play a part of course. From my own experience I actually HAVE heard a woman say that she wants a man to have a well-paid job, but at the same time she mentioned five other qualites she looks for in a man and I just find it hard that having a well-paid job was the top priority in her list, above loyalty, humor and being responsible. And there's a difference to "lecture" someone about sex, when I myself am inexperienced, but "lecturing" about attraction is a totally different topic. From that I can only speak from what I have experienced myself with girls I've dated and flirted with and how my friends attract girls. And they do so by being confident, glowing with charisma and making them laugh, and lots of other things.

Great post, yes it's true that I gave my all until the last minute. I tried to engage a lot even when she was on top, I moved my hips in sync with her thumping, while gently touching her thighs and so on and so forth. Regarding improving my game, it's true that it won't feel natural for me to become this superconfident heroic alpha dude. My goal isn't to become that type of person, but that's not say that it eventually MIGHT feel natural, should I choose to go down the pick-up culture, which I won't. Like I've improved my confident skills immensely the past few years, improving my game isn't much different. What I do want to improve is my charisma. Being genuine is probably what attracted the girl I dated last year. She even remarked that she hopes I never lose my warmth. And you're absolutely correct that most guys are too focused to "close the deal" within a few dates. A mistake I made myself almost three years ago. Three dates in and not even a kiss. Fourth date, I leaned forward and tried to kiss her and touched her lips, no response. Super awkward for both of us. She seemed exrremely surprised like "hey, the chemistry is not there yet, relax". This was in the beginning of our date, we didn't talk about it while having dinner, later after dropping her off I mentioned that I was sorry for taking her by surprise like that, but that we should get it over with before dropping her off. And she complied. We dated on and off three times in 2017, she seemed interested in me, but I never tried to look at things from her perspective. There could've been a million reasons for being so careful with men. Oh man, how I would love to trade no-ejaculation with premature ejaculation. Starting by giving a girl an orgasm orally or by fingering, only to finish yourself quickly within a few seconds would be OK with most women since you've already pleasured them before penetrating. Problem is that I cum extremely fast when watching porn. If I just master my desires and practice discipline I might overcome my porn/masturbation addiction. Eventually all the thousand porn scenes and porn stars will be a distant memory and I'll be aroused by women "in real life". I'm confident that day will come. I also believe that I need to have a special bond with a woman in order to finish. A woman with good looks and a horny me probaby won't cut it for me, at least not for now. But if I meet someone I feel a deep connection to, I might be able to perform well, especially since I now know that having sex isn't a big deal. If I managed to have a 45 minute passionate session with a total stranger (although with the help of calming pills) I can easily do it totally clean with someone I truly care for. Today's session really removed most of my worries about sex.

Last year I managed 75 days of NoFap. This goes out to all of you feeling urges right now. It's not worth it. After 75 days, my first jerk-off session really sucked, didn't feel good at all. And then the chaser effect came, trying to achieve that perfekt orgasm. Jerked off four times that time. Starting NoFap once again now, in a few hours I'm six days in.

I am real. But hey, this thread is about how to step up my game and curing my dick lol. Your suggestions weren't in line with my opinions but I'm open for all tips and tricks. So having better game is one of your suggestions, do you have experience yourself where you've noticed a difference in attraction by applying something different in, let's say, interracting with women? Elaboration is key here man.

Sure, overanalyzing creates more problems than solving. Having game and good looks definitely helps but money... not at all. Attractive for some women perhaps, but emotions creates love and attraction, not material things. The woman I dated last year could have easily gotten someone way hotter than me. She liked me for being real, honest and not overly attached to her. Believe me when I say that women are definitely attracted when they see a good looking man, but if they had to choose between a boring good looking man with a stick up his ass and a decent looking man with great charisma and personality, she will choose the one who will make her FEEL better.

Of course I will have to give up the substances, and I will. Psychedelics probably not, rarely use them though, and only for self-inquiry and contemplation. Rarely use any substance nowadays, I was much crazier a few years ago when it came to stuff like that. Had a few benzos lying around and I thought that it could just loosen me up a little, I don't get a rush from those pills. Thinking about it now, I don't think the benzos or the little vodka did anything to help me today. It more likely made it much harder to cum. Did felt like I came close a few times though. But even though I couldn't finish, I learned that being intimate is so incredible and shouldn't be feared. Sure, she was a prostitute but we kissed passionately and our bodies felt connected, and it was worth every penny to cross that mental barrier to prove to myself that I can enjoy intimacy. To erase that background noise in my head that keeps telling me to give up on girls altogether because it's too late. Feel so calm today. I'm going to aim for a clean organic lifestyle and diet. Natural euphoria from exercising, meditating and rock climbing which I absolutely love. I need to love myself more in order to attract love. I have a lot to work on the coming months. Also moved to a new city a few months ago and already starting to expand my social circle. Sure, they're all worlmk buddies, one of them is an ex-colleague though but he keeps in touch from time to time and have been invited to his party this weekend. And I've been hanging out with two girls from work the past month, we've really bonded and share everything together, every little secret. Even been asked by one of them to come and hang out with her and her friends. She's fond of me but only as friends. Even went totally out of my comfort zone a month ago or so and asked a cashier for her number, she told me she had a boyfriend, I told her that's fine give it anyway and she did and I checked out, it was a real number. More or less just practicing to see if I have the courage to cold approach women and go past the I have a boyfriend comment. Oh, and I'm not recommending that virgins go out and have sex with prostitutes. Just because I feel there's nothing wrong with it and I had a great experience, doesn't mean you won't regret it. Truly think carefully if you decide to go down that route.

Hello So there's a girl at my work who I'm interested in and I find it relatively hard to get close to her in a way that she'll be interested in me. I've seen Leo's videos about dating and relationships and so on so I'm quite familiar with theory but not with experience. I had a similar case at my previous job and I got really close to that girl but I really screwed it up with her. We constantly spoke to eachother, during work and after work. The thing is that our aytraction came really natural with her. But being the pussy I was back then I never closed the deal with her because of overanalyzing and such. This time around, with the girl at my current job, it's a little different. We've spoken only a few times and she works one floor above me so I rarely see her, only during lunch and coffee breaks. Any tips are welcome so she might open her eyes for me. Humor and being non-needy are some things I've learned from Leo. But how should I approach her? Just random talks, being edgy and flirty? It seems like it's a bad thing to come on to hard. But just talking to her won't do much for me, at least that's how it feels right now.

Yeah, it's either one of those things. But I learned something valuable. Asking girls out isn't a big deal. It's only a big deal if I allow it to be. I've decided to start approaching girls a lot to get better with them. Like the journey Leo once had. Quite an exciting activity

OK so I tried something new. Something I have never done before. Across the street from where I work I usually go there to buy a cup of coffee and there's this cute girl working there. After a few times, we start small-talking a little and she seems adorable. Outgoing, sweet and charming. Today I grabbed my balls and said f*ck it. I went there with intent to get her number. We talk a little and I make a move. "We should hang out sometime" I said. She says she has a boyfriend. I jokingly say I have one as well and that we should just hang out, nothing more. She writes down her number, I look it up online. It's definitely her number, not a fake one. But now I'm thinking if I should even shoot her a text. It was the first time I've ever asked a girl out in person so it was great practice. I got something out of it at least. Maybe I should drop the whole thing and focus on my gym-routine, health, meditation etc. Thoughts?

This is what's new. Last week we went out again for a couple of beers, me and my colleagues. Of course, this girl I like was there. Now remember, not the same girl I talk about in the first post. I came to the bar a little late, had to go to the gym first. I don't really get many opportunities to talk to her because she's on the other side of the table. After a few beers she gets up because she has to go and see her sister. A few moments later she texts me and asks if there's room for her and her sister and if it's alright if she comes over again. Yes of course it is Here's the interesting part. A few minutes after she left, my colleague (a woman) just randomly says. "Hey 8Ball, what's the deal with you and Monique?" I was stunned. She really caught me off guard there. Nervously I say "there's a deal with her and me?". She says "yeah it seems like you're really interested in her". I tell her "well she's a little quiet don't you think? Not my type." She tells me "no no I think she is. I think that you started to like her after seeing her like this, at a bar, a little drunk, you know what I'm saying?" I was stunned. I kept asking myself how the hell she knew. This colleague started working with us just a month ago and I have barely spoken to her and suddenly she knows everything about me? And also, it's not like I'm making it obvious. I rarely speak to "Monique" at work so she couldn't possibly know that I'm interested in her. Unless.... unless Monique herself told her all this! It makes perfect sense! I don't talk to Monique for months, then we go out, get drunk, get a weird connection and suddenly I start talking to her at work. I come to this realization the day after. It seems so logical. Monique knows that I'm interested in her. Or she wanted to find out by having my colleague ask me. Either way I'm stunned. Now back to the bar again. Monique and her sister arrives. Again, she sits far away from me, not much to do about it. Instead I sit next to my colleague who said that I seem interested in Monique. She starts to get drunk and I really hate sitting next to her. I notice Monique looking at me a few times. She can tell I'm having a bad time. I get up and leave for the evening, can't stand another minute. Now the weekend is over and we're all back at work. I decide to finally ask her if she wants to go out and have lunch with me. She agrees even though she brought her own food to work. We sit outside and eat, we talk about this and that. It seems really easy to make her smile. Goddamnit her smile makes me go crazy! She has this wonderful outfit on her. I'm really attracted to her. I tell myself that I really want to bang her lol. Even though she's shy, there are a few indicators that reveals that she's at least curious about me. It's not like there's anything special about her. She's really cute and seems like a good person. But she's really thin and seems to have a lot of insecurities. But what I find attractive about her is the fact that she doesn't give a shit and doesn't need anyone. She is perfectly fine by herself. I just love that. Now, there probably won't be much more to tell than this. I don't think either of us want to start a thing with a colleague.

Went out again with this girl. Not the one in the first post, but the other girl I mentioned later on. At first we, and a bunch of our colleagues, were supposed to go bowling but most skipped out and the girl I'm interested in said she wanted to go to a bar because her sister was there (remember? I worked with her sister for a year and a half). This really pushed me out of the comfort zone because it meant I would spend the entire evening with four girls, two of whom I have never met. Well, the night was alright. But the girl didn't show any interest like last time. She was just drunk I suppose, not so much this time. But we did a little chatting, I humored her and drove her and her sister home. That's it. Nothing really spectacular. I'm not gonna chase after her, but I'm still gonna keep in touch, talk to her at work, eat lunch with her. And maybe ask her out for a one-on-one beer after work sometime, just the two of us. But if she doesn't show any interest in me I'm not gonna pursue her of course. But damn I like her, small and beautiful, doesn't tslk much with people, but when we're engaged in a conversation, she's really sweet.

Hahaha you funny man. But yes, she's NOT going to be mistaken, I will clearly show her my intent, that I'm physically attracted to her. Sad thing is we live 40 miles apart, seems impossible to take her for a 30 minute drive with the intent to... hrmm... feed my cat. Worst case scenario, I ask for her number next weekend and take it from there. Best case scenario, we're both drunk again but now we go to her place.

Update: Don't care about this girl any longer, hahaha that was fast. However, I went out with a few of my colleagues yesterday, total of 4 girls and 3 guys. One of the girls there I've spoken to only a few times. I've never been interested in her. She just seems extremely reserved. Anyway, the hours go by, all of us have an extremely good time. I make the entire group laugh, we all share great stories, I laugh like a maniac at some of the guys' jokes. I'm at extreme peace with myself (usually really introverted and hate being in groups). But yesterday I felt like my true self, like the clown inside of me finally lept out. This was a different me than they usually see at work. (Thank you meditation and a little alcohol). One by one people leave, I'm left with two other girls for like an hour more. Now this one girl, the one I'm not really familiar with who's really reserved, she starts to open up like crazy all of sudden. (Drunk of course) We talk and talk, she asks questions about me, we talk about family. At one point our eyes locked for a few seconds ( love when that happens). Felt sexual. She touches me on the arm, you know, gently, like it's not on purpose. I do the same with her. We mirror each other. I lean back, she does the same. She takes a drink, I do the same. Then the night really takes a twist. It turns out I worked with her sister at an earlier job. Both of us are stunned. I rarely have genuine open conversations with people because in the back of my mind there's always this monkey chatter. But we're really invested in each other this night, of course we're drunk, but I really acted like a man. Like I was in charge. Earlier in the evening the hottest girl there wanted to guess which one of us at the table is the craziest one in bed. She said my name, she meant it. (What the fuck? 100% wrong haha) Back to the girl. We share images of ourselves when we were younger. We share images of our siblings. Talk about where we live, our plans for the future, interests. I show her some clips of me skydiving and climbing mountains, she's totally down to skydive with me (just drunk talk though). After a while, the three of us leave, me and this "reserved" (now totally open) girl walk on the same path. I'm heading for the train, she to the bus. I humor her, remark about one stupid "fact" she said earlier that was totally wrong and we both have a good laugh. Before we leave I give her a really close hug. She asks if I'll attend one of my colleagues party the next weekend. I said I wasn't sure, but now that I know that she's gonna be there, hell yeah I'll show up. Then... sitting on that train. I realized. What the fuck did I just do?! Why didn't I just ask her if she wanted to grab a bite somewhere. To keep the night going. Eventually maybe going to her place. Didn't even cross my mind until I was on my way home. Damnit! The attraction was there... I think. She invested time in me. I invested time in her. All other colleagues have left. It was just the two of us. No one had to know we kept the party going you know. Didn't even cross my mind to ask for her number even. But it was a hell of a night. Most importantly, I had fun. I attracted someone (probably). We'll see how this turns out. She's definitely going to ask her sister about me. We worked together for a year and a half. It's crazy how I thought of this girl before, and now seeing her cute face and crazy personality. Wow. I'm stunned. Instant attraction. Now we'll just have to see how things transpire next week. I actually don't think either of us want to do anything when we work so closely. Damnit.

My jedi master, I will refrain from the above mentioned atrocities. I shall keep in mind the things I must avoid, but every now and then, my animalistic urges may cause unwarranted behaviour.