Alexop

This is a sketch, it will become an article on coming website. It starts to get shape, I am curious of you thoughts. Excuse the grammatical errors, I'll fix them soon. I only speak english on the internet If you find yourself at the table with some leftist-leaning hippie people and you dare to open this female vs. male topic, most probably you'll ring all their sexist patriarchy alarms. And I understand why, it is a topic that requires a lot of research and contemplation, a lot of logical analysis, and as we know them, they are not the best friends with logical approaches. What is their approach to this topic? Well, they might say something like this: "Yeah the traditional beliefs that men are like this and women are like that, these are outdated beliefs from traditionalist religious people and they always tend to favor men over women, I think everybody is different man and we should embrace every individual as it is regardless of gender. We need to break free from stereotypes man...". Although their point is valid to some extent, you don't need more than two neurons in order to hold this position, positions like: "do not generalize"; and "just accept the person as it is"; yeah that is cute and all of that, but I always had a feeling that something is missing. I observed closely how men behave when they meet at a table, and how women do it. You might say we behave differently because of cultural expectations and norms not because of our nature. Of course, culture has a lot to play here but is it really only cultural determinism? If you have a point about this topic, you might be put in two categories: the progressive hippie category which I mentioned now which advocates for cultural determinism, or the conservative traditionalist perspective which advocates for complete biological determinism. Both lack complexity, depth and nuance, we are influenced by both biology and culture and I'll explain why. Here I am after more than two years of researching this topic, I don't even know where to begin. I'll begin with the beginnings of life, I found research which says that on average, when a baby boy forms in his mother's womb, he gets a testosterone injection in the body, which means the brain receives it also. What testosterone does to the brain is remarkable, it makes the individual behave in a slightly more autistic manner. Scientists measured the pre-natal testosterone levels of individuals and correlated them with increased autistic behaviors in childhood. Nature is not 100% precise, so baby girls can also get a high dose of testosterone before birth, leading to a more boysh girl and nothing wrong with that. Here I agree with hippies, everbody is different and need to be accepted as they are man… This means that the base brain, the one unaffected by testosterone, is the feminine brain, and I'll explain what femininity is throughout this article. The "extreme male brain" theory of autism, proposed by psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen, suggests that individuals with Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) exhibit an exaggerated version of typical male cognitive patterns, characterized by a strong interest in systems and a reduced emphasis on social cognition. ASD is more common in males than females. If you give children a lot of toys you'll notice that girls on average will choose to play longer with dolls and they tend to imagine their feelings and thoughts, whereas boys tend to play with constructional and mechanical toys. Notice when I mention the words: "most of them", "on average" and "tend". There are no black and white distinctions in this article so don't throw eggs yet. How about when the children grow up? Of course, they will go through the renowned period of puberty when men get another big dose of testosterone in the system, which makes them grow taller, grow hair everywhere, grow bigger and stronger muscles, and get a lower pitched voice. Whereas women get a good dose of estrogen which makes them beggin the menstrual cycles and develop the typical feminine traits of wider hips and bigger breasts. What about the behavior though? Let's begin with women, shall we? They tend to talk more, are more social, are more in tune with other people's feelings and they tend to choose fields and jobs where emotional intelligence and socialization play an important role. Fields like psychology, human resources, healthcare, and very interestingly they get attracted by science fields where they study people or animals like sociology, veterinary science and gender studies. Much less to computer science and programming. Now does it mean women can't be good programmers? Of course they can, but many won't find it very enjoyable. Fun fact about the ICF coaching course I went to: coaching is an EQ based profession, the trainers were two women and the attendees were 7 women... and me. And this happened in Sweden, the big mamma of gender equality. Sweden has made considerable efforts to equalize the gender gap in professions, but the result was the opposite, the gap is even bigger in Scandinavia than in more traditional countries. People will choose to work what they want to work regardless of your equality ideals and ideologies. In childhood I was the stereotypical boy interested in engineering and technology, I dreamed of becoming an aircraft engineer. But in my teenage years, after experiencing bullying and PTSD, I was forced to fix myself, and under that process, I became extremely passioned about personal development and philosophy. I still watch engineering documentaries but my heart is now in figuring out the world and helping people reach their best potential, so now I have a hybrid things-people passion. Big life events can change your interests. Let's take a look at the gentlemen for a minute. Asperger himself said that in order to become a successful scientist, you need a touch of autism. Nicola Tesla might have died a virgin, and Albert Einstein was late to talk and said he was never very interested in socialization. Men are on average more individualistic and less social. Have you noticed how many men are advocating for libertarian ideals like tax cuts, deregulations, free market, and private propriety? Whereas more women than men tend to advocate for socialistic ideals like welfare state, tax increase, and more regulations. Women's holistic, less autistic brains make them more cooperative and more compassionate towards those in need, for animals and environment. Statistics show a much higher density of autism-spectrum individuals in so called "IT hub" locations like silicon valley, and they are mostly men, you guessed it right. The pay gap between men and women is influenced by this, besides the still prevalent prejudice against women in patriarchal societies. Tech jobs are on average much better paid than HR or healthcare jobs, another influence is that men negociate their salary more aggresively and are much more confident in their capabilities even if in reality they pretty much suck, they can at least appear convincing. Testosterone makes them much more competitive in the market, if this is an appreciated and valued character trait in their social circle, motivating them to climb the ladder and work until they fall sick. You see, there is a misconception that testosterone makes all men more aggresive. Yes it can be so if their social circle appreciate aggresiveness and curelty, if they lived in a getto neighborhood the last 20 years, then yes, testosterone will make them more aggresive as it makes them compete and seek the appreciation of their peers. But if a man lived in a budhist monastery the last 20 years, testosterone will only motivate them become even more kind and meditative, as these qualities make them more appreciated there. Want a less aggresive man? Then don't date a gangster for god's sake. Now that we have an idea of what testosterone does to the brain, let's take a look at what estrogen does to it. Estrogen is renowned as the main female hormone. John Grey presents in his book: Beyond Mars and Venus, the whole hormone dynamics that happen in a woman's menstrual cycle and how it changes her mood throughout the month. I won't delve into that here, I just want to skim the surface of how estrogen affects men's and women's lives. I'll quote a note I took from his book: "When encountering mild stress women increase estrogen which connects them even more to their emotions, men increase testosterone which detaches them from emotions. Both sexes increase estrogen when they encounter a lot of stress. Men tend to do actions which increase testosterone to get rid of stress, women tend to choose activities that increase estrogen, progesterone, and oxytocin". Boom. What are the activities that increase testosterone? Well, the activities that disconnect you from your emotions and make you feel competent and appreciated like skillfully riding your motorcycle or discussing the last football match with your male friends in your man cave. Again, it is not black and white, I also heard of women who go into their male side when feeling stressed, I heard of a woman running 30 km a day in stressful periods. But in general, when a woman is stressed and she is in close contact with her needs and intuition, she'll want to do activities that connect her with her emotions and with people, activities that increase her estrogen and oxytocin. Like reading a romantic novel, watching a love movie, or calling her best friend or therapist and telling her how she feels and what happened. You'll wonder why would men want to increase their testosterone and women their estrogen? John Grey advocates that men need to go into their male side to be able to relax and get rid of stress whereas women need to get into their female side. Shortly, men feel good being men and women being women. Everybody has his or her male and female side. Now in progressive countries like Scandinavia, we see a lot of women tapping in their male sides by getting in leadership roles and stressful positions which crave a lot of comptenece. In Sweden, on average, twice as many women than men go out on sickleave because of stress and burnouts. I am not yet ready to give a verdict here as I am still reasearching the subject. There are nieche cases of feminine men and masculine women who love being like that. And even individuals who want to transition to the opposite sex. These are rare cases, I honestly do not know enough to discuss about this eighter, what I know for sure is that you need to find your authentic self. If you really feel that you are the most authentic when identifying as non-binary, then do it. In this article I discuss what the main trends are. The different ways men and women behave and respond to stress are very important especially in relationships. If your man comes home stressed and wants to go take a beer with his buddies let him go instead of continously asking him what went wrong, he does not want to speak with you because he wants to dettach from what happened until he replanishes his testosterone and feels better. If your woman comes back home sad and stressed on the other hand, ignoring her will not help, because in contrast with what you use to do when stressed, she wants to connect with her emotions and have someone to support her. And the way you as a man solve a problem is a bit different from how women do, she won't need solutions and advice at the moment, she only wants emotional support and understanding. You can be Mr. fix it all another time. If we do not get these critical differences and play the hippie game of everybody is unique, the relationship can suffer. The man-woman polarity is what makes it a romantic relationship, the contrasts between you makes it exciting and romantic. It is not just about the looks, the behavior makes you who you are, you perform the gender as Judith Butler use to say in her books. Of course we need to talk about sex. There is an extremely obvious contrast here. A man can get aroused by simply seeing a beautiful woman, whereas a woman need to get to know the man, and feel secure and intimate with him before getting aroused, she actually needs to increase her oxytocin levels in order to want to have sex. This is what many men don't realize and get surprised when their women don't want to have sex on command, because for men, having sex is like taking a piss. That is why men have a harder time getting sex, because women are not so interested in only having sex, at least those mature women in whom I am interested. They look for a guy who wants to stay committed to a relationship. Imagine you have these two energies inside you. If they are in balance, you will behave in a calibrated way, when you swing too much towards one energy and ignore the other, problems appear. What does excess masculinity look like? Well, an autistic, unsocial, over-competitive, unempathetic, nerdy person who has a robot-like behavior and sees everything else as objects to be exploited. What would excess femininity look like? An over-empathic, over-indulgent, over-emotional, over-self-sacrificing person who will get burned out becoause she only looks for the needs of others and disregards her own needs. We can see this in women who get abused and exploited in relationships by selfish masculine men and forgive them all the time. What they should do instead is connect with their male side and decide to end the relationship for good, to start taking care of their own needs, raise their standards and find a better man. Be careful at your childhood trauma tough, my mother had a bad relationship with her father, he was domianting her all the time. That made my mother vow to take care of everything by herself and marry a docile man. She ended up regretting the choice she made. Women love to be vulnerable and be lead by a competent loving man. They hate when they are always forced to go into their male side to come with solutions and figure out stuff because their men are lazy and incompetent. You don't have to fear masculine men, you need to find one who embraces his feminine side also. Masculine people have managed to create awesome technologies, thinking models and ideas that created our modern world we have today, by without femininity, all that technological progress will do more bad than good. Nuclear technology will do more harm than good if we use it to nuke each other or destory the environment. In fact the world is so broken today because there is too much masculine energy ruling the world, we need to become more feminine and empathic in our aproaches. You might ask why did the universe made us in this way? I see it as a survival specialization, we lived in tribes since thousands and thousands of years. The universe specialized women in better taking care of children, because children need love and empathy more than anything else, whereas men specialized in hunting, exploring and defending the territory, actions which require more dettachement and logic. We are approaching the end of this material, realct a bit on the way I wrote all of this. Do you see how I balanced my two energies in order to create a calibrated, nuanced and deep approach? I encourage you to do the same in your search for meaning and answers, theory is very important. If you don't have your theory right, you won't know how to act. My masculine personality of dettaching form silly groupthink and pursuing my own journey of figuring out how the world works saved my life. But I see how important is to balance this energy with femininity, instead of judging those who can't do what I did calling them cowards, I want to inspire them fix their lives, that is true masculinity.

this He is so cathegoric and sounds like an extremist Karen. Maybe there are girls who would like doing it if the whole society won't judge them for that. It is not the first time I hear this guy spitting shit.

You're welcome 😁

Thanks for that!

"The worldview promulgated by Butler, Fine, and their followers now constrains what neuroscientists are allowed to say in public. A professor of neurophysiology at Lund University in Sweden recently told undergraduates that the categories of female and male are, to some degree, biological realities rather than social constructs and that some differences in behavior between women and men might, therefore, have a biological basis. He was promptly denounced by students who claimed that his remarks were “anti-feminist.” The dean of the medical school duly launched an investigation." Ok I get it now. You could summarize her work in one page. Gender is fluid, you can change your gender, you perform the gender, there are biological differences but "hard" to pin them down so who knows man find who you are and let go of your logic. Don't agree with us -> member of the "patriarchy". Appalled how such people can receive awards of millions of dollars. Great article, thank you! I have to check all the possible perspective because I am writing an article about masculinity vs. femininity. I will be glad if you guys want to read my sketch and give feedback: https://docs.google.com/document/d/10rwYMwxvxcRDfrcbtYwUZ32nPHF8hJj21hOetImwok4/edit?usp=sharing

I understand that you want to reach 12.000 posts this month.

These are not Green people, stop devaluing Green just because some stupid kids parrot green ideas as an ideology. Green will never say that kind of shit. This is pure Blue. The core of Green is relativity, open-mindedness and acceptance of diverse opinons. If they don't know the answer to something, they might say: "I don't know" or even "Maybe we are both right" which is the aperspectival madness Ken Wilber talks about.

This OMG! We are much more isolated than in the past. I am amazed how much more mental illness I find in Sweden than in my home country Romania. Here in Sweden they just go on sickleave and sit alone at home. There is nobody there to soothe them when the bullshit inner dialogue kicks in.

You cannot predict percisely how a person will be and what he/she will preffer, but you can create maps, generalizations, distinctions that will help you understand the world better. Spiral Dynamics is just a map, a bunch of generalizations. So long you know what is the map and what is the territory, you should be good.

In the end you still have to believe somebody. I wasn't there extracting amniotic fluid samples to check the testosterone levels. I combine my own life experience and observations with the reasearch did by the people I find most credible. It is important to check if it is true in your direct experience, hard to do. This is why most people fail at it. You even see how enlightened spiritual masters deceive themselves, what can you expect from a college kid?

They will listen to their own needs, likes and wants. Not being brainwashed into believing that everything we did in the past was wrong or we are all the same or some shit like that. Teach them femininity vs. masculinity. Teach them how boys get on average double as much testosterone before birth and how that influences their brains. Stuff like that, then they will know who they are and what they want.

Here is where most people fail, they just jump into the pool of ideology.

It is the academic nurture/environmentalism ideology that pushed it for sure. Idk, you should deserve to be in a profession due to your competence, not gender. But a bit of encouragement of the minority would be ok in order to improve the perspective diversity in the field. The question is when do you go too far?

Ok, if you are a sociologist, what do you think about Norway's "gender point system" which gives you an artificial headstart for applying to fields where your gender is in minority? I even heard (not sure if it is true) people who changed gender in order to have higher chances to enter into STEM.

Man, you're just spinning out bullshit. How is the "why" so hard to explain? There is clear research that shows that the vast majority of women show less interest for engineering than men. Focus on simplicity and forget this stupid "academicsplaining" Being a woman is both a choice of identity and a cultural thing. You both are a woman and behave like a woman relatively speaking. Yes I know you are God and all of that on the absolute level. When I say "I am a man", it is like saying I am an introvert, this is how I feel most authentic.

What do Judith Butler say about masculinity and femininity? Without the understanding of this dance of energies coupled with our biology and hormone dynamics is just a work not done. Maybe I picked to listen a bad book of hers but it was the most boring shit I ever listened to.

Every sane swede or norvegian to whom I explained this agreed. As you said, it is the loud minority who distorts our perception. They all gather on social media and create the perception that there are a lot of them, but the sane majority of people don't waste their time arguing on facebook so it's just them there.

I won't even call those people green. They are just a wicked varriant of blue. I see not difference between their behavior and a blue pope father who silences his daughter at the dinner table because she dared to favor for abortion or divorce. Green is not just another flavor of blue, it integrates the freedom of speech from orange. These feminazis are not green, and if the office example that @Bobby_2021 brought up is really so radical, then I feel sorry for men working in such toxic environments. All the priviledged spoiled girls are now political activists and thought police. Honestly I did not experience this kind of toxic femininity outside social media, but I see them how they hoard in comment sections and use the power in numbers to overpower the good arguments of the conservatives. All they have is power in numbers and empowering the victim. They can't love the opressor which is tragic, because nobody will change his/her mind through opression. And ultimately the karma will bite them in the ass. As I see in Sweden's politics now with the maaasive popularity increase of the conservative party. People are not idiots, when instead of doing good politics you just try to not be racist, then people will vote those who do politics instead.

Can you give me an example?

Nice one, so it seems you can transtion later in life and still be happy also.

Healthy masculinity is not toxic, using violence in appropriate contexts is not toxic. Slitting the throats of some nazis who invaded your country is still healthy masculinity.

Exactly, children are getting taught things that most politically active people think it is right. That will influence the academic world. If universities don't comply with what the government believes, they can get their licence withdrawn or whatever. When most politically active people think we are all the same and femininity & masculinity are conservative crap we have to get rid of, then you get that nuthead from Iceland separating girls and boys in kindergarden and teaching them different stuff.

A mature society will democratically choose mature people to teach their chidren. The same as swedes don't choose Tate figures to rule their country.

This is what happens when we let people who did not yet experience the Dunning–Kruger effect to rule society. Same as in spirituality when a kid who went 10 days to a vipassana tells us how we should behave.

@Bobby_2021 Their problem is that they only use one half of the brain in the equation. They have good intentions but it is not enough. We are different, we have different prefferences in general. There are studies on this. Fun fact about the ICF coaching course I went to: coaching is an EQ-based profession, the trainers were two women and the attendees were 7 women... and me. At my first job in Sweden as a massage therapist at a SPA, the staff was composed of 11 girls, one gay guy, and me. At nurse school there are around 100 women for every 10 male students. Sweden the big mamma of gender equality has made considerable efforts to equalize the gender gap in professions, but the result was the opposite, the gap is even bigger in Scandinavia than in more traditional countries. People will choose to work whatever they want to work regardless of your equality ideals and ideologies. Scandinavian countries try to erase the behavioral difference between men and women, teaching boys to be more emotional and girls to be stronger and more resilient. Basically swingging the pedulum from one extreme to the other, if traditional countries push for widening the gap between men and women, progressive countries push for making them behave the same. As Leo said, teaching people about masculinity & femininity is crucial here. Yes there are some border cases of authentic feminie men and authentic masculine women, gay people etc... but the general trend is that 90%+ of people fit their biological gender and gravitate towards the corresponding energy.